Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Karabiner]

This has become compulsive reading for me.

Loved the "guilt" thing, it reminded me of a favourite story.

A guy telephones his mother and when she answers he says:

 "Mama how are you?"

"Well, I'm feeling a little weak"

"A little weak, why what seems to be the matter?"

"Well, I haven't eaten for seventeen days"

"Seventeen days mama ! Why on earth not?"

"I didn't want to have food in my mouth if you should call"

[Laxie]

You're doing a great job with the weight loss and this diary.  xx

[gatso]

Snatty, what's the difference between the shakes and stuff you're having and just buying something like Slimfast from your local Boots?

[boldie]

Your a natural writer Snatty  

[Snatiramas]

Snatty, what's the difference between the shakes and stuff you're having and just buying something like Slimfast from your local Boots?

Now that is a bloody good question. It is quite possible that I am in the middle of an "emperors new clothes" scenario. To me it seems like a perfectly good new suit but you could be right I may well be walking around naked paying well over the odds..........I do like the counselling though and it was particularly good for me last night in light of the week I have had.

Today was a huge day. In the car at 6.30am. Picking up a colleague from Stansted then up to Sheffield. Two hour meeting back to Stansted then to home. I took my stuff with me. Ate a bar on the way up drank lots of water. No probs. A really good meeting (I may do a piece on meetings and styles at a later date) and then on our way back I stop at a pub called the Lock Keeper. I take my colleague inside. I go in with my battery operated hand whisk (already known as my vibrator by Mrs.Snat) a strawberry pack and my mixing container. I sit down and get served by a lovely lady who helps me get it all sorted out and washed and dried afterwards.......would you believe that her assistant manager had lost seven stone on the course. What has been surprising is how lovely people are when you explain the situation.......

And talking of lovely people thank you all who post on here it is making a difference to me.

[Dingdell]

This has become compulsive reading for me.

Loved the "guilt" thing, it reminded me of a favourite story.

A guy telephones his mother and when she answers he says:

 "Mama how are you?"

"Well, I'm feeling a little weak"

"A little weak, why what seems to be the matter?"

"Well, I haven't eaten for seventeen days"

"Seventeen days mama ! Why on earth not?"

"I didn't want to have food in my mouth if you should call"

More please - I love love love Jewish humour! 

[tikay]

What a great read! You are right up there in the Red school of prose.

Phil, I love you. A bit.

[Snatiramas]

What a great read! You are right up there in the Red school of prose.

Phil, I love you. A bit.

Ah....Grandpa I love you too.

Now if you want me to write some stories about my Grandpa who, let me tell you, makes me look like the most boring person on the planet you are going to have to ask very very nicely

[tikay]

What a great read! You are right up there in the Red school of prose.

Phil, I love you. A bit.

Ah....Grandpa I love you too.

Now if you want me to write some stories about my Grandpa who, let me tell you, makes me look like the most boring person on the planet you are going to have to ask very very nicely

Pretty please cooey-wooey?

[Snatiramas]

My life has been blessed in many ways but none more so than the relationship that I had as a child with my Grandparents. It is only as I move through life and see a similar relationship between my kids my parents and my outlaws that I realise how good it was. On this fathers day I am going to focus on grandfathers as a special bonus post thanks to Tikay asking so nicely. Now as you all know I grew up in a nice Jewish home. We were kosher at home, Michael Sophocles of the apprentice please note but we didn’t follow all the rules.

Oh and one last thing on Mr. Sophocles and yes I am narked that he is like me a red sea pedestrian, an eminent Rabbi who I heard addressing a bar mitzvah (the service when a boy of thirteen takes responsibility for his own actions) turned to the boy who he obviously felt he was in danger of never seeing again and came out with the following line “It is easier to leave the religion than a book club because you have to write to the book club but you can just walk away from the religion.” For me it is a great shame that Mr. Sophocles has given away his birthright when obviously he thinks it could be an advantage to him.

Anyway on Shabbat (the Sabbath) we drove, we used lights, yes we went to shul (pronounced shool and the cool way to talk about synagogue if you should happen to have any Jewish mates) but in the afternoon we went and watched the Leicester Tigers or when I played rugby at school  it was shul in the morning and rugby somewhere in the midlands in the afternoon. None of the afternoon activities are allowed. Friday night was sacrosanct and we always had a family meal with eight plus of us sitting round the table. No going out on a Friday night even as a teenager, who needs parents. Now at this point I could give you my version of Ferris Buellers’ day off as I once went against my parents’ rules but I am going to save the naughty boy stories for another time.

Now the first blessing was that I got to meet and know all of my grandparents. All unbelievable characters and my Grandfathers were always in shul. There was though a problem. My Mum’s dad, known as Zeida First (Zeida is a traditional name for a grandfather, First was his surname, changed from Firestein) sat on one side of the shul, Grandpa Cooklin sat the other. Now it was very important to the politics of the family that I spent time on both sides. There was also an added factor that all my mates sat on grandpa Cooklins side of the shul. So one side was full of chat and laughter and on the other I had to follow the service be quiet and actually pray. At the time the side with my mates and Grandpa Cooklin was where I wanted to be but as I grew up I realised I owed a huge debt to Zeida First.

So with the scene set a couple stories of both men. Every Friday night after the dishes were washed by me and dried by my three sisters (my sisters wouldn’t let me dry as if I didn’t think they had washed it properly I made them do it again) I would get to sit down with Zeida First and play chess. Zeida First I later found out played for Leicestershire and we would always play two games. He would always win the first. And he would let me lose the second as well just for good measure. When I came home from school aged about  11 I used to get 10 out 10 for maths a lot (I later found out when being tested for a job that my maths ability is really quite high). I used to show Zeida and go “look Zeida I got 10 out of 10 for maths”, he would always say “why didn’t you get 11?” but I knew he was proud. So you knew with Zeida if you won at chess you earned it and it would never be given. Also he had a tell. If he started humming I would be about to lose normally in three moves but sometimes two. Either way he knew he had me. We played hundreds and hundreds of games through the years. I won three times but let me tell you they were the three sweetest victories I ever had at any competitive pastime, including cricket in the back garden against the old man which was ferocious.

Now for Zeida Cooklin. I could tell you the story about him being on a bus and telling a friend of mine from school who he met quite at random that I was an idle wanker, or I could tell you how he used to say in a voice just loud enough for everybody in shul to hear “here comes little short arse” every time the president of the shul walked in but I am going to tell you the story of Yom Kippur aka. The Day of Atonement.

Now Yom Kippur is the most important day in the Jewish calendar. You are expected to fast for twenty five hours. No food. No water. The only thing that is supposed to pass your lips is prayer. The day is based on repentance, prayer and charity. It is really the most awe inspiring feeling when you stand there at the start of the service knowing what is ahead. Okay enough religious education. I am now thirteen. I am fasting for the first time and I am desperately struggling to get through it but all I can see is toast and butter and a nice cup of tea. We have just started the story of Jonah and the big fish which could have been a whale but there is no evidence for this other than an over imaginative PR executive trying to give the story more zip. This story is an example of faith and prayer that gets wheeled out in the afternoon every Yom Kippur. Now there used to be two services in Leicester during Yom Kippur due to a sudden rise in numbers, nothing like eternal damnation to bring them into the service, and I used to spend time in the overflow service because that was where my mates were but it was expected of me to visit my family in the main shul in the afternoon as mysteriously people disappeared.

So in I walk hungry as hell. Knowing I am going to have to sit quietly for a bit. I feel a bit faint. Grandpa Cooklin can see I am struggling and comes to the rescue. He unscrews the cap on a small brown bottle and says “Phil take a big sniff of this it will help”. I took a huge sniff. Instant eye streaming hell ensued. I had never ever been introduced to smelling salts before and to this day I have never used them again!

This post comes to you courtesy of Red Dog who having asked people to look at things more closely has made me look at those things at the core of me being who and what I am. Thanks Red it is a most interesting view.

[boldie]

Fantastic post Snat..a top read

[RED-DOG]

This post comes to you courtesy of Red Dog who having asked people to look at things more closely has made me look at those things at the core of me being who and what I am. Thanks Red it is a most interesting view.


I'm afraid you are not eligible for a prize, your post is more than a week past the deadline. But fret ye not, young Snatty. Your contribution has made us all a little richer.

[Laxie]

So many questions answered in such a short space of time.  I thank you sir.    

Husband is Catholic and technically so am I, but I've never followed things the way I 'should'.  I'm afraid I'd be too open to properly follow any religion wholesale, but I do enjoy seeing all sides of it and for that I thank you.  xx   

[Claw75]

great stuff!

[Snatiramas]

bugger it can't sleep. Think I am going to have some toast. Bubbled tonight in the Macau final and can't clear my head....
Not really going to eat toast as I just had half of tomorrows peanut bar.

Oh well I am just going to win this $100 sit n go on blonde then i am going to bed