It's Just a Ride

[Eso Kral]

Keep up the good work!!

[VBlue]

Brain Dump

The diary has faltered a litte this last week.  I have not been the most focused and I think I need a bit of a break.  Firstly though, to enjoy the break I need to get some things down on paper and make some initial steps to tackling them.  Never leave the scene of a decision without first taking action.

I have a week booked off from work following May Day bank holiday - nine days will be greatly enjoyed.  Hannah, Roscoe, and I plan to take advantage of the good weather that I am optimistically predicting with some walks locally, a bit of work in the garden, and maybe some evenings sat out with a drink or two.  We get the sun all day in our garden and with it setting just off behind Kendal Castle it is a very nice way to spend the evening indeed.

My Brain

I often get periods where I just feel a little directionless.  I have again been guilty of procrastination and although I have achieved in some areas, it hasn't been in enough and I've lacked consistency.

Rather than dump everything on the page here, I have started to do so privately and will introduce things I am working towards into the diary as i make progress with each.

I always seem to categorise my thoughts and plans into fitness and health, leisure time including family and friends, financials, household, poker and other income, personal improvement, and charity.

My aim is to take a single-step towards realising each of my goals in these categories before my holiday starts, or before I return to work in some cases.

Above all, I feel like I need my schedule to be packed.  Looking back, I think I have always thrived the most when I have been kept busy and my mind has stayed occupied.

I do find that I don't enjoy pure relaxation as much as I used to and sometimes become a bit listless, finding I can't concentrate on a TV show, or find one thing to hold my attention for long.  This may be because I do not feel that I am being productive enough and the downtime does not feel deserved and what I really want is something to fill that time instead.

I recognise that to begin to achieve what I want I must identify and apply the necessary principles that govern those results that I seek.  I am fearful that I do not invest in myself enough to rise to the challenges of tomorrow and to be succesful. I know that I must prioritise, and have focus and integrity on those priorities.

I feel like I have been here a thousand times before, but I know that I can find it in me to really go after the things I truly want.

[kinghawko]

I've just spotted the Chicken Livers & Crispy Portugese Rolls though and I do like my offal.

Typical Cumbrian...!!

[VBlue]

Taking Stock

Following my last post, I am taking a short break from the forum and the diary.  I could go on, but I would rather just be brief.  I'll see you all in a couple of weeks, with a renewed and refreshed sense of purpose and direction.

[tikay]

Taking Stock

Following my last post, I am taking a short break from the forum and the diary.  I could go on, but I would rather just be brief.  I'll see you all in a couple of weeks, with a renewed and refreshed sense of purpose and direction.

Enjoy, Kendal Castle is a splendid ruin, in a lovely part of Cumbria.

See you soon.

[VBlue]

Financial Update

Just a very breif financial update following my recent bink:

888 Network

Played - 72 MTTs
Avg Buy-in - $2.38
Total Profit - $326.98

ipoker

Played - 115 MTTs
Avg Buy-in - $4.69
Total Profit - $67.43

Combined ROI - 54%

[VBlue]

Back to Work

A week off is coming to a close.  It's about two weeks since I gave any real attention to this diary too.

I wanted to use the first quarter of the year to answer some questions/arrive at some decisions and take a step of action forward in each of those areas.  It has taken a little longer than that, but progress is certainly being made.

Poker

I have decided to keep plugging away at MTTs on 888 and ipoker for now.  The only obstacle has been that I have been unable to replace $300 I cashed out pre-Xmas due to further financial constraints in the real world.  The $300 is earmarked for deposits on two or three other sites offering a good evening schedule in my bankroll target buy-ins and with acceptable fields to enable me to play on work nights and get to bed before dawn.  To be honest, the missus never liked it when I did get to bed with dawn anyway, so this had to be cutout anyway. 

I did a second win last month, which I am sure I have already posted about which did return just over $300, but a second decision to start to play some Speed poker on ipoker means that I need to keep that where it is to give me a forty buy-in or so roll.  I have been playing a fairly solid opening range, and 3-betting and 4-betting range.  Where I have lost my biggest pots has been running big pairs into overpairs - JJ v KK type situations, where I do think I perhaps could have folded, although I need to start posting some hands up on the PHA boards for feedback.  Had I not lost two or three buy-ins in this manner I would be running about breakeven.  As I am currently playing for reward points primarily, and profit secondly I would be happy to keep this kind of form.  Of course, I also want to massively improve my post-flop play to transfer into MTTs, and to become a profitable player, beat the 10nl tables, and move up to 20nl.

I have now cancelled the coaching course, Breakthrough Poker Coaching with Nick Wealthall, after about eight months.  I enjoyed the material and still have two months worth of catching up to do.  However, due to my financial constraints, and the nature of the games I play, I think I have enough to be going on with.  I can pick up the course again whenever I like.  Coaching hours and review sessions have again suffered and I am still yet to build in consistent sessions into my week.  This must be addressed, especially if I want to leap forward with my cash game.

My other outstanding goal currently is to start building an online business I have had in my mind for some time.  I will make a date in my diary to at least get the bones of this in place very soon and aim to have something online and live by the end of June.  I think it will be something fresh, provide a little benefit my way, and be a great outlet for me to continue to talk to the poker community but in a format and forum that is entirely my own, rather than just through a forum such as blonde.  That is not to say that I have immediate plans to close this diary anytime soon, although I am also undecided how to take things forward with it.  One idea will probably be put to the test in this next week or two, so please keep following, and I hope that the interaction I am going to try and develop is well received.

Results online continued to be good for MTTs.  I made a back-to-back FT in the BBP league - sixth this time, seventh last time.  I was very pleased with some parts of my game; a bit suspicious that I may have tightened up too much in later stages perhaps to restrict me building a bigger stack to go on for the win.  With a second in week one I have now gone from outside the top twenty into eighth overall with one to play.  I'm on for my best result ever in a league - I think this is only my third full league in the last couple of years anyway.  I don't think I can threaten the top three or four unfortunately though, as I had four-five weeks of pretty average finishes with one a bit worse than average.

I also managed another FT in a small-stakes MTT on 888 - fourth in a $2 double chance for $111.26.  $400 up top would have allowed me to spread a few hundred around some other sites, but again I may have played a little overly tight in one or two spots.  I must, must, get around to review sessions!

Personal Goals

Progress is underway - I started back taking a Spanish course last week.  I use the Michel Thomas CDs.  I usually just listen to and from work so maybe forty or fifty minutes per day.  It is going well so far and I am really enjoying it.  Walking to work muttering in Spanish phrases as I go may draw some funny looks from others on their way to work and school. 

I have done nothing towards fitness at all, other than sign up to a website I think can help me with some resistance training at home.  I haven't started running yet either, but have got some podcasts downloaded.  I guess in itself that is a small step-forward.  More on this when I can get the time and find the necessary motivation.

This week we have got on top of lots of financials.  My car, minus a working clutch is up on eBay - we nearly made a real cock-up with this and scrapped it, but after looking online realised in its current condition we could get about £1k for it.  I sold my old iPhone; I will be taking the returns to Blackpool to spin next weekend all being well.  I sorted out the last of some of my own remaining debt to reduce my monthly outgoings and buy me some time to pay them off in full.

Family Life

We had a real trial over seven or eight days with Roscoe ill from a virus, similar to chicken pox, and a subsequent ear-infection.  All plans up until Tuesday were pretty much written off.  I did get round to my Mum's for her birthday and Roscoe picked up sufficiently for an afternoon to have some fun with his cousins in the garden.  The rest of the week has been spent generally getting on top of things.  I took my Mum to see Two Gentlemen of Verona, which was very well acted by the Shakespeare at The Tobacco Factory from Bristol, at Dukes Playhouse in Lancaster.

Watched Prometheus last night and Half Nelson last week.  Loved the look of Ridley Scott's prequel to Alien (although not a direct prequel to the story of Alien as such), but thought the story lacked in too many places to rate it very highly. Half Nelson was carried by some good performances, but was a very depressing story and probably not watched at the best time following a tough week emotionally with the boy.

I'm glad to be back.  Thanks to those who have come back to the diary with me.  I will keep striving to make this fresh and try and give you all something worth following.

[VBlue]

Conflict

There is constant conflict in life.  Decisions need to be made at every turn.  Some of these are very small and insignificant; some are large and life-changing.  Some of those latter decisions occur daily yet may wash over many of us as we do not see them as decisions, but just as choices we made along time ago.  Decisions such as should I get up and go to work today, or should I not, may not seem like decisions at all, as the consequences of choosing not to have repercussions too great to contemplate.  Perhaps choosing to does too.

I certainly have swings and for once I am not talking poker variance.

Where conflict remains in place for a long time and decisions are never truly made, but instead we coast along with things as they are, as change is the more difficult or the scarier option, then perhaps it is a reflection that we have not accepted or come to terms with what is reality, rather than a dream.

I, like many of us who have responsibility beyond that of a teenager or young adult, have to fulfill many roles and to meet many demands.  That is a fact of being a family man, a working man, a father, step-father, and partner.  Of course, we still have our dreams too.  It is where we must remain in reality yet not let go of those dreams that can cause conflict.

For certain, I do not think it is realistic to quit the rat race for a life which in reality is nothing like what one might dream it to be.  That is the thing with dreams.  They are rarely rooted in reality.

Currently, I play a couple of evenings per week and continue to focus my energies on small-stakes MTTs.  My results are ever-improving and consistent, my play developing into a game that has more to it than the ABC I have largely played for so long.  Being here on blonde also keeps my feet on the ground and shows me, when I delve into pleno1's diary or Alex's Prose from a Poshboy, that my natural talent is not on the same baize as theirs and my overall experience falls way behind on volume.

I feel this pull to step up my poker: to play more, to study harder, to immerse myself in the game as much as I can.  Yet, I have to contend with much else which reduces my time, energy, and focus.  Of course, I am happy with so much of what I have.  I may not always stop to appreciate that enough and enjoy it enough.  I am also probably too hard on myself.  I had a very tough time last week with the boy being so ill and needing so much from us both.  The first five days of my holiday was gone before I could even relax and the rest was spent getting on top of other things in my life.  Money remains a constant concern; when we turn a corner and see some light at the end of our tunnel, it seems that we hit another bump in the road.

I do not write for sympathy.  I am well aware and constantly remind myself of the riches we enjoy, and the first world problems we endure compared to the third world problems that billions of others have to face to survive each day.  It feels good, cathartic, to write about this.  I hope it does not come across in a way that I always try to avoid when I do write - as someone bemoaning their situation.

I continually fail to stick to plans to review, work on my mental game consistently, and to pursue ongoing coaching.  I keep returning to goals as I think it something which does not come easy to everyone and I have to constantly re-evaluate they whys, the hows, and the whens of the pursuit of it all.  I know that I must celebrate the good things I have achieved and the improvements I have made.  Perhaps I will start to keep a list of goals set, goals achieved, and other improvements, to refer back to when I feel like I am losing my way.

For tonight, I think I will just chill, put on a film, and enjoy a couple of hours with the cat watching a film or catching up on some TV.  Tomorrow night, another deep-run in the Black Belt League will be my aim as I try to secure the best possible league placing I can and the incremental prize that goes with it.  I will play my usual schedule of MTTs too.

Thanks for those who read this one.  It is these moments when I feel like the diary is truly worthwhile to me.  I hope it was not too cryptic and I hope that for anyone else who shares this kind of conflict that it at least shared a problem.

[the rage]

That's a really nice post Mark. Good Luck in the league.

[VBlue]

Last Night's MTT Schedule

I played a little looser with my shoving ranges last night from a couple of spots, which I have taken more recently to being much more solid with.  Of course, I came unstuck in both spots and ran into an overpair with 44 and a big Ace with KT.  The 44 hand I certainly did not need to make a shove with and had I min-raised blind on blind I would have almost certainly seen a shove which would have made for an easy fold.  That said, I don't think it's necessarily bad to mix things up like this and play some non-standard lines as it does good for my image, especially in the spot with 44 as I play against those players weekly in the BBP league.

I ended up crashing out in ~50th but made 9th overall in the final table standings.  The question that has been raised is are the prizes for 11th-20th finishes better than some of the top ten prizes (outside 1st place even).  Reward points versus satellite seats to their quarterly 6-max $250 event - sat seats awarded incrementally from a $5 rebuy seat, to multiples, to some super-sat seats.  Many players seem to prefer just getting 100 belt points to go towards their monthly total in their quest for higher Belt awards at month end.  I can see their point.

I was distracted last night.  It stemmed from agreeing to play a small $5 sat to the $250 6-max and forgetting I had another MTT starting at the same time to go up to seven tables (I prefer to cap at six due to screen size and preference for tiling rather than stacking and I don't run Table Ninja).

I ended up mis-clicking an all-in call with AT versus an UTG shove when I had a connection problem and just saw my hand at the last second and called.  I lost to AK.

I also got it in, in a spot I would normally have the sense to fold, when someone played a flopped set fast.  Multiple decisions does still cause me to make some mistakes I would not otherwise.  I think I need Table Ninja as sometimes I find my Timeout does not kick-in and my hand is folded.  I think I know why but I think Table Ninja would help rid me of this issue.

Training

I had a brainstorming session and looked at all available resources that I could access cheaply and easily and that has value.

I think I like the pokerstrategy.com articles and would like to peruse a few of these to rebuild my game for Speed poker.

A lad on BBP who is very dedicated to improving has set himself a Speed challenge for 50k hands starting from 5nl and has some coaching videos and other material he plans to sue to help him.  I have asked him if he fancies some skype contact and I may kind of join him in the challenge, although with my MTT schedule taking priority right now I will play less hands for sure.  We have a similar approach to the game, both wanting to play a good amount of hands with a solid strategy to gain some stats before we become too adventurous in widening our ranges and exploiting opponents more.

I will post some more on this as it gets underway and would welcome feedback and advice.

I also have one or two other bits of material I can build into a training program for myself and I will try and finalise this by the end of the week.

A night off tonight - going to try and watch SightSeers if we can find our old Playstation, as the DVD we bought for £29 from ASDA seems to have brokedown - I know, would've thunk it!

[VBlue]

That's a really nice post Mark. Good Luck in the league.

tyty

[AJR14]

It seems to be a musical morning, so time for a

Musical Interlude

https://soundcloud.com/gregwilson/hacienda-good-friday-sankeys

For those who don't know Greg Wilson this is his own bio from his blog:

I’m a Deejay from Merseyside. I started out in 1975, but stopped for almost 20 years, between 1984 and the end of 2003, at which point I started again.

One night during the period I wasn’t deejaying, turning off my mind, relaxing, and floating downstream I had what might be termed a moment of clarity. Paradoxically, although I was no longer a Deejay in the literal sense I suddenly became aware that I’d never actually stopped being a Deejay, for even if I was in a room with just one person I couldn’t help but ask them ‘have you heard this?’, and not only ‘heard’, but ‘have you seen this / read this?’, for it goes beyond music. Already taken somewhat aback by this nugget of self-discovery, I realised, in true eureka style, that this all pre-dates my being a deejay and goes back as far as I can remember – I’ve always had an inherent need to share, it’s absolutely central to my nature. This was quite a revelation.

So it’s no wonder that I became a Disc Jockey, for once I fell in love with those circular pieces of magical plastic during my formative years, it wasn’t a matter of choosing this as a path, the path pretty much chose me.


For those who do not know The Hacienda - really, wtf?

I would have loved to have made the reunion gig despite never having been to the club itself. I cannot get enough of this mix - Greg never picks a bad record.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Was meant to reply to this post a while ago but forgot. I follow Peter Hook (ex - New Order basist and co owner of Hacienda) on Twitter and he always retweets a lot of Hacienda nights with people like MIke Pickering and Greame Park. Think they travel all over the UK.

Im lucky enough to have been given a lot of the old skool acid house 12" records years ago. My favourite being this classic

[VBlue]

AJ - old skool, vocal and piano house are really my bag.  I listen to Graeme Park's radio show on soundcloud.com most weeks.  Slipmatt does his Facebook sessions and a load of other ongoing stuff, but he tends to play the same tunes, unless he is doing a more specialist set.  Paul Taylor @ Retro is another I listen to a lot.

Saw Graeme Park play Cream in about 1994/1995 at an awesome night in the Annexe with Carl Cox and Paul Oakenfold closing.

My boss met Peter Hook once at a gig in Manchester and introduced me to the phrase 'Never meet your heroes'.  Basically just an unenthralling 'alright' and that was that.

I also listen to a massive wide and varied range of other electronic music, but I really favour classic house and disco at the moment.

[Tal]

Carl Cox was one of my absolute favourites in that Ibiza era. Loved to listen to Pete Tong's Radio 1 show every Friday night from six. Had the Ministry of Sound albums for Christmas each year.

Slipmatt came to our uni in c.2004 and did a set on an Old Skool Rave night. Everyone was dressed up for the occasion (actually, I remember I wore a camouflage T-shirt with a glow in the dark slogan of "I am invisible" - the things you find funny when a student, eh?^*). He was brilliant.


*Don't have it anymore, but the memory of it still makes me chuckle.

[VBlue]

Best ever t-shirts.  Good idea for a post that Tal.

When I was eighteen I went for the offensive/provocative:

This Rage Against the Machine t-shirt :