Tough money spot with a friend

[cambridgealex]

I'm not sure what sort of friend he is....I mean, I dont trust him. I enjoy his company and we have a laugh together, he's been very supportive of me through downswings and everything and I know he looks up to me.

He a dwarf?

Gtfo and stop posting on blonde when yr missus is right next to you wishing you'd talk to her.

[tikay]

That's true tikay. I'm not sure whether he's still playing microstakes or whether he can't even afford to play them anymore. He just says he doesn't have anything to do all day.I'm not sure what sort of friend he is....I mean, I dont trust him. I enjoy his company and we have a laugh together, he's been very supportive of me through downswings and everything and I know he looks up to me.

I really don't buy that "I'm bored, I've got nothing to do" line, & never have, I'm afraid. I see it so often on Twitter "I'm SOOOOOO bored ffs".

Can he not use the internet, read a book, watch TV, get some exercise, get a hobby, or do a million other things that cost less than poker?

You don't trust him, you say? And he's a friend? Sorry Alex, guess my age means there are some things I don't understand in modern society. A friend you don't trust? Do you really mean that, or do you mean he's an acquaintance? Different thing entirely!

[the rage]

Good post Alex. I think that it's good that subjects like this are brought out into the open, particularly on a poker forum. IMO gambling addiction and the problems that arise from it are a much more serious issue than most in the industry are prepared to acknowledge.
 I dont know if your friend has a serious gambling problem but i do think that borrowing money to gamble, or lending someone money to gamble is not a good idea.
 From my own experience of lending money, i would say that, unless you are 100% certain that you will get your money back without even having to ask for it, dont do it. Even if its a relatively insignificant amount, being owed the money, will nag at you and give you more stress than its worth.
 I agree with the saying that Taximan quoted 'neither a lender nor a borrower be'.
 If you do believe that the guy concerned is a true friend, talk to him about the issue, write off the previous  loan. If necessary, give him a little bit more help, but not to just throw away via uncontrolled gambling. Maybe help him with a bit of BRM / coaching.
 Try and do the right thing, the good karma may help you to run better. As a genral rule when people ask for a loan for gambling purposes, just say NO.

[jakally]

I think he probably will come through with it eventually. He's a decent guy.

Yeah, I think Jakally will pay up, although I think it's clear he has spent the money mainly on food.

I've already told him, I will only pay him back if he can go a decent  length of time without mentioning the words 'Monte Carlo'.... I suggested  a period of 2 hours but he told me  to GTFO and come up  with something that he at  least has a chance of achieving.
 

[jakally]

I think he probably will come through with it eventually. He's a decent guy.

Probably's  not good enough mate........this is a long term losing play.

[GreekStein]

Well it can only be a breakeven play at best dr goblin.

The richest man in belper does raise a good point though re monte carlo. Does alex mention it more than herbie mentions the hendon mob?

[cambridgealex]

Well it can only be a breakeven play at best dr goblin.

The richest man in belper does raise a good point though re monte carlo. Does alex mention it more than herbie mentions the hendon mob?

It's not like that at all! I'm on another level whenever I mention it.

[cambridgealex]

Those saying "lesson learned, it cost you 100 now move on". Are you saying I shouldntve lent him the 100 a month ago? Or before when he did have the money to pay me back?

[tikay]

Those saying "lesson learned, it cost you 100 now move on". Are you saying I shouldntve lent him the 100 a month ago? Or before when he did have the money to pay me back?

Not at all.

Most of us, in your spot, would have loaned him that first £100.

[kinboshi]

Why isn't this in your diary thread?

[cambridgealex]

Those saying "lesson learned, it cost you 100 now move on". Are you saying I shouldntve lent him the 100 a month ago? Or before when he did have the money to pay me back?

Not at all.

Most of us, in your spot, would have loaned him that first £100.

Then why is it lesson learned? Lesson learned implies, "you'll know not to do that again".

Why isn't this in your diary thread?

Decided against it.

[tikay]

Those saying "lesson learned, it cost you 100 now move on". Are you saying I shouldntve lent him the 100 a month ago? Or before when he did have the money to pay me back?

Not at all.

Most of us, in your spot, would have loaned him that first £100.

Then why is it lesson learned? Lesson learned implies, "you'll know not to do that again".

Why isn't this in your diary thread?

Decided against it.

When you Loaned him the FIRST £100, surely you expected him to repay you?

And he did not.

Now he wants to borrow some more........

We seem to be on a disconnect here.

We lend a mate or an acquaintance (not a "friend", that's different) £100.

He fails to pay us back in a timely manner.

Then he asks to borrow another £100.

To me, that's "we learned a lesson, it cost us £100", unless he can come up with a convincing tale.  I'd not be cross with myself for losing the first £100, I did the right thing & it cost me £100, too bad, move on, but I would be mad with myself for being suckered for the 2nd £100.

And you already said "I don't trust him"!

[StuartHopkin]

Yeah you should know not to do it again.

I'm not in the never loan anyone camp.

If I like someone I am happy to lend them money but I only do it the once, you don't get any more until you have shown your good for the first lot.

Apart from my close friends I also treat it as money lost, I hope to get it back but need to be sure that I really don't care if I don't.

It's well worth a hundo to find out about someone, the guy you mention doesn't sound like a mate let alone a friend.

[Sheriff Fatman]

When you Loaned him the FIRST £100, surely you expected him to repay you?

And he did not.

Now he wants to borrow some more........

We seem to be on a disconnect here.

We lend a mate or an acquaintance (not a "friend", that's different) £100.

He fails to pay us back in a timely manner.

Then he asks to borrow another £100.

To me, that's "we learned a lesson, it cost us £100", unless he can come up with a convincing tale.  I'd not be cross with myself for losing the first £100, I did the right thing & it cost me £100, too bad, move on, but I would be mad with myself for being suckered for the 2nd £100.

And you already said "I don't trust him"!

+1

Also, he didn't pay you back on the first loan when it was made before you binked, and was a much more significant sum to you at the time.

Now he knows you're much more secure financially and, in his mind, can absorb another £100 hit makes it infinitely more likely that he grims you for the second loan aswell, IMO.

If you feel bad about it then sure, lend pay him the money again, but treat it in your mind as though you're thanking him for railing you (similar to the £20) and don't in any way expect it to be paid back.  If he comes through with the money some day then treat it as a bonus.

[kinboshi]

Those saying "lesson learned, it cost you 100 now move on". Are you saying I shouldntve lent him the 100 a month ago? Or before when he did have the money to pay me back?

Not at all.

Most of us, in your spot, would have loaned him that first £100.

Then why is it lesson learned? Lesson learned implies, "you'll know not to do that again".

Why isn't this in your diary thread?

Decided against it.

Cool.

Lend us £100.