Small Dilemma

[GreekStein]

One of my cousin's (13) added me on facebook a few months back and at first I didn't really pay attention but on his wall he posts a lot of status updates. He's very intelligent - I guess you could call him a little on the geeky side.

His wall lately has been filled with the same 2 or 3 boys posting nothing but non-stop abuse. Really nasty comments.

I phoned him to see if he was ok and he said 'yeah, I'm not the only one they do it to', but it's just way OTT. There's gentle ribbing but this seems like outright bullying and despite having his own unique interests and style I'm worried that little arseholes like these kids might affect him as he's going through the whole growing up phase atm.

I offered to take him to the cinema this weekend as a bit of a diversion for him and maybe also to subtly ask him about these kids.

I don't really want him to feel I'm betraying his trust by telling his parents but at the same time I don't want to let it go on.

What would you do?

[celtic]

Wouldn't worry about betraying his trust. Tell his parents to look at facebook, which at 13 they should be doing anyway imo. Let them decide if anything needs to be done.

[LeedsRhodesy]

Wouldn't worry about betraying his trust. Tell his parents to look at facebook, which at 13 they should be doing anyway imo. Let them decide if anything needs to be done.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not this, The last thing you want at 13 is your mum looking at your facebook and ringing up there mums and dads it will make it 100% worst, i would just keep an eye on it for now  maybe leave a comment under one they the bullys and say something!!

[kinboshi]

Yeah, get involved.  Don't worry about sticking your nose in where it's not wanted.

I typed that sincerely, then realised what I'd said.

[celtic]

Wouldn't worry about betraying his trust. Tell his parents to look at facebook, which at 13 they should be doing anyway imo. Let them decide if anything needs to be done.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not this, The last thing you want at 13 is your mum looking at your facebook and ringing up there mums and dads it will make it 100% worst, i would just keep an eye on it for now  maybe leave a comment under one they the bullys and say something!!

That's not what i meant Rhodesy, I meant, tell them your concerns, tell them to look at facebook, his wall etc. Then they can assess if there is anything to worry about, i.e has he changed in the way he acts recently, strange behaviour, coming home upset, any signs of bullying that they may not have noticed before? I didn't mean find out names and addresses of the people and start banging on doors ffs.

[titaniumbean]

One of my cousin's (13) added me on facebook a few months back and at first I didn't really pay attention but on his wall he posts a lot of status updates. He's very intelligent - I guess you could call him a little on the geeky side.

His wall lately has been filled with the same 2 or 3 boys posting nothing but non-stop abuse. Really nasty comments.

I phoned him to see if he was ok and he said 'yeah, I'm not the only one they do it to', but it's just way OTT. There's gentle ribbing but this seems like outright bullying and despite having his own unique interests and style I'm worried that little arseholes like these kids might affect him as he's going through the whole growing up phase atm.

I offered to take him to the cinema this weekend as a bit of a diversion for him and maybe also to subtly ask him about these kids.

I don't really want him to feel I'm betraying his trust by telling his parents but at the same time I don't want to let it go on.

What would you do?

Add them on facebook, and turn the bullying back on them viral internet styly

[Claw75]

As rhodesy said, I'd probably start by replying to a comment or two and seeing if it helps to put them in their place.  If not, agree with Vinny - have a word with his parents who can perhaps chat to him about choosing his friends or something.

the other thing to bear in mind is that there might be a bit of a generational thing here - what you see as way ott might just be normal banter to these kids

[Laxie]

Proceed with caution.  You need to make sure it isn't just a bit of banter amongst their group first. 

If it isn't just banter, then you need to remember 13 year old bullies reckon they're invincible.  They're smart enough to know the law of the land is on their side and will only get worse if they see they're getting a 'reasonable' reaction. 

This is why your reaction must be totally mental.  IE, they have to reckon you're crazy enough to have a total disregard for said laws and will follow through on any verbals you've thrown their way.  Basically, you have to throw out one hell of a convincing bluff and possibly even involve their parents.  Then hope the whole lot don't call that bluff.  Twice my kids have been involved in bullying.  Both times it never lasted more than 48 hours from once I found out.  Now the whole lot are friends. 

[AndrewT]

Get Barry Neville to become Facebook friends with the bullies.

[StuartHopkin]

Be there for him if he wants to talk, if he asks for help etc then go for it, but dont tell his parents unless he wants you to.

[Rod Paradise]

Get Barry Neville to become Facebook friends with the bullies.

This - if they are bullies dish out their names - fb 'friend' requests from Booder, Laz, & Kev and polite requests to wind their neck in should scare the living shite out of them

[sovietsong]

no point it making any threats, total waste of time and would prob make it worse.  I would speak to him about it, maybe tell him you've been through it (white lie - although with a nose like that you must have had some stick in your day) at least then he may open up and talk about it.  If it really doesnt bother him then problem solved but if it is worrying him take it from there.

Telling his parents won't help imo however if its very bad then maybe they should be told, if you can find out the extent of it first you will be in a much better position.

[ItsMrAlex2u]

Get Barry Neville to become Facebook friends with the bullies.

lol, this

oh, so this

[ItsMrAlex2u]

Just realised I had made light of a serious thread, i would go along with the suggestion of posting some comments back, nothing heavy, just a "back off" type comment and see what develops from there

[Girgy85]

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