There and Back Again: A Punter's Tale by Matthew Harris

[zerofive]

The straights and flushes and boats is just a platform to learn from. Remember when you were told, in primary school, that the atom was the smallest thing there was and everything was made up of atoms? Then in junior school they tell you that, actually that's nonsense and everything is comprised of protons, neutrons and electrons and they are the smallest things. Then they tell you about quarks and so on. Imagine your 8 year old brain trying to understand quarks and other quantum mechanics!

The same applies here. A handful of really smart people might sort of "get it" straight away, but most people just know that they have an ace and a jack and they're the same colour and they don't know whether that's good or not. Tell them it doesn't matter and what matters is your opponent's range, stack size, tendencies and reverse implied odds and their 8 year old quantum physics brain is likely to all but explode. To begin with, I think people just have to make straights and flushes and boats and learn to love the game before they start hating it.

[Rexas]

Word of the month - tilt. Comfortably biggest losing month ever, cannot win a hand, and cannot catch a break. Ended up becoming a total bluffing and calling station. Have said "you win" more times than I can count, and to cap it all feel pretty damn alienated from pretty much everyone. Biggest loser in almost every game I've sat in this month. Real glad I have a stop loss. Hate having a chart, looks like I'm going to have to just face being a losing player, wonder if I was ever any different. Thoughts?

[PeeJay]

Word of the month - tilt. Comfortably biggest losing month ever, cannot win a hand, and cannot catch a break. Ended up becoming a total bluffing and calling station. Have said "you win" more times than I can count, and to cap it all feel pretty damn alienated from pretty much everyone. Biggest loser in almost every game I've sat in this month. Real glad I have a stop loss. Hate having a chart, looks like I'm going to have to just face being a losing player, wonder if I was ever any different. Thoughts?

Belton has gone through a decent amount of emotional turmoil in this game. Perhaps get his opinion, he seems do have overcome it these days.

[CHIPPYMAN]

Word of the month - tilt. Comfortably biggest losing month ever, cannot win a hand, and cannot catch a break. Ended up becoming a total bluffing and calling station. Have said "you win" more times than I can count, and to cap it all feel pretty damn alienated from pretty much everyone. Biggest loser in almost every game I've sat in this month. Real glad I have a stop loss. Hate having a chart, looks like I'm going to have to just face being a losing player, wonder if I was ever any different. Thoughts?

Try to stop loosing !

[cambridgealex]

Hi Matt, feel this diary needed a bump so thought I'd ask a few questions.

1) what's your favourite out of clubs hearts spades and diamonds?

2) if you knew you were never going to get dealt aces for the rest of your life would you carry on playing / do you think you'd still crush the games super hard? Do you think you'd crush them harder since you have a propensity to lose with premiums?

3) Who in your opinion are the other 9 players in the UK top 10?

[Rexas]

Hi Matt, feel this diary needed a bump so thought I'd ask a few questions.

1) what's your favourite out of clubs hearts spades and diamonds?

2) if you knew you were never going to get dealt aces for the rest of your life would you carry on playing / do you think you'd still crush the games super hard? Do you think you'd crush them harder since you have a propensity to lose with premiums?

3) Who in your opinion are the other 9 players in the UK top 10?

I'll get this back alive then!

1) I've always been a sucker for hearts.

In relation to this, might as well tell the stories of my three favourite hands - My original favourite hand was  , because I flopped quads with it on my first final table in the pub and felted two people, and won the tournament shortly after.
It then became  . In my first ever festival main event, which i ft bubbled in the end, I spent the best part of 6 hours trying to set up this one guy to lose a big pot. He was, and remains, the most arrogant, obnoxious wanker I've ever come across at a table. Constantly berated dealers and players alike, but conveniently liked to tell everyone how great he was and why, so it was pretty easy to work out exactly how he thought. The dealers where getting pretty upset with the guy, and the TD was in a pretty tough spot and didn't seem to know what to do. About 2 hours in, he practically reduced a dealer to tears, and I told the TD that I'd get him. That became pretty much the only thing I wanted to do in the tournament from that point on. So, towards the end of day 2, I picked up J10, raised, he three bet his button, I called, flopped top two, and donked for quite a long way over the size of the pot, knowing the guy wouldnt even count the bet and would just see it as weak, and put in a massive raise to get me to fold. He puts in the raise, and I shoved. I had deliberately sized the flop bet so that when he raised, I would have so little left behind on the shove that he would have to call and show, which he did. Think he had A6 os. He didn't say a word for the rest of the comp, eventually shipping the rest with some random hand and leaving. Won't ever forget how satisfied I felt, and the smile I got from the TD. Had to leave the table, I was actually shaking. Feels like a long time ago now.
Right now, my nut favourite hand is probably  , because it's well pretty innit.

2) "I'd have so much money if I just folded premiums" :p Not one of my finest moments, I'll be honest! I'd keep on playing and hopefully keep learning to try and crush the games, right now I've still got a loooonnnggg way to go

3) Rehman, obvs. And Chris "people don't flop flushes" Vernon

Seriously though, the best like ten players I've played against would be (in no particular order) You, mitch, stato, PJ, Deadman, Julian Thew (I swear he must think that variance is for people that can't play before the flop, guy's just a sicko), Mr. Nicholson, Ben vinson, Jon Gill and Sean. There are defo a few others, but I've either not played with them enough to judge or the list just isn't allowed to be long enough. Like honeybadger and Laurence, for example, really should be on the list. And... yh, I'm gonna stop before this turns into a massive list. Soooo many good players....

That said, our little group at LUPS is pretty sick, bunch of fantastic people and fantastic players, I definitely wouldn't be half the player I am today without them.

[cambridgealex]

Hi Matt, feel this diary needed a bump so thought I'd ask a few questions.

1) what's your favourite out of clubs hearts spades and diamonds?

2) if you knew you were never going to get dealt aces for the rest of your life would you carry on playing / do you think you'd still crush the games super hard? Do you think you'd crush them harder since you have a propensity to lose with premiums?

3) Who in your opinion are the other 9 players in the UK top 10?

I'll get this back alive then!

1) I've always been a sucker for hearts.

In relation to this, might as well tell the stories of my three favourite hands - My original favourite hand was  , because I flopped quads with it on my first final table in the pub and felted two people, and won the tournament shortly after.
It then became  . In my first ever festival main event, which i ft bubbled in the end, I spent the best part of 6 hours trying to set up this one guy to lose a big pot. He was, and remains, the most arrogant, obnoxious wanker I've ever come across at a table. Constantly berated dealers and players alike, but conveniently liked to tell everyone how great he was and why, so it was pretty easy to work out exactly how he thought. The dealers where getting pretty upset with the guy, and the TD was in a pretty tough spot and didn't seem to know what to do. About 2 hours in, he practically reduced a dealer to tears, and I told the TD that I'd get him. That became pretty much the only thing I wanted to do in the tournament from that point on. So, towards the end of day 2, I picked up J10, raised, he three bet his button, I called, flopped top two, and donked for quite a long way over the size of the pot, knowing the guy wouldnt even count the bet and would just see it as weak, and put in a massive raise to get me to fold. He puts in the raise, and I shoved. I had deliberately sized the flop bet so that when he raised, I would have so little left behind on the shove that he would have to call and show, which he did. Think he had A6 os. He didn't say a word for the rest of the comp, eventually shipping the rest with some random hand and leaving. Won't ever forget how satisfied I felt, and the smile I got from the TD. Had to leave the table, I was actually shaking. Feels like a long time ago now.
Right now, my nut favourite hand is probably  , because it's well pretty innit.

2) "I'd have so much money if I just folded premiums" :p Not one of my finest moments, I'll be honest! I'd keep on playing and hopefully keep learning to try and crush the games, right now I've still got a loooonnnggg way to go

3) Rehman, obvs. And Chris "people don't flop flushes" Vernon

Seriously though, the best like ten players I've played against would be (in no particular order) You, mitch, stato, PJ, Deadman, Julian Thew (I swear he must think that variance is for people that can't play before the flop, guy's just a sicko), Mr. Nicholson, Ben vinson, Jon Gill and Sean. There are defo a few others, but I've either not played with them enough to judge or the list just isn't allowed to be long enough. Like honeybadger and Laurence, for example, really should be on the list. And... yh, I'm gonna stop before this turns into a massive list. Soooo many good players....

That said, our little group at LUPS is pretty sick, bunch of fantastic people and fantastic players, I definitely wouldn't be half the player I am today without them.

Thanks for answering the questions Matt.

You misread the third question, I asked who were the other 9 players (as well as you) in the top 10. But doesn't matter much

[Rexas]

Thanks for answering the questions Matt.

You misread the third question, I asked who were the other 9 players (as well as you) in the top 10. But doesn't matter much

Definitely not deliberate

[CHIPPYMAN]

Thanks for answering the questions Matt.

You misread the third question, I asked who were the other 9 players (as well as you) in the top 10. But doesn't matter much

He did named u as one of the best player .

[DrDreh]

3) Who in your opinion are the other 9 players in the UK top 10?

3) Rehman, obvs.

Cheers buddy.  If I discover any facetiousness on your part with regards to this answer, a fatwa for your impending doom will be issued.  Have a nice day 

[Rexas]

Tonight/tomorrow morning, at 05:05, I will be taking a minutes silence in honour of the passing of Sean's diary, one of the most loved columns of blonde. Anyone anywhere is welcome to join me.

[CHIPPYMAN]

Tonight/tomorrow morning, at 05:05, I will be taking a minutes silence in honour of the passing of Sean Belton ,one of the most loved guy of blonde poker forum . Anyone anywhere is welcome to join me.

Someone left this world ? Sorry to hear that

[Rexas]

The Last Few Weeks of Silence,

So, it's been a fairly eventful few months. I've moved into a flat, which come September will become degen central, with it likely that there will be someone in the house grinding at every hour of every day. This has unfortunately coincided with the biggest downswing I've ever encountered, losing a pretty disgusting amount of money in a month where I hit my stop loss almost every day, played awfully, and managed to regress a little in the whole "calm down" thing.

The Flat,

New place is great. Despite there being no hot water, no internet connection, and every now and then a cupboard door falling off, the place is starting to feel like home. I've scoped out the local takeaways, done my first every proper weekly shop (and frankly, felt ashamed at the results) and become properly addicted to game of thrones, and not just because of the tits. For those that haven't seen it, there are a lot of tits.

The Poker,

Yuck.

Everything else,

So, I've been working pretty damn hard on my mental game in the last few months, since it was brought very firmly to my attention that it needed to change. Honestly, I feel like I've made progress. Probably the worst part of the whole downswing thing for me, apart from the massive hit to my confidence, was how embarrassed I feel about how I handled it. Even then, I don't think I was as bad as I used to be, but this time it's cost me the friendship of a few people that I would rather it hadn't. Flipside is a few people have been fantastic in helping me get through it, and I really am very grateful for their support. Also, Rehman, darling, I love you. Not expecting anyone to read this far down the post, so figure it's pretty safe to throw that out there Anyway, now that we are officially back on the up following a deep run in the Deepstack, I feel like, mentally, I've never approached the game better. I'm losing big pots and actually, genuinely not being bothered by it. I hope people have noticed the change, and it is still going to be an uphill battle to reach the level of control I'm aiming for (on the scale of Honeybadger - Helmuth, considering doing a cambridgealex style graph to document progress, thoughts?), but now that I'm seeing real progress, it could well happen.

I also had a few interesting experiences in the supermarket that I'd like to share with blonde. Firstly, I couldn't find any sugar. I take my tea with two sugars, always have done, and tbh a house can't become a home if you can't make tea in it, there's just something wrong there. I don't know what it was, but there was something in me that just couldn't go and ask for help. It felt like asking for directions when you've got a map, I'd feel like a tit after being shown the massive blue sign with Katy Perry's firework tits plastered all over it. I spent the better part of half an hour wandering up and down the shop, to the extent where I thought it would be a good idea to change the milk, before conceding defeat and deciding to get some southern comfort as a substitute. Prior to this, I had just assumed that sugar would be with the cakes, or the tea, or somewhere around that area, but no. There it was, pissing on my pride, next to the malibu. Obviously someone thought that the aisle should be called "things to make you hyper". Crazy store layout.

I also managed to guilt buy a whole bunch of stuff, like banana's and carrots and a whole bunch of stuff that I am never really going to eat, just because I looked at them, looked at my trolley, and thought it was for the best to at least try. Kept my head down as the biscuits and crisps and pasties went through the checkout, only once making eye contact with the cashier when the carrots went through. The look she gave me, at 6 in the morning, spoke volumes. "We both know you aren't going to eat that. Don't try and fool me. I've been working the early shift for long enough to know a food whore when I see one." Needless to say, my head went back down very quickly. There was a brief moment where it looked like she was going to try and give me those school vouchers that tesco seem to have been doing since before I was born, but made eye contact with the custard creams instead, and quickly thought better of it. I'm going to have to work on this shopping lark.

[Rexas]

FORGOT THIS! Have another article

http://www.pokerstarsblog.com/wsop/2013/wsop-2103-the-eleventh-hour-139260.html

This fantastically written piece is now responsible for making me wanna give vegas a shot in the pretty near future, enjoy!

[Rexas]

Well, it's been a good few weeks from a poker standpoint. I'm back to winning ways for the most part, feeling reasonably good about my game, and generally enjoying myself at the tables a lot more. Had a couple of fun pots, all of which I've lost, over the last few days which I think are worthy of note.

First is in the last 100 d/s which ran over the weekend. In the last flight, on Saturday, I was chip leader going into the third level with about 80k from a 30k start. I pick up  UTG at 200/400, open to 1000, get called by the cut off and three bet to 2600 from the button. Our friendly neighbourhood three bettor was one of those lovely chaps who had evidently read a book which had told him to raise every button, and never fold a flop in position. I decide to make the first 4 bet the table has seen, and make it a round 6k. Cut off folds, button calls (obvs). Flop comes  . Bingo! So, we make it 8k to go, fairly confident that we aren't getting a fold. Call. Turn  , giving us the nut flush draw to go with our TPTK. We make it 15k, thinking that the decision was right here for our friend, who was playing roughly 50k to start the hand, so to call here would leave him with about 20 behind. Call. I have no idea what to make of this call, and plan to make the nuts on the river to make everything much easier. Unfortunately, this plan fails. We check, planning to call, but not really liking life right now on the  river. I have absolutely no idea how I should have played this hand on the river, my thinking at the time was he was going to jam absolutely anything that he continued with to this point, the lad had a MASSIVE river bet frequency, and was showing up with a lot of second pair/weak top pair hands. So, we check, he jams, we deliberate for a while and call, and win a massive pot in a standard AK to AQ semi-cooler/lose a massive pot because the guy is an insane sicko and has called the whole lot down with  . Take your pick. To help with your choice, I was out before the second break. The guy has also, to my knowledge, never cashed anything beyond a standard "bowl" comp.

The second hand was at a 1/1 cash table on the very same day. We have been pretty active at the table, in part due to a very attractive run of people cards. Anyway, few hours in and we have amassed around £800. We find KK on the button to a tight regs utg open. Reg makes it £8 over a straddle, called by new player in middle position, we make it 35. Reg calls playing about 250, middle position calls playing about 200. We, casually, flop the nuts on K74. Checked to us, and we elect to check back. After receiving the 8 on the turn, utg decides to make it £90, which is called by middle position. We ship it, and get called by BOTH players. We flip our hand over, and the J on the river brings a rue smile and a muck from utg, who comments about picking a good time to slow play AA, and as the pot is being pushed in my direction, middle position decides this is a good time to expose 910. Off suit. #nhwpisrpleasedontleave.

Yesterday was only our third stop loss day of the month. I think I still played well, although running KQ into 22 on 972 Q K after the flop is checked round and electing to slow play QQ preflop and getting it in on the turn on J33 7 vs 33 didn't help matters. Still, things are looking much better for poker. I still feel like I'm improving pretty much every time I play, although  I do seem to have developed a bit too much of an affection for top pair/overpair sorta hands, which I'll spend the next few days looking in to. It may have to wait however, because I'm going to try and find some OFC games and start playing for some decent stakes, since it seems like a fairly regular crowd has developed around the game. Might also have to get an iphone.