Diary of a MTT Grinder Wannabe

[Ant040689]

Only read a couple of posts of this thread (infrequent visitor nowadays) but:

1. You don't want to be a grinder. No one wants to be a grinder in any profession - so aim to smash it up or give it up in a reasonable timeframe!

2. Did that win 100k on his scratch card?!

I love grinding!. But sometimes if your not in the mood its best to take the nights off. As Tommy Angelo once said, "It is never wrong to not play"

too right

[Ant040689]

shopping with the niece today, said i would for her as an xmas pressie, no idea where to go. But i do know we are going for pizza hut for lunch.

[Ant040689]

Was in for quite a lot tonight but had a day saver win of a tourney for $3k which should have me break even over the past two nights at the least, to protect the glorious week i was having.

Not getting ahead of myself. I know i am getting the nice side of variance here, and have been very close to seeing the harsh side of it up until i get a day saver, so i am grateful for the run i am having and i hope it continues but i am not deluded enough to think i can carry on going at this rate and i am accepting of possible months where i am going to go on daily losing sessions.

I am happy that the poker ended well tonight because it will help me have a running start with the gym (see what i done there?) tomorrow as i am going to sign up for 6 months. The place has a sauna as well which is bloody awesome. I tell you what though, i remember sitting in there once appreciating a cushty temperature only adding water occasionally as it deffo was just right. Then this cocky gym instructor comes in and sits down.

Now he clearly looks uncomfortable. His facial expressions suggesting boredom and unhappiness and then he turns to me and lifts the big spoon thing for the water and says "do you mind" and i replied " not at all". He then proceeded to basically empty the water bucket. The room turned into a furnace.

Now the man inside me stayed in that room for 10 mins more than i should have, i was struggling, gasping for water and dripping, bloody ironic. He was trying to start small talk as well and i can't remember anything that was going on aside from when i tried to casually walk out and as i got outside i was hunched gasping for air and scurrying towards the water fountain. I like it hot, but not that hot.

Had a nice day with my niece on Saturday and told her that the shopping spree i had with her was once in a lifetime and that i am going to do it with the other two nieces as well and that uncles aren't expected to treat their nieces like this having a go at my brother saying you shouldn't be expecting anything like this from him anytime soon, gotta love the rubs. She bought Ugg boots for £170, mental price but they do look quite nice so fair play and she raided Next as well. We had pizza hut as well. It was a good day.

An update on my mate that gave out the lotto scratchcard to another guy who went on to win 100k. He's claimed the £100k and that has gone through and turns out he gave my mate £10k. Which i think is much better than nothing but with talk of both of them splitting the win on the night 50/50 its gotta hurt a little bit for my mate, but o well.

Going to finish off the rest of series one of arrested development and probably start with the flight of the conchordes after hearing good things about it. Let the good times continue.

[Coggy]

Just seen this, could be cool if you could get something else for a monitor

http://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/product_body.aspx?SectID=226

[Ant040689]

Just seen this, could be cool if you could get something else for a monitor

http://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/product_body.aspx?SectID=226

Apparently there is a place in Streatham that is good for all things like this, so i am going to give that a look.

Going to try and use my desk for a week and see if i can hack it and if it is bearable before i go to buy something that looks so incredibly lazy, the act of lying in bed for so long can't be healthy but i guess it isn't too far removed from sitting down for as much time, but i guess with sitting is much easier to get up occasionally to stretch the legs!

Played live last night at the old vic 330 pounds monthly, got 68 runners and had 6.8k up top, 8 paid with a fairly swift structure but just right. Got down to the last 18 and i would say i was about 7th in chips with about 30 big blinds. I find 1010 utg with 9 players on the table and pop it up to 2.2 bbs, i get the dealer button shoving for 13 bbs and then the big blind goes all in for 28 big blinds.

Tanked for about 3 mins before deciding that i look quite weak with the raise utg seeing as it is becoming a stealing spot as well as the fact that i was quite active in open raising so decided both all ins had negated the realistic legitimacy of my hand thinking i would fold. So for the initial all in i thought this could be quite weak but for the all in behind there was more of a problem. He must have a good hand. He shoved so quickly behind that it was almost as if he wanted me out of the pot, i don't know why i thought this and could be dumb for me to think that he plays AA/KK/QQ slower but i automatically had him on AK with the hope that the first all inner had an out of his covered.

I was right and it was my 1010 versus their AQ and AK, and if i was to win the pot there would have been 16 left and would be huge chip leader, a role i quite like as i like a good bully. Wasn't meant to be unfortunately but did find that the 1 day structure events suit me to a tee with my predisposition to turbo tourns and the 2 or more day tourns less so as there is less action. Don't get me wrong i like the 2 day or more formats just that i hate the idea that you can spend all that time getting to the venue on the second day only to go out first hand. Probably going to seek out more tourns with similar structures now to play and i think i will be playing the one last night every month.

Haven't been playing online for a while now haven't got my structure set properly and will have to get a move on. Probably because i am having a bit more of a social life and swinging a little bit too much into that and being lazy with the poker. Will get the balance eventually. Also, need to get the two monitor set up back up working for tomorrow onwards as well as listing all my buy ins for the night and as i cash to list the amount i cash for mid grind so i know where i am to break even, because i think that will always motivate me to carry on until the very last tournament.

Also i am going to see how many tourns i can deal with at once comfortably and see how that goes. Also going to fill in more of the turbo tourns i had to discount because of my previous 12 table limit and hopefully my profits should rise here. Importantly as well i am going to see if i can integrate more slower structured tournaments into my grind and see how i play in both side by side.

I think i will be playing mainly turbos with a sprinkling of slower tourns just to keep my slower game on the ball. A cunning way around this is to actually play turbo satellites into the slower tournaments as a part of my turbo grind, which i had never really thought about implementing but should do me wonders.

[George2Loose]

Don't understand why he owes Ur mate anything. Shouldnt give out scratchcards!

[paulhouk03]

Don't understand why he owes Ur mate anything. Shouldnt give out scratchcards!

+1
Prob buy him a meal at fat duck

[Ant040689]

Don't understand why he owes Ur mate anything. Shouldnt give out scratchcards!

+1
Prob buy him a meal at fat duck

as he gave them out he said he wants a 50/50 split on all winnings, which was agreed.

after the win the winner said he would split 50/50 as well

[Ant040689]

I have had a recent downswing playing the pokers and a little bit in general life as well.

My knee pain has worsened. I was told it was most probably a meniscal tear, which is the cartilage, and that this friday, which is the day of my appt. with the knee specialist, the MRI results i had will be available to the Doc and i can be booked in for a day surgery to mend the likely tear. This has been used by me to avoid doing too much running or weight training at all because of fear i can further aggravate it, but with this i have even stopped doing too much light training. Meaning i feel much more sluggish than normal over the past month or two and it is down to eating the same amount i would with exercise but not exercising, so i have gained a few pounds.

What the likely short term future is, is that i wont be able to do any training at all post op for another 6 weeks after it, meaning i could literally balloon in weight and with it my general health and concentration towards poker will get worse. So i am looking into the possibility of a strip diet, Lighter Life to be exact and may well go through with a couple of months on it. Basically it involves only drinking water each day and the only source of food coming from sachets with all the nutrients included. It will mean i will keep the weight down and even lose a lot of it with minimal physical effort and also minimal preparation which is great because i am very lazy. One downside to this though is the mental angst that goes with not eating solid foods.

Obviously the alternative is to eat healthily and to keep the calorie count low through my own self discipline but it is tough for me to bother to prepare anything food wise without me wanting to give up and just go for the easy to prepare crap food choice. My mother has been on the Lighter Life diet herself and said it was a struggle for the first two weeks and then it wasn't too tough and that she had no side effects that i was worried about like dizzy spells or anything that might affect the pokers. She lost a dramatic amount of weight in a short amount of time, and was able to maintain a healthy solid food diet after the cheeky head-start. That is my aim. Lose all the weight this way, and then it will be easier for me to exercise more with less weight on me. I think i need to shed about 4 stone. It was the same diet that Pauline Quirke has been on.



Away from this, the pokers hasn't been going well and i have been seeing myself shying away from a bankroll count, knowing i won't be happy with it but me not knowing is adding to me not being happy currently so i should just always make this transparent. I can see myself falling back into old ways of getting into a downswing and losing the plot a little with my preparation. It is not preventing me from playing a winning game, but it is making me play worse and making me feel like crap about the game.

I need to make some changes. All of which i have said before but have only partly did or haven't bothered with yet. I need to count the BR once every 2/3 days. I need to have the two monitor set up raring to go with the best desk/chair situation to avoid distressing my back greatly. I then have to monitor and alter these sessions to try and make it bearable by adding tweaks here and there, maybe a pillow or realising a better desk and or chair may do the trick. Whatever i think may be the problem i can't ignore it because its long-winded to resolve i need to be proactive and change the desk completely if necessary getting rid of this huge one i have. Noticed recently that playing at the desk my mind was a lot clearer and i was making better decisions than i would in bed when i would feel a tad bit more fuzzy with decisions, but the pain with the desk is bad whereas in bed it is fine. Really need to get this sorted and quickly.

Also need to make a spreadsheet of what my nightly outlay is every night so i can make sure i am not putting up too much of the whole bankroll at any one time. I honestly don't know how much i am wagering and this is pissing me off, want to know exactly so my losses won't be so severe. I currently go by a sort of loose 200 buy ins rule whereby none of my buy ins can go over this which bodes well, but not if i play for 12 hours straight as i could unwittingly eat into a 1/4 of my roll. Once i have done the things mentioned i am all good to go really.

Aside from the technical side of the pokers, i really should get into a study group to see if anyone can pick up on any weaknesses i have because i am bound to have some. Would say my post flop play is a little weak/passive. Would love to talk to players in the same sorta games as me about this, but i would like to prove myself at this level for a prolonged period of time before i ask of help from players that are really at the top of their game, because it would be a swap of hand histories and assessing each others games that i would have to offer and for anyone to wanna do that, that are any good, i would have to be as well. Flaw in this could be how can i play better and have prolonged results if i am not seeking help, but i think i have a good enough game to get by well, just not awesomely well, its just i need a push to be really good.

Blimey i feel like a prick for writing that last part and will probably look back at that soon and think what a fish but hey ho, will eventually work my way out of this, just need to keep my focus and keep preparing well for grinds and then the results will come. Apologies too for the long post, would imgaine people have looked at the length of this and not even given it the time of day, and rightly so imo.

[c4ught]

Have read the whole of this diary from the start and have enjoyed it all.

Seems to me like you know what you want/need to do but just dont have the motivation to do it. Then you have an upswing and think everything is okay till the downswing comes and you start saying I need to change XYZ.............

Dont really understand how you can consider yourself to be playing poker professionally when you dont know what your bankroll is! As I have said before you seem to have the talent and a great opportunity so should probably take it and not look back in a few years regretting being lazy.

Have you considered staking? It could help you become more organised and responsible. I enjoyed playing on a stake as I had to update shortly after every session, knew I couldnt tilt at any point because I wasnt letting myself down but someone else.

[Ant040689]

Have read the whole of this diary from the start and have enjoyed it all.

Seems to me like you know what you want/need to do but just dont have the motivation to do it. Then you have an upswing and think everything is okay till the downswing comes and you start saying I need to change XYZ.............

Dont really understand how you can consider yourself to be playing poker professionally when you dont know what your bankroll is! As I have said before you seem to have the talent and a great opportunity so should probably take it and not look back in a few years regretting being lazy.

Have you considered staking? It could help you become more organised and responsible. I enjoyed playing on a stake as I had to update shortly after every session, knew I couldnt tilt at any point because I wasnt letting myself down but someone else.

Cheers for liking the diary and your input.

I have had a habit for the past 8 years, so a major chunk of my life of burying my head in the sand when it comes to doing things wholly, i always have to leave things incomplete so as to make myself crazy that i haven't done something properly. I think it is from an ingrained point of view from me that if you can't do something perfectly then why do something at all. Before i had a view of give everything my best shot and then it will look after itself.

Adolescence made me much more negative and i haven't properly got out of the negative mindset despite my eyes being open to what i have to do, i just continue to let laziness and diversion stop me from trying my best. Another diversionary technique though is to make huge lists of things to do, being put off by them and then never doing it. So i am going to approach everything i need to do in life in bitesize chunks to make things easier and for me to actually enjoy helping myself out, instead of building a big fat wall for me to constantly feel aggrieved.

I don't consider to be playing professionally when really i should be treating it as that, i have the capability to make a lot of money out of MTT'S but my prep lets me down and then i can go haywire. I have never had the perfect prep for a session of MTT grinding to satisfy my perfectionist attitude and that in itself is a tilt factor. I have had a 2 week phase once of having a 60 minute work out each day, eating right, having a two monitor set up, and because i was exercising regularly my back was much more nimble and less painful and despite having a couple of down days i played as close to flawless poker as i know and overall had a huge winning two weeks. It was fantastic.

Fell from that high horse because of niggling self doubts about everything and then ultimately going into my old slothful routine. I think with me it isn't really the talent for the games that is in doubt, more the mind-frame going into it.

So i know what needs to be done, i just need to work out how i can get the to do list done without any procrastinating and i think that lies in laying off the pressure of it all. I am going to slowly ebb away at everything that is stopping me having the perfect prep for a grind until eventually i cannot have any complaints and the only negativity arising will be in the short term downswinging.

I am going to be playing less poker to begin with, only playing juicy games i have a high ROI in, and as the days pass and i am getting healthier, and making my desk/chair setup up better, with a good br management fully in the know about outlay, i can add more games and add more pressure as i will be becoming more able to deal with it.

Will go nice and slow and get there in my own time but in no way will i recluse and just sloth it up. Going at my own pace makes me avoid not doing anything at all and i can finally eradicate the nagging thoughts in my head about something not being quite right and to be honest it would be many years since i have felt completely at ease approaching anything i do.

With your backing suggestion Lewis, i have to have a good crack at going alone with the right approach and only if i know in my heart of hearts i tried all i can and i still have ill discipline then i will see what it is all about. The idea of make up and splitting profits does however make me a little bit sick and i could see myself playing worse if makeup was to accumulate so i think that is never going to be for me but we shall see.

[strak33]

I dont know what to say other than you really have to sort this BR issue out.

Looking every 2/3 days is no good. You need to record every day IMO. 12 hour sessions and a 1.4 of the roll on the line?

[strak33]

That posted before i had finished , must of clicked something by mistake.

Anyway i just cant see how 12 hour sessions and possibly having 1/4 roll outlay is any good. I understand when you are winning this seems easy and days go by you check the BR and its $3k up happy days. Do the reverse though then try and sit down for a session and play right wont work.

[Ant040689]

That posted before i had finished , must of clicked something by mistake.

Anyway i just cant see how 12 hour sessions and possibly having 1/4 roll outlay is any good. I understand when you are winning this seems easy and days go by you check the BR and its $3k up happy days. Do the reverse though then try and sit down for a session and play right wont work.

Overshot the 1/4 of my roll statement hugely, i was doing it for effect. It is more like 1/8 of my roll at the very worst as i never play too many tourns in the grind that is near the 200 buyins level they average out at the 300-400 buyins mark. 1/8 outlay to lose on a session is still terrible though but manageable by moving up and down the stakes which is why i have been staying afloat. Still have a very good foundation roll at the moment to kick start some dominating times to come so i am not too worried about the br, more to do with how long it will take for me to have everything sorted. This br management issue is deffo going to be sorted.

Basically i just need to complete the transition from a good player who only plays tourns for fun and approaches it lackadaisically, to an out and out MTT grinder machine. I have it in the locker, i know i have, just need to believe.

[c4ught]

Have read the whole of this diary from the start and have enjoyed it all.

Seems to me like you know what you want/need to do but just dont have the motivation to do it. Then you have an upswing and think everything is okay till the downswing comes and you start saying I need to change XYZ.............

Dont really understand how you can consider yourself to be playing poker professionally when you dont know what your bankroll is! As I have said before you seem to have the talent and a great opportunity so should probably take it and not look back in a few years regretting being lazy.

Have you considered staking? It could help you become more organised and responsible. I enjoyed playing on a stake as I had to update shortly after every session, knew I couldnt tilt at any point because I wasnt letting myself down but someone else.

With your backing suggestion Lewis, i have to have a good crack at going alone with the right approach and only if i know in my heart of hearts i tried all i can and i still have ill discipline then i will see what it is all about. The idea of make up and splitting profits does however make me a little bit sick and i could see myself playing worse if makeup was to accumulate so i think that is never going to be for me but we shall see.

There is different staking deals available. As you say the idea of makeup doesnt sound great so you could try and find a deal where there is no makeup. People sell packages all the time without any makeup involved and investors sometimes pay a premium for the opportunity but this would more than likely require you to do all the organising and keep track of everything.