Chompy's Recidivist 2010 G Luton League/Scrabble thread

[Drain Alien]

May 1989 and in the hustling atmosphere of the Stock Exchange floor a young blue button has just conducted his first trade. His badge proclaims his name and he thrusts it proudly into the face of his counterpart. "Darren Allen" has arrived. Only a few years before he was caught up in the New Romantic Movement, his jet black hair lustrous and shiny as he applied mascara in his teenage bedroom whilst trying not to consider the stirring in his loins when he looked at the Boy George poster above his bed and now he, Darren Allen was a fully fledged constituent of the greatest trading floor in the world.

Darren's life was simple. After all the internet had yet to he invented so not for him, yet, the inane posting of random nonsense to strangers at all hours. His life consisted of Depeche Mode, ZX Spectrum games and Silvrikin hairspray.

However complications were about to arise as there he spotted the person who was going to change his life. No, not Steve Kirk. The badge proclaimed a simple message "Miss Riding Hood" and as their eyes met across the crowded floor an immediate connection was felt. Blonde, understanding, long-suffering and with a rare genetic condition allowing her to filter out random inane conversation from her aural cavities, she was he felt likely to make a perfect partner.

This was confirmed on their first date, going to see "Footloose" at the Tottenham Odeon. As their feet tapped away in time to the catchy tunes and their fingers entwined he knew this was his destiny. Little did he know that she was merely wishing that he was Kevin Bacon, but as ever discretion and tact were her watchword. His feelings of destiny were confirmed when she did not walk off as he discussed the hidden meanings in Depeche Mode's "People are People" over a Wimpy burger afterwards.

Eighteen months later he popped the question.

"Hoody, A Flock of Seagulls or China Crisis, which do you prefer?"

then he followed it with another question

"for the moment you seem to filter me out quite well, therefore will you marry me?"   

In fact eventually he had to write the question down so skilled had she become at nodding sagely while not actually listening

She agreed and life moved on apace. They moved to London Colney into a small starter home and within a few years there was the pitter patter of tiny feet. As the internet still hadn't been invented his career was still continuing its upward path allowing them soon to trade up to St Albans. More children arrived and life was on a steady track.

Then, the fateful day. He  purchased a Dell computer, discovered google and clicked on a link to "Paradise Poker". Mrs Hood was secretly relieved as the strain of pretending to listen to him was getting to her after twelve years. Even when he went to work there was no escape as every fifteen minutes the phone would call with the random observations of her spouse. Now however, there was blessed silence. Entranced by the onlinezz, engaged by the communitiezz he was discovering on the internetzz, Darren had become a more solitary and withdrawn figure. Mrs Hood was delighted and could for the first time in a decade get a word in edgeways.

Posting on internet fora began slowly for Darren. At first, restricting himself to seventeen posts a day on "Cheesey Poker" a site he had discovered by entering the words "Poker hour north of London" and navigating all sorts of unsavoury sites at the top of the listings, he was intrigued that no one actually answered his posts.

Then moving into the live poker environment at the old Luton card-room he would happily sit for hours folding all hands, including Aces, playing the long game, lulling his opponents into a false sense of security. False in the sense that he was a quiet and shy man. Correct in the sense that he was clueless how to play poker. 

On moving to the new premises Darren felt emboldened to begin to reveal his true self. Discovering a love of cheap gassy lager, purchasing an IPhone, opening an account on blonde Poker and occasionally playing a hand he created a new persona. A person with character.

It wasn't long before he was addicted. His post count rose in line with his alcohol consumption, he taught his wife and son Poker, so he says, and soon the whole family became mainstays of Hertfordhsire and Bedfordshire Poker. Soon after that the natural talent of his family began to subsidise his hobby and his guilt at his inability to contribute to the family holiday fund manifested itself in a rampant insecurity whenever the veracity of his clearly fictitious monthly totals were publically questioned for all to see,

At the same time his career had stalled, as somehow he could not find the time to do any work but a life nurturing his eighteen year old wunderkind poker protege beckoned instead.

Twenty one years on and the now Mrs Riding Hood stands tall as one of life's great survivors. Not for her the one in three marriage break ups that litter the divorce courts. No, she is a poker heroine. Married to a poker clown, mother to a poker protege, heaven knows how she survives. Well never missing a flop and frequently hitting quads helps.

I give you a toast to Drain Alien and Little Red Riding Hood. Where would this thread be without them? Apart from quieter. More high brow. Readable.

FFS, this thread really gets on my nerves sometimes
I come on here to read and learn about poker, and all I get is a load of inane giberish written about - or written by - that farkin' idiot Drainy.

[Drain Alien]

Flippin' 'eck Tucker, I've always wanted to do that big scrolling text stuff, but holdy comes in and does it just like that - FML

.......and ms holdy - yes I is very lucky innit

[Drain Alien]

RULING PLZ MR WELL-DONE.....

How can Mr Gas be ahead of me in the April table with his mere SECOND place, given that I binked played a skilled game and beat a load of high-end players to take FIRST Place.

seems a litle unfair imo

do I need to get coco-pops involved in this one?

[Drain Alien]

Right, that's it - fully up to speed on today's lolaments on here.
Time to crack on.
Wp all. Gg.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Drainage.

[celtic]

Happy Anniversary Drainy and LRRH.

Congrats on 21 years.

[the sicilian]

Just got back from the gym to find a host of congratulatory texts for Drainy and Drainetta on their 21st anniversary:

"Wow man, like that's a lot of years, 21, like freaking blackjack! [bangs table]" - USADennis
"I don't give a rat's arse how many years it is, Drainy can shove it up his bridal gown" - Birdforum
"Who's Drainy and what's an annivesay?" - Seb
"That'll teach you to get married. Now f*** off!" - Jim McBride
"I can't believe it, I've been in tears all morning" - Alex Martin

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - I'm back!

Just catching u on de thread after ridic biz mornin in the orrifice

most  amusing post from mr ch10 mpy
(wasn't it a fat rat's arse tho?)

vwp to tighty; legendary post imo. Pretty spot on actually, tho  a few minor adjustments (FYP to follow)

As for sicilidonk's lewd suggestion, that woz the starter, obv

off to read more. Look out Birdforum I may post LOTS more yet!

Drainy

[ ] this happened

[the sicilian]

whose going tonight

[Drain Alien]

whose going tonight

me and little red, obv

[AlexMartin]

grats drainy, 21 years is quite some feat. have a good one.

[HOLDorFOLD]

Flippin' 'eck Tucker, I've always wanted to do that big scrolling text stuff, but holdy comes in and does it just like that - FML

.......and ms holdy - yes I is very lucky innit

Aha, I take it LRRH showed you how to view it then 

[Drain Alien]

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
on the train
;-)

[Drain Alien]

Happy Anniversary Drainy and LRRH.

Congrats on 21 years.

thanks u fish
;-)

DrainyDonk

[Drain Alien]

grats drainy, 21 years is quite some feat. have a good one.

thanks mate.............now fark off.......;-)

[Drain Alien]

Now picture ths scene

Drainy arrives home from work nice and early, gives little red a kiss to celebrate their reunion and then jumps in the shower to freshen up for dinner.

Mrs Alien is already changed, and looking well proper georgeouso.

A bottle of shampoo before dinner to get us "in the mood"

Dinner is served
Table for two
The kids are round at my mum's
The Style Council's "you're the best thing" is playing in the background
The lights have been dimmed
Kicking off with a beautiful starter
Then The Real Thing's "I can't get by without you" comes on the cd player.
A georgeous bit of sea bass for main with king prawns on skewers and all th trimmings
A Nice bottle of Chablis or sancere to accompany the lovely delights
Ending with a tasty dessert.

And then......

Well you all know what's gonna happen next, don't you.......

Ding-dong......
No not that sort of ding-dong......

It's  Galloway at the front door.
"taxi to the G anyone?"

Drainy.

[The_nun]