So, Saturday arrives and im supposed to be going to DTD as a guest today and playing the £100 on Sunday Jane was coming with me and the weekend was long looked forward to, but as is the way of forward planning, one of the kids was poorly and it looked like we wouldnt make it after all ... we were both a bit miffed, but as always kids come first and there will be plenty of other chances to go ....
But wait ... Jane has an idea, "why dont you take the car and go anyway" ... hmmmmmmmmm why didnt I think of that ( Well I did really, but in situations like this you have to make sure that you arent the one that suggests it ... page 37 of the best selling book "How to get what you want while making your partner think it was their idea"
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I Obviously dithered and ummmmed and ahhhed for ages (all for effect you see, cant just jump on the suggestion and agree, far toooooo obvious) .. but after the recommended waiting time i got myself ready and after putting oil in the car and doing all the pre trip checks, i was all loaded and ready for the trip.
Sat Nav loaded with postcode and set to night settings ... and off i went, first stop Petrol station, fill up with fuel and start the journey to Notts ... just over 3 hours says the sat nav ... arrival due for around 11pm.
Music on the stereo and everything is going better than planned, the roads are clear and the weather is damp , miserable and windy, but inside the car I am warm and comfortable and looking forward to meeting up with some pals for the usual banter and entertainment.
Then it all goes horribly wrong, i am on the A43 just past Silverstone and about 2 miles from Junction 15 of the M1 which was (according to Sat Nav, 91 miles from my destination) when all of a sudden and without any warning it feels like the steering wheel has been wrenched from my hands and my life flashes before my eyes as the car goes into mental mode and veers off to the left and up the grass verge of the road ... sliding and spinning up a very steep siding ... im thinking SHIT its gonna flip" ... somehow after some sort of miracle on this steep verge I manage to spin the wheel and slide back down the verge and onto the road, I have no traction and the car is spinning like an ice dancer on crack across the motorway and goes nose first into the central reservation barrier and finally comes to a halt in the outside lane of the duel carriageway ... by this time, instinct takes over and i dont know how or why or what happened next, but i find myself out of the car and on the grass verge smoking a cig and dialling Janes number ... I dont remember getting out of the car and turning o the hazard lights ... I dont remember picking up my cigs and lighter and phone ... It must have been me on auto pilot, I always remember seeing something on telly about getting your fat arse out of a car after an accident and getting off the road to avoid any ensuing pile ups.
Im on the phone ... "Jane, I have crashed the car" ... I am in a bit of shock and after Jane realises I am not hurt she is very calm and starts the ball rolling with sorting out recovery and insurance etc ... I meanwhile phone the police to report my accident as the car is a hazard to traffic and there is no way i am getting back in the fucker, I have escaped with my life and I aint gonna be a hero and try and move the car.
The police arrive in what seems like seconds ... they ask where the driver is , I reply I am the driver ... they look at me as if I am deranged, but it becomes clear that there is no one else in the car and its only then that I notice the state of the car ... It looks like its been on a dirt track, it is covered in mud splatters like a rally car on a swamp stage , and the front drivers side was caved in and all down the drivers side was mangled. I had walked away without a scratch, bruise or bump ... HOW ?? fk knows, but one thing is for sure, I am blessed !! the police couldnt believe how the car had not flipped on the verge ... the driver of the recovery vehicle couldnt believe it either ... and looking back now .. I cant believe i walked away either !!
I am sat in the back of the police car and they explain that as a matter of policy they have to go through the normal procedure and I am breahalysed and questioned about the incident ... my breath test returns a reading of 000 .. as i knew it would, I havent had a drink for ages, and after answering all the usual questions, the car is pushed off the road and onto the hard shoulder so as to clear the road. next thing I know, the police are off, satisfied that there is nothing more for them to do ... no other vehicle involved, no obvious driver error or negligence, no evidence of speeding etc and no damage to the central reservation.
The recovery vehicle is next to arrive ... and thats when I realised that I had REALLY been blessed and had walked away unscathed physically from the accident, it kind of puts things into perspective when something like this happens, screw worrying about money, screw worrying about anything trivial, screw petty differences with people and above all, cherish what you have and enjoy it, cos you just never know when it might all get taken away from you.
I have been a lucky lucky boy in walking away from this .... there has to be some sort of payback for the good luck, there has to be .... oh yes, thats it, its after midnight on a Saturday night, and im in the middle of nowhere with no car and no idea of what the hell i do next ... but thats another story which I will get round to writing a bit later ...
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