Help a fellow blonde please.

[TightEnd]

This is posted on behalf of an anonymous member, who posts regularly. This person does not wish to reveal his identity. He says that it might be seen as a strange thing to ask on a poker forum.  However he sees the community as wide reaching and from all walks of life, someone might have even been through this.

The member posts

"I dont know who my dad is but my mum told me recently (almost a year ago) his name and who he was to her. 

He was told of my existence when I was just a foetus but had a new wife and family and didn't react so positively. However my mum was struggling at the time and I can see how he might've thought this was a way to get him and his money (not loaded but well off I think).

I've only thought about 'him' a little over the last year, but I just wondered what the wide cross-section of you on here thought?

What options do I have?

if I go to try and meet/ see him, how?

Thoughts/ ideas?"


over to you......

[Rod Paradise]

Difficult to tell someone what to do, not being in their shoes.

My 1p worth (not even worth 2p).

You need to work out what you want out of meeting your father. Acknowledgement/love/an apology/answering simple curiosity/meeting other family?

What would success in that mean to you & how bad would failure hit you? Is it worth the risk if it'd hurt you deeply if he doesn't want to know? I suppose I'd want to face him if I was in your shoes, but whether I'd finally decide to do it? Don't know.

[jackinbeat]

One of my best friends spent his whole childhood moving from foster home to care and back. He after 28 years of wondering decided find his Mother, even though his adoptive mother stressed not to.

Won't tell you what happened, but he's much happier now, Married, and seems to have answered all the questions that had almost haunted him by not knowing..

[BangBang]

This is an incredibly sensitive issue and Rod’s right about being prepared for all scenarios emotionally..

The shear fact that you’re thinking about this is proof that you’re not only curious but you’re ready to face your father.

I’m of the school of thought, that says have no regrets in your life so personally I would go ahead and do it and speaking from experience there’s not much that you can lose….

I’ll always live my life knowing that I had two fathers, one that raised me and made me into the man I eventually became and another that eventually came thru and helped me thru some of the toughest situations of my adult life but neglected me while I was growing up….

Emotionally it’s not easy so be prepared, but nothing ventured nothing gained…

Good Luck and All the Best Steve…

[MANTIS01]

With this type of scenario it's common to feel abandonment issues. However, with zero knowledge of your father's actual character and thoughts it's impossible to anticipate how he feels. Even with regard to why he left originally you are making guesses and trying to imagine what he thought. I would forget all of that supposition. It may well transpire that he thinks about you a lot but fears contacting you. It may also transpire he doesn't care at all.

My best advice is to write a letter telling him you welcome communication if it is something he desires. What happened when you were a foetus has no bearing on what may happen today. Depending upon his response you can either establish a relationship with your father and seek answers or you can move on.

[smashedagain]

I have a friend in a similar position. He wanted to find both of his parents as he'd  been adopted from birth. He had so many questions for them. He was given help from social services and I believe some other agency. They got in touch with just his mother who wished him well but would find it too traumatic to deal with meeting him. She said that if circumstances changed then she would find him. This was probably 15-17 years ago now and he still has heard nothing.

My mate does say that when he first heard this most of his questions had been answered by her not wanting to see him and he said he would lead a happier life for knowing it.

Edit you know the name of your father but be prepared for the worse case that he might not want contact with you.

[flushthemout]

i aint seen my two kids for over 10yrs, hurts like hell, re married 10yrs ago and have two wonderfull boys, but not a day goes by with me not thinking of my other son and daughter, tried and tried to contact them but no joy, they livein Chichester and what i gather is they are both doing well which is some comfort, one day they may pick up the phone but its there choice and i dont have a choice i sed the odd text but never get a reply, to he original post- go with your feeling.

[flushthemout]

and the best of luck sir, ur only on this planet once so never have any regrets.

[smashedagain]

and the best of luck sir, ur only on this planet once so never have any regrets.

+1

[FallenAngelAlex]

ok i seem to be in the small minority here that would say leave well alone. My biological father was having an affair at the time i wa being born. My mum kicked him to the curb but always left communication open so if i ever wanted to see him or visa versa  it was always there. Growing up i know i asked to see him and my mum would duly arrange this. He would promise to be there. Only once did He ever turn up. It tore my mum to pieces seeing how much it hurt me. He knew of my existence but still didnt want to know. 20 years on i still think of him but know that everythin i have achieved to date is not down to my blood line but to the people that raised me my mum and my step dad. As far as im concerned my step dad has been more of a father to me than my biological dad ever was. He was just a donor. Sorry if this sounds harsh and not what you want to hear but sometimes things are just better left alone

[istrabraq]

Feel for you brv it got very messy hope they get I'n touch . Last I heard Dan was doing well coaching Brighton youth team and is now I'n USA . Hannah I'n university not sure where . You tried your best but she was 1 hell of a bitch . Chin up brv catch up soon   

[bobAlike]

With my limited knowledge of these things I'd just like to say there are other people involved. Your fathers family may not know about you. I still think you should go for it but please be careful. Your fathers wife and kids may be as innocent as you are in this scenario.

I wish you good luck which ever path you choose.

[smashedagain]

ok i seem to be in the small minority here that would say leave well alone. My biological father was having an affair at the time i wa being born. My mum kicked him to the curb but always left communication open so if i ever wanted to see him or visa versa  it was always there. Growing up i know i asked to see him and my mum would duly arrange this. He would promise to be there. Only once did He ever turn up. It tore my mum to pieces seeing how much it hurt me. He knew of my existence but still didnt want to know. 20 years on i still think of him but know that everythin i have achieved to date is not down to my blood line but to the people that raised me my mum and my step dad. As far as im concerned my step dad has been more of a father to me than my biological dad ever was. He was just a donor. Sorry if this sounds harsh and not what you want to hear but sometimes things are just better left alone

He is asking for opinions from everyone so your post is just as and probably even more so relevant to the thread. First hand experience is so important. Great post

[FallenAngelAlex]

Thank you. I sometimes get told off for being the sort of person that doesnt sugar coat things so am sometimes dubious about posting for fear of offending or even worse upsetting people. I truely Hope that the person concerned does get the answers he or she wants but the harsh reality is some times its better the devil you know than the devil you dont.

[smashedagain]

Thank you. I sometimes get told off for being the sort of person that doesnt sugar coat things so am sometimes dubious about posting for fear of offending or even worse upsetting people. I truely Hope that the person concerned does get the answers he or she wants but the harsh reality is some times its better the devil you know than the devil you dont.

Gtfo. Don't listen to those telling you off. Need more Bart Simpsons round here instead of all the Ned Flanders. Post moar