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Author Topic: Joke!!  (Read 310239 times)
typhoon13
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« Reply #1335 on: November 18, 2019, 04:38:40 PM »

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
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booder
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« Reply #1336 on: November 19, 2019, 04:58:14 PM »

WARMING !!!
If youse gets a link called "free porn" dont opin it ?!
its a birus wich deactivare you spellhecck and garbles up you writing. i also reciebed it but luckly i dont does porn so i dont opin it
warn al1 you vriends
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
Kev B
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« Reply #1337 on: November 19, 2019, 05:48:44 PM »

WARMING !!!
If youse gets a link called "free porn" dont opin it ?!
its a birus wich deactivare you spellhecck and garbles up you writing. i also reciebed it but luckly i dont does porn so i dont opin it
warn al1 you vriends

Nicked.  Grin Grin Grin
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bobAlike
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« Reply #1338 on: November 19, 2019, 09:32:12 PM »

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out, had a few drinks, nice guy. He’s a web designer
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Ah! The element of surprise
booder
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« Reply #1339 on: November 26, 2019, 12:04:32 PM »

I have been studying advanced physics recently and came across this curious space/time anomaly;

It takes 5 minutes to get from my house to the pub, but it takes 45 minutes to get from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1340 on: November 27, 2019, 09:40:00 AM »

I'm playing Scrabble with Midge Ure.
I've got 4 letters left, but they mean nothing to me.

O V N R
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
RED-DOG
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« Reply #1341 on: November 27, 2019, 09:57:30 AM »

I'm playing Scrabble with Midge Ure.
I've got 4 letters left, but they mean nothing to me.

O V N R


Lol.


Already stolen and used it.
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The older I get, the better I was.
booder
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« Reply #1342 on: December 07, 2019, 09:04:42 AM »

If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know as i need to borrow some chairs.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1343 on: January 11, 2020, 09:31:57 AM »

My budgie broke his leg today so i made him a splint out of matches.

His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1344 on: February 17, 2020, 05:31:42 PM »

Just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

It was a lamb bikini
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1345 on: March 05, 2020, 07:44:46 PM »

"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.

Then I realised that was in bad taste.

 Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
Karabiner
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« Reply #1346 on: March 27, 2020, 04:19:41 PM »

Prince Charles is self-isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is self-isolating at Windsor with Jenny-14
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"Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time maddening and rewarding and it is without a doubt the greatest game that mankind has ever invented." - Arnold Palmer aka The King.
booder
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« Reply #1347 on: April 09, 2020, 02:20:45 PM »

I've recently bought the book "The History Of Subbuteo."

I'm just flicking through it.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1348 on: April 16, 2020, 03:41:22 PM »

Please please tell me now... is there something I should know...


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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
booder
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« Reply #1349 on: April 17, 2020, 09:10:48 AM »

Just got hit by a rental van.

Fucking Hertz.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
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