Me and Blatch decide we're gonna try and sit deep at a 2/5 game but can't get any seats. We're about to get some food when we notice two spare seats at 1 1/2 game so sit down with 500 Euro each.
A couple of Leicester lads, Danny and Steve are already sat about 200 Euro each having invested 100 and the banter begins. There's an Irish guy who thinks raising every pot is the norm and Blatch soon schools him and sends him to the rail. Danny decides to flip for burgers with me and Blatch (lol) and be and Blatch enjoy our free burgers while Danny fumes that his isn't worth the 25 Euro he's paid. It's a fairly standard cash game with nits and donks alike. No one really to fear. The empty seat is filled by a guy in his mid twenties wearing a hoodie and the fun begins....
Now anyone who knows me knows how friendly I am. Anyone who knows Neil will know he is the same- most of the time (when he's not pissing people off right, left and centre). We'll have banter with anyone and like to have a laugh and generally mess about when not playing for serious dime. This game is all very friendly so when someone new sits down we'll generally welcome them.
So Mr Hoodie sits down and first hand straddles under the gun to 5 Euro. Standard stuff so far. Danny limps the button and there's 4 in the hand (me and Blatch have folded). Dealer asks Cock Breath (hoodie) whether he wants to raise from the straddle. Hoddie nots and makes it 6 Euro more. Interesting. Obv no one is folding. And it's 4 way to the flop which comes 4310. Everyone checks to Danny who fires 18 Euro. Now Dick features (hoodie) mouths "I know you have none of that" and calls. Everyone else folds. The turn card comes down (can't remember what the turn or river where) and Shit for brains (hoodie) now says something like "Don't try to buy it... I know you have nothing"
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not slagging off Fuck Face (hoodie) for what he's doing at the moment. Speech play is fine. You'll find out later why we, and when I say we I mean the whole table, took a dislike to him. Back to the hand- anyone experienced at hold em or poker for that matter knows Twat head (hoodie) is looking for a free card. Danny obliges and when they both check the river, Bog breath (hoodie) shows A5 for the winner. While the dealer shuffles I turn to Danny and jokingly say "You let him speech you Dan, I thought you were better than that...."
Before Dan can reply- Hoodie decides to pipe up "5 Euro's for lessons mate. I'll speech everyone one of ya. I'm the best player here. You'll see why...." I'm sat there thinking, you sure are good raising 6 euro more out of position with A5. As usual, I decide not to get into ego wars and just nod along.
Hoodie steps away from the table and Neil, who hates rude people and bad manners decides to put a 25 Euro bounty on whoever felts hoodie. We're all laughing and joking and when he returns, Hoodie continues to be as obnoxious as possible and continues to play hold em as awfully as I've ever seen......
New dealer joins the table and it's quite apparant he's been sampling the nightlife as he looks knackered. He makes a couple of mistakes. I've straddled to 4 and he deals me and the small blind and big blind 3 cards- we declare a misdeal but before anyone can look or toss their cards in the big blind says "Let's play a hand of omaha" Everyone agree? Everyone does- I don't know if anyone else has looked but I haven't. Hoodie pipes up of course "Whoooo I'm awesome at omaha. It's my game. I'm renound for it" Somehow I don't believe him. I have no idea why I have agreed to this hand of omaha- maybe because I'm a degen gambler but I've been running bad allllll week. 4 limpers on my straddle and I look down at
Ah
. I pot to 45 and Mr Omaha Hoodie calls. Everyone else folds. The pot is around 110 Euro and Mr Omaha is playing about 200 behind.
The flop comes down
Sweeeet. Hoodie pots it I set him all in. He has 88 rag rag (WP) and obv holds. I ALWAYS double up the tossers. He then talks about how great he is at Omaha (sure is tough when u flop a set) and I'm cursing that I can't bink against him. He continues to be obnoxious and play so ridic awful that when he bets KJ on a J1074 (3 diamond board) he tanks after a raise and a re raise (Lady re raised all in, I re raise to ISO) thinking one pair might be good. It sure is as I have the Q high flush and she loses with the J high flush. The mocking begins.
Hoodie then calls a bet on a
against Danny Ball. Danny sits still and hoodie shouts up "I called your bet so you have to show!" Dan turns over the
followed ever so slowly by the
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. First slowroll to Danny Ball!!!! Hoodie goes red as we all laugh.... Hoodie just has no clue of how to play. On a
board he bets river after I bet flop with 109. Matey who also called my bet overcalls after tanking. I'm not sure whether hoodie has flush or not but while matey was tanking I'd decided if he calls I'm probably folding. Hoodie declares "ONE PAIR" LOL. One pair on that board. I quickly call and take the pot. Matey is annoyed when I say I was folding and I apogise to matey. Hoodie says "Why you apologising for?!?! Poker is DOG EAT DOG" OMG- what a Cock.
Neil stacks matey when he can't fold AQ to Neil's 3 bet with AK and he reloads. He then tries to bluff Dan when on a
board declaring ONE PAIR (does this guy ever have more than one pair?!?) and Danny again flips AQ one card at a time. Finally Matey does 1k when Dan flops a house with J8 on a J88 board and matey has case 8. MBSFN. At least my money finds a good home in Leicester.
The game starts to calm down and everyone starts to relax again. Then two blondites in the form of Flushy and Cos wonder over......
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