Setting the record straight.

Last week a thread was locked on this site which rendered me unable to answer a post by a hero member who had somehow reached the conclusion that I had a huge chip on my shoulder, relating to the success of younger poker players.

Having contributed to the success of many younger poker players and indeed bankrolled a few; when their money management was found wanting. This Hero member’s assumption would not wash with the silent majority, both on and off this site; who know me in real life.

I was never a professional poker player; I was indeed sponsored for a year but it was part of a business deal when I sold the rights to one of my horse racing lines.

It just meant wearing a phone number on my sweater.

It was an offer I found hard to refuse as there was no make-up involved and no part of my winnings belonged to anyone but myself.

When you start playing poker at the age of fifty-six (even though the game was more relaxed and enjoyable then) you would have to be a far bigger head case than I am, to entertain for even a moment earning your living as a poker player.

Although the Wizards and Super Wizards of today attribute their phenomenal success to their amazing skills; I always attributed my modest success to luck. The openings came at the right time. If you were to compare me to a race horse, I would be a lightly raced four year old handicapper trained by Sir Michael Stoute. The truth of it is - I have played very little poker.

As we all know luck comes and goes but I realise how fortunate I have been, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars.

Deteriorating health and a major operation slowed up my poker game; but I’m still standing, and still have it in mind to swim the channel when I'm seventy.

I also had another wonderful reason for not wanting to play poker; at the age of fifty-nine I met the love of my life, thirty years my junior. In the nine years we have been together we have never had a cross word and I am thankful beyond measure that we happened upon each other.

I do have massive chips on my shoulder though. I absolutely abhor internet loud mouths who, in real life, turn out to have no substance whatsoever. I also don’t very much like people who are willing to malign others on the internet as a past time.

Before I ever joined Blonde poker I was being maligned on the site, I joined and set the record straight. The threads are there for anyone to read.

I believe there is a monosyllabic clique on this site, a kind of mutual appreciation society that back each other up – this little crew like to dish it up but are not at all keen on being on the receiving end.

When a person crows about sending other people skint – I find that abhorrent.

When a person reneges on a bet – I find that reprehensible.

I will now finish on a lighter note.

Last week I was a guest speaker at a poorly attended comedy workshop. Only eleven people turned up, ten male and one female.

They took it in turns to do some stand up and it was obvious that there were only two real talents, one of them being the girl.

After the break I was answering questions and the talented guy asked me what was the first joke I had ever written: I told him that I was about eleven years old when I wrote my first joke. I then told them the joke:

"A Blind man found that he got the most pleasure from reading pornographic Braille when he read it with his penis."

The girl then asked how it had come about that I had written this joke at the age of eleven. I thought for a moment then remembered the motivation for the joke.

I explained that I had been in the cinema on a Sunday afternoon when, in the intermission, a short sighted guy in front of me started reading the News of the World, with the newspaper not three inches from his nose.

The nice part about this poorly attended seminar is that the talented comedian and comedienne, both in their early twenties, who had never met before, left together.

They were two young people I liked and I won’t be begrudging them all the success in the world; and who knows, all the love that’s possible as well.

You could tell by their humour that these two people were going to hit it off big time.

I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush on Blonde. I've read some of the threads and can see much good has been done.

If I have a fault it's employing the scorched earth policy when I'm attacked; but I'm working on ameliorating that.

To quote Joe E Brown's character in Some Like it Hot, "Nobody's perfect."