The Birth of My Baby Boy (An Extract from my Blog) Enjoy

An extract from my blog, no apologies for the Grammar, this is how I write)

The birth of my little man…

So on Thursday night Friday morning Curly (My partner) wakes me up again, complaining about pains.. this isn’t unusual due to her predisposition (9 months pregnant) but it’s not a welcome distraction to my rem sleep either.. Okay the story…

9 months ago while fast asleep I was awoken by Curly at 5:30am (yes she’s made a habit of waking me up when she wakes up, even if it’s just to go to the toilet)
We have the following conversation

Curly “Steve wake up I need to use the bathroom”
Me “Well use the bathroom then, why are you waking me up?”
Curly “I was going to take this pregnancy test too”

Now I had no prior knowledge of this test, or the time that she was planning on taking it, so I brushed it off saying, ok cool I’m going back to sleep.

So I fall back to sleep only to be awoken by Curly again (and I was so comfortable) Feeling sick and angry I begrudgingly wake up..

Me Angry voice “What…?”
Curly “Okay I brought the test in, can you check it please I’m too scared”

Irritated and wanting to go back to sleep I get up and lean over her, now from my previous encounters with this stick I know that it’s 1 line for negative and two for positive meaning positively pregnant..

As I lean over I fully open my eyes, which are sore from wearing my contact lenses to long the previous day. As I open wider I see the test stick laid out on pieces of andrex toilet roll..

My eyes focus on the Toilet roll and gently take in the mess that she has just made on the bedside table, as my eyes start panning to the test kit I focus on the brand (Clear blue) and then pan over to the spot where the lines are, I look and blink I blink again,

Me “Curly just to clarify? 2 lines for pregnant?”

Fast forward to last night….

Curly “Babe I’m getting really bad pains, really bad”

While huffing and puffing, I look at her face and can see that she is clearly in excruciating pain, so I do the only thing a man does in this situation. I ask her if she needs some water or something, to which she impolitely replies no..

So at this point I know I need to call the ambulance so I go into he kitchen fill up a bottle of water and go into the guest room to get some clean towels and a blanket (I don’t know why, maybe just because I’ve seen this on TV before) I give her the water lay the blankets near her on the bed and dial 999

Operator “Emergency which service please”
Me “Ambulance”
Operator “I’m just putting you through”

Operator 2 “Ambulance how can I help?”

My initial thoughts are to say, take me back in time to 1884 so I can become a blacksmith like Dr Emit Brown” but I relent and say the the following

Me “My partner’s in labor I need an ambulance asap..

With panic in her voice the operator politely takes my address and reassures me that an ambulance is on it’s way, not before talking me through how to deliver my baby if he comes before the 5 minutes the ambulance is going to take to get to me…

So the ambulance staff do their checks and safely transport us to the hospital. We’re taken to the maternity suite and introduced to our midwife, who was lovely…

The maternity suite is not a place that a man of reasonable fortitude should ever visit unless absolutely necessary.

The corridor has a façade of gleaming happiness, with pictures of newly born smiling babies on the wall, other poster themes are tropical islands (yes I was bemused) sunsets, flowers and Madonna and child. On each side of the corridor you have an array of large double doors that lead into maternity rooms, rooms where babies are delivered, it all looks serene until you walk forward and start hearing the screams of women in labor and it’s shocking..

Loud cries of women screaming in pain and using foul words, words and phrases sometimes used by football enthusiasts when referring to the star players on the opposing teams to which they support.

My mind goes into limbo and I start daydreaming, behind each set of double doors I see chambers of pain, dungeons almost, where women are tied or chained up and repeatedly whipped, slashed and punched. Should I try and help these ladies? I start walking over to a butcher’s table in the torture chamber and pick up a large rusty butchers knife and walk over to one of the captors who has his back to me, ready to pounce …

“Tea or Coffee…?” Steven “Tea or Coffee…?”

I breakout of my day dream and realize where I am again
“urmm Coffee would be great thanks”

I walk over to the bed and hold Curlys hand, the midwife comes in and checks Curly over and tells us that she is only 1cm dilated so baby is going to be a while..

Now our options are go home, where we have things like proper beds, food, heating that we can control, Sky TV and of course the internet. Or to stay In the hospital all night, with vending machine food, sounds of screaming women, one communal rest room for guests, a chair to sleep on, no TV and air conditioning that we’re told is controlled centrally so they can’t turn it off..

Of course my thoughtful partner opts to stay in hospital.. I grit my teeth and prepare for a long night.

Against the odds I fall asleep for half an hour, I start dreaming… Now I know people say your dreams are supposed to mean something, but mine make no logically sense and sometimes defy even the laws of physics and nature..

I’m in an ice cave and trying to get out, I’m dressed in a Karl Kani Click suit (White by the way) and wearing Nike air Jordans, not adequate clothing for this Antarctic weather but nevertheless I look good (if it were 1993) I’m kung fu kicking the walls of the ice cave trying to get out but nothing is happening, so I stop and dive head first into the iced ground which I’m successful with, suddenly the ice cave floor is transformed into tropical waters I put my head up and see what looks like a beach in Dubai, I start swimming towards the beach, gasping trying to get to shore so I can enjoy the sun and wonders of this beautiful setting..

“Arrrhhhggggg Arrrgghhhh, Babe press the button for the midwife Arrrhhhggghh”

I press the button and the midwife comes in and gives Curly some drugs to relieve her pain, I make a flippant comment asking the midwife if she has some drugs for me to get rid of the pain in my neck and gesture that the pain is Curly and then say “Well if you don’t have any drugs can you get me a hammer or a shot gum please” hahahaha then realize I am the only one laughing both Curly and the Midwife clearly did not find my particular brand of humor amusing… Okay I will save the jokes for another day…

So I leave the room for a second hoping to use this maternity suites rest room facilities, I walk over to the door and I see it reads engaged, I hear a man crying in the rest room. Being a man of little regard for other people emotions I knock on the door and ask whether he’s going to be long? A rather sad voice replies 10 minutes…

10 Minutes? What on Earth is going to take this man ten minutes I’m sure he knows that there is only one communal toilet for guests in this place… I bite my tongue and wait 15 minutes before returning. I can still hear the same man crying in the toilets and again knock bang bang bang “are you okay in there? How long do you think you’re going to be? Can I help in anyway (which was a completely empty gesture)

The same voice again cries out “10 Minutes” Freaking 10 minutes with fire in my voice and no empathy I knock again and say “You said ten minutes 15 minutes ago, now whatever the freak you’re crying about isn’t my problem, what is my problem is you hogging the only freaking toilet for guests in this place” I wait for a response, I can still hear this man sobbing before I give up and am about to walk away I hear a voice, a voice that sounds like it’s in pain say “10 minutes”

Frustrated and angry I walk away thinking I’ll give him another 20 minutes if he isn’t out I’m going to knock the door down and pummel this man I don’t care if he’s Mohammed I’m hard Bruce Lee, if he doesn’t come out in 20 minutes he’s going to get it..

So for the next twenty minutes I sit inside the labor suit with Curly, all the time hoping now the man isn’t out so I can knock the door down and beat him to an inch of his life…

20 minutes pass and I walk over to the door which still reads engaged, I bang the door hard this time, you still in there? I hear a slight sobbing and a click that unlocks the door, out walks a man that looks broken, before I start giving him what it’s worth, I look at the man in his eyes and he looks in pain so I excuse him and carry on into the toilet (plus the man looked like he swallowed a gym and was 6ft +) Oh my lord.. What on Earth did this man eat, the stench brings a tear to my eye I quickly escape from the restroom still not having used it, catch up with the man and ask him politely what the hell has he been eating, I suggest Cat food being the only culprit then walk into the maternity suite frustrated and still needing to pee…

The midwife then comes In and suggests that I use the en suite in the room… Thank F*ck for that, now you tell me, couldn’t you tell me an hour ago…

So the pains and the restlessness continues into the next day and into the next day and into the next day..

So on the fourth day one of the doctors advise that Curly is given hormones to speed up the labor plus she hasn’t slept for 4 days so they need to do something now… a few hours later after she has the epidural she starts complaining about the need to push, the midwife checks her again and see’s that the baby is close, she tells Curly to turn onto her back and when she gets the next contraction to push hard as she can without taking a breathe…

So here comes the first one PPPPuuusssshhhh… I look down and can see the babies head.. Come on Baby you can do this a few more pushes the second one now puuusssshhhhh… I can see more of the babies head, now the third one, puussshhhh with that said the baby just came out…

The next part was a blur to me, but what I do know is I didn’t cry, I would describe my emotions as being elated, being on the highest high known to man, it was fantastic… I cut the umbilical cord and the midwife cleaned our baby up, who was crying brought the baby back and put him on Curlys chest, the baby stopped crying. Words can’t describe what a man feels when their son looks at him in his eyes for the first time, but take my word for it, it’s Life changing, knowing that you and your partner have created a life is life changing..

I looked at Curly in here eyes and felt soo proud of her, knowing that she had delivered our baby, I couldn’t describe how indebted I felt to her.. I put my arms around Curly who was holding our baby and we both just sat there, not saying a word but just enjoying the moment….

It’s crazy how life changes so quickly, I don’t know what’s in store for our future, but what I do know is, we might not make it look easy like my parents did and we may not be the conventional Indian couple, but I am confident that we’ll be happy and will do the best for all our kids…

Amar'e Jang Sethi Born 6lb6oz on 29th April 2012 and healthy...

Till next year…