lil dave's lil life

[moustache]

Having never met you together I can't comment on your relationship at all but I can give you advice that I have learnt from 6 years of marriage to a woman who followed my poker and then business career, putting down her own career in care to do so. (Similarities?) the most important piece is that your actions speak louder than words ever could, if you stay in Leeds while she goes to London or encourage her against following her passions you are showing her that your business and life in Leeds is more important to you than your relationship with her. Secondly whether or not she takes the job is her decision not yours, however as her man she will probably be looking to you for leadership and you have the opportunity to put her before yourself and lead her in the direction she wants to go in even if it will be tough for you. This will also build trust and loyalty to a deeper level for you both.

From reading your posts you are clearly an intelligent and driven man and you will succeed in whatever you put your 100% in to, there will be bigger and better adventures for you to get your teeth in to! This drive and intelligence can be applied to your relationship as well as your business and it will develop and flourish in the direction you drive it in. Keeping an interest in your restaurant is a good idea, maybe consider option 4, living in London with Laura and for a couple of days per week travelling up to Leeds to make sure the restaurant is still on track with the management you put in place as you transition in to your next chapter. Moving with her and travelling occasionally for work is a better compromise than staying for work and travelling to see her occasionally.

To sum it up, you either grow together or you grow apart, the choice is yours. If you want to keep and grow your relationship with her then it seems to be time to do for her what she did for you.

[tonytats]

such brilliantly well thought out and well meaning posts i do very much appreciate the time everyone has taken to relate personal experience to my situation it's defo made me see things quite differently to before.

So, London, the streets really paved with gold?

They used to be but the golds been picked up
Then it was dog ends dog shit n chewing gum
But the price of littering n cigarettes has just left the dog shit n gum
Lots of nice posts my 2 bobs worth is support the gf
Put a manager in n let it run itself

[SuuPRlim]

Hello!

Thanks again to everyonne's nice comments and advice r.e my current life situation, had a long old think and realised that the option is fairly clear to me now.  I will be joining Laura in London, she is delighted and is way more enthusiastic about her adventures now which instantly made me realise it's the right thing to do.

What's less clear however is what I'm to do a) for day - to - day income, given expenses are going to rocket up and all my regular incomes are up here in the north... neither my gambling or restaurant businesses provide constant income it's all a bit unreliable and sporadic, but I have some network for making a few quid here and there but all up here... higher expenses and more unreliable income is defo a cause for a couple of sleepless nights, the days of having a big whack of cash laying in a bank account or deposit box somewhere are long gone. Hmmmm

and b) what to do about my restaurant here, my partners here we've talked about the options and it's all been very reasonable, i've ended up just leaving it in their hands, given two options, one where i fully walk away and one where i stay involved and told them (as between they have me outvoted) to choose which they'd prefer. Kinda really want them to pick one option where I remain involved but think the most likely outcome is the walk away one, but out of my hands so i will just plough on and see what number they roll...

This is a good lesson, don't let emotions get in the way of good business, I've put furious amounts of work into the brand, the concept and the place itself...I'd be pretty gutted if the good work wasn't continued.

Big changes, need to think hard.

[Sheriff Fatman]

Smart decision (not that I'd expect anything less from you).  Short-term uncertainty signficantly outweighed by long-term lifetime +EV for both of you.

I was promoted into a new role and relocated from Leeds to Buckingham not long after meeting the Mrs, and we did the weekend travel long-distance relationship for about 6 months (the separation was actually the catalyst to me realising she was 'the one').  Ultimately, she relocated and moved down with me, since which time we've subsequently relocated back to Leeds to make childcare easier.  Plenty of big 'life' decisions over that particular decade, but the one constant was that they were taken together and with regard to what was best for both of us.

You seem to be someone who tackles short-term challenges head-on, and generally succeeds from doing so.  The only real difference now is that the challenges over the next 24 months or so are not the ones you were anticipating previously, but the support network you have to tackle them is as strong, if not stronger, than it was previously.

Best wishes to both of you going forward.

[moustache]

Good luck in your new adventure! You will find something satisfying and  interesting down south to put your effort in to I'm sure

[bobAlike]

Hello!

Thanks again to everyonne's nice comments and advice r.e my current life situation, had a long old think and realised that the option is fairly clear to me now.  I will be joining Laura in London, she is delighted and is way more enthusiastic about her adventures now which instantly made me realise it's the right thing to do.

What's less clear however is what I'm to do a) for day - to - day income, given expenses are going to rocket up and all my regular incomes are up here in the north... neither my gambling or restaurant businesses provide constant income it's all a bit unreliable and sporadic, but I have some network for making a few quid here and there but all up here... higher expenses and more unreliable income is defo a cause for a couple of sleepless nights, the days of having a big whack of cash laying in a bank account or deposit box somewhere are long gone. Hmmmm

and b) what to do about my restaurant here, my partners here we've talked about the options and it's all been very reasonable, i've ended up just leaving it in their hands, given two options, one where i fully walk away and one where i stay involved and told them (as between they have me outvoted) to choose which they'd prefer. Kinda really want them to pick one option where I remain involved but think the most likely outcome is the walk away one, but out of my hands so i will just plough on and see what number they roll...

This is a good lesson, don't let emotions get in the way of good business, I've put furious amounts of work into the brand, the concept and the place itself...I'd be pretty gutted if the good work wasn't continued.

Big changes, need to think hard.

Isn't this what you've done though? I'm sure you can and excel at whatever you do but something tells me this isn't the right move for you. I know I'm probably going against the grain but this smacks of future resentment.

Sorry to put a negative spin on things.

[Horneris]

Good luck mate.

What about poor Hatthehole, isn't he going to be lonely?!

[POWWWWWWWW]

What's less clear however is what I'm to do a) for day - to - day income

Click to see full-size image.

[hatthehole]

Good luck mate.

What about poor Hatthehole, isn't he going to be lonely?!

thanks Brent, I'm glad someone is taking my feelings into consideration throughout this difficult time.

[Nakor]

Good luck mate.

What about poor Hatthehole, isn't he going to be lonely?!

thanks Brent, I'm glad someone is taking my feelings into consideration throughout this difficult time.

Ohhhh I always assumed you were the "girlfriend"

[moustache]

Hello!

Thanks again to everyonne's nice comments and advice r.e my current life situation, had a long old think and realised that the option is fairly clear to me now.  I will be joining Laura in London, she is delighted and is way more enthusiastic about her adventures now which instantly made me realise it's the right thing to do.

What's less clear however is what I'm to do a) for day - to - day income, given expenses are going to rocket up and all my regular incomes are up here in the north... neither my gambling or restaurant businesses provide constant income it's all a bit unreliable and sporadic, but I have some network for making a few quid here and there but all up here... higher expenses and more unreliable income is defo a cause for a couple of sleepless nights, the days of having a big whack of cash laying in a bank account or deposit box somewhere are long gone. Hmmmm

and b) what to do about my restaurant here, my partners here we've talked about the options and it's all been very reasonable, i've ended up just leaving it in their hands, given two options, one where i fully walk away and one where i stay involved and told them (as between they have me outvoted) to choose which they'd prefer. Kinda really want them to pick one option where I remain involved but think the most likely outcome is the walk away one, but out of my hands so i will just plough on and see what number they roll...

This is a good lesson, don't let emotions get in the way of good business, I've put furious amounts of work into the brand, the concept and the place itself...I'd be pretty gutted if the good work wasn't continued.

Big changes, need to think hard.

Isn't this what you've done though? I'm sure you can and excel at whatever you do but something tells me this isn't the right move for you. I know I'm probably going against the grain but this smacks of future resentment.

Sorry to put a negative spin on things.

I don't see this as a business decision, I'd say it's a life decision, and emotions are one of the considerations in that respect. He is choosing to distance himself from a business to support a woman who did similar for him. That is a touch of class imo. With exception of a couple of stupid adolescent actions  I have never regretted any decision Iv made, I have only resented not doing things that I should have done. I only see business as one small part of life and would never do something to make my business succeed that negatively affected other major parts of my life. Probably why I failed as a business man but am very successful in life and I am proud of myself.

[bobAlike]

Hello!

Thanks again to everyonne's nice comments and advice r.e my current life situation, had a long old think and realised that the option is fairly clear to me now.  I will be joining Laura in London, she is delighted and is way more enthusiastic about her adventures now which instantly made me realise it's the right thing to do.

What's less clear however is what I'm to do a) for day - to - day income, given expenses are going to rocket up and all my regular incomes are up here in the north... neither my gambling or restaurant businesses provide constant income it's all a bit unreliable and sporadic, but I have some network for making a few quid here and there but all up here... higher expenses and more unreliable income is defo a cause for a couple of sleepless nights, the days of having a big whack of cash laying in a bank account or deposit box somewhere are long gone. Hmmmm

and b) what to do about my restaurant here, my partners here we've talked about the options and it's all been very reasonable, i've ended up just leaving it in their hands, given two options, one where i fully walk away and one where i stay involved and told them (as between they have me outvoted) to choose which they'd prefer. Kinda really want them to pick one option where I remain involved but think the most likely outcome is the walk away one, but out of my hands so i will just plough on and see what number they roll...

This is a good lesson, don't let emotions get in the way of good business, I've put furious amounts of work into the brand, the concept and the place itself...I'd be pretty gutted if the good work wasn't continued.

Big changes, need to think hard.

Isn't this what you've done though? I'm sure you can and excel at whatever you do but something tells me this isn't the right move for you. I know I'm probably going against the grain but this smacks of future resentment.

Sorry to put a negative spin on things.

I don't see this as a business decision, I'd say it's a life decision, and emotions are one of the considerations in that respect. He is choosing to distance himself from a business to support a woman who did similar for him. That is a touch of class imo. With exception of a couple of stupid adolescent actions  I have never regretted any decision Iv made, I have only resented not doing things that I should have done. I only see business as one small part of life and would never do something to make my business succeed that negatively affected other major parts of my life. Probably why I failed as a business man but am very successful in life and I am proud of myself.

Each to their own but the decision to stay or go affects both private and work. I'm sure Dave will do what's right for him and his misses. Please don't think that this is a criticism it's not meant to be I just wanted to put my POV across as upping sticks is never as easy as it sounds especially if money is a factor.

[shipitgood]

All the best in London, will be some juicy cash games there and always plenty of action.

[MANTIS01]

Can't you open a branch of fisherman's friend, wife, lodge? in London somewhere? Expand the brand brother.

[SuuPRlim]

OK, first off, once again advice from SO many people, in person, on here, by PM, it's amazing - I was genuinely quite torn between what i should be doing and now I feel like i'm bang on track again, thanks to everyone.

The final decisions have been made, after much discussion with my partners, Laura, my friends, everyone.

I will be resigning from full time operation of the Fisherman's Lodge (my baby!!) and relinquishing my financial involvement at the same time, in short I'm cutting ties. The decision when it came to it was pretty easy once i separated myself from the emotional attachment I have built up with the place, the brand, the concept, the style and the successes of the place were basically all mine (not being big headed that's just true) and I felt like i didn't want to miss out on the upside and seeing it come to fruition. I have realised though, what is it I'm actually working for? Is my sole motivation really just to build a great restaurant? When broken down that's a dumb as a singular life ambition as wanting to be the greatest poker player in the world...

What I want is to be happy, loved and financially content (I want to be rich I'm hugely money driven always have be and make no excuses) and whereas restaurants are a passion of mine and the upside to doing well at them is money...Laura is 1000x more important than any singular restaurant and being able to help her succeed (despite being incredibly strong minded she is lacking a bit of professional confidence) would play a much bigger role in the accomplishment of my objectives than seeing the Fisherman's Lodge take £25k a week. The Fisherman's Lodge is just one restaurant, and Leeds is just one place, if i resign myslef unwittingly to the fact that this pace is all i am capable of, then i have failed on multiple levels. I have done great work at the FL, i'm proud of the achievements there (100% increase in turnover, 100% increase in spend per head, project managed the full refurbishment etc) and I've learnt a LOT of very important lessons, there has been mistakes too, some big ones which I will learn from as well. Would it have been nice to see the place really flourish under my reign, yes of course, but what's going to be even better is me and Laura being together, and both happy. This is what I'm going to do!

The handover period will take 2 weeks - 2 months depending on many things, the new kitchen guy Max defo has what it takes, he is not as strong in the restaurant side which is obviously my forte...so I will provide as much support as he needs.

MY flat is up in Jan 27th and from that day on I will be living full time in LONDON!

Small issue is how I'm going to finance all this, details though - I'll figure them out We can afford 6-12 months with no income even at london prices (depending on the timescale selling my shares) and my parents owe me quite a lot of money which they'll pay me back when they sell their house in the next 18 months so I guess not under too much pressure. I would like to be earning enough money to live though ideally as the cash we have is basically everything so Id rather not just rifle it off. Might have to consider somewhat of a reduction in lifestyle for a bit, as against my nature as that is.

OR could punt like mad on the DARTS WC, try spin a years london living up!!! ANyone got any tips?

I'm very excited now and really looking forward to getting going, practising my cockney accent daily. "awite there gov jus avin a butchas at yer ol dog an bone" etc, needs work.