F5 F5 F5 F5 F5
A frantic tikay pressed hard on his keyboard, sat uneasily at the table in his Rio suite
"Jeeves, is this your doing? I can't access blonde"
"No sir, perhaps switch it off and on again?"
I had seen how these software engineers worked, and I knew that for £60+VAT an hour this was all they did
We tried my tactic, but no luck
"Bollocks" exclaimed tikay "Get Mere Novice on the phone"
"but sir, you ARE Mere Novice. Or I am. Either way we are Mere. I can't phone him up"
tikay's brow furrowed
"Get TightEnd"
"but sir, that programme gets turned off at midnight UK time for overnight charging. And anyway, I can't ring up a bot"
tikay's brow furrowed further
"Get Bongo"
I tried not to dear reader, but at first a slight titter escaped, followed by guffaws of laughter.
tikay managed a smile
"Ironside?"
"things aren't that bad, sir" I opined
"lets go and play some poker, and we can catch up when we get back" and I handed him his comfort blanket copy of "Vegas Muscle cars", he stuck his thumb in his mouth and within moments his mood had been restored to equiibrium.
As tikay grabbed a banana from the bowl on the way out, I dutifully reminded him
"No bath for you tonight, sir" and we headed for the Rio cash tables where I took fascinating photos, tikay discussed the intricacies of Noel Edmonds' beard with Mr Shipley and we then tried to find a wheelbarrow to transport tikay's burrito to the suite where he could eat it in the privacy that the gluttony of ordering a foodstuff of that size deserved.
Sadly, the cash session did not go too well. I knew this as the cry of
"Jeeves, $500, now" went up three times in quick succession
This was annoying, as it distracted me from my rather juvenile and so far futile obsession in getting a blonde lady to smile. I am not sure what first attracted me to this multi-millionaress, but so far sadly the attraction is not mutual
As we strode through the corridors after tikay's session was complete, I gathered my my own mental whale music from the recesses of my mind, and waited for the inevitable. It was not long in coming
"I get no playable hands for 2 orbits, then I find A-A-K-2 DDHH & miss, a straight takes the lot. Bye bye $500 Jeeves.
Next up, the VERY NEXT hand, 7-8-9-J-Q, & I flop the lot, it came 7-8-10, so two pair, nut straight, & extensions, but it has 2 spades & I am spadeless. Bye bye another $500 Jeeves.
Incredibly, the NEXT hand I get A-A-Q-Q-2, all red, HHDD & my man wants to get the lot in.
Flop is a beautiful 3-4-10, all red, red, so I need any 5, low (6, 7 or 8 ), heart, or just "hold", plus more assorted backdoors than B & Q ever have in stock.
The turn & river?
Blanks Jeeves.
Another $500 gone Jeeves"
A pause until the lift stopped with a ping, and a final question came towards me
"Jeeves, would you have passed 7-8-9-J-Q on 7-8-10, two spades with no spades? Tell me honestly"
I didn't have a clue, but years of training told me that only one thing needed to be said at this point
"You played it perfectly sir. Unlucky"
Before I retired to repose, as tikay tossed and turned in uneasy slumber, I sent tikay a note on his other forum. It began
"IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,....."
If, indeed. Another trying day lay ahead in the morning.
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