Laxie Goes Primetime

[highmile]

I sat in the waiting room for well over an hour.  This seemed a bit odd because we'd been told once she was settled in, we'd be sent on our way and not to come back for a few hours.  I was dreading a few hours alone with Tim trying to make small talk, but already an hour had dwindled away and no clue what was happening.  

Eventually Tim landed out to tell me, "They're not operating today.  She's still too stuffed with the cold to go through with it."  

"Oh fer feck sake.  I KNEW it!  Told the pair of you last week she wouldn't be seen if that wasn't sorted."

"I know and that's all that's bothering her at the minute.  She's worried you're going to want to kill us now for making the wasted trip over."

"Sigh.  I'm not going to kill ye but I am going in to see her now.  And for the record - you ARE an eejit for not getting that cold cleared."

Off I went to see Sarah.  The poor girl was nearly in tears.  As it was, they'd kept me hanging about booking the trip with their talks of postponing the op and heading to Brooklyn, NY instead.  Got to the point where I was pretty stuffed on the airfare for this one and they knew it.  

Gave her a hug, "I'm not going to kill ya, ya eejit."

"Are you sure?  I'm sorry.  Dr. Leader said I'd be grand but they don't think I am."

"I know goose.  I knew ya weren't grand and would have been surprised if they'd gone ahead with it to be honest."

"So you're not cross?"

"Not at all.  But to be honest, I probably won't be coming back over for the re-scheduled date.  Not much point when only one parent can be with you, yeah?"

"I know.  Just glad you're not cross with us."

Is this serious?  Laxie were you serious when you said this???

Sorry Laxie ... I read this bit and and thought OMFG what parent can say this to their child?


I cant read anymore.

Sorry. That hurt to read.

Yep, got that feeling too....in fact I actuallty thought that Laxie's kids were step kids that she just had a good bond with.

[Laxie]

I sat in the waiting room for well over an hour.  This seemed a bit odd because we'd been told once she was settled in, we'd be sent on our way and not to come back for a few hours.  I was dreading a few hours alone with Tim trying to make small talk, but already an hour had dwindled away and no clue what was happening.  

Eventually Tim landed out to tell me, "They're not operating today.  She's still too stuffed with the cold to go through with it."  

"Oh fer feck sake.  I KNEW it!  Told the pair of you last week she wouldn't be seen if that wasn't sorted."

"I know and that's all that's bothering her at the minute.  She's worried you're going to want to kill us now for making the wasted trip over."

"Sigh.  I'm not going to kill ye but I am going in to see her now.  And for the record - you ARE an eejit for not getting that cold cleared."

Off I went to see Sarah.  The poor girl was nearly in tears.  As it was, they'd kept me hanging about booking the trip with their talks of postponing the op and heading to Brooklyn, NY instead.  Got to the point where I was pretty stuffed on the airfare for this one and they knew it.  

Gave her a hug, "I'm not going to kill ya, ya eejit."

"Are you sure?  I'm sorry.  Dr. Leader said I'd be grand but they don't think I am."

"I know goose.  I knew ya weren't grand and would have been surprised if they'd gone ahead with it to be honest."

"So you're not cross?"

"Not at all.  But to be honest, I probably won't be coming back over for the re-scheduled date.  Not much point when only one parent can be with you, yeah?"

"I know.  Just glad you're not cross with us."

Is this serious?  Laxie were you serious when you said this???

Sorry Laxie ... I read this bit and and thought OMFG what parent can say this to their child?


I cant read anymore.

Sorry. That hurt to read.

Yep, got that feeling too....in fact I actuallty thought that Laxie's kids were step kids that she just had a good bond with.

For a start, it's not a family policy by us, but a hospital policy we were unaware of.  Her father obviously wants to be the one to accompany her and I'm trying not to cause hassle in the camp.  In that case, best if I just stay put here.  Don't understand the problem?

I've never beat around the bush with my kids.  We say it like it is and at the very least, we never have to doubt the honesty of our words because we know we don't mess about.  Very definitely don't feel a single ounce of guilt for the conversation we had regarding the re-scheduled op.  

Only thing I feel a wee bit guilty about is doubting my role as their mom.  Just because I'm not there doesn't mean they don't care and I feel guilty for doubting that.  And they know I absolutely adore them.

[Laxie]

Today's plan is to hit the garden centres.  We've basically a blank canvass to work with and I don't want to rush into filling it randomly with whatever.  I've a few ideas and know we need to get it mostly right the first time, but not sure how to go about it.  Will probably come home with nothing bought and more confused than ever. 

Meanwhile, Jack's not too keen on garden centres.  He's just going for the cake.   

[HOLDorFOLD]

I sat in the waiting room for well over an hour.  This seemed a bit odd because we'd been told once she was settled in, we'd be sent on our way and not to come back for a few hours.  I was dreading a few hours alone with Tim trying to make small talk, but already an hour had dwindled away and no clue what was happening.  

Eventually Tim landed out to tell me, "They're not operating today.  She's still too stuffed with the cold to go through with it."  

"Oh fer feck sake.  I KNEW it!  Told the pair of you last week she wouldn't be seen if that wasn't sorted."

"I know and that's all that's bothering her at the minute.  She's worried you're going to want to kill us now for making the wasted trip over."

"Sigh.  I'm not going to kill ye but I am going in to see her now.  And for the record - you ARE an eejit for not getting that cold cleared."

Off I went to see Sarah.  The poor girl was nearly in tears.  As it was, they'd kept me hanging about booking the trip with their talks of postponing the op and heading to Brooklyn, NY instead.  Got to the point where I was pretty stuffed on the airfare for this one and they knew it.  

Gave her a hug, "I'm not going to kill ya, ya eejit."

"Are you sure?  I'm sorry.  Dr. Leader said I'd be grand but they don't think I am."

"I know goose.  I knew ya weren't grand and would have been surprised if they'd gone ahead with it to be honest."

"So you're not cross?"

"Not at all.  But to be honest, I probably won't be coming back over for the re-scheduled date.  Not much point when only one parent can be with you, yeah?"

"I know.  Just glad you're not cross with us."

Is this serious?  Laxie were you serious when you said this???

Sorry Laxie ... I read this bit and and thought OMFG what parent can say this to their child?


I cant read anymore.

Sorry. That hurt to read.

Yep, got that feeling too....in fact I actuallty thought that Laxie's kids were step kids that she just had a good bond with.

For a start, it's not a family policy by us, but a hospital policy we were unaware of.  Her father obviously wants to be the one to accompany her and I'm trying not to cause hassle in the camp.  In that case, best if I just stay put here.  Don't understand the problem?

I've never beat around the bush with my kids.  We say it like it is and at the very least, we never have to doubt the honesty of our words because we know we don't mess about.  Very definitely don't feel a single ounce of guilt for the conversation we had regarding the re-scheduled op.  

Only thing I feel a wee bit guilty about is doubting my role as their mom.  Just because I'm not there doesn't mean they don't care and I feel guilty for doubting that.  And they know I absolutely adore them.

Yes it was obvious that it was a hospital policy not a family one ... however, the hospital policy didn't say that you wasn't allowed to be there for when she got out?

In situations like these it is normal/usual for the main child carer to be the one present if only one parent allowed. Tim is now the main child carer, a choice that was made by you.  A lot of fathers are put in this very same position when they have to wait outside, yet they still are there.


I read some of your pre move posts and one that stuck in my head was you stressing to your kids that you would always be there for them, that you was only a wee flight away ... yet it seems at the first opportunity to prove this to them you had an attack of 'sour grapes' at not being the one to go in with Sarah, you SAY that you are not cross with them BUT immediately then go on to say  ''I probably won't be coming back over for the re-scheduled date.  Not much point when only one parent can be with you, yeah?''        Can you not see the hypocrasy of that statement?       Assure your kids your there for them then prove that actually you're not.

You gave up the main child carer role Laxie, and being asked to wait outside is an unfortunate part of how things will/can/have changed ... but FFS what matters to a child is that you're there, whether that be in the waiting room or hell even the car park outside!


Each to their own I suppose.

[Laxie]

Ahhhhh, NOW I understand what you're saying.  Was really confused to be honest. 

Have no doubt about it...if Sarah wants me to be there, I WILL be there.  We've talked about it and she isn't worried about the operation, but wanted to test the theory of my hopping on a plane when requested.  I've shown I can and will at last minute's notice, and that's the test passed as far as she's concerned. 

This was the first time Tim was even present for anything like this, so it caught everyone for a hop that he was even involved.  But doesn't mean I dodge the role from now on.  Just means I have to be respectful of his new role. 

At the end of the day, not Tim, the neighbours or anyone is going to keep me away from my kids if they need me. 

[HOLDorFOLD]

Ahhhhh, NOW I understand what you're saying.  Was really confused to be honest. 

Have no doubt about it...if Sarah wants me to be there, I WILL be there.  We've talked about it and she isn't worried about the operation, but wanted to test the theory of my hopping on a plane when requested.  I've shown I can and will at last minute's notice, and that's the test passed as far as she's concerned. 

This was the first time Tim was even present for anything like this, so it caught everyone for a hop that he was even involved.  But doesn't mean I dodge the role from now on.  Just means I have to be respectful of his new role. 

At the end of the day, not Tim, the neighbours or anyone is going to keep me away from my kids if they need me. 

It's a shame that Sarah even felt the need to test the theory

Just sayin.


Keep justifying it to yourself Lax.



Nowt more from me.   

[Laxie]

Ahhhhh, NOW I understand what you're saying.  Was really confused to be honest. 

Have no doubt about it...if Sarah wants me to be there, I WILL be there.  We've talked about it and she isn't worried about the operation, but wanted to test the theory of my hopping on a plane when requested.  I've shown I can and will at last minute's notice, and that's the test passed as far as she's concerned. 

This was the first time Tim was even present for anything like this, so it caught everyone for a hop that he was even involved.  But doesn't mean I dodge the role from now on.  Just means I have to be respectful of his new role. 

At the end of the day, not Tim, the neighbours or anyone is going to keep me away from my kids if they need me. 

It's a shame that Sarah even felt the need to test the theory

Just sayin.


Keep justifying it to yourself Lax.



Nowt more from me.   

Yes it is.  A bigger shame we were ever put in the position we are now.  But there ya go.  That's the thing...I always swore when I married it would be forever.  When it all hit the fan, it threw things off for all of us.  Everything we knew to be solid and true was in danger.  I was a damn good mom when I lived there and hopefully I'll continue to be despite the new obstacles.  Definitely going to screw things up a bit now and then as it's a foreign situation to me, but not ever going to throw in the towel and give up on it.

I'm glad you posted Michelle.  Honestly.  Helps me to see it from the outside looking in.  And as this is all new to me, it's a big help when someone says, "Hold on a minute, you're slipping here."  So thank you for that.

[Claw75]

I'm glad you posted Michelle.  Honestly.  Helps me to see it from the outside looking in.  And as this is all new to me, it's a big help when someone says, "Hold on a minute, you're slipping here."  So thank you for that.

If you genuinely want other viewpoints on this situation..... 

I've avoided discussing it up til now because a) it's none of my business, b) I didn't want to come over as judgmental and c) I couldn't see the point.  Now that you've suggested it may be helpful though, here's my take.

Families break up and parents meet other people - it's a fact of life.  There's never going to be a perfect way of dealing with the situation but it is imperative, imho, that ensuring as little disruption and upset to the kids is the number one priority - that takes a lot of time, care and consideration.   Can you honestly say that's what you've done?  I would suggest that the fact that Sinead hasn't spoken to you for a couple of months, that Sarah was in tears for an hour worrying about how you'd react to having made a 'wasted' trip indicate otherwise - these are all facts you have posted openly, and then, almost in the same breathe, have said that you don't feel any guilt. If I ever found myself in this situation I'd be absolutely wracked with it.  I kind of hope that comment was bravado rather than the whole truth.
 
I never will be able to get my head round why you had to rush off to move to England so quickly after hooking up with Jack rather than making sure things were handled properly and the right foundations laid all round.  That's all done now. But Dawn, please, think about what Michelle has said, take a step back and re-read the recent posts you've made as if someone else had written them:  I was actually open mouthed at a lot of it.  Don't let stubbornness or 'proving everyone wrong' get in the way of doing the right thing by your kids.

[GreekStein]

This was the first time Tim was even present for anything like this, so it caught everyone for a hop that he was even involved. 

Why would you leave your kids with their dad when it sounds like, from the line above that he doesn't do a great job of being a dad.

[mouth]

I'm glad you posted Michelle.  Honestly.  Helps me to see it from the outside looking in.  And as this is all new to me, it's a big help when someone says, "Hold on a minute, you're slipping here."  So thank you for that.

If you genuinely want other viewpoints on this situation..... 

I've avoided discussing it up til now because a) it's none of my business, b) I didn't want to come over as judgmental and c) I couldn't see the point.  Now that you've suggested it may be helpful though, here's my take.

Families break up and parents meet other people - it's a fact of life.  There's never going to be a perfect way of dealing with the situation but it is imperative, imho, that ensuring as little disruption and upset to the kids is the number one priority - that takes a lot of time, care and consideration.   Can you honestly say that's what you've done?  I would suggest that the fact that Sinead hasn't spoken to you for a couple of months, that Sarah was in tears for an hour worrying about how you'd react to having made a 'wasted' trip indicate otherwise - these are all facts you have posted openly, and then, almost in the same breathe, have said that you don't feel any guilt. If I ever found myself in this situation I'd be absolutely wracked with it.  I kind of hope that comment was bravado rather than the whole truth.
 
I never will be able to get my head round why you had to rush off to move to England so quickly after hooking up with Jack rather than making sure things were handled properly and the right foundations laid all round.  That's all done now. But Dawn, please, think about what Michelle has said, take a step back and re-read the recent posts you've made as if someone else had written them:  I was actually open mouthed at a lot of it.  Don't let stubbornness or 'proving everyone wrong' get in the way of doing the right thing by your kids.

I don't know you Laxie although we've chatted on the phone and on FB a few times. I know you've had some hard times and I think you would agree that I have supported you and fought a corner for you over and above what you woudl expect from a stranger. I knew you had moved but I didn't realise you had moved without your children. I guess I'm going to have to read through back posts to see how on earth that ever came up as a possibility. You see, I can't get my head round it. You left your kids to move in with a bloke? Yeah I need to read the back entries for sure because my first instinct is to just say WTF? However, Claw n Michelle are much more subtle and polite than me and yet their posts seem to spell out what I would be saying, if i could word it as politely as that. Save my eyes from having to scan your diary - tell me in brief how this ever happened? 

[turny]

come on guys hold your horses...... what is it with all this gang mentality on blonde, once one person starts the rest of you have to jump on the bandwagon riding shotgun!

im sure dawn thought things through before making her decisions, and knows a lot better what she's doing regards her children better than you or i all do!

if you have an opinion fair enough, but why wait until 1 person voices up before you all come out the woodwork? come on guys the thread is  19+ pages long how come you all wait til there is safety in numbers before saying your piece?

[taximan007]

come on guys hold your horses...... what is it with all this gang mentality on blonde, once one person starts the rest of you have to jump on the bandwagon riding shotgun!

im sure dawn thought things through before making her decisions, and knows a lot better what she's doing regards her children better than you or i all do!

if you have an opinion fair enough, but why wait until 1 person voices up before you all come out the woodwork? come on guys the thread is  19+ pages long how come you all wait til there is safety in numbers before saying your piece?

 

[mouth]

come on guys hold your horses...... what is it with all this gang mentality on blonde, once one person starts the rest of you have to jump on the bandwagon riding shotgun!

im sure dawn thought things through before making her decisions, and knows a lot better what she's doing regards her children better than you or i all do!

if you have an opinion fair enough, but why wait until 1 person voices up before you all come out the woodwork? come on guys the thread is  19+ pages long how come you all wait til there is safety in numbers before saying your piece?

Nice bit of trolling Turny,considering your history with Laxie.

Just want to point out the obvious: only one person can ever "voice up" at a time, stands to reason others can only follow. Don't think parallel posting has been intorduced here on Blonde yet

[action man]

Just lol. Why would laxie want her kids getting in the way of her new life in leicester?

[EvilPie]

Plenty of useless opinions on this thread.

Absolutely f**k all to do with anybody how Dawn and her family work.

Nobody has a clue as to how they are as a family unit so butt the f**k out.

Just my own useless opinion.