An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[RED-DOG]

Jeeves, that was brilliant!

Jeeves, could you please fmp to include a new superlative and then c&p it in after each new update. There's a good chap.

[Jeeves]

Cafe Rouge, the airport

I want to curl up, such is my embarrassment

"Excuse me sir, but is there any need to wear your Sky Poker, badges for pensioners, badge on the flight and at the airport?"

"Yes Jeeves I am representing the brand"

"Excuse me sir, but is looking like a Dexys Midnight runner representing the brand?"

"Jeeves, I am on holiday. Its my new hat, and my favourite scarf..."

"Excuse me sir, if you are on holiday, why do you need to represent the brand?"

and round and round in circles we go, in between perfunctory attempts to flirt with a perplexed member of staff

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Breakfast complete, I am instructed to follow my master

"Jeeves, WH Smith. Time for books"

More books, I wondered......We were transporting one suitcase full of reference manuals and biographies to Vegas as it was...

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Master picked out a volume that appealed

"How to look like an octogenarian chimney sweep in 2013"

Not a tome I expected to find at number 22 in the best sellers list, but perhaps the manageress had seen him coming


Ladies and Gentleman, it is going to be a long month. Even more so because the hat is "non-iron" and hand wash only.

[Marky147]

[Tal]

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What funny looking placemats they have at that place.

All the best, Jeeves. Stiff upper lip and all that.

[Richard Orford]

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It's reminding me of someone. I can't quite put my finger on who though. Ah well, it'll come to me in due course.....

[bobAlike]

Just Brill!

[Tal]

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It's reminding me of someone. I can't quite put my finger on who though. Ah well, it'll come to me in due course.....

I believe it.

[Jeeves]

Vegas.

Straight off the plane, where tikay had spent nine hours in high dudgeon because the riff-raff of scotty77 and Big D had turned left on embarkation and not right as he had expected and to the Palazzo. On time. Tick for Jeeves.

As you can see, my lone battle to stop my employer looking like a refugee from Blackpool in the 1950s has been all but lost, even at this early stage. No tick for Jeeves.

As the person sitting down, later introduced to me as a Sky Poker, sponsorship for lumberjack luckboxes, professional said to me

"Fucking hell you fuckwit, what the fuck did you allow him out in public like that for?? Do fucking Sky Poker know what he fucking looks like? Wanker"

I wondered if he was always this rude, and made a mental note to google this uncouth man on my return to the Rio suite ante chamber

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My master settled in to play the $600 PLO8 at the Palazzo and, as instructed, I settled down on ghost writing my master's first Vegas blog for Sky Poker, do you really believe he writes his own stuff, blogs for the gullible.

I was told to have it complete by the time My master retired for the night. I feared I might only have a few minutes to write it therefore, but this is what landed in master's inbox a couple of hours later.....

My editors notes are in red

Of course by the time you see it he has edited it, and passed it through various Sky Poker, filters for the infirm, language filters.

"Good morning all from a remarkably cool morning in Las Vegas, where the temperature is a mere 26c right now (9am). (change this if tomorrow is hotter tikay)

Just a short blog today (no one will expect the usual amount of blather Master), as I settle in & get everything set up for my annual sojourn in Vegas. sojourn=trip. you may wish to use the word trip. Do you know the word sojourn?
 
Sky Poker have sent me out again - a rotten job, but someone has to do it I suppose.......bit of self deprecation sir, never does any harm. After all a Rio Suite for amonth sir, how did you swing that?

I'll try & bring you the flavour & atmosphere of Las Vegas, with an excelctic deliberate spelling mistake sir, no one will believe you can spell eclectic range of topics & tittle tattle,[/color] & the occasional photograph.
 
The Virgin flight arrived 20 minutes early (Boeing 747-400, internally refurbished), the immigration queue was not too bad, & I was booked into my room an hour later. tick for Jeeves sir, tick for Jeeves

Played the $600 PLO8 @ Palazzo, but got busted just after the dinner break, marv. if you win it, edit this bit, I was just being realistic

Today, I'm off Downtown to Binions to play their PLO8, which is $240 I think.

Bumped into (plotted for several hours to accidentally meet Kara) this lovely lady yesterday.....

Take a look at the following paragraph please. I know you badgered her for 37 minutes for an autograph and a photo until she gave in, but I think this version sounds better

Yes, none other than Kara Scott. What a top, top, lady. I first met her when she started her poker journey on the TV Show Poker Night Live, we worked together on several Shows, then she came across to Sky Poker, but whilst I stayed put, she soon had had enough of me went on to work first for Pokerstars, & then Party Poker, where she still has the best TV poker gig in the world. She deserves every bit of success she has had, because she works hard & treats folks right.

Arise Sir Kara. (a joke sir, Canada, commonwealth, technically able to be a Dame but lets pretend she could be a sir, sir) 

Talking of Poker & Ladies, watch out for the Sky Poker Ambassador, Charlotte Jackson, who will be appearing on Channel 861 next month.  One of the many perks of my job is getting to meet & know folks like Charlotte, she really is genuinly lovely, in every way. I made a move, & she seemed keen, & put me on her list at # 9,372. (got to pay for that Rio suite sir)

Here is Charlotte at work.....



.....and more work (sorry, gotta get the spam in, after all a suite, FOR A MONTH SIR!)......



....and finally, when not working, Charlotte enjoys watching football with the lucky man here, Chris Coleman.......




Then I bumped into these two reprobates, Julian Thewy (Sky Poker Profanity professional OH THAT IS WHO IT IS, HOW RUDE IS HE SIR?) & Ryan Spittles (Channel 861 Analyst & poker pro keeping Adidas Perry clothing in business, take him to an emporium soon sir). They are both playing their first WSOP Event of 2013 today, so join me in wishing them good luck please.



Later, wandering around the Palazzo card room, I spotted Mr Richard Trigg, aka Action Man, aka The Claimer, where he was playing an $1,100 Event. One of these days he'll win a WSOP Bracelet, believe me, fingers crossed it is this year. Some bloke called Claypole left a message for you sir, asked you to look after Mr Trigg until he could arrive at the table in person and fawn without shame in his presence again


p.s If he turns up again in a football shirt, disown him sir





The Palazzo, where I played yesterday, is HUGE.



The photo barely tells you the sheer scale of the place.

Not only is it the tallest building in Las Vegas (though not for much longer and this probably isn't true, note google Stratosphere) but it has more useable floor space than ANY other building in the USA, pushing the mighty Pentagon into 2nd place. Now that is BIG. Casinos in Vegas are BIGGGGG (five G's enough emphasis for you?) business.

In fact, EVERYTHING in Vegas is big (note, may not be true sir I could tell you a few stories).

Here's a Starbucks Blueberry Danish. Comes with a health warning - keep the kids away, if they fell in this they could drown. Jeeves note to self, think of better metaphor for second blog



That's about it for today, I need to change my hotel room, mine is officailly described as unserviceable. (sorry sir, I did get the girls out of the room before you arrived back)

Today's favourites............

......Track by Lightning Seeds?



Any answer other than "PURE" and you are disquaified. Agreed? (The Life of Riley in Vegas sir, surely?)

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6myNbk15sMs

sir I found some of your, er, folders in your, er, private, er hard drive. decided to use them
 
Bridge?......



Passenger aircraft?


 
Greggs pie?



Mmmmmmmm.

Sorry sir the beetroot pictures were just too unsavoury. Whoever knew...

(bit worried I am using up too much of your loveable Englishman abroad quotient in the first blog post sir, let me know what you feel)


Tell us YOUR fvourites in ANY of those categories, & if I particularly like one, I might just award you a free Tournament entry. What? you don't have a Sky Poker Account? Well sign up now, & we'll GIVE you a £10 Tournament Entry by way of welcoming you on board. Go on, you know you want to.  (sir I thought we were meant to spam to pay for the suite, not give away MORE money? please advise)




More nonsense & blather tomorrow. 

[tikay]

Ha!

Thewy's image ruined forever.

Can't say I am sad.

[Tal]

Not seen a flat cap worn so well since...

[tikay]

Who him? Noddy Holder?

[Tal]

Who him? Noddy Holder?

Gtfo

That's Brian Johnson.


No, not that one.

Him the lead singer of a popular beat combo, known as AC/DC

[Jeeves]

It had been a long day, and tikay had been playing his first WSOP Bracelet event. I had railed for most of the day and retired upstairs to the suite confident that a Day Two would be secured and, despite outside perceptions to the contrary, my Master's rather dark mood borne of not winning a single pot in the US since 2012, would be lifted

As I ironed some fawn socks for My Master the outer door opened, and then slammed. The inner door opened and then slammed. My Master threw his Ipad onto the sofa, and let out a frustrated roar.

I waited a few seconds

"Oh dear sir, did it not finish well? How about a cup of Horlicks and a Beetroot smoothie?"

"Yes I am out Jeeves but its not that. It's not that Jeeves, its not...."

His voice trailed off as he went into the bathroom and slammed that door too

I decided to let things take their course and went back to my ironing. Inside the bathroom, there was intermittent silence and muttering

Some moments later, My master sheepishly came out

"Jeeves, we need to ditch the cap"

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I opened my mouth and just stopped myself from saying that the cap was nothing to do with me, it was his cap and I didn't want anything to do with it but demurred. Instead, composing myself, I went with the tried and tested servant technique of the open question that allowed my master to incriminate himself without so doing myself

"Why?"

A few minutes later, after the following torrent of self doubt and recrimination, I regretted the question

"Jeeves, you know I moved table and you took a picture?"

I scrolled through the pictures on the phone, and tikay pointed at this one

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"Him. What a cock"

He pointed at the gentleman in black at the far end

"Mike the fucking Mouth"

Silence. I didn't think I could usefully contribute to the impending diatribe

"He says my cap and scarf makes me look like Dick Van Dyke and he nicknamed me Dick the Cap"

I said nothing. Impressively I kept a straight face

"Dick the Cap. The whole table laughed Jeeves. The dealer laughed so much they had to change him Jeeves"

"Oh" Perhaps not the most telling reply from myself

"Jeeves, I like the cap"

He sat down on his Ipad, which beeped constantly due to 47 unread emails from Mere Novice. I caught sight of the first email headline

"Send more money. Royal Ascot Free bet problems"

Guaranteed to improve my Master's mood

"Sir, if you like the cap, wear the cap. Does it matter what Mike the Mouth thinks?"

tikay's head was still in his hands

"look sir, here is the straight flush photo you asked me to take today"

and I showed him

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tikay sighed

"Jeeves, I only won three quarters of that pot too, two straight flushes and still I can't scoop"

I moved into full life coach mode, a Jared Tendler for the British pensioner, a Mental Game for the slightly Mental

"Sir, bed, Beetroot smoothie, one chapter of the History of the Panama canal, fluff up a pillow for your cap to rest on. Wake up in the morning ready for the fight again. You will win a pot outright on this trip, and I will be there to record it. We can then email all your investors about it. and sir...."

I paused, searching for the killer photo

"and sir, I can take more photos like this for your blog"

I showed him



tikay peered at the exciting photo. Peered closer. Looked at me, his sunken eyes a perfect complement to an ever more hangdog expression

He shook his head, picked up his beeping IPad and muttering something to himself about someone being less talented at picture taking than himself, went quietly to bed

[iangascoigne]

      Loving this.

[Rubbish2407]

Pull your finger out Jeeves, been two days since the last update!

Sterling work by the way.