Prose from a Poshboy

[cambridgealex]

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My 4 week trip in Florida comes to an end. I played 12 tournaments, ranging from $400 to $10k in buyins. I cashed in 4!  33% pretty good eh? To be fair there were 3 reentries in that so really it's 4/15 so 27%   . And to be extra fair, one of the cashes was splitting the bubble with someone for a less than $200 profit on the $1.1k buyin so 3.5/15... And the other 3 cashes were all pure min cashes...and they were in the $400, $600 and $2.2k. In fact, the total sum of the 3.5cashes was less than $5k. And I played $30k in buyins. Small details....

Tournament poker is absolutely maddening.

Cash game poker....also kinda maddening! I was $60k up on the trip halfway through and ended up losing almost all of it back. It's been a real rough couple weeks but what can you do. I'm so ready to come home and spend quality time with my family away from poker. I will lick my wounds and then get back to work, brush up on my tournament game ahead of some SCOOP but main focus of course being WSOP in mid June.

I also wonder whether I need some mental game coaching so my mental state isn't constantly going from "I love this game this is what I'm meant to do for ever and ever" to "this game is making me really miserable really often" I can't help but think it's all kind of a scam though and won't help me put into practice things I already know.

[tikay]

I was $60k up on the trip halfway through and ended up losing almost all of it back.




What a sentence Alex. Bet you never imagined the journey you had ahead of you back in 2013.








 

[cambridgealex]

I was $60k up on the trip halfway through and ended up losing almost all of it back.




What a sentence Alex. Bet you never imagined the journey you had ahead of you back in 2013.

That was 2010. My last day of employment I believe. A friend recently linked me to a Woodsey post on here back in 2011 where he says something like

"Let's be real and stop encouraging him down a path that will almost certainly going to end in him going broke. I'm saying this for your own good" etc etc

It is good to zoom out sometimes and reflect. Especially when on a bad run. Although funnily enough at the peak of this trip I did take a rare moment to reflect, looking back on the dark times of last year where I felt at my lowest, and I was very grateful for how things had turned around and had to remind myself to appreciate that moment. It's important to show gratitude so they say...Obviously immediately lose every day for 3 weeks straight

[Pokerpops]

I also wonder whether I need some mental game coaching so my mental state isn't constantly going from "I love this game this is what I'm meant to do for ever and ever" to "this game is making me really miserable really often" I can't help but think it's all kind of a scam though and won't help me put into practice things I already know.

If you are genuinely having that switch from #lovethegame to #hatethegame then I’d suggest that you would benefit from some help with your mindset. Don’t dismiss it as “stuff I already know” because what the process delivers is a way for you to actually do “stuff that you already know”.
A friend of mine offers hypnotherapy aimed at poker players. She’s a delightful individual and has been building up her business over the past couple of years.
Have a look at Hypno Poker on fb. What can you lose?

[cambridgealex]

It's 8pm In Las Vegas. I'm in my hotel room, laptop on the desk, my eyes flitting between this blank page and the mirror right in front of me.

Vegas is so different now. There never used to be a lack of options for dinners, frivolity in the pit, nights out. Now most of those types are either out of poker, or grew out of that life, became more professional and conscientious. I count myself in that bracket, the latter that is. Well maybe the former too...keep reading.

Over nearly 13 years of playing fulltime I've had plenty of spells where I thought, this isn't making me happy I might quit soon. I've never had a good alternative, or things turned around in time and it was forgotten. I've also had times where I could've quit - opportunies in the business world were there for me - but poker was going so well that I couldn’t do it.

Now is the only time both coincide - I want to quit AND I have something I want to do. This isn't some knee-jerk post to busting a few tournaments! I told my family before I came that this would probably be it for me. At first I said barring a big win, but the more I think about it, that'll be the perfect way to go out.

There's a fine line between longevity that's respectable, and longevity that's...sad...I'm proud I'm still here in some ways, but in other ways, feel I'm wasting away a bit. Both emotionally and personally and in opportunity cost, maybe financially too.

The lack of correlation between effort and reward in poker tournaments is just so tough to take, made more so by the travelling and being away from family. Spending 1/3 of the year away from home, and spending most of that time pretty miserable is not exactly the poker dream is it? So if I was still here in 5 years doing that, having supported my family in the process, would I be happy with that? I think not. But that's the reality now and although I could do the cash game trips to Florida or LA or Vegas and regain some sanity, my income is probably capped at a number that doesn't make it worth being away for so long, especially in the face of exciting opportunities elsewhere.

I'm really excited by AI. I think it's going to change the world. And I think I have a good skillset to position myself to make something happen in that industry. I can code, I have networks in business, I have money and I have time. I don't have a well thought out plan, I just want to learn as much as I can and see where my interest leads me. Starting my own business or building a product, I don't know.

We have a second child coming in October, so the timing to leave poker is ideal. I'm not saying I'll never play again. I'll probably play some random tournament stops here and there and a week or two in Vegas for the main event etc. I could caveat and say I could always come back to it if needs be but I kinda wanna be allin and not have that in the back of my mind. But I also don't wanna be the prick that makes a big retirement post then comes back a year later!

It's pretty scary even writing this, cos there's almost no going back if I hit send! Hence why it's now 9pm and I still keep looking in the mirror to make sure this is what I really want! Here goes...What do you guys think of all / any of that?

[RED-DOG]

I think it's a brave post.

Honest self-analysis is hard to do, sharing it is even harder.

I think you will do well whatever you do.

Good luck Alex.

[tikay]

I think it's a fabulous Post Alex, you self-analyse so well. Stay strong, stay brave, & execute Plan B well.

Good timing too, imo. The world of big buck poker is getting shadier & murkier by the day.

Oh, & congrats on the news of a new arrival. Your cup runneth over. 

[booder]

I think it's a brave post.

Honest self-analysis is hard to do, sharing it is even harder.

I think you will do well whatever you do.

Good luck Alex.

Ditto

[nirvana]

I've seen this story before, quit now or you'll end up like Chompy

[mondatoo]

My advice would be you don't need to be so rigid on the decision, I understand what you mean re going all-in on the next thing, and for sure that seems smart, but say in 6 months you really miss playing and want to go back, then go back. It would be silly not to just because you made this decision now thinking it was best for you. Even though I'm still involved with Poker I don't miss playing at all, and would be shocked if I ever went back to grinding, but who knows, time will tell. I'm sure you have a ton of different options, which is a pretty great spot to start from, so best of luck with the next step Alex.

Regards AI btw, any advice on where to start for someone who's a complete noob? Agree it's going to massively change the world, been thinking about the opportunities there must be in the space, and any input would be great.

[tonytats]

Good honest post Alex
I’ve never been v good at poker
But I was good at my job made money and enjoyed it and it was the number 1 thing in my life for a long time
It wasn’t until my daughter was v ill in 2004 that I stepped back to share caring for her with her mum - we had only just painfully seperated
After spending most of summer 2004 looking out of a hospital window I swore that if she recovered- thankfully she did - I would enjoy as many moments with her that I could
That’s exactly what I did and I don’t regret a moment ,even when friends were off here n there to poker festivals ,I didn’t go I spent days at wicksteed park , gullivers ,Drayton manor , caravan holidays in Cornwall with my daughter and her friend
Those days are gone now she’s 23 and they can never be gotten back but I’m glad I sacrificed my pleasure and earnt less for that time
You won’t regret it if you choose the family option
Good luck in whatever you choose it’s been good reading about your journey

[cambridgealex]

My advice would be you don't need to be so rigid on the decision, I understand what you mean re going all-in on the next thing, and for sure that seems smart, but say in 6 months you really miss playing and want to go back, then go back. It would be silly not to just because you made this decision now thinking it was best for you. Even though I'm still involved with Poker I don't miss playing at all, and would be shocked if I ever went back to grinding, but who knows, time will tell. I'm sure you have a ton of different options, which is a pretty great spot to start from, so best of luck with the next step Alex.

Regards AI btw, any advice on where to start for someone who's a complete noob? Agree it's going to massively change the world, been thinking about the opportunities there must be in the space, and any input would be great.

Hey ray, thanks for the advice (and others too).

RE AI, probably have to learn to code, at least the basics to get you started. I’d suggest python. Take a course on udemy.com ChatGPT will write anything for you but you gotta know the basics to put it all together. Then take a course on AI.

[Chompy]

I've seen this story before, quit now or you'll end up like Chompy

Pretty sure this is a complement.

Good post Alex. Watch a few Lex Friedman pods for inspiration then go for it.

[mondatoo]

My advice would be you don't need to be so rigid on the decision, I understand what you mean re going all-in on the next thing, and for sure that seems smart, but say in 6 months you really miss playing and want to go back, then go back. It would be silly not to just because you made this decision now thinking it was best for you. Even though I'm still involved with Poker I don't miss playing at all, and would be shocked if I ever went back to grinding, but who knows, time will tell. I'm sure you have a ton of different options, which is a pretty great spot to start from, so best of luck with the next step Alex.

Regards AI btw, any advice on where to start for someone who's a complete noob? Agree it's going to massively change the world, been thinking about the opportunities there must be in the space, and any input would be great.

Hey ray, thanks for the advice (and others too).

RE AI, probably have to learn to code, at least the basics to get you started. I’d suggest python. Take a course on udemy.com ChatGPT will write anything for you but you gotta know the basics to put it all together. Then take a course on AI.

Nice one, cheers.

[strak33]

Another interesting post in what has been a fantastic diary from the start.

Having seen the pictures and idea behind the app you have already built (twitter) you should feel excited to pursue that direction IMO

Waiting to find out how to download it!