The funniest joke ever?

[BigTomatoes]

 10 cows standing in a field, which one is from the middle east?



















 coo eight

[JungleCat03]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.


"how much?" he asks the bartender.

"you're a neutron right?" says the bartender.

"yes"

"in that case there's no charge."

[gatso]

a termite walks into a pub and says 'is the bar tender here?'

[action man]

a guy who, at this time of his life is very low, his wife has left him and taken the kids, he is in heaps of debt and living rough.
  One night after finishing his 6th can of tennants super strength, decides to pluck up the courage to jump off london bridge.
   Just as he is about to jump over, he hears sleigh bells and low and behold santa arrives on his sleigh.
     "i hope your not going to jump off this bridge to your death" santa says
   "well there is nothing left for me" the man replies, explaining to santa how his life has gone from bad to worse recently.
"don't be too hasty ive got something that may make you change your mind"  " i will grant you three wishes"
already bemused by the situation the man agrees as lets face it he has nothing else to lose!!
  the first wish of having his wife and kids back is granted by santa with a click of his fingers. The second wish of £1million in cash is granted in the same manner. Steve is thinking about his third when he says, "to be honest santa, these are the only two things that i want, ill let you have my final wish" santa thanks him and explains that nobody has ever given a wish away.

Santa then explains to the man that he is a homosexual, and given that he is on business all day, that he hasnt had much sex in a while.  "my wish, explains santa, is to bend you over the sleigh and give you a good seeing to"

the man  looks shocked however agrees as he fears that if he does not, his 2 wishes would be taken away.

So santa starts out having sex with the man, when he taps the man on the shoulder and asks,

  "sorry i didnt get your name"   

  "steve" the man replies
 
"and how old are you steve"

"36"

"   really.............  and you still believe in santa"

[Lee]

Snail walks into a pub, gets himself up to the bar
"Can i have a pint of your finest beer please"
Bartender picks up the snail takes him over to the door
and throws him out as far as he can.
6 months later the snail walks back into the pub and says
"What d'you do that for?"

[RED-DOG]

Two elephants fall off a cliff. Boom boom!

[RED-DOG]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

[RED-DOG]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak. Feeling the cold, they lit a fire in the craft, It sank, proving once and for all, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[RED-DOG]

"Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs"

"I know, I've just cut your arms off"

[JungleCat03]

A man walks into a bar and sits down at a table.

He calls the bartender over and says "look" and pulls a minature piano out of his pocket and sets it on the table.

Then he pulls a 12 inch man out of the other pocket and sets it near the piano- the little man sits down and begins to play.

The bartender is amazed and asks" wow, where did you get that?"

The man pulls a dusty old lamp out of his pocket and says " I rubbed this and wished for it"

He hands the lamp to the bartender, who rushes into the backroom, gives it a rub and says," i wish i had a million bucks"

All of the sudden, a million ducks flew out from the back of the bar......the bartender walks over to the man at the bar and says,

"hey! i just wished for a million bucks, and instead it gave me a million ducks....what's going on?"

the man replied " do you really think i wished for a 12 inch pianist??!!!!!!"

[TheJagster]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says "Is this a joke?"

[dan]

Michael Owen goes into a nightclub, he moves on to the dance floor and starts dancing with a woman. After about 5 minuites he says to her

"fancy coming back to my place for a shag"

the woman replies "you're a little forward arent you"

[Rod Paradise]

Michael Owen goes into a nightclub, he moves on to the dance floor and starts dancing with a woman. After about 5 minuites he says to her

"fancy coming back to my place for a shag"

the woman replies "you're a little forward arent you"

[dino1980]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.

[ifm]

what's white and can't climb trees?



a fridge