Been up for around 30 hours. Haven't been too successful in the last few days with the pokerz, needed to wind down a bit so I figured I'd trot on into town to busy myself with mischief.
Everyone's in such a rush and they don't very look happy as they brush past me. They're very busy getting to wherever they're going, but I'm pretty busy too, slurping at the bottom of a frappacino cup trying to suck up the last bitties through a clogged up straw. This takes up most of my concentration but I try not to get in anyone's way too bad, I'm not looking to cause that kind of mischief.
Anyway, I pop into the supermarket to pick up some supplies for tomorrow's grind. It's a high street supermarket and the checkouts are in the post office style, that is one big long queue and a digital display tells you what till you go to when you get to the front.
I get called forward by Grandma on till number 4. She rings up my stuff and before we get to the payment bit she picks up a bar of chocolate and comes out with this.
"Can I tempt you with a new Caramel Kit Kat"
Total wtf moment as far as I was concerned, took me a second or two to twig what was going on. It wasn't a conversational tone she was using, it was a blank one as if she were reading from a script. My brain eventually catches up, ahhh, Grannies been told to suggestive sell Caramel Kit Kats today.
I politely declined, I've never been less tempted by a Kit Kat tbh, no offence to Gran, I just wasn't ready for you and my default to such a request while I'm still processing all kinds of new information and sensory input is a "no thankyou."
As I pick up my bags to go, I overhear a conversation over at till 6. An older gentleman who looks like he spends half his time in a bookies and the other half in a Wetherspoons pub is buying some Drum tobacco. Teenager behind the counter asks him if he's interested in the new kit kat at all. (for the record, man says no)
So they're having a sell Kit Kat competion obv! Must be some fun to be had here I'm sure.
Was racking my brains on the bus home and, inspired by the thread the other day about bolt in the supermarket and his pursuit of some chick (and also my long term ambition #576 to pull a checkout girl while she's working)
So here's the plan.
I'm going to have a shit, shower and shave then put on the only jumper I own that didn't come from Primark. Then I'm going to go back into town and buy some more groceries from the supermarket.
Obviously I'll be wanting to be served by some chick who falls within a reasonable bracket. In the event that I'm called forward by Grannie or a dude
when I get to the front of the queue I have a contingency plan. I'll look as if I'm interested in what's on the impulse purchase shelves near the front of the queue and let the next person go instead.
Then while the checkout lady bags me up and we get on to the inevitable Kit Kat tempting part of the transaction, I can shock her by saying "fuck yeah, I'll buy 12" and then
?? profit.
I'm totally attached at the moment, loved up with an Aussie teacher, (she went back to work today hence my boredom) therefore I'm not actually going to pull checkout girl, but I figure it's cool to try to get the number just to see if I can right? It's an academic exercise.
Now you might say I'd be harrasing this checkout chick and/or wasting her time. The way I figure it though is it'll be all good coz thanks to me she'll almost defo win the Kit Kat competion and so be adequtely compensated.
Example of intended conversation.
"Would you like one of these special new Kit Kats sir?"
"Yeah go on, I'll take a dozen"
"zomg allright" (in a way that scarcely masks her delight)
"I'll buy another dozen if you give me your phone number"
****she might say anything here, but I figure I'll be ok as long as I work in the following****
"Go on, we can go to the pictures, it'll be economical for me, I won't need to buy popcorn, I'll smuggle in some Kit Kats instead"
The way I see it I can't lose, but to increase the likelyhood of my success I'm currently battering into my third tin of lager.
Update to follow...
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