The funniest joke ever?

[dan]

a man walks into a bar and with a pained look upon his face asking the barman for 14 double jack daniel's. The barman a little concered for the man lines 14 jack daniel's on bar only for the man to down all 14 in 1.

after the man has downed all the drinks the barman says "how come you just downed them like that mate? is everything ok?"

the man turns round and says to the barman "mate, if you had i what i had you would down them in 1"

the barman asks nervously "what have you got mate?"

the man replies "a quid"

[RFC]

did you hear Mick Hucknall got caught trying to F**k a rabbit ?
Apparently he was " Holding back the ears "
But the " Bunny was to tight to mention "

[JungleCat03]

Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to court to sort their divorce out.

The judge addresses Mickey.

"Mr Mouse, just to confirm the reason you have filed for divorce. You claim that Mrs Mouse looks ridiculous? "

"No I said i want a divorce because she's f***ing GOOFY!"

[JLocke]

There has been a 2 year study by a proffesor of something from the university of somewhere to find the funniest joke ever!
This was the winner, what do you think?

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Lmao. Thank you very much.

[Dewi_cool]

what's white and can't climb trees?



a fridge

Thats not funny, my fridge fell from a tree and broke it's egg

[thetank]

what's white and can't climb trees?



a fridge

Thats not funny, my fridghe fell from a tree and broke it's egg

Now that's funny. 

[ifm]

What's green and hard?










A bogey in a crash helmet.

[Dewi_cool]

what's white and can't climb trees?



a fridge

Thats not funny, my fridghe fell from a tree and broke it's egg

Now that's funny. 

  sarcasm

[thetank]

I assure you it wasn't.

It brought a genuine guffaw to my vocal cords and a sincere smile to my face.

First thing in the A.M., that's no easy task.

[ifm]

What's pink and hard?










A pig with a flick knife.

[The_nun]

Why is a fat woman like a moped? They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on one.

[The_nun]

and before anyone takes offence.. I am no twiggy myself

[Canuck]

A man is on business in a small town far from home. He finishes up his meetings early for the day and decides to get a drink at the local pub. He walks into the bar and orders a pint. As the barman is pouring the pint the man notices a trophy covered in dust sitting atop the liqour cabinet. He asks the bartender "What's with the trophy?" The bartender laughs and says, "Oh that, it's been here since my dad ran this pub, he said he would give the trophy to whoever could perform 'The Three Tasks'" The man is intrigued and asks what these tasks are. The bartender then says "Well task one is you must drink the flaming tornado, a drink my father invented that no one can keep down. The second is you must go out back to the alley and remove a bad tooth from a viscious dog that has been there for as long as anyone can remember. The third is you must go across the street to an old women who never married give her a night of pleasure, somehting she has never had." The man is a bit taken aback and says thanks, but no thanks. The man then proceeds to drink his pint in peace. One pint becomes two, two becomes three, and before he realises, the man is very drunk. With this drunkeness, comes bravery, and with this bravery comes an idea. The man stumbles up to the bar and announes for all to hear that he will perform the three tasks. The barman tries to dissuade him but the man is adament...he will do it. The man then calls for a flaming tornado, and the locals take notice of this and cheer the man on. The man takes a look at the drink before him, lets out a laugh and downs the drink in one go. The barman cannot believe it, the locals cheer him and chant "Task 2, Task 2!". The man then yells, "Out of my way", He then makes his way to the back alley and the viscious dog that lives there. A few moments pass, then the dog begins barking and snarling. All the locals are still in the pub and some begin doubting the man's quest. Suddenly the dog's barking and snarling turns to yelping and crying. Then...silence. The man comes back into the bar and says "Now...where is that old women with the bad tooth"

[MrDigital]

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

[MrDigital]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's
have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."


"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"



"No, because he's really heavy"