Prose from a Poshboy

Sorry for the de-rail Alex, but after going to DTD this weekend, I realised that I had made a glaring omission from my critique of the DC game and it's something I need to get off my chest. Lets call it paragraph (b) subsection (i) :

(b.i) DEALER ABUSE IMMUNITY:

Just as in nature there are organisms that seem to be capable of enduring in the face of all adversity, carving a niche for themselves where nothing else is able to flourish, so there was one dealer that could adroitly handle the DC game and it's gushing geyser of poison, intimidation and vitriol. In fact, it's probably wrong to say that he was immune to it, since he actually thrived in it. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: Ryan Brodsky.

Brodsky had a gift for identifying the most ill-tempered, unpleasant players on the table and swiftly set about delivering them the most brutal bad beat, which would result in them showering him with a deluge of offensive abuse... and he LOVED it. Smiling sweetly, he would then proceed serenely with the next hand, all of us knowing that, like the greatest of marksmen, it wouldn't be long before he found the same target again and again, thus ratcheting up the level of vitriol more and more, creating (what was, for him) a virtuous cycle of abuse. He really did have it down to a fine art, pressing on until the villain went bust and erupted with fury, spewing bile all over the table, which he, this human sponge of misery, would leisurely soak up.

The only problem was, that like all the greats, he needed a bigger challenge. It was all very well tilting the hot-heads and lunatics, but this was becoming all too easy, " What if I can turn the mild-mannered players into gibbering maniacs as well? " he mused. He didn't mull it over for long, trading in his sniper rifle for a Mac-10 sub-machine gun, spraying the table indiscriminately with one and two outers, people who'd previously gently tapped the table when they were on the wrong side of a 2 minute slow-roll were now firmly in his sights. It pains me to write this but he got to me, oh he got to me, on more than one occasion, and I'm ashamed to admit that I once called him " a despicable human being ".

Despite all this, he was still welcomed to the table by the DC regs because he is genuinely a good guy, one of the quickest, most popular and competent dealers and rarely made a mistake. Except the time he dealt a flop. In Padooki. And cost me £1,200. Not that I was angry with him at the time, or bear him any malice now. The dirty son of a bitch.

(If any mods. feel that this last sentence should be deleted, then I can assure you that you will be robbing Ryan of the opportunity of going to work tonight with a smile on his face)

Ryan Brodsky: Legend Of The Game.