Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Compo]

Wow just wow as Mr. Kendall would say...........I will try and do it justice next week

It was only 2-1 Phil


Mazel Tov

[boldie]

Wow just wow as Mr. Kendall would say...........I will try and do it justice next week

It was only 2-1 Phil

[Snatiramas]

So where to begin. So much happened in one unbelievably moving weekend. It will take so much time to get it all down on paper and post it, I think  the thread may continue for a couple of weeks yet. You see I really want to try and get you to understand what it is all about.

I know that if I were an outsider looking in it might appear that it is all about a big party, or it might appear that it is about the presents. It might even appear that it is about how well your son performs in Shul. Well I am now in no doubt whatsoever, oh and let me tell you I was in little doubt before, it is about none of that. It is about something far more important.

In the coming posts I am going to take you through the whole weekend. I am going to explain the services, the significance, the atmosphere, the words, the speeches all of it. You may not be interested and that is okay but I just want to take a little time to give anybody who does happen upon this thread a little deeper insight into what makes me tick.

I sit here with a feeling of warmth and calm, about to go out with some old friends who came over from Jerusalem for the Bar Mitzvah. I want this feeling of warmth to continue for as long as possible and one way I can prolong this feeling is by writing it all up. The diet was shot to pieces over the weekend but today has been a good day so far, so it looks as though I have managed to get back on it for the zillionth time and I will keep you updated on that over the next couple of weeks…….

[Karabiner]

I'm very glad and not at all surprised to hear that the weekend went as well as you had all hoped.

Can't wait for the unexpurgated nitty-gritty

[Snatiramas]

So Friday dawned and somehow thirteen years of planning had suddenly arrived like a huge wave breaking all around us. There just was not enough time and nerves were frayed to such an extent that we were all being caqreful how we breathed around each other. Packing the car was a real Mars Venus moment, one of us had a checklist, the other just wanted to shove it all in the car as fast as possible. No need to tell you who won. You see when we had asked Adam about three years ago what sort of Barmitzvah he wanted, he replied that he was not overly worried about the party but he wanted to be shomrei Shabbat.

A shomer Shabbat or shomer Shabbos (plural shomrei Shabbat or shomrei Shabbos; is a person who observes the mitzvot (commandments) associated with Judaism's Shabbat ("Sabbath", Friday evening until Saturday night.)

In particular, under Jewish law (halakhah), the shomer Shabbat is expected to conform to the prohibitions against certain forms of work. The observant Jew does not cook, spend money, write, turn on or off electrical devices, or do other activities prohibited on Shabbat. In addition, a variety of positive Sabbath commandments are expected to be fulfilled, such as Sabbath meals and prayers.

Now it surprised both Anne Marie and I and we were both pleased and concerned in one little sentence. As you regular readers will know the Cooklins of Bricket Wood live four and a half miles away from the Shul in Radlett. On top of which some of that journey is not paved. Also we have quite a number of religious Jewish friends who would also need accommodating or they would not be able to be with us on the Shabbat. Only one thing for it. We booked all thirteen rooms above the pub in Radlett. This would work as all the keys were mechanical not electronic. I paid the bill for all the rooms prior to the Friday night so nobody needed to carry money. We bought in Kosher breakfasts so that everyone would eat. For some of our guests it would have been the closest they would have been to a pub for a couple of decades. It could be interesting.

Anyway eventually all the stuff was in the cars, yes I did say cars, we were still just about talking but we were behind the clock. Shabbat was coming in at 4.19pm and we had to get to the pub and unload all the stuff. We get to the pub and find that one of our rooms had been given to somebody else...............we were not amused.

[Karabiner]

We definitely need a foot tapping impatiently smiley...

PS

The financial situation is so bad at this moment that Jewish women have started marrying for love.

[Snatiramas]

We definitely need a foot tapping impatiently smiley...

PS

The financial situation is so bad at this moment that Jewish women have started marrying for love.

[Snatiramas]

Okay ladies and gentlemen I apologise for the delay it has been a bit frantic at work this week. A bit like my old school reports "tries hard could do better".

So on with the story.....

Now at this point Anne Marie is doing her “what do you mean you gave one of the rooms away” routines. I on the other hand decide to play good cop. I play it well, smiling with just a hint of menace about the other twelve rooms I have booked and a quick, “I wonder how we can resolve this?”. We get our room back after a phone call to the poor unfortunate man who thought he had a room. Sir I apologise to you but the Shomer (the Shomer is a religious person who makes sure that the meal is cooked in a koshe manner) needed a room. No Shomer no Friday and Shabbat meals in shul.
Then we go upstairs to our two rooms. One is made up the other is not. Having said that the rooms are of a good size and clean. At this point our guests start arriving and the place descends into an elderly Jewish version of the first day at Hogwarts. It is great, a lot of noise, a lot of laughter, after all these people are leaving their normal routines to share Addies Bar Mitzvah with us. The vibe is good. Quick as flash we all get changed and stroll as a group the five minutes to Shul.
Lots of family and friends already there and Adam sits between his two grandfathers. He has nothing to do in the Friday night service except look nervous and he does that spectacularly well. He is ready but I can feel his irritation at not being able to get it out of the way there and then. I on the other hand just loved the service. I feel all the stresses and strains just dropping away and just reach a truly calm and spiritual place.
So after about an hour the service finishes, it was led by one of the communities new youth directors who has the most wonderful voice and enthusiasm, and the caterer sets up four tables. There are thirty of us for dinner and I get to give the first of my three welcome speeches. Before I share it with you it might be necessary to give you a glossary of a few terms. So here they are……
Sedra –The portion read from the Torah (scroll) on any given shabbat
Bereshit – The first of the five books of Moses or the Old Testament. You might know it as Genesis
Lchol Dodi – One of the most beautiful songs that loosely translated asks you to welcome the Sabbath as you would your bride
Noach – The story of Noah….which interestingly involves drink and castration towards the end. All Jewish heroes have serious flaws…..maybe that is why I love them.

And the speech went something like this with a few adlibs thrown in

Shabbat shalom.

Firstly welcome to you all, on this Adams Barmitzvah Shabbat. Thank you for taking the time and trouble to break your routines and comfort zones to join us over the boozer in downtown Radlett. It means so much to Anne Marie and I, but more particularly Adam who was the driving force behind what he wanted for his Barmitzvah.

 Now generally speaking you will find me at the back in Shul. Listening and observing and singing but this weekend unfortunately for you lot, or me and I am not sure which, you get to hear me speak. Now Sundays words of welcome are easy as I can pretty much get away with anything, but tonight we are in Shul, I am with people who are far more knowledgeable than me so I thought I had better get researching to try and find some inspiration.

So I start with the sedra and of course like all the bereshit stories there is loads of stuff to pick out, but I know others will do that during Shabbat and anyway to research and learn just to try and impress and look knowledgeable is not a good way to be. So I looked and learned and decided I would not try and relate to Noach, but it was good fun learning, so I think as my inch of movement in trying to be a better Jew for this year I am going to do that research on a far more regular basis.

So after much searching and reading I eventually settled on this. Something that just comes from the heart. The Friday night service in shul is my favourite service. From as far back as I can remember I associate this service with good things. In these troubled times when whole economies seem to be in crisis, when the media blow on every spark until it becomes a forest fire, when society seems want to take less and less care of each other, there is a warmth and comfort to be gained in coming together as friends and family and take part in traditions and ceremonies that have been constant and solid for centuries. Somehow you can just leave the troubles outside the door.

So other memories of Friday night include always getting flattened by Willi Siegler a very good friend of Uncle Geralds during lchol dodi. It used to make me laugh even though I often ended up sprawling on the floor. Then of course being  the youngest in shul meant I always got the Kiddush wine which was also great. And of course after shul we would go home and eat dinner with family and friends………..a bit like tonight

So once more I wish you Shabbat shalom and we hope you will enjoy yourselves this Shabbat as much as I know we will

Thank you.
We had the most wonderful, relaxed meal. About 8.30pm we headed back to the hotel and said our goodnights. Adam and I shared one room as Anne Marie believed if we left the kids together neither would get any sleep…we read for a bit. Chatted for a bit and at about 9.15 went to sleep…………………..


Yesterday I went to fat club. This has been going on too long now but that is my own fault. It was a good session. Even with my total abuse of myself and the diet I lost two and a half pounds. I now weigh 16 stone 8 pounds. A total loss of 80 pounds.........Today I feel rather good

[boldie]

You're some writer Snatty.


And @Kab

[tikay]

my inch of movement in trying to be a better Jew for this year

A very eloquent turn of phrase.

[Snatiramas]

I roll over in bed. I feel like I have only been asleep for a minute but prise my eyes open like a pair of reluctant oysters for fear that it is only 10.30 and that I will not be able to get back to sleep. I slowly focus on the clock and realise two things almost simultaneously that it is 1.45 am and the clock is upside down. It is in fact 7.15 and I have slept through. Adam is still asleep. I pick up a book to read. The current book is actually a reread of the life of Rabbi Akiba. It was awarded to me as a Cheder prize. A Cheder is a traditional elementary school teaching the basics of Judaism and the Hebrew language. Anyway Akiba is an absolutely massive figure in the religion. He did not become a Jew until he was forty when he fell in love with the boss’s daughter so to speak. They were then disowned by her father and she scraped money together whilst he went off to Yeshiva.

A yeshiva also frequently referred to as a Beth midrash, Talmudical Academy, Rabbinical Academy or Rabbinical School is an institution unique to classical Judaism for Torah study, the study of Talmud, Rabbinic literature and Responsa.
So off toddles Akiba and sits at Yeshiva for a full year without asking a question because he is so in awe of the other much younger and more learned men around him. He stays there for twelve years before returning to his wife. Wiki puts it most succinctly.

 Returning at the end of that time, he was just about to enter his wretched home, when he overheard the following answer given by his wife to a neighbor who was bitterly censuring him for his long absence: "If I had my wish, he should stay another twelve years at the academy." Without crossing the threshold, Akiba turned about and went back to the academy, to return at the end of another twelve years. The second time, however, he came back as a most famous scholar, escorted by 24,000 disciples, who reverently followed their beloved master. When his poorly clad wife was about to embrace him, some of his students, not knowing who she was, sought to restrain her. But Akiba exclaimed, "Let her alone; for what I am, and for what you are, is hers" (she deserves the credit).

I will come back to Akiba in the future. This book is not an easy read and it is 7.45am so I put it down and decided it was time to wake sleeping beauty. He wakes instantly and just as quickly gives the biggest smile, I melt and we both just start laughing for no apparent reason. We decide to go and rouse the girls but they are already awake and sorting out the breakfasts for everybody. Some of the more religious people in the party will not eat in the restaurant so we got breakfasts for everybody so that they felt under no pressure. A group of old friends congregate in one of the bedrooms and trade stories, which the kids love, for a bit whilst eating breakfast. I decided to have a strawberry shake to celebrate.
Anne Marie is a little stressed trying to get herself organised and I take it as my signal to get out of the way with Ads and get dressed. My word we look dapper in our new suits, look good, feel good has become one of my new mantras. One of the goals I took on when starting the diet was to buy myself a really smart suit off the peg for Adams Bar Mitzvah. I am now wearing it and it feels good. Now Anne Marie and I had long discussions in the planning as to what to budget for the Bar Mitzvah and I kept coming back to this one fact. If somebody had died we would spend whatever was necessary. There are two occasions that I will not worry about money and just celebrate life to its absolute fullest. One of them I am describing now, the other please God will happen in the future. Please forgive me in these troubled times if it all looks excessive, we had been saving for fifteen years for this moment on the off chance that we had children. The money was put away for just this purpose and this purpose alone. Adam would have done better if we had just given him the money but only in monetary terms as hopefully you will understand.

I come downstairs with Ads. My Mum and Dad are already down there waiting as they see us they both start beaming. Anne Marie and Rachel arrive a few moments later, they both look absolutely amazing. There is so much of the mother in the daughter and let me tell you ladies and gentlemen it is all good. Our friends arrive and we all take the short trip back to Shul. There are a lot of people there already waiting for the service to start. The Shul seats 251 and we know it is going to be busy. Very busy.

So there are three distinct bits of the service. It starts with Shacharit – the morning service, which takes about an hour, then we progress to the Torah reading which is the highlight of any Shabbat service and finally Mussaf, the additional service said on Shabbat and festivals. So Shacharit starts and I am already in a world completely ruled by emotion....................

[Karabiner]

Genuinely inspired writing Phil, very educational too and I include myself among those being enlightened.

[Snatiramas]

The Shacharit service is being led by Joel who taught Adam all the bits for his Bar Mitzvah. At first I wanted to teach Adam but knowing my patience quotient was way too low for this particular task it fell to Joel. His wife teaches Rachel on a Sunday morning with some of her friends. It was Rachel’s birthday today. So what does your average ten year old want for a party? For her and some of her mates to go wakeboarding on Willen Lake in Milton Keynes. So we did. They all got freezing cold, wet and had an absolute blast.

Joel starts the service. He has a wonderful voice and soon has us all singing along. A steady stream of people arrive and they all come to the where we are sitting at the front and wish us mazel tov. Now the words Mazel Tov need a little explanation. Excuse the use of the old Wiki again.  Mazal tov (Hebrew: מזל טוב‎) literally means "good fortune" in Hebrew. This phrase has been incorporated into Yiddish as "mazel tov," and is now used in Modern Hebrew and English as well. It is often used to mean "congratulations."

The expression comes from the Mishnaic Hebrew mazzāl, meaning "constellation" or "destiny." "Mazal Tov" is used for all sorts of happy occasions, whether they are a new driver's license, a birthday, or the end of an IDF service. Another common use is to acknowledge a bad event or experience being over - for example, after a very hard test.

Note that although "mazal" means "luck" in Modern Hebrew, "good luck" is an incorrect translation of the true meaning of the phrase. This term is not used in the way that the expression "good luck" is used in English (typically as "I wish you good luck"). It is more often an acknowledgment that good fortune has already occurred; the sayer means, "I am pleased this good thing has happened to you!" The phrase for wishing good luck is in Hebrew "B'hatzlacha" (בהצלחה), literally meaning "with success".

Firstly everybody is hugging me. Now normally I like to keep a healthy distance from other people. I mean I might give a kiss on the cheek and a big hug to the very nice ladies but the blokes can go and get their own hugs. Anyway there is just so much warmth being shown, to me and the whole family, I am just hugging everybody in a full on, sort of manly way.  Not much praying going on but this is not for the lack of trying. The atmosphere feels a bit like that before an important sporting event. Well it does for me. For others who knows. It is crackling and as more and more people arrive the singing and buzz get louder and louder. This is a true community simcha (literal translation, happiness but is now used for any celebration). The family are reaping the reward for Anne Marie’s years of hard work in the community. My kids were named in the Shul and we have developed as a family, spiritually amongst these people. When you add in all my family then it is really quite special. Decorum is good now, even amongst Adams mates who are filling the back two rows of the Shul but there is one group who are talking like old times. Four of my oldest friends are in attendance all sitting together chewing the fat like a Jewish version of Last of the Summer Wine as though they are back in the Shul in Leicester except one doesn’t go to Shul anymore, one goes in Leicester, one lives in London and the other in Brighton, and me I set root in Bricket Wood.

Quick as a flash, Shacharit is over and we are getting to the nitty gritty bit of the service. Now there are various prayers that accompany the removal of the Torah from the Ark. The Ark being a large ornate cupboard at the front of the Shul. These prayers are all sung with the doors of the Ark opened. Anne Marie’s father Alex opened the Ark. We wanted him to have a bigger honour but he does not feel that comfortable in the synagogue and it is symbolic that he opened the Ark for his grandsons Bar Mitzvah. The roof is really being raised now during the communal singing. I am welling up, can’t help it. Raise my chin and get myself back under control, just. I can’t look at Anne Marie because we will both start crying and I have to give the pretence of calm for Adam. The Torah is taken to the Bimah. A bimah is the elevated area or platform in a Shul which is the place where the person reading aloud from the Torah stands during the Torah reading part of the service.

Before we get to the actual reading though, there is normally an insight into this week’s Torah reading. Normally this is given by the Rabbi, but it is actually part of the service that can be done by a woman so up to the plate step Anne Marie and Rachel. Rachel my almost ten year old, standing up in front of what is now an audience in the region of 300. She looks calm and confident and this is what they said..................

[Snatiramas]

Shabbat Shalom

Rachel
This week’s Parsha starts ten generations after Adam and Eve.   The people who lived at the time of Noach were dishonest - they stole, robbed and told lies … you name it, they did it. They were wicked and did not follow in Hashem’s ways.   Noach was the only righteous person amongst them.   

Hashem told Noach that he was planning to destroy the entire world by bringing a great flood.  He instructed Noach to build an ark where he, his family and anyone willing to repent could escape from the flood.   It took Noach 120 years to build the ark because Hashem wanted to give everyone the chance to repent.  Whenever people passed Noach’s yard and asked him what he was doing, he explained: "I am building an ark, because Hashem will destroy the world if you don’t repent while there is still a chance.”  But they just laughed and didn't take him seriously.

Then one day Hashem told Noach to go into the ark with his three sons, their wives, food and water and a male and female of every type of animal except fish.  When Noach sealed the ark, it started raining.  Hashem gave everyone one last chance to repent but they did not change their minds.  The rain became a flood which lasted 40 days and 40 nights.  The entire world was covered in water, and everything was destroyed.

When the flood was over, the earth was still covered with water and the ark floated around for a long time.  After 150 days, it finally settled on Mount Ararat and Noach sent a raven and some doves out of the ark to see if there was any dry land.  After a few weeks one of the doves returned with an olive branch in its beak.  This told Noach that the earth had dried, and finally Hashem gave him permission to leave the ark.  Noach built an altar and offered sacrifices to Hashem to thank him for sparing his life.  Hashem swore that he would never again destroy the entire world and confirmed this to Noach by creating a rainbow.

For the next ten generations, everyone spoke the same language and followed the same customs.  One day, a group of people decided to build a tower to show that they were as powerful as Hashem.  At this point, Hashem made everyone speak a different language, so that they couldn’t understand each other.  This caused a great deal of confusion.   They stopped building the tower and separated into different nations.
 
Anne Marie
The story of Noach teaches us three important lessons:
Firstly, not to be discouraged when things get too difficult.  Although building an ark may have seemed an impossible task for Noach, Hashem only wanted him to try his best and rewarded him for doing so by saving him and his family from the flood. 
Secondly, not to be influenced by others.  Before and after the flood, Noach was surrounded by people who did not do the right thing, despite being given several chances to change their ways.  Instead of joining them, Noach rose above the crowd and followed Hashem’s instructions.  He did what he knew in his heart was right. 
And finally, the Tower of Babel shows us, amongst other things, the tremendous power of unity.  If such unity were to be used in a positive way, for example, to make peace, the world would be a better place. 
Adam, today you take your first steps into manhood and we are all extremely proud of you.  As you go through life, you would do well to remember what your Barmitzvah parsha teaches you:  always try to do your best, be the first one to make peace whenever you find yourself in an argument and always do what you know in your heart to be the right thing. 
Shabbat Shalom.

[Snatiramas]

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