Football Manager and son

[flushthemout]

not at all, all the kids love him, when i get home from work his mates are all in the garden, dont sense any bullying from school, but every night at bed time he shouts out the same sentence...... "Can i come down stairs" "No Jack" "Ok love you Mum" then he falls asleep, this has been going on every single night for about 2 months

[flushthemout]

sat with him just dad and Jack time and talked to him, pulled him to one side before the game and talked to him about not letting him and the team down before the game, he agreed and just seems to forget 5 minutes after Kick off

[flushthemout]

My assitant and other parents have spoken to him with my blessing but cant seem to find out why he has gone like he has, my gut feeling is i am the manager so he can do what he likes, if i sub him which i have done on a few occasions, he walks off the pitch and kicks the water bottles, Real Ballotelli style of arrogance and sits away from the pitch.

[nirvana]

not at all, all the kids love him, when i get home from work his mates are all in the garden, dont sense any bullying from school, but every night at bed time he shouts out the same sentence...... "Can i come down stairs" "No Jack" "Ok love you Mum" then he falls asleep, this has been going on every single night for about 2 months

When my daughter hit about 13, almost overnight, she went from being someone who really seemed to value me to behaving like I was a complete burden/idiot etc etc. This obviously bothered me a great deal and I didn't really know how to deal with it. I really really felt I had to try to get to the bottom of it, so I could understand the emotions, so I could 'fix' things. Pretty much the nature of blokes. Cue, literally years of pointless one sided conversations trying to sort things out

From quite painful experience this was a huge mistake, I think I should of simply let her be and be there for whatever was needed as and when required. If I think back to when I was young/teen - I couldn't begin to articulate the myriad feelings/concerns/worries I had and definitely didn't want to talk about it. What's to talk about when you don't even really know why you're behaving like you're behaving.

Eventually I learned to leave my daughter be and over a period of years we slowly built the decent relationship we have today. Like I said though, I think this would have happened much more quickly had I not tried so persistently to sort out the unsortable and instead just been supportive and showed the appropriate care/love as required

Anyway, I can empathise with you in terms of trying to wrestle with the best way to handle difficult situations and just hope you find your own way through in a positive way. We as individuals and the relationships we have with our kids are so unique it is really hard to give advice but we can share experiences I guess

[pleno1]

I mean 9 is super young.

I've also got uefa badges and coached similar age group successfully.

Announcing the ban as 3 months is such a huge major mIstake, yOuge almost identified him in rent of his peers as a bad lad and he's likely to enjoy the attention that it brIngs from his peers.

It's too late now but making him sub every game for 1 month and let him see you praIsng players for good play and he will soon be edgIng towards the team and will know he has to impress you. Give him 10 mInutes of he doesn't behave then he sits out for a couple of games, he will learn.

Kids aren't born evil your obv a very nice guy and the kid is most likely going through a phase banning or chucking him out now is far too much and of anything it will be a lot harder tO erase this bad boy image. Trust me these little things stick for a long time.

I loved cOschong under 10s I was by far the most vocal coach in the city of not the country lol.

I used two phrases. 1) pass and 2) well done basically never said anything else for the whole game and father kids all loved it.

[pleno1]

Also cOnversations with kids just don't work.

They are either too young and immature to take on what you are saying.

Or they are suddenly too old and listening to you is a chore and they nod and roll their eyes thinking wow this guy is talking absolute bollocks but if I argue it will go on for lOnger.

Conversations with troubled kids is really bad. You should generally start conversations when you're on really good terms and they realise they're enjoying your company.

I went from being the kid who never listened but dad tried to talk to 10000 times to being the kid who rings his parents every day.

It's just all about waiting for the maturity to kick in I guess.

[MintTrav]

does the team come first or is the Father Son releationship on the football field more important

Which is more important to you? I assume your son is the reason you got involved in the first place. If you have told the other parents that he won't be playing in the next season, does that mean you are now going to ban him for the coming year? If so, what is the point of continuing with the team? I would try to continue including him in the team (or sub as approp) if you can, but if you are thinking of excluding him, it is time to can the team.

[flushthemout]

Cheers Glen, excellent response, i will miss him so much on match day, but i cant leave the team or hand it over to somebody else, i am a firm parent but spoil my 2 kids thats why Jack has started pushing the boundarys, i am thinking of getting him into another team, where i can still watch him and hopefully he will have a manager who jack  will respect, i really think its me being manager gives him the God given right to behave the way he has.

[shedboymuff]

I used to coach/manage my sons team from under 9's until the start of last season a very good team, I gave up so I could watch my son as a 'parent' and I was playing more live poker at the weekends, worst thing I done I totally miss it and regret it now, The guy who came in to replace me is doing as good a job as I was, and even though I have been offered other teams from a few clubs I have no interest as it wont be the same.

My advice would be to talk to your son before each game and explain what you expect from him on the pitch and explain that you will take him off if he miss behaves, Also explain to him why you have taken him off afterwards, do this before and after each game and hopefully the 5 mins will turn into 15 then longer, I have had issues with young kids similar to this, boys with real talent who if they could screw the nut and if their parents were interested they would be playing for senior clubs..

Its a very tough spot with you as its your son and I hope you find a way to work it out..

[Biddy 62]

Could it be jealousy? If you are putting more into the team than him. How does he get on with the team?

[istrabraq]

Sounds like you when you was 9 brv ( only kidding ) hope you sort things out brv . Remember it's not worth falling out with jack . That's why I didn't do managers job with Louis team to much pressure and your like me very competive causes to much tension see you soon brv

[flushthemout]

Thanks Shed, Buddy and Bro, yeah he gets on with the team, will work summat out but we have a game on Sunday and only 6 players available, Jack would be 7 and we need 7, but told the parents already that Jack wont be playing this season, so if he doesnt play sundayi will have to cxl the game and thats not fair to the kids that are available.