lifelong partners

[jgcblack]

I think it's unfair to compare previous generations marriages to currant generations

Completely different

Why?  The vows you make to each other are exactly the same as before (other than the dropping of 'obey' in general).

This is absolutely not the case, social circumstances forced relationships to stay together before.  It also made sure that people didn't just give up at the first hurdle.

This is absolutely the case.  The vows you make are the same, and are a lifetime commitment.  Point me to the example, other than the one I gave, where they're materially different.

Marriage itself is absolutely the same as it always has been.  The difference is that people's attitudes to it have changed over time.

I can´t think of anything that would fundamentally change an institution like marriage more than people´s attitudes towards it changing. The words, that are based on an antiquated prayer might be the same but marriage can´t possibly be the same if people view it differently.

That's like saying that swearing on oath in court isn't the same as it was previously as it's "just a bunch of antiquated words."

Not the best defence you could ever come up with if you were accused of perjury.

My point is that if people can't be bothered to take the marriage oath seriously (and it's pretty explicit and clear as to what you're committing to) then why bother going through with it at all?  Nothing is any different now in terms of the commitment that you stand up and make to the one's your parents' and grandparents' generations made, so trying to argue that it's any different seems odd to me.

Knowing what marriage is, and what society make it are two completely different things.in the same way that 'courting' rituals have changed, relationships - and what is acceptable, has changed.

Marriage is a binding commitment, clearly. However, when its so socially acceptable to break that bond and start again it will be done.

You're view of saying nothing has changed, is factually correct for the institution alone, sir. However like schrodingers cat, when viewed in todays world it does indeed take on a different form to that which it 'should/ could/ would be' in a perfect world.  The view of marriage is best studied by location and culture.

In many places, marriage is still arranged, sometimes forced - for the benefit of the community or the families.
In many places marriage is unbreakable, irrespective of the circumstances.
In many places marriage is looked at to climb the social ladder.
And in many places marriage is looked at, as a fun thing to do.  That is easily undone if needed.

None of these are within the perfect ideology of what marriage is supposed to truly represent, however the realworld application of marriage in this country (UK) has changed and will continue to do so the more freedom we have with every aspect of our daily life choices.

I guess in answer to your statements, I would ask you -
"what has changed in the last 100 years that has made the divorce rate rise so much?"
"the numbers say people are using it differently, why?"
"what difference does having legal rights as a non married partner make?"
"where will marriage go in the future, the more we open our society, surely there is less and less need for marriage as it was but instead a new way of saying 'this is my partner, we are toether' ?"

[AndrewT]

Whilst, for many, the marriage vows were something held sacred, for others saying 'I do' was akin to ticking the 'I have read the terms and conditions' box on a website - just something you did to seal the deal.

However, once in the marriage, divorce was so culturally unacceptable than many, many people stayed married even if they preferred they weren't. Now that taboo has gone, more people fold their hand when they lose interest rather than do their roll when they get pot committed, hence marriage being a more transient thing nowadays.

[kinboshi]

Whilst, for many, the marriage vows were something held sacred, for others saying 'I do' was akin to ticking the 'I have read the terms and conditions' box on a website - just something you did to seal the deal.

However, once in the marriage, divorce was so culturally unacceptable than many, many people stayed married even if they preferred they weren't. Now that taboo has gone, more people fold their hand when they lose interest rather than do their roll when they get pot committed, hence marriage being a more transient thing nowadays.

...and then when you've folded, it's just you and your hand?

[david3103]

Whilst, for many, the marriage vows were something held sacred, for others saying 'I do' was akin to ticking the 'I have read the terms and conditions' box on a website - just something you did to seal the deal.

However, once in the marriage, divorce was so culturally unacceptable than many, many people stayed married even if they preferred they weren't. Now that taboo has gone, more people fold their hand when they lose interest rather than do their roll when they get pot committed, hence marriage being a more transient thing nowadays.

...and then when you've folded, it's just you and your hand?

WP sir

[Sheriff Fatman]

Whilst, for many, the marriage vows were something held sacred, for others saying 'I do' was akin to ticking the 'I have read the terms and conditions' box on a website - just something you did to seal the deal.

However, once in the marriage, divorce was so culturally unacceptable than many, many people stayed married even if they preferred they weren't. Now that taboo has gone, more people fold their hand when they lose interest rather than do their roll when they get pot committed, hence marriage being a more transient thing nowadays.

...and then when you've folded, it's just you and your hand?

Too good!

This is probably the first time ever that Andrew T has been out-Andrew T'ed in a reply.

As a result, it surely deserves best.....post......ever!

 

[EvilPie]

I think it's unfair to compare previous generations marriages to currant generations

Completely different

I might be wrong here but wasn't that the whole point of the thread in the first place?

[EvilPie]

As for me:

37 years old and still single. Been in a few serious relationships which unfortunately fizzled out. I've always been of the opinion that long term relationships just aren't for me. It's a shame but it's just the way it is.

Currently chasing girls way too young for me but it's fun so I'll stick with it for now.

Quick question. If I was to meet someone now and stay with her 'til one of us bites the dust would that still class as lifelong?

Is there a limit to the age you meet in order to qualify for the lifelong club?

[Gemini Kings]

I met my wife 7 years ago when she came to the UK from Brazil to visit her sister.

She didn't speak much English then. She seemed so quiet. Now she speaks English fluently and by that I mean she never stops talking.

Love her to bits though.

[Steve Swift]

Met at a party she was 16 i was 17,  married 10 months later, just had our 34th wedding anniversary, couldn't be happier.

Stev

[kinboshi]

Met at a party she was 16 i was 17,  married 10 months later, just had our 34th wedding anniversary, couldn't be happier.

Stev

It'll never last!

[Steve Swift]

We figure give it til our 50th, if still crap at that point cut our loses and start again.  " You gotta know when to holdem and know when to foldem" 

[Junior Senior]

Been married 4 years this week. Been together 8 years. Yes its possible, youve just got to want it to work and then work at it and address issues openly. Ive got loads of friends that havent lasted two years of marriage and think they probably just called it off too easily.

I think to make it work you have got to be ready and have gotten all the shit done that you may wish you could still do once you get married. Shag loads of people, travel, party a lot and follow your dreams and if you meet someone that doesnt share your broad values then dont marry her.

[Woodsey]

Been married 4 years this week. Been together 8 years. Yes its possible, youve just got to want it to work and then work at it and address issues openly. Ive got loads of friends that havent lasted two years of marriage and think they probably just called it off too easily.

I think to make it work you have got to be ready and have gotten all the shit done that you may wish you could still do once you get married. Shag loads of people, travel, party a lot and follow your dreams and if you meet someone that doesnt share your broad values then dont marry her.

Totally agree with addressing issues openly amd promptly and not ignoring them. Sadly that is probably where me and my ex failed. 

[kinboshi]

I think that me and my ex got it right by being open and honest about where our relationship was, and agreeing to call it a day and go our separate ways without any animosity or bitterness.

Staying together because six years earlier we though we'd be together forever didn't seem like a good reason.

[Matt50]

Thoughts on couples staying together for the sake of the children?  At least until they have completed school?