An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[RichEO]

 

Caerphilly cheese.

[boldie]

Brilliant Jeeves 

Obviously pics of stewardess or it didn't happen 

Top stuff jeeves!...

[Jeeves]

My apologies for the lack of haste in updating you on Master Floppy's stay here in Nevada. This has been for two very important reasons. Firstly I am rather stewardess-lagged and secondly and altogether more importantly my young Master has been very insistent that my tasks for him are complete before I write. The combination of these two unrelated reasons leaves me little time to update you.

However never mind, all good things come to those who wait, especially young Miss Caroline from Virgin Atlantic two floors down in Room 1362.

Enough of this frippery though, back to Master Floppy.

You may not know that I have been in service to the Floppy family since 1974, when young Master floppy was merely a twinkle in Old Mr Floppy's eyes. Back then the Floppy family were rather traditional in their manners and outlook. My tasks were regular and continual, but extremely satisfying for a young manservant in his prime. The routine was as follows:

1. 6.45am run bath for Master, put toothpaste on toothbrush.

2. 6.52am rouse the sleeping master, hand him his ermine dressing gown and lead him to the bath.

3. before 7am while master is bathing, lay out his clothes for the day depending on whether it was a city or country pursuit schedule.

4 7.15am dry off and dress Master.

5. 7.30am Hand him the Daily Telegraph.

6. 8am Serve him his eggy soldiers just like his now departed nanny Mrs Mason used to do

7. 9am Drive Master to the "up" train to London if it were a town day, or to the stables if it was a country day

before spending the day keeping the place spick and span for Master's return

Now of course I am charged with the routine of young Master Floppy, and I must say life is altogether different. At home in England I am on 24 hour call, often asked to give him a restorative rub down as he bemoans his luck on a "Full Tilt Omaha" table. Sadly the sentence "I had the full wrap, all the blockers and the nut flush draw, how could I miss? I run so cold" was not in my basic manservant training but young Master was happy I was on call to listen sympathetically as I polished his lap top bag and sharpened his HB pencils.

Here in Nevada I follow him respectfuly a few paces behind as he strides through the Rio establishment. Unable to get himself the necessary accreditation (if only he had asked I would have had a word with Smithers, Mr Jeffery Pollack's Lancastrian man about town) he cuts a somewhat forlorn figure on the outside of a long red rope calling out plaintively "anyone tell me how many chips Benyamine has got please?" but mine is not to reason why, merely to be on hand to fulfil those promises I made to his father all those years ago when I was passed along to his son.

Still, I am incredibly grateful to the young Master for giving me some time off during our sojourn here. On one such occasion I found myself chatting to several very pleasant young ladies in the Rio bar. One was called Candy, and she hailed from Puerto Rico. I was most touched to find that she "digged my British accent" and was only too delighted to fulfil her wish to shout "It's like taking Candy from a baby ma'am" as she availed herself of my vocal and other talents later that evening. Now all I have to do is ensure I have the receipt for countersigning by the Master and including in his portfolio for forwarding to PokerListings Inc, his temporary employer, on our return to blighty.

 

[boldie]

soo much better than any other Vegas diary I've ever read. Top man, Jeeves.

[Colchester Kev]

However never mind, all good things come to those who wait, especially young Miss Caroline from Virgin Atlantic two floors down in Room 1362.

Just got to that bit, had to pause to LOL !!!

[Robert HM]

Methinks Jeeves is enjoying his time in LV far more than his master.

[Jeeves]

Wednesday 4th June.

Just a short note to update you on two pieces of what is called over here "Breaking News"

On being relieved of my duties last night I retired to my ante chamber only to be interrupted by the insistent buzzing of my portable phone at 4am by a message from master. It merely said

"Ship the turbo Hundo for $6.5k wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

Unable to compute this message with any of my regular duties I fell back into a restless slumber only to be woken by a rather excitable Master a few hours later. Master clearly had not been to bed, and I began to ready his bath and shaving equipment when he thrust a series of small patches into my arms, alongside some Poker Listing shirts. Looking rather quizzical I awaited instructions which were not long in coming:

"Shib Jeeves. Ultimate Bet are paying me to wear these patches on my gear for the rest of the series. Sew them on man, holla balla fk your life sign up to poker Listings now or the kittens get it how's the norkage?" which sounded rather incongruous when uttered in a voice so unremittingly public school that the chambermaids enquire of me whether Master is indeed MI5.

Momentarily nonplussed I enquired of Master, in my informal role as moral guardian of the Floppy family name, whether such sponsorship was altogether appropriate for one so unblemished by controversy. To which the reply came

" It's balla Jeeves, Hellmuth ftw"

and I proceeded to unzip my portable sewing kit and get to work forthwith.

Today I have instructions by Master to baby-sit a rather excitable young man by the name of Anthony Phillips who I gather has been causing a few problems in the Rio. I think we will take him on a trip away from the casinos today and introduce him to some of the delights of "Peppermints" which sounds a very fine establishment a short perambulation away. 

I will report more on this tomorrow, Master's demands permitting.

[boldie]

[Tonji]

Quality Jeeves 

Vegas is merely an extension of the Drones Club to Floppy.

[AlexMartin]

Wednesday 4th June.

Just a short note to update you on two pieces of what is called over here "Breaking News"

On being relieved of my duties last night I retired to my ante chamber only to be interrupted by the insistent buzzing of my portable phone at 4am by a message from master. It merely said

"Ship the turbo Hundo for $6.5k wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

Unable to compute this message with any of my regular duties I fell back into a restless slumber only to be woken by a rather excitable Master a few hours later. Master clearly had not been to bed, and I began to ready his bath and shaving equipment when he thrust a series of small patches into my arms, alongside some Poker Listing shirts. Looking rather quizzical I awaited instructions which were not long in coming:

"Shib Jeeves. Ultimate Bet are paying me to wear these patches on my gear for the rest of the series. Sew them on man, holla balla fk your life sign up to poker Listings now or the kittens get it how's the norkage?" which sounded rather incongruous when uttered in a voice so unremittingly public school that the chambermaids enquire of me whether Master is indeed MI5.

Momentarily nonplussed I enquired of Master, in my informal role as moral guardian of the Floppy family name, whether such sponsorship was altogether appropriate for one so unblemished by controversy. To which the reply came

" It's balla Jeeves, Hellmuth ftw"

and I proceeded to unzip my portable sewing kit and get to work forthwith.

Today I have instructions by Master to baby-sit a rather excitable young man by the name of Anthony Phillips who I gather has been causing a few problems in the Rio. I think we will take him on a trip away from the casinos today and introduce him to some of the delights of "Peppermints" which sounds a very fine establishment a short perambulation away. 

I will report more on this tomorrow, Master's demands permitting.

a beauty, keep it up, this si awesome.

[turny]

a truely fantastic diary thread and one well worth reading imo!

keep it up jeeves 

[Jeeves]

Thursday


Babysitting Mr Phillips did not go exactly to plan. There I was, gently unwinding from the strains of my sewing, enjoying the attentions of Fifi from Carolina in Peppermints when from the bar I heard the strains of some young British gentlefolk serenading one of their number, a Mr Akenhead who I gather had a rather notable result. Things turned rather unpleasant when one of them got onto the Disc Jockey's turntable and began to address the assembled throng

"Ten Four Ten Four what the hell, ten four ten four fk our lives" he cried

All this to the backdrop of vinyl records being scratched at top hole volume. This was followed by the assorted British gentlefolk being chased out of the building by two ex WWE Wrestlers called Kurt and Booker shouting "HitSquad? who the fk are the Hit Squad" repeatedly.

I was not to see Mr Phillips after that point, but Master Floppy was to his credit relaxed when I informed him of our tribulations later.

As one more used to tea dances and the strains of Gershwin as his aural pleasure it was a bit of a shock to my system, let me tell you but as Candice from Iowa shimmied her way into my peripheral vision I soon lapsed into mixed thoughts of silicon laden breasts and whether I had remembered to polish Master Floppy's shoes before his next stint on the rail.

Later that day I ran into Gussie Fink-Nottle, Master Floppy's bestest friend at Eton, who told me that Master Floppy had been keeping a notebook containing frank and over-candid observations on amongst others Sir Watkyn Goulding and Lady Diana Immanuel two of his fellow bloggers. Unbeknownst to me my Master had lost the notebook, so I was half prepared for the plaintive knock on my door shortly before lights out.

"Jeeves" came the pathetic whimpering cry

"Yes, sir" I replied, altogether neutrally

"I have had a faux pas" said he

"Proceed young master" said I, awaiting the inevitable

"I have a bloggers notebook in which I jot down random thoughts about poker hands, poker players and the like, and I have lost it"

"That is careless" I said, with affected disdain, for I knew what was coming

I carried on "Why is that a faux pas?"

Floppy hesitated and cleared his throat "Because it contains my inner-most thoughts"

"Oh" said I, as one of the very few people permitted to pierce the inner sanctum of the Floppy brain, I feared the worst

I continued "so it lists why you are the A team blogger in Las Vegas and how no one appreciates you, contains your private collection of MC Hammer bubble photographs and says how much you really hate cats but just put up with it to humour Ms Immanuel?"

"y-y-y-y--yes" he blubbed

"Not to worry" I said "I will retrieve it for you"

"Will you?" said Floppy, clinging onto my calf as a comfort blanket

"Yes" said I


and with that I embarked on my plan to recover the evidence and once again protect the reputation of the family I have sworn to protect.

[Karabiner]

More top-knotch reportage from Jeeves 

[boldie]

More top-knotch reportage from Jeeves 

what he said

[Jeeves]

Friday


I went in search of the Fish. He was the one poker player I knew likely to know where the incriminating book lost by Master could be found. Many moons ago, before I entered service I had a past I was and am not proud of in petty crime circles in Humberside and it was there I came across a bejewelled gentleman named David. He would be able to help me now.

I caught up with him having a quiet dinner in the Stratosphere with his girlfriend. I went up to him and asked if he could spare me a moment. He affected ignorance. It was only when I said to him "John Prescott. Hull Docks, Chinese container heist, 1973" that he remembered me and was quickly out of his seat leaving his pretty young lady picking at her Prawn Marie Rose and sipping her Asti Spumanti.

I described Master's predicament and David knew exactly where to go. He promised that after speaking to Jonny Fingers, Nick the Greek and Long tall Bob that he would have the item returned to me within the day.

I returned to Master, who seemed agitated. I wondered why and learnt that Master was planning a trip to the Rainforest Cafe that day with his colleague Roderick and fellow employees of Poker Listings. Master Floppy was like an excitable child and it took me back to those days wandering with him around Dudley Zoo hoping for a glimpse of the big cats in the undergrowth. To this day I still make a point of saving all tiger-related clippings I find for him to put in his Full Tilt FPP Scrapbook, the one with Clonie Gowen on the front and the words "I Luv Clonie" etched in red on the inside back cover.

Master asked me to book a table for six that evening and to ensure that his table was to have a full frontal view of the Lion for its half-hourly mechanised roaring session. Later when he returned, just as I was ironing Masters pyjamas's ready for his sleep he was quite full of himself and was affecting disdain for the Vegas Rainforest. In his diary which he immediately sat down to write he described it as "a bizarre little place with flashing lights, electronic gorillas and screeching elephants (African, if you were wondering). Honestly, though, not a place to go if you are tripping on mushrooms".

Let me tell you though, he rang me at 4am as he had soaked his bedsheets after a nightmare about the Elephants ("its those big flappy ears Jeeves")  and asked me to make him a mug of Horlicks and to make his bed whilst he "fired up" a quick Omaha session.

It was with much sadness that I was then awoken some three hours later with the news that his bumbling friend Roderick had awoken young Master at 6am thinking it was 6pm. Master was only able to sleep fitfully after that and Master was in urgent need of cleanly pressed clothes, eggy soldiers with ketchup and a new pencil to go with his brand new bloggers notebook.

As I rose wearily from my own slumbers, I longed for those predictable days with Master's parents, a schedule running like clockwork where I could peruse that morning's damp copy of the Financial Times whilst ironing flat for Master. This trip has played havoc with my body-clock but my devotion to the errant young Master is such that I will press on, steadfast and resolute, and await his reaching a longed for maturity.