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Joke!!
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Topic: Joke!! (Read 314930 times)
EvilPie
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 14253
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #825 on:
January 28, 2012, 04:38:41 PM »
Quote from: RED-DOG on January 27, 2012, 08:31:09 PM
Quote from: ManuelsMum on January 27, 2012, 08:26:00 PM
Quote from: ACE2M on January 27, 2012, 08:01:03 PM
Just found out Rolf Harris is dsylexic.
ROFL
I'm dyslexic and I don't find that in the least bit fanny.
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He used to lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought himself a warehouse.
Logged
Motivational speeches at their best:
"Because thats what living is, the 6 inches in front of your face......" - Patrick Leonard - 10th May 2015
zerofive
Hero Member
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Posts: 1890
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #826 on:
January 29, 2012, 06:10:27 AM »
I attended the marriage of two TV aerials the other day; the ceremony was shit, but the reception was excellent.
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Geo the Sarge
Hero Member
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Posts: 5528
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #827 on:
January 31, 2012, 09:01:13 PM »
A Rangers fan and a Celtic fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. They are totally wrecked, but fortunately we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends, putting our differences behind us."The Rangers fan replied," I agree with you completely, this must indeed be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Celtic fan.
The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Rangers fan grins and then replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...................."
Logged
When you get..........give. When you learn.......teach
RED-DOG
International Lover World Wide Playboy
Global Moderator
Hero Member
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Posts: 47024
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #828 on:
February 01, 2012, 12:17:12 AM »
My mate Dave drowned. I took a wreath in the shape of a life jacket to his funeral. (It's what he would have wanted).
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The older I get, the better I was.
zerofive
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 1890
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #829 on:
February 01, 2012, 04:12:53 AM »
I was sat on the bus this morning, opposite a super hot Thai girl. I thought to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection." But she did.
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henrik777
Hero Member
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Posts: 2667
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #830 on:
February 06, 2012, 05:29:42 PM »
The cricket world is stunned by another scandal involving no balls, this time in England's batting line-up.
Sandy
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Geo the Sarge
Hero Member
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Posts: 5528
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #831 on:
February 07, 2012, 12:00:09 PM »
The dog ran off last night. I walked round the park calling his name for 20 mins & still couldn't find him, my wife said I should look harder, so I shaved my head & got a tattoo. I still can't find the fucking dog................
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When you get..........give. When you learn.......teach
RED-DOG
International Lover World Wide Playboy
Global Moderator
Hero Member
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Posts: 47024
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #832 on:
February 07, 2012, 08:39:39 PM »
When I was a child I wanted to be a surgeon but apparently I was too young.
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The older I get, the better I was.
RED-DOG
International Lover World Wide Playboy
Global Moderator
Hero Member
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Posts: 47024
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #833 on:
February 07, 2012, 08:41:05 PM »
I fell in love with a ventriloquist's doll, but she was already spoken for....
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The older I get, the better I was.
ManuelsMum
Hero Member
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Posts: 1163
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #834 on:
February 07, 2012, 09:17:49 PM »
Does anyone know any good jokes about Sodium?
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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
Claw75
Hero Member
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Posts: 28413
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #835 on:
February 07, 2012, 09:21:18 PM »
Quote from: ManuelsMum on February 07, 2012, 09:17:49 PM
Does anyone know any good jokes about Sodium?
Na
Logged
"Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon....no matter how good you are the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway"
ManuelsMum
Hero Member
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Posts: 1163
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #836 on:
February 07, 2012, 09:21:28 PM »
.
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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
ManuelsMum
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 1163
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #837 on:
February 07, 2012, 09:22:09 PM »
Quote from: Claw75 on February 07, 2012, 09:21:18 PM
Quote from: ManuelsMum on February 07, 2012, 09:17:49 PM
Does anyone know any good jokes about Sodium?
Na
You're in your element, Claire.
Logged
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
Girgy85
Hero Member
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Posts: 9507
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #838 on:
February 09, 2012, 02:19:51 PM »
I just found out my mate has been drinking brake fluid for a while. I told him hes addicted to it but he told me he can stop anytime.
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Best poster Girgy IMO - Mantis
Girgy is my new hero! - Evilpie
Think Girgy has shown the best leopard instincts in this thread and would prob survive best in the wild. Eye of the tiger that fella - Mantis
Girgy is a m'fkn machine - Daveshoelace
Girgy85
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 9507
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #839 on:
February 09, 2012, 02:22:11 PM »
I got the sack from the salvation army soup kitchen last night. Ungratefull twats all i said was " hurry up you lot some of us have got homes to go to"
Logged
Best poster Girgy IMO - Mantis
Girgy is my new hero! - Evilpie
Think Girgy has shown the best leopard instincts in this thread and would prob survive best in the wild. Eye of the tiger that fella - Mantis
Girgy is a m'fkn machine - Daveshoelace
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