Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[RED-DOG]

A sports story, thats what we need...

yeah a story about ferretting or lurching.

When I was about 13, I was out on the knocker one day and I was at the back of some terraced houses when I spotted a wooden box with a wire mesh window and a small door. I knew straight away that it was a ferret box because I could see the old Fray Bentos pie tin feeding bowl complete with bread and milk "Pobs".

Loads of ferret owners feed milk pobs, God knows why. The ferrets don't like it, (They are carnivores after all) it has very little nutritional value, it goes off quickly and stinks the place up in no time flat.

I pinged the wire mesh with my fingernail and a jill ferret came out of a closed off section to see what was happening. When she stood up on her hind legs to get a better look at me, I could see that this jill was lactating. She had kits in there somewhere.

I knocked on the house door, hoping that there was someone in, I wanted one of those ferret kits, and I was determined to beg one.

So this old boy comes to the door. He was in his string vest with his braces tied around his waist, both his cheeks had been lathered, but only one had been shaven, never the less, somewhere between the wash-basin and the door, he had stopped to don his flat cap.

I asked him if he had any old rags or scrap iron. He shook his head wordlessly and began to close the door. Just before the latch caught I blurted out, “Hang on, Can I have one of those ferret kits?” The door closed. A moment later, it opened again and the old boy stepped out, wiping his face with his hankie.

“So tha wants a ferret does tha?”
“Yes please”
“Has tha ‘ad one afore?”
“Yes”
“Does tha want an ‘ob or a jill?”
“Well I would take a hob but I’d rather have a jill”

He paused for a moment, and scratched the side of his jaw that still had stubble. I waited patiently. Confident now that he was going to give me a ferret once he had satisfied himself that I knew how to look after it.

“Ah’ll tell thee what” He said, “Iffn tha can get one aht of t’ box by thisen, and mek sure it’s a jill, tha can ‘ave one, ‘ows that?”

When buying (Or in this case begging) ferrets, it was common for the breeder to ask you to remove one from the box yourself. Ferrets seldom bite if handled properly, but it was a good way for the owner to see if you knew what you were doing.

(I remember once I went with Terry “Macka” Maxwell, a great dog man and a good friend of mine, to buy a ferret from a gamekeeper in a village called Edwinstow in Sherwood Forest. The gamekeeper showed us a pen with about 50 ferrets running around in it, none had ever been handled. They were as wild as woodcocks. “Get one out of there and I’ll give it you” The gamekeeper said, passing us a hessian sack. Macka promptly stuck his hand inside the pen and withdrew it moments later with a ferret firmly attached to every finger, then he put the whole shebang, hand, ferrets and all, into the hessian sack and walked away)

I told the old boy that I was happy to try to get one out myself, and I went to the ferret box and drew out the board that parted the sleeping quarters from the living/eating area. There is the straw, curled up with mama, were 7 or 8 kits.

The jill didn’t seem put out by the intrusion, there was no spitting or hissing, so I slipped my hand beneath her chest, allowing her front legs to dangle through my fingers and resting my thumb on her shoulders so that she didn’t fall when I lifted her. I brought her clear of the box, and passed her to the old boy, then I turned back to the youngsters.

Baby ferrets are incredibly appealing. As lithe and sinuous as a nest of vipers, but cute and cuddly, mischievous and playful. Brimming with curiosity and confidence. Their temperament is something akin to that of a kitten, while their intelligence is more on par with that of a puppy. (Ferrets can be taught to come when called, walk on a leash, beg, fetch etc, they are also prone to canine distemper) Make no mistake though, ferrets are passionate, dedicated hunters, and pound for pound, they are among the most efficient and ruthless killers on the planet.

I spotted the one that I wanted. A beautiful tiny polecat type ferret with a smoky, off-white coat and black tipped ears. I picked it up and turned it over, looking for a tell tale “Belly button” on it’s lower abdomen. If you find one, it’s a boy, or “hob” If not, as in this case, it’s a girl or jill.

I held her up for the old boy to see, he nodded and smiled, then fluttered the back of his hand at me in the universal “OK, now go away” Gesture. I slipped the ferret into my jacket pocket and skipped off down the passage.

When I popped out on to the street, my dad was leaning against a wall, obviously waiting for me.

“You’ve been gone a while” He said, “Did you get anything?”
“Er .. Yes” I replied, “Yes I did. Well sort of…..”


To be continued

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[sovietsong]

My neighbour used to have ferrets, I never really saw the appeal tbh.  I'm looking forward to the rest of the story so you can change my mind!!

[tikay]

Superb!

[RED-DOG]

My neighbour used to have ferrets, I never really saw the appeal tbh.  I'm looking forward to the rest of the story so you can change my mind!!

I doubt I'll be able to change your mind Sov. Ferrets do make delightful pets, but they are high maintenance. They are total kleptomaniacs and will steal anything they can carry. The word “Ferret” actually means “Little thief”

The mortality rate for ferrets is incredibly high. Not because they are delicate or prone to disease you understand, but because they get into everything. They are just so dammed inquisitive. If the early demise of your average ferret were to be investigated by some sort of ferret coroner, in 90% of cases, the verdict would be "Death by misadventure"

If there is a way of accidentally getting killed, your ferret will find it. They tip hot drinks over and scald themselves, they climb into any kind of machinery where they are either minced, mangled, gassed, electrocuted or fried. They jump into bowls, tubs, buckets and toilets where they quietly drown. They squeeze through impossibly small openings into cupboards, drawers, trunks and toolboxes which are then closed by the unsuspecting owner, leaving the ferret trapped without food or water. They get stepped on, run over, caught in door hinges, in fact pinched squeezed squashed and flattened in more ways than you could ever imagine.

Ferrets are hedonistic thrill seekers with a curiosity rating of 10, and a self-preservation rating of zero. They are the animal worlds equivalent of a free running, pot holing, mountaineering, kamikaze Houdini on speed.

They are disasters waiting to happen… but you gotta love em.

[boldie]

My neighbour used to have ferrets, I never really saw the appeal tbh.  I'm looking forward to the rest of the story so you can change my mind!!

I doubt I'll be able to change your mind Sov. Ferrets do make delightful pets, but they are high maintenance. They are total kleptomaniacs and will steal anything they can carry. The word “Ferret” actually means “Little thief”

The mortality rate for ferrets is incredibly high. Not because they are delicate or prone to disease you understand, but because they get into everything. They are just so dammed inquisitive. If the early demise of your average ferret were to be investigated by some sort of ferret coroner, in 90% of cases, the verdict would be "Death by misadventure"

If there is a way of accidentally getting killed, your ferret will find it. They tip drinks over and scald themselves, they climb into any kind of machinery where they are either minced, mangled, gassed, electrocuted or fried. They jump into bowls, tubs, buckets and toilets where they quietly drown. They squeeze through impossibly small openings into cupboards, drawers, trunks and toolboxes which are then closed by the unsuspecting owner, leaving the ferret trapped without food or water. They get stepped on, run over, caught in door hinges, in fact pinched squeezed squashed and flattened in more ways than you could ever imagine.

Ferrets are hedonistic thrill seekers with a curiosity rating of 10, and a self-preservation rating of zero. They are the animal worlds equivalent of a free running, pot holing, mountaineering, kamikaze Houdini on speed.

They are disasters waiting to happen… but you gotta love em.

that must be the best description of any animal I have ever heard.

[ShatnerPants]

They are disasters waiting to happen… but you gotta love em.

If you say so,

But I'd prefer to cuddle a couple of puppies anyday.

[AndrewT]

Their temperament is something akin to that of a kitten, while their intelligence is more on par with that of a puppy. (Ferrets can be taught to come when called, walk on a leash, beg, fetch etc, they are also prone to canine distemper)

I would have thought the fact that dogs and ferrets can be trained to be a human's plaything, whereas a cat will have none of that and train the human to be its plaything shows which creature is the more intelligent.

[Laxie]

My Mom bought the brother and I one when we were kids.  She was a single parent and to buy a ferret was cheaper than buying a dog or cat back then.  We had one of those 'finished' basements...kind of.  It had a bathroom and timber walls, but we never had the money to complete it, so the floors were still concrete and there were no furnishings. 

From what I remember, our ferret looked like the one on the right, but can't remember if it was male or female.  All I remember for sure is, it was as lovely as could be when young.  The brother and I had a great time playing in the basement with our ferret.  Once it hit 6 months though, the ferret started to get fierce cross and eventually we couldn't play with it any more because it always wanted to attack us when we came near.  I know we never hurt it and always wondered what we'd done wrong to upset it so much. 

Your post has me wondering.  Is it possible our ferret was just bored because it couldn't get into trouble...and was so bored it eventually got pissed off?     

[RED-DOG]

Their temperament is something akin to that of a kitten, while their intelligence is more on par with that of a puppy. (Ferrets can be taught to come when called, walk on a leash, beg, fetch etc, they are also prone to canine distemper)

I would have thought the fact that dogs and ferrets can be trained to be a human's plaything, whereas a cat will have none of that and train the human to be its plaything shows which creature is the more intelligent.

That's a good point Andrew, The more intelligent the dog, the more difficult it can be to train, because it uses it's intelligence to avoid doing what you want it to do. As with most things though, it's not quite as simple as that.

Dogs are pack animals, if you can convince your dog that you are the pack leader, the "Alpha" male, (or female) or indeed any rank above them in the pecking order, they will instinctively be predisposed to obeying you and wanting to please you. You are half way there.

Cats however, have no such inclination.

[Suited_Jock]

Their temperament is something akin to that of a kitten, while their intelligence is more on par with that of a puppy. (Ferrets can be taught to come when called, walk on a leash, beg, fetch etc, they are also prone to canine distemper)

I would have thought the fact that dogs and ferrets can be trained to be a human's plaything, whereas a cat will have none of that and train the human to be its plaything shows which creature is the more intelligent.

That's a good point Andrew, The more intelligent the dog, the more difficult it can be to train, because it uses it's intelligence to avoid doing what you want it to do. As with most things though, it's not quite as simple as that.

Dogs are pack animals, if you can convince your dog that you are the pack leader, the "Alpha" male, (or female) or indeed any rank above them in the pecking order, they will instinctively be predisposed to obeying you and wanting to please you. You are half way there.

Cats however, have no such inclination.

you have to dominate...

[RED-DOG]

My Mom bought the brother and I one when we were kids.  She was a single parent and to buy a ferret was cheaper than buying a dog or cat back then.  We had one of those 'finished' basements...kind of.  It had a bathroom and timber walls, but we never had the money to complete it, so the floors were still concrete and there were no furnishings. 

From what I remember, our ferret looked like the one on the right, but can't remember if it was male or female.  All I remember for sure is, it was as lovely as could be when young.  The brother and I had a great time playing in the basement with our ferret.  Once it hit 6 months though, the ferret started to get fierce cross and eventually we couldn't play with it any more because it always wanted to attack us when we came near.  I know we never hurt it and always wondered what we'd done wrong to upset it so much. 

Your post has me wondering.  Is it possible our ferret was just bored because it couldn't get into trouble...and was so bored it eventually got pissed off?     

No Laxie. Your ferret was almost certainly a jill that came into season. Once jill ferrets come into season, they stay that way until they are mated. If they are prevented from mating, they can become very unstable and bad tempered. They will often fall ill and die.

[Laxie]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, cheers!  That's what happens when you know nothing, but buy because they're cute and cheap.     Mom gave her to a ferret breeder in the end...who was probably smiling as he walked away.

[AndrewT]

If they are prevented from mating, they can become very unstable and bad tempered. They will often fall ill and die.

[Karabiner]

I've never even known anyone that kept a ferret let alone owned one myself so this is all new to me.

Next installment please