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Author Topic: Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy  (Read 73523 times)
Snatiramas
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« Reply #480 on: November 28, 2008, 07:17:17 PM »

Welcome speeches are so difficult. I mean how should I start it? Should I start with a gag. You know a really clever one like Woody Allens “"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
…….hmm better not. Humour is just so incredibly personal.


Should I start traditionally with a “Rabbi, Debbie,  Mum/Dad/ Alex/ Rita/ Adam/Rachel/family and friends…….well it would get it out of the way in a no nonsense but slightly boring way. In fact if I think you may be asleep at the end of the second card. In honesty I think you should get slightly more entertainment than that.

Maybe I should start it with something that goes like , oh and I am going to need some audience participation here…….can you do audience participation…..wait for answer “Here is the speech that Anne Marie wrote. Here is my speech that Anne Marie has not seen yet. If you want to hear Anne Maries speech shout Anne Marie now!!!! If you want to hear the speech that Anne Marie has not seen yet shout Phil now!!!!!

But I do not think I can go down that route either. You see whatever I write whether Anne Marie has seen it or not is so heavily based on our relationship and our lives together that it really does not matter whether she has seen it or not. Be very clear ladies and gentlemen she is the foundation on which this family is built. I love her enormously and if I only got one thing right in my life it was that I asked her so quickly to marry me………..she on the other hand maybe should have taken slightly longer to say yes.   Without her drive commitment and enthusiasm we would almost certainly not be having nearly as great a time as we are this weekend and with your help will have this evening. Anne Marie you look stunning this evening and a better partner in life I could not have found.

Now that brings us rather nicely on to you lot………….Wow….well look at all of you.  Don’t you all scrub up well!  All pitzed up with somewhere to go on a Sunday night. Some have battled their way to be here from Israel, from Spain, Manchester, Leeds, my own home town of Leicester and of course Radlett and London. Thank you so much for coming and making this simcha so special for us. Naturally  there are those who can not be with us tonight and our memories and thoughts are of course with them too.









And what of the younger generation. Well of course Rachel may be the youngest of the Bricket Wood Cooklins but she is also the smartest. A national memory challenge finalist, voracious reader and academic hooligan she also plays football at school and swims for City of St Albans is a Brownie and a Tae Kwondo green belt and on top of that is beautiful. Thanks to Adams love of rugby she is fierce in the breakdown and she rucks and mauls way above her age group. I often sit and listen to Rachel and Adam making up new versions of games. Such as monopoly with more than one hotel on any property, and for those like Anne Marie who do not know, this is definitely bending the rules. Sometimes the discussion is heated but always intelligently worked through. On the odd occasion when the discussion gets overheated and the positive vibe of fighting their corner comes into play, I tend to reach for the ipod which has various punk rock anthems that I put on full blast to calm me down. Rachel you look beautiful this evening and your dvar torah yesterday was excellent and bodes well for your own bat mitzvah in a couple of years time.

And so to Adam. Adam is the type of boy who always manages to get himself into situations. You will hear some of the better ones during this evenings speeches no doubt. He is though a most determined boy. I mean really really determined. Once he has set his sights on doing something he goes and does it. Take for example the intershul athletics. For those who do not know, every year eight of the major shuls north of the river lock athletic horns. The Olympics it is not, but as regards competitive edge it is right up there. The parents behaviour is classically Jewish. I have heard them complain to the judges about how their little boy was facing the wrong way or that some child is obviously too tall for the under 8 age group and therefore must be older, or the classic from this year when one of the mothers complained that one of the competitors against them in the mothers relay was a 12 year old girl and therefore should be disqualified. I mean there weren’t even medals for this race.









 Well Adam has some athletic ability and once he saw that there was a trophy for the under 12 category he set his sights on it. He was 8 at the time and every summer he would start to train to get fit for the 100 metres. Each year he would win his age group. Well ladies and gentlemen this year he won it and it has joined his rugby player of the year trophies. When being awarded the Player of the year for rugby at Old Albanians, as in St Albans rather than Albania, the coach gives a little speech and it was noted that you can’t see Adam. You sense him. Wherever the ball was, so was Adam and he would suddenly erupt out of the maul, ball in hands. On another occasion  he said  he loved coaching Adam as he just got on with whatever he was asked to do.


These same skills came to the fore when it came to his bar mitzvah. He finished his Maftir and haftorah in a determined methodical way. So now what? Well Daddy says Adam, I want to do Musaf. And so he did. And in the words of Uncle Gerald ova shalom your performance in shul was “not bad!”.  For those of you who do not know, not bad in Cooklin speak means “well done, you did yourself proud”. Adam you are an amazing person. Your constantly smiling disposition hide an absolutely resolute personality about what is right, fair and achievable. The standards that you set yourself in everything that you do make life for your mother and I so easy. On this the start, and I stress this is the start, of your march towards manhood and your jewish identity, keep raising the bar and challenging yourself as I know you will.

So we are truly blessed to welcome so many of our family and good friends here tonight and, ladies and gentlemen before I get overly emotional and I promised Ads that I would not get overly emotional ( yeah I know a bit late for that now) I have one further request of you all………..You have an absolute duty to Adam, to Rachel, to Anne Marie and to me, that you eat, laugh, dance and party and make this a night to remember. Thank you.
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Snatiramas
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« Reply #481 on: November 28, 2008, 07:20:44 PM »

They look great and so happy,  Snatt, xx

It was such a great time....please give loads of hugs to Reece, the kids ask me about him regularly and we along with everybody on here hope he keeps progressing
xx
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« Reply #482 on: November 28, 2008, 11:17:19 PM »

That last post was a fantastic speech Phil, I'm filling up as I type this..
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« Reply #483 on: November 28, 2008, 11:28:28 PM »

That last post was a fantastic speech Phil, I'm filling up as I type this..

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« Reply #484 on: November 28, 2008, 11:56:42 PM »

 
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« Reply #485 on: November 29, 2008, 12:04:50 AM »


Words fail me. Luckily, they don't fail you Phil. What a tale you tell!

I loved this.....

friends are there for a reason and you gain far more from helping a friend than that friend does from your help…….


How very true. My Dad taught me that very thing.

xx
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« Reply #486 on: December 02, 2008, 03:58:03 PM »

I interrupt this thread with the following important news announcement. For some time now I have been harbouring a secret desire to try something new.....

I have tried hypnotherapy
Various relaxation techniques most of which should be left to the imagination
I am doing the weight loss thingy

but somehow I have always wondered what a colonic actually feels like and whether during my present diet I would either increase or decrease in weight. Also would I be secret colonic visitor or a full on, write it up kind of guy?

Got to go back in a while
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« Reply #487 on: December 02, 2008, 05:19:19 PM »

Back again.....sorry fairly manic at work today. So I think I am going to be a write it up kind of guy, after all how embarrasing, painful, fun, cleansing can it be.......I think finally I can be signed up as insane........oh on the diet front this week we cascaded through the six stone marker. So diet and colonic I wonder what I can come up with for the third part of next weeks win treble............
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« Reply #488 on: December 05, 2008, 02:09:44 PM »

So another Sunday and another visit to the swimming pool with Rachel. Had a cold all week and have various tough and nasty looking meetings for the week ahead but if it was easy they would not need me. Weigh in this week took me to a total of six stone lost. Six stone. Even now I can’t quite compute it. I mean 84 pounds does seem to my eyes quite a lot of weight and yet still I struggle on because my head is in the wrong place. I am still lacking in self control and my demise in weight loss would cause me to put the weight straight back on. That thought scares me immensely which means that I spend most of my time on the diet and then do some sort of psychotic binge routine. When I get to the root cause of the binge I will know and I mean really know and understand my relationship with food. I may go and visit my hypno therapist again to probe this one specific area. I mean one should not go on a journey without visiting all the sites including a visit to a colonics clinic whilst we are on the subject of probing.

And talking about going on a journey for the first time since its inception the Sky poker live event in Newcastle actually falls on a free weekend for me. So I am going. My affair with Newcastle has always been a particularly unpleasant one unfortunately and yet still I find myself liking the people. So I shall go on the Friday and return on the Sunday. Play a little poker (in my case a very little poker, more like high quality bingo) and hopefully change my experiences which are currently based on having a tooth knocked out and being made redundant oh and appearing in court for pulling a certain hand gesture. Me your honour I was just being a chirpy cockney your honour. Bound over and the police got a bollocking for wasting everybody’s time.

Okay so back to the Bar Mitzvah. Now you may all be spotting a certain pattern to all of this. I get up to speak and then as a reward for sitting through my inept drivel they all get a nice meal. Well my dear readers this was no exception and the diet can go hang as I tuck into the most expensive meal that I have ever paid for and enjoy without any guilt at all every single mouthful. Amma and I go working the tables and sharing jokes and trying to spend as much time as we can with our guests.

I am really enjoying hosting this event. I feel that the Bar Mitzvah has brought me to a completely new place in my life. Quick as a flash we are being ushered back to our seats for a few more speeches. Unfortunately I do not have Susie’s (my eldest sisters) speech/toast but the rest went as follows……..
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« Reply #489 on: December 05, 2008, 02:21:19 PM »

Phil your ability to describe events are 2nd to none,your zest for life and enjoying it to its fullest is a joy to read especially the way you place yr family at the summit of all which you do.You are a credit to your parents and a role model for many,
personally you are my   B.O.Y

Blond Of the Year...( I omitted the t as it would have been just so wrong to call you my B.O.T.Y)

6st is absolutely amazing

now a full sized carboard cut out of your former self will keep you on the right track over the long haul all you'd have to do is just pop it out of the wardrobe when your feeling down and hey presto.....
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Snatiramas
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« Reply #490 on: December 07, 2008, 09:14:21 PM »

Okay so there were two toasts that I do not have the speeches for....
the first , and it is always the first is the Loyal toast......given by Susie. this was quickly followed by the toast to the The President and the State of Israel.

Now both of these toasts were followed by the respective national anthems which strangely always makes me think of being at Wembley before a football international.

Then Rachel stands up and makes a speech about her brother......it went like this

                               Rachel’s speech for Adam’s bar mitzvah


My brother Adam. Hmm…where to start. So much to say, such little time.    This may take a while, so I hope you’re all sitting comfortably. 

I’d like to begin by saying how well Adam did in Shul yesterday.  He was awesome!   Over the last few months, I have listened to Mummy and Daddy nagging him time and time again to practise for his Barmitzvah and I’ve listened to him singing his Maftir, Haftorah and Musaff over and over and over again.  In fact I’ve listened to it so many times, I know it off by heart!!  Seriously, he really was fantastic and it made me very proud.

Having an older brother has many advantages.  Because he’s a boy, its relatively easy to wrap him round your little finger and because he’s older, you can let him do everything first and learn from his mistakes!!

We also have a great deal in common.  For instance we both enjoy swimming.  Adam’s enthusiasm for the sport started when he was very young – in fact, he’d only just started walking.   One Sunday afternoon we went to St Albans park to feed the ducks.  As we were walking round the lake, we found a clearing and stopped.  Mummy gave Adam some bread and Daddy walked to the water’s edge with Adam.  All fine so far.  As soon as the ducks cottoned on that there was food available, they started racing towards Adam.  They came from far and wide – there were hundreds of them.  Without hesitation, Adam, being one of the most generous people in the world, gave one of the ducks the piece of bread in his hand.   However, things took a turn for the worse.  When he gave the other piece of bread to the second duck waiting in line, Adam forgot to let go of the bread.  Typical Adam!!   Not only did the duck and the bread end up in the water, so did Adam!!  Daddy managed to keep hold of him just long enough to fish him out of the water.  And luckily, our friends had a change of clothes with them so Adam didn’t have to stay wet for too long.  Unfortunately for him, they were girls clothes – Adam, do you know how fetching you look in pink??

One of the things we share is the untidy gene we both inherited from Daddy.  It drives Mummy up the wall.   Phrases like “take something upstairs with you”, “you’re not going anywhere until you’ve tidied your room” and “the dirty washing goes in the washing basket, not on it” are Mummy’s mantra.   What she doesn’t realise is that we sometimes do things deliberately and have a bet on her response, just for fun.  I’m sure we will appreciate her nagging when we grow up and have our own homes and washing to do but for now, we’re not going to change.

One of the few things we don’t have in common is our taste in food. It drives Mummy mad because whatever Adam likes, I don’t and vice versa.   Ketchup is just one example.  Adam loves the stuff and eats it with absolutely everything.  I swear he would eat it neat without food if he could.   Adam - it might be worth buying a few shares in the company because I know you’re going to boost their profits for the next few years.

Since he’s been at Yavneh, Adam has developed a great skill when it comes to homework.  He uses all his powers of persuasion to get Mummy and Daddy and even me sometimes to do his homework for him without us realising what he’s up to.   So far, we’ve managed to achieve excellent marks in science, maths and English although we could do better in French and geography.  I’ve watched and learned with interest and will be applying the same techniques when I start secondary school. 

He’s also a champion sportsman, particularly when it comes to rugby, athletics, football, tennis, cycling and swimming.   I honestly think that the only reason he’s so good is because he hates to lose … Daddy, where do you think he gets that from??

And his powers of observation are legendary.  On a particularly hot day one summer, he was playing in the garden and came running into the house shouting at the top of his voice: “Mummy, Daddy, there’s two people in the garden next door with no clothes on.”  What he didn’t realise was that all the windows were open and everyone could hear him.  We had an interesting conversation about why some people choose to spend time in their back garden with no clothes on and also learned that our village is the home of the UK’s first ever nudist camp!   That winter, we planted lots of leafy bushes on one side of the garden so we didn’t encounter the nudists again!

These are just a few examples of adam’s interesting adventures and I am sure there are many more to come

Thank you
Enjoy the rest of your evening
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« Reply #491 on: December 07, 2008, 09:40:25 PM »

A very eloquent young lady you have there Snatty...that's a great speech.
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« Reply #492 on: December 08, 2008, 08:18:45 AM »

A very eloquent young lady you have there Snatty...that's a great speech.

Indeed. Not only that but she has started to ask difficult questions like what is the difference between affected and effected

effect noun 1 a result. 2 an impression given or produced. 3 operation; a working state • The ban comes into effect today. 4 (usually effects) formal property. 5 (usually effects) devices, especially lighting and sound, used to create a particular impression in a film or on a stage, etc • special effects. verb (effected, effecting) formal to do something; to make something happen, or to bring it about. for effect in order to make an impression on others. give effect to something formal to do it or bring it into operation. in effect in reality; practically speaking.take effect to begin to work; to come into force. to the effect that formal with the meaning or result that. to good or some, etc effect with much or some, etc success. to no effect with no success. to that effect formal with that meaning or intended result. with effect from formal coming into operation or becoming valid at (a specified time). with immediate effect formal as from now.
ETYMOLOGY: 14c as noun: French, from Latin effectus.

affect1 verb (affected, affecting) 1 to have an effect on someone or something. 2 to cause someone to feel strong emotions, especially sadness or pity. 3 said of diseases: to attack or infect. noun psychol 1 the emotion linked with a particular idea or mental image. 2 the predominant mood, feelings or emotions in a person's mental state.
ETYMOLOGY: 17c: from Latin afficere.


Still not sure I understand now !!!!!!!!
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« Reply #493 on: December 08, 2008, 09:42:48 AM »

I always remembered is as if it could cause affection it affected someone.
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Snatiramas
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« Reply #494 on: December 11, 2008, 08:21:38 PM »

Rachel doing her speech
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