FML part II absolutely gutted

[tikay]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

[Laxie]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

You can SING that!  At last count my lot adds up to

1 step mom (that I know of)
2 step dads
2 step brothers***
1 step sister***
1 half sister***
1 brother***

***But mostly we just call eachother brothers and sisters.

[G1BTW]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

This.

[cia260895]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

In most cases this is correct but when a child only sees you as the object that split their mum and dad up,and refuses to accept you,blaming you for all there troubles/problems,your in an unwinnable situation.then that presents a problem that eats away at the core of the relationship.

the only thing i hadn't done was a group concilling session to try to air the problems,I did suggest it but it was turned down,would this have resolved it I honestly dont know but I was willing to have given it a go.

[steeveg]

IMO ,once a child has the attitude your not my dad don't tell me what to do and plays on this as an excuse for bad behaviour.,it becomes an impossible situation for the step father.  it can also become a bit paranoid, one child gets new bike, every child has to have a new bike to show no child is the favourite,this can apply to everything, the mother has a big role to play in this, she has to convince her child her stepfather is trying to do the best for everyone in the family and wherever she lives their will be rules she has to live by, reality is ,if some children are allowed to get away with murder they will do ,the tragedy is they are to immature to appreciate the tragic consequences it is having on the rest of the family,

[cia260895]

IMO ,once a child has the attitude your not my dad don't tell me what to do and plays on this as an excuse for bad behaviour.,it becomes an impossible situation for the step father.  it can also become a bit paranoid, one child gets new bike, every child has to have a new bike to show no child is the favourite,this can apply to everything, the mother has a big role to play in this, she has to convince her child her stepfather is trying to do the best for everyone in the family and wherever she lives their will be rules she has to live by, reality is ,if some children are allowed to get away with murder they will do ,the tragedy is they are to immature to appreciate the tragic consequences it is having on the rest of the family,

This is just so true..

l

[boldie]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

You can SING that!  At last count my lot adds up to

1 step mom (that I know of)
2 step dads
2 step brothers
1 step sister
1 half sister
1 brother

But mostly we just call eachother brothers and sisters.

Not that uncommon in certain parts of the States

[Laxie]

Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.

If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.

I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.

Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.

Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.

You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.

I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.

I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.

Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.

Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.

I hope not.

In most cases, you'll have no issues at all if you treat them as your own. As a child, one can sense very keenly when a Step-Parent sees you as a step-child, & feel the pain when your half-bro or half-sister is treated better, with more, or even any, love & affection.

You can SING that!  At last count my lot adds up to

1 step mom (that I know of)
2 step dads
2 step brothers***
1 step sister***
1 half sister***
1 brother***

***But mostly we just call eachother brothers and sisters.

Not that uncommon in certain parts of the States

   Touche - FMP

[phatomch]

boarding school is the way forward, for the money you will spend splitting up and living in seperate props it will work out the same price.

[cia260895]

WOW this definitely feels like a house now rather than a home.........

spookily quiet and empty

[G1BTW]

WOW this definitely feels like a house now rather than a home.........

spookily quiet and empty

Sorry. Are you alright?

[cia260895]

just about thx

well not really am frigging devastated tbh

[gatso]

when in a bad spot just ask yourself 'what would bolt do in my position?'

see you in a couple of hours when you've taken advantage of the empty house by knocking one out in every room

[cia260895]

when in a bad spot just ask yourself 'what would bolt do in my position?'

see you in a couple of hours when you've taken advantage of the empty house by knocking one out in every room

yr aving a larf bolty would have been in a bedsit so once was his lot

i got 10 frigging rooms here excluding halls who do u think i am Ron frigging Jeremy..

[gatso]

that's why I gave you a couple of hours