Your writing is incredibly illuminative.
You speak of wanting to give something back. Having gone/going through what you have done and possesing great talent, both in terms of speaking and writing, I think you have the potential to help a lot of people in the future.
I want to share my journey because it might help someone out there
This I think can be a really important help in getting better. Some things that come across in your weblog are a deep sense of regret for past mistakes and a sense of worthlessness, that your life has come to nothing.
These are feelings I recognize from when I had a spell of anxiety/depression after splitting from my wife in 2008. A philosophy which helped me was that all the poor desicions I may have made as a young adult led me on a path that got my life down a certain path, and at some point on that path I had a beautiful daughter who I love very much. It's difficult to regret something I did or didn't do when I was 19 when it was all a big chain of events that led to my daughter being born. It gives me a sense of not wanting to go back and change anything and this thought gives me peace. It's quite practical too, as I can't change the past even if I wanted to, so this frees me up to focus on the future.
It looks like the pros of sharing this diary are threefold, helping people out who are in a similar situation, aiding your own recovery and raising awareness about mental illness. (I think there will be at least one person on here who previously thought depression was a makebelieve thing for lazy people who reads what you've written and will open their mind to the possibility that it may well be all in the mind, but that doesn't mean you can snap out of it from sheer force of will if you choose to, that depression isn't just attention seeking or a lifestyle choice, it's a good deal more complicated and it's a right fucking shitter so it is)
Their is the con of course, that despite your stressing that it's only one side of the story, it's unavoidable that someone who just reads the blog might come away with an unfavourable impression of your ex partner. That she probably doesn't want to put up her side of the story is probable and very understandable as she's perfectly entitled to a private life.
On balance I think you've made a good choice sharing the story here, I hope the members of blonde are mature enough to not judge your partner or look upon her unfavourably because of what we've read. To recognize that their will be another side to the story, but that it isn't our buisness to demand it. To your credit I think you've tried to do what you can in this regard to warn people not to judge her. I hope people read that bit at face value.
So good luck in the future. Let me know when you're well enough for me to rip the piss out of your poetery (which is actually pretty good, but still, piss needs ripped)
Author