I didnt wanna say anything

[zelda]

Im so sorry you are having a hard time at the minute - but it will get better.  Why only sundays may I ask?  If you remain friends with your ex surely you can pop around for dinner a few nights a week.  Maybe take her out to the park a few times a week too, just for an hour or so? She will understand that this is the best thing for your child.  My kids are very happy, even though daddy lives somewhere else.  They see him still almost every day and love having a sleep over at his on a sat night.  Its quality time you will spend with your daughter... 

Good luck mate

[smithy69]

she is only 10 months old so usually falls asleep by 6pm in the evening - I dont get home later than late - usually 8pm

I work an hour and a half away so going in my dinner hour isn't a possibility either. I could jack my job in and see her for an hour in the evening, and at lunch - but i cannot afford to do tha - especially as I quite rightly have to support Lottie

[vegaslover]

Not sure whether I wanna.........throw myself from a large building

Don't do that Smithy, you're down to get the first round in at BB4
Seriously though, hope it all works out for ya. You've had a pretty bad spell of it the last few months!!!

[smithy69]

Things have gone very much downhill i am afraid. I have now moved out of the town we were living, which means I can't see Lottie during the week.

I went out on saturday to watch the football,i walked into a pub witha few friends and at the same time she walked out. She looked at me, ignored me then started laughing outside. Not nice.

Then found out that the day after she moved out her best friend got her in touch with a male friend of hers. They had been texting constantly apparently. She can do what she wants but 1 day after we break up!!!! I thought that was pretty low

So I am now at my parents which I dont wanna be, but they are going on holiday on thursday so i get some space at least. I have literally taken my clothes and left everything else.

A quick question to all dads - I want to look after my daughter to the best of my ability and she will have everything i never had, but what do i do about money. I dont wanna pay for my ex to have nights out cos that money is meant for Lottie.

What is a appropriate amount do u think

[Poppet7]

If you're worried about her using your money for nights out why don't you agree to buy all her clothes or something like that so that you know exactly where the money is going?

My dad never paid Mum because he worried about that, and it was me and my sister that lost out in the end.

You will be ok Smithy, I'm here if you need to talk x

[AndrewT]

Smithy, if it seems she's going to be difficult about things I strongly suggest you seek legal advice before money starts changing hands, just so you are sure about where you stand with regards to access etc.

[bhoywonder]

Things have gone very much downhill i am afraid. I have now moved out of the town we were living, which means I can't see Lottie during the week.

I went out on saturday to watch the football,i walked into a pub witha few friends and at the same time she walked out. She looked at me, ignored me then started laughing outside. Not nice.

Then found out that the day after she moved out her best friend got her in touch with a male friend of hers. They had been texting constantly apparently. She can do what she wants but 1 day after we break up!!!! I thought that was pretty low

So I am now at my parents which I dont wanna be, but they are going on holiday on thursday so i get some space at least. I have literally taken my clothes and left everything else.

A quick question to all dads - I want to look after my daughter to the best of my ability and she will have everything i never had, but what do i do about money. I dont wanna pay for my ex to have nights out cos that money is meant for Lottie.

What is a appropriate amount do u think

Well I give money to my ex and i know know for a fact it isnt all being spent on the kids....


but hey wot u gonna do? I have no easy answer..It's just my duty

In terms of keeping things easy between you get a lawyer's advice and even draft a letter to your ex  marking how much and when she gets money ,preferably into her bank account so u can keep tabs of it...the CSA is abandoned now,but the last thing u need is them on your case or their equivalent ( they are ruthless )...they sent me a silly bill and silly demands which quite frankly would have made me bankrupt within months.. until i could prove that money was and always had been passed over

[Tractor]

Havne not been in this situation but i would recommend a standing order into her account even if for a small amount as that way it will be accountable later on, if needs be.

Good luck mate,

[smithy69]

We spoke last night and again this morning and have agreed an amount. I am gonna pay her every sunday and get her to sign for it so at least I have proof I am paying for my daughter. She doesn't have a bank account hence why it has to be cash.

Today is a new day.

I am single again, reasonably good looking, earn a decent wage and have a wonderful daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe things arent so bad as I thought

Thanks Blondes

[Muahahahaha]

Today is a new day.

I am single again, reasonably good looking, earn a decent wage and have a wonderful daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe things arent so bad as I thought

Thanks Blondes

You sound pretty chirpy today, so I hope you don't mind if I trivialise everything for a second here....

Giving that this was going to happen, you've picked a perfect time to do it.

It's going to be a long hot summer.

You can take your beautiful daughter for walks in the park on those warm sunday afternoons, when all the young ladies will be topping up their tans.

WHAT A PULLING TOOL !!!!!

This  man is a player !!!

 

[boldie]

Today is a new day.

I am single again, reasonably good looking, earn a decent wage and have a wonderful daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe things arent so bad as I thought

Thanks Blondes

You sound pretty chirpy today, so I hope you don't mind if I trivialise everything for a second here....

Giving that this was going to happen, you've picked a perfect time to do it.

It's going to be a long hot summer.

You can take your beautiful daughter for walks in the park on those warm sunday afternoons, when all the young ladies will be topping up their tans.

WHAT A PULLING TOOL !!!!!

This  man is a player !!!

 

good point, well made Sir!

[smithy69]

lol good point!!!!

Positives

I am now on a diet, and gonna get fit again as I weigh 21 stone - I have never been classed as fat as I am a tall lad with broad shoulders, but still it is alot and isn't healthy + If I do start looking for female company then I stand a better chance if I am not a Rick Waller impersonator.

On a good note - I am now coming to BB on Friday night(roughly 8pm prob), Saturday and Sunday. My ex has asked if its ok for her to have her on the sunday as they have a family birthday - so I will take a few days that week to spend some time so i dont miss out.
Its a new day, and I have a new life!!!!!


Better get back to work

[ariston]

Smithy you are gonna have many tough times and rough days over the next few months or even years. Having been through this myself and still having the odd barney with my ex (I divorced the cheating slut 4 years ago now) I know how you are feeling I can promise you. You say your ex did the dirty on you one day after leaving well I can say at least she had the decency to wait that long, if I had had as much sex when I was married as my ex wife did maybe I would still be married. The main thing is to keep it civil as possible so your little one doesn't suffer, if you get lawyers etc involved to sort out the payment side of things it will just cost you a fortune in legal fees and lead to even more ill feeling than there already is. I would suggest as part of the agreement of you paying your £x per week that she agrees to access of x weekends per month and also summer holidays etc. Make sure the £x per week also covers you for things like school clothes etc as otherwise you will be hit every month or so for new this or new that. If you can afford it why not do a couple of big poker events and enjoy your own money and have a good time- there really is plenty to do when on tour and it also has the added bonus of really pissing the ex off when you are flying out playing poker in the bahamas/vegas/australia etc Remember one thing- you will be the one constant in your little ones life, her mum will probably have more than one "friend" while your little one grows up where the time she spends with you will be just yours and her time together (I have never introduced Jakob to any of my "friends" so he really does believe he is the most important thing in my life as every weekend we spend together is our time)- you can't beat regular quality time with your young un.

[smithy69]

Great post mate!! and it helps alot

If i was to buy a house now, would my ex be able to stake a claim after we have broke up

[boldie]

Great post mate!! and it helps alot

If i was to buy a house now, would my ex be able to stake a claim after we have broke up

good question..I recommend you ask your lawyer...what's fair and right isn't always the law.