Man Rules

[bobAlike]

This made me laugh.

THE MAN RULES
 
At last a man has taken the time to write this all down.

WE ALWAYS HEAR  THE RULES
From the female side. 
 
Now here are the rules from the male side.     

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!   
 
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an arguement.
In fact, All comments become null and void after 7 days.


1. If you think you are fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two way and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, motor sports or poker.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS A SHAPE!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[DaveShoelace]

men and women are different lol

[DaveShoelace]

My missus has a real problem with closed answers, she still always think they are still open to debate. She will often ask things like 'what time is it?' or 'did you walk the dog this morning?' and when I answer '6.30' or 'yes' she still manages to ask me about 8 times if I am sure thats what the answer is.

[ACE2M]

1. When you say 'have you been listening to a single word i've said?' When i have succesfully repeated back the key words from you last sentence, don't keep pushing for further detail, it ends well for nobody.

[TheChipPrince]

''What ya thinking'' is the one i always get.

It translates too, ''If your not thinking what i'm thinking about, you should, as soon as humanley possible, start thinking about what you really should be thinking about right now''

[GreekStein]

Just got this pm from Tighty...old one but it's a classic...

Q) What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A) Nothing. You've told her twice.

[Matt50]

''What ya thinking'' is the one i always get.

It translates too, ''If your not thinking what i'm thinking about, you should, as soon as humanley possible, start thinking about what you really should be thinking about right now''

+1 - hate it when those words come out of her mouth

[DaveShoelace]

1. When you say 'have you been listening to a single word i've said?' When i have succesfully repeated back the key words from you last sentence, don't keep pushing for further detail, it ends well for nobody.

lol