Ask me anything about coming out as bisexual

[david3103]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate.

 

I think football might run it close

[DaveShoelace]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate. 

I think football might run it close

It was football that I had in mind when I asked the question. Both seem to be a bit of a 'boys club' (and the top end of both are full of brilliantly talented young men with too much money and not an ounce of common sense between them).

[wazz]

I've always wondered that once a bi-sexual gets married can you still be a bi-sexual? Wife would go nuts imo.

Couldn't be married to a girl who didn't love and accept me for who I am. There's some belief that bisexuals are less trustworthy in relationships because there are twice as many people to cheat on. Well, the way I see it is that if I'm gonna cheat on you, I'm gonna cheat on you, and if I'm not gonna cheat on you, I'm not gonna cheat on you, and my sexual attraction doesn't determine my loyalty and how happy I am in a relationship.

The three most important girls in my life have all been bisexual as well, including my last girlfriend of 2.5 years (we just split up 5 weeks ago). Make of that what you will.

[pokerfan]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate. 

I think football might run it close

It was football that I had in mind when I asked the question. Both seem to be a bit of a 'boys club' (and the top end of both are full of brilliantly talented young men with too much money and not an ounce of common sense between them).

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

[DaveShoelace]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate. 

I think football might run it close

It was football that I had in mind when I asked the question. Both seem to be a bit of a 'boys club' (and the top end of both are full of brilliantly talented young men with too much money and not an ounce of common sense between them).

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

So there is no homophobia any more?

[wazz]

Any particular reason why you've not told your parents. As a parent myself is be pretty sad and disappointed if any of my children felt they could tell the world but not me. Would they not take it well?

I'm much more uncomfortable than your average person when it comes to discussing anything sexual with my parents. It's not their fault and I do genuinely feel bad about the fact that I'm not willing to tell them but it's also something I'm not obligated to do, and tbh I'm not sure they'd be that interested anyway. My dad just wouldn't understand - he's old-school and doesn't display his emotions or talk about things like this anyway, and my mum wouldn't really care, but it's just a step I've never felt the need to take, whereas I have often felt the need to come out to those around me, even if it doesn't play a big part in determining who I am.

[pokerfan]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate. 

I think football might run it close

It was football that I had in mind when I asked the question. Both seem to be a bit of a 'boys club' (and the top end of both are full of brilliantly talented young men with too much money and not an ounce of common sense between them).

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

So there is no homophobia any more?

I mean poker world specifically.

[wazz]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate.

 

No; sometimes inappropriate language gets used (including on the forums) and there's a big part of me that wants to stand on the tables and shout 'YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AAAAAH' but it's not my place to say. Or maybe it is.... I don't know. Inappropriate language gets bandied about in most walks of life, but then again I do see myself as a defender of the weak; I'm not weak myself, at least not in this regard, but I do know very well, albeit second-hand, about the struggle that goes on, and do know as well that inappropriate talk, while usually innocent and naive, can foster a hostile environment and make it much more difficult for anyone considering coming out to do so.

That's one of the hardest things for most of the LGBT community, btw. It's far from easy for me, even though I work on giving people impression I don't give two sh**s. Every time I've done it, I've been greeted with nothing but respect, acceptance and curiosity, yet it's still scary. Imagine what it's like for the guys who aren't confident in themselves, hear people calling each other 'fags' all the time, have never done it before and stand to risk their friendships if things go wrong.

But to get back to the original question, no, I don't think the poker tables are particularly homophobic. People are generally better-educated than in other walks of life (particularly football) and come from better backgrounds. I've never seen anyone be homophobically abused at the tables.

[wazz]

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

You would be very wrong, sir. Look at the debates in the houses of parliament. I went for lunch with a few poker players a couple of months ago, including one 20buckspin if any of you know who he is, and when the subject came up, he proved himself to be a staunch right-wing intolerant bigot and we ended up having a bit of an argument about the subject.

The world still has lots of problems, even in 2013.

[DaveShoelace]

As a bisexual do you feel there is any kind of negativity towards people who are Bi from people who consider themselves 100% gay? Much in the way that straight people have homophobia, is there any prejudice or non acceptance from gay people?

[pokerfan]

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

You would be very wrong, sir. Look at the debates in the houses of parliament. I went for lunch with a few poker players a couple of months ago, including one 20buckspin if any of you know who he is, and when the subject came up, he proved himself to be a staunch right-wing intolerant bigot and we ended up having a bit of an argument about the subject.

The world still has lots of problems, even in 2013.

Replied to Barry, I meant in the poker world.

[Laxie]

Any particular reason why you've not told your parents. As a parent myself is be pretty sad and disappointed if any of my children felt they could tell the world but not me. Would they not take it well?

I'm much more uncomfortable than your average person when it comes to discussing anything sexual with my parents. It's not their fault and I do genuinely feel bad about the fact that I'm not willing to tell them but it's also something I'm not obligated to do, and tbh I'm not sure they'd be that interested anyway. My dad just wouldn't understand - he's old-school and doesn't display his emotions or talk about things like this anyway, and my mum wouldn't really care, but it's just a step I've never felt the need to take, whereas I have often felt the need to come out to those around me, even if it doesn't play a big part in determining who I am.

You might not be obligated as such, but ya really should tell your parents. 

A good friend of mine 'came out' to myself and a few close friends before he told his parents.  His mom struggled with that way more than anything else.  It might not seem like a big deal to you, but as a parent, honesty from our children is really important.

[wazz]

As a bisexual do you feel there is any kind of negativity towards people who are Bi from people who consider themselves 100% gay? Much in the way that straight people have homophobia, is there any prejudice or non acceptance from gay people?

Yes. We play for different teams. They feel we are closer in kind than straight people but they also don't really understand us and sometimes feel threatened by us; a lot of the time they are a teeny weeny bit bi themselves and hearing that someone else is openly bi makes them a little uncomfortable.

The worse thing I've ever heard regarding my sexuality was as an 18-year old in a queue for a gay club in soho, on my own. Started up a conversation with a someone and he said 'well you really shouldn't be coming to this club, this club is for gays only'. Was utterly shocked.

[millidonk]

Do you find that poker is more homophobic as an industry/community than most? Jason Somerville is the only openly gay male player I know of, which seems incredibly disproportionate. 

I think football might run it close

It was football that I had in mind when I asked the question. Both seem to be a bit of a 'boys club' (and the top end of both are full of brilliantly talented young men with too much money and not an ounce of common sense between them).

I just don't think anyone cares Barry, its 2013.

So there is no homophobia any more?

Obviously it exists and it always will, at least until we abolish a few religions and make sure everyone is properly educated amongst some other things. There will be many Gay footballers and poker players but I think we are at the stage now where people don't have to openly come out and make a big deal of their sexuality. Many, rightly so, don't see themselves as being any different to the next man so why should they say anything in the first place? I wouldn't just come out and say oh btw, just to let everyone know I fancy women..

I joined the RAF in 2002, which I think was 2 years after the LGBT act was passed allowing gay people to join up. We had a few openly gay guys in my flight and I imagine there were a few I didn't know of. Some people openly admitted it, some you would have no idea about, but they would happily tell if asked and some seemed afraid to say anything in case they were persecuted. One of the latter group who is still a very good friend of mine didn't tell me he was bi until like 6 months of us being mates.. When he finally told me he was actually crying and shaking. I asked him wtf was wrong with him and he said "I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me any more" I told him he was being ridiculous and was actually quite insulted he would think that of me. It turns out when his best mate before had found out they never spoke again. So his environment and preconceptions had lead to him thinking I would react negatively when in actual fact I wasn't remotely bothered.. anyway a couple of years later he came out as being fully gay and married another guy but they are divorced now. I genuinely had no idea at the time and thought he just enjoyed a naked wrestle now and then, although he did once call me gay for my love of Grease and Bugsy Malone. #MusicalsFTW

You will always see or hear of singular instances of bigotry but in general I would say the vast majority out there (in the UK) don't remotely care whatever sexuality someone is. Get a poll up.

[BangBang]

Is there a clear difference between your attraction to men then there is to women? Usually men are more attracted to looks and women are more attracted to power confidence then looks.

Is there an aspect of social attraction when it comes to certain men and women?

You've also said that recently you've felt more of a romantic connection towards women rather then men, which reminds me of Freuds theory on Innate bisexuality, all humans are born bisexual but turn monosexual with their bisexuality being present but inactive. Would you say there's some truth in this theory?

Do you feel less dissonance with your sexuality now then when you were younger? And has societies tolerance made this easier?  

What kind of porn do you watch? (Serious question)

Android or Iphone? Windows or Mac?