Joke!!

[Laxie]

Apologies, i forgot it was either Boshi or Boldie i should have typed.

Sandy

Now that right there WAS funny!

 

(Soz Kinfishy & Baldie...couldn't be helped. x)

[moonandback]

Paddy had been drinking at his local  Dublin  pub all day and most of
the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says,
'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK
Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and
steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls
himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.. He takes a step towards
the door and falls flat on his face,


'Shoite,


Shoite!'


He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get
to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up to the door frame.. He sticks his head outside and
takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step
out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.


'Bi'Jeeez .... I'm frockin' frocked,' he says.


He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No frockin' way'. He crawls up
the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He
takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Frock
it' and falls into bed.


The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night ?'


Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was frockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'


'Mick phoned .. . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

[thetank]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasaurus.



The picuture is of megalosaurus. Megasaurus apparently isn't an actual dinosaur according to google, it's a toy.

Lesbian dinosaur is lickalotapus, obv that's not a real dinosaur either.

[sofa----king]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasaurus.



The picuture is of megalosaurus. Megasaurus apparently isn't an actual dinosaur according to google, it's a toy.

Lesbian dinosaur is lickalotapus, obv that's not a real dinosaur either.


I got caught while doggin once,by a dinosaur it was a
 doyouthinkysaurus

that was a real dinosaur,.,.,.I think,.,,,,
he had a big horn,.,. I think it was a horn,,,

[MANTIS01]

This made me LOL....

[iveysda]

Man goes into a sex shop looking for a blow up doll, shop owner says:'' sure sir what would you prefer blonde, brunette, redhead?''
Man says:'' how much is the blonde one?'', owner says:''£100'', man says:'' how much for the brunette?'', ''£300'' he replies.
''Do you have any dark skinned ones'', he asks, ''yes sir we have a mueslim doll''.
''A mueslim doll fantastic'' he says, ''how much are those?'' ''£1000" he replies.
'' fuckin hell mate a £1000 why the fuck are they so expensive''
owner replies:'' they blow themselves up!!!!

[TightPaulFolds]

.

[bobAlike]

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

[henrik777]

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.

Sandy

[Claw75]

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.

Sandy

ewwww

[TightPaulFolds]

.

[The-Crow]

Top ten best jokes judged at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

1) Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty."

10) Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…

[TightPaulFolds]

I met Tim Vine once when I was checking in at Glasgow Airport to go to London. I asked for his autograph, and he made a joke up for me and wrote it down 'Dr Dr I think I'm turning into an airport. -Is it terminal?'
Got on the (nearly empty) plane and I'd been put right behind him and we spoke for a bit. I told him I was a big fan of Harry Hill and I had first seen him on Saturday Live, when Tim broke on to the scene also. Turns out they are best mates. He explained the story about a joke that had won Harry 'best joke' also, it was in fact Tim's joke. They had been out at a restaurant and Tim had ordered a pizza 'What you get?' 'Quattro Formaggi' 'How is it?' 'A bit cheesy'...

Tim says the joke that became number one isn't even very good, he prefers 'I'm going to Sooty's bbq. I'm gonna have a Sweepstake'.

They are all a bit like Tommy Cooper, and I know a lot of people don't like that kind of humour, I love it, surreal/stupid one liners that are a bit dumb, but who said comedy had to be clever? Harry Hill's stuff is similar.

[thetank]

I met Tim Vine once

oooOOOoooOOOooo

[fatso]

I went to my bosses for dinner,complete disaster,his wife said to me how many potatoes would you like ? oh i'll just have the one,you dont have to be polite she said,ok then i'll have one,you f****ng pig.