china mug on china mug by china mug for china mug courtsy of china mug...a diary

[RED-DOG]

I've commented a few times. I refuse to do it again.

[tonytats]

Always a good read Tom thanks

[Pokerpops]

I don’t know you so I guess we’ve never met. Only ever played at Luton twice, it being a long long way from home.
But I read your posts with a smile on my face (hope that’s what you were aiming for).

Pray, do continue.

[china mug]

WOW... SEVEN REPLIES FROM MY LOYAL AVID PUBIC... I am reminded of when I first discovered the internet and You-tube and I saw a dear little old lady of about fifty five years of age! looking like the sort of old dear you would see as a lollipop lady outside the school, with her home in the background that all looked like it could do with a lick of paint and new carpets, but she was absolutely cock-a-hoop that she had got fifty people that had liked whatever post or Facebook type thing she had done... And some trendy wannabe Barbie look-a-like was talking to her from her home, more likely her parents home, where everything was like a show-house and the Barbie comments were....... "Err yeah you got fifty likes...well, if you got five thousand likes that would be something...or even five hundred likes in short space of time...but if you are happy with fifty likes that's great for you, I don't know what else I can say"................................................ Picture goes back to lollipop lady and she is totally crushed, her self-esteem from the victory she'd had with her fifty new friends that liked her had just been totally pissed on by some entitled wannabe but never will be internet screen diva... I really felt for the old girl, but the diva was cute looking worthy of a yes, I won't ... in your mouth, oops I lied.


NIRVANA.......Great to hear from you Glen, I can truly say that if I was abducted by aliens and after they'd finished probing me and put me in a molecular restructuring experimental machine and then fire me through a time machine back to earth where I arrive as a sexy flower power sixties chick and bumped into you at some High Gate party where you with all your tats and intellectual rapier wit would have a good chance of taking me home unless of course David Bowie wandered in.

4 K Suited.......Hello sir, thanks for the comments and should I ever make it big in Hollywood and be looking for the new terminator that turns into mercury as he walks through things, you can certainly audition.

BOODER.......Hi there, think I last saw you when we were both up at Nottingham and staying at the Highland B&B, seem to remember you pointed me in the direction of a worth while pub up the road, should mention the night on the piss as I had qualified at my first attempt at the DTD and the second day was Sunday leaving me free for another piss-up.......just realiised it's all bout me!

RED DOG.......Thanks for your non comment, should I find myself in charge of the BBC in need of a poker pundit, I'd have no hesitation in calling upon you as you are clearly the Alan Titmarsh of the Poker world.

TOMYTATS.......Hi thanks for the comments nice to appreciated.

POKER POPS.......Hi thanks for the comment as for never having met me, just think if me as a ship you see on the horizon when you are at the seaside and you think to yourself I wonder where that's going probably somewhere interesting, but hey ho I'll sod off along the beach and see if i can find some seashells.


AND NOW FOR THE WALL OF SHAME...or as it is sometimes known the lazy tossers that couldn't be bothered to throw Tom a bone.

CHOMPY...sigh, I don't why I bother, standard

VINNIE...sometimes known as the Sicilian

LUCKY ALAN...largest collection of blue and whit stripey shirts of any poker player

DINO...essential part of the Luton Holy Poker Trilogy

CHINA MAN...he of the no I haven't got any DVD's for sale

GREAT BOD...to poker what Marilyn was to Hollywood

TIGHT END...man of few words, but I do recall him saying "and on the final table they are now reduced to begging for a walk"

WELL MY LITTLE KNUCKLE-DRAGGERS IT'S BEEN A MOTION.

More Posts to follow, you brought it in yourselves....................

[china mug]

So. in no particular order how to right a blog when you really haven'y got jack shit to talk about on poker............. so I will just throw out a load o observations., I was on my way up to the Vic and on the St Allbans train platform there is a guy with shorts on and on the back of one calf he has a tattoo of an ice cream about six inches tall and on the other calf, he has a tattoo of the Dali Llama obviously, a very spiritual individual with a sweet tooth!

On another occasion, coming back tow o'clock in the morning I'm on St Pancreas platform with forty minutes to the next train and I get accosted by an obvious class "A" drug user who requests me to allow him to use my phone, to phone his mate at Hendon, to meet him at the station, to which I declined, whereupon, he states "I won't nick you phone mate" here, you can hold on to this fifty pound note which he now thrusts at me, my answer i still no, you're alright mate... I've no idea what his scam was, presumably the fifty was a fake and at the point of getting it back, he would ask for change for what ever reason............. Still not my problem as he can fuck right of on the horse that he rode into town on.

On a happier note, I will relay an old story which still makes me smile.

TBC

whatisthedifferencebetweenawankandheesesandwichidon'tknowbuti'mgoingtomacdonaldsincaseyoudon'tknow...

[china mug]

SO MY LITTLE CHUCK BERRIES WHO DON'T KNOW ONE END OF A GUITAR FROM THE OTHER, it's time for your dose of intellectual stimulation.  it's hard to post a invigorating thought provoking poker blog when jack shit has been happening or rather coming right for our hero (that's me by the way in case you've lost the fact).  So I'll just have to post the mundane and let you derive some higher intellectual meaning from the dross.

went to The Vic on Sunday for a fifty plus ten satellite found out it was hundred plus ten for a eleven hundred ticket, hey ho why stop in the middle of a wank!  Made the final table, but got torpedoed three times when I've gone all in and a nutter with a pair of sixes and a lot of chips calls me as does low chips with ace ten whilst I have king jack plop, turn, river, I'm standing up and saying "good night all. good game."  Sickener is that Mr pair of sixes would have been out of the game only when he went all in with eight hundred chips, a toss pot player called him so I didn't call him with my ace three off which would of put him out of the game, and this or similar happen three times, the only justice being that toss pot is shit low on chips and on to be the next one out.

So downstairs to the club and i do my two five pound bets on roulette after studying the form walking round the tables looking for the wheel that is about to come into my area, congratulating myself on my astute decision then putting the two five pound chips out... and they lose...

Out of the club up the road to Edgeware Road tube station and my  nine pound fifty return ticket won't open the barrier, plus my train is in on the platform and it could be the last one or twenty minute wait to the next... So I holler HELLO to attract the British Rail workers out of their cosy hidaaway cabin and on my fourth holler for assistance someone the other end of the platforms starts hollering back HELLO, shortly afterwards British Rail worker turns up and lets me through the barrier... So on to St Pancreas about eleven twenty two pm train cancelled next one eleven fifty two, so we wait and observe the London drag yourself home after a night out party goers.

On the train I'm sitting minding my own business and can hear a group of four to six lads discussing their night out and their food that they have got from Macdonalds, from behind me, then a half eaten cheeseburger, I'm not sure if it had mayonnaise and gherkin in it, but it did have tomato ketchup as evidenced by the stain it left on my left trouser leg after  mouthy matey chucked it at his mate and missed... I didn't turn round to confront the bowler, but kicked the half burger under the nearby seat so that it was not in the main walkway, I was feeling that I had won the moral higher ground with my non annoyance reaction to the mishap and the surrounding young commuters in my section tended to agree by their eye action... So yet again the hero (me) has come out on top morally and any other way you want to judge it............. all of that was devalued when I heard one of the food bowlers telling his mate off for throwing the burger as he had "hit the old codger with the burger"... so from hero of telemark to bum head receptical of fast food all in one moment...  I then heard the same group talking about their disenfranchisement with the chicken nuggets that they had, I made the decision then that if they started bouncing them off my head, I would stand up, turn round, pick up the burger and tell one of the guys I think you dropped this, you know there are starving children in Africa... here let me help you to eat it and then shove it down hos throat...  The scene from the film "nobody" came to mine when the hero tells five or six thugs on a train that were looking to mug someone that he was going to "fuck them up" and then proceeded to do so.

So clearly no chickens nuggets hit me in the back of the head and I didn't go into hard man Hollywood mode, I sis think about it afterwards and decided that it is a knock on effect from what a player perceives ad the marginal call in poker going against them and then then get blown out of the game with a stand up night night good game type shit comment and they think that it's all okay, but then they run into twats on train and the true resentment of the injustice of being out of the poker game takes a baring.

So that's me up to date, Tuesday, Luton G £70 game, who knows...

itispossiblethatinsomeperiodofyearswhenthisplanetdestroysitselforratherthehumansonitdosomealienspecieswillpickupthismessagebeingtransmittedthroughtheairwaysandtheirtopintellectualswilldecifphertheseswritingstogetanunderstandingofthenowextinctspeciesofthisplanetthatwerecalledhumans. Or on the other hand they might not and it's only you that is reading this and marveling at the intellectual capabilities of the author.

Yes I know I've used the word intellectual three times in this blog, read into it what you will, good night...

[china mug]

Hi my little chuckle berries I love you all, you are the meaning for my very existence, you are my reason for stopping scratching my left bollock in the morning and getting out of bed to face a brave new day.

Can you tell who has just got in from the pub and is a bit pissed yet.

IT HAPPENED IN LUTON

I was over at my usual casino in Luton for a poker game when the following occurred. The player in seat nine has ordered a drink off of the waitress, as did seat eight, when seat nine's drink arrived (lemonade with a shot of lime) he is drinking it when he notices what he takes to be a foreign substance, namely a pill that is a the bottom of the drink and has streams of bubbles rising from it as it dissolves into his drink. He declares to the whole table that someone has poisoned his drink and in particular the guy on his right of being the culprit. He then declares to the whole table that if he finds out who it is, that has tried to poison him, he will put this glass in their head. He then gets on his mobile phone to his mate/employee/gofer and proclaims so the whole table can hear, someone has tried to poison him and he wants all the boys down here to sort it out. He then reiterates to the table that when his boys arrive, he will put this glass in the culprit's head... Various players offer him explanations that he must be mistaken and no one would do such a thing. I quip in that it seems to be a very clumsy date rape attempt, but he choose to ignore my comment. Now the manager has been called and they take the drink away to examine it and ten minutes later, return to say they don't know what it is. Then seat on who has had the same drink holds up and declares that his drink is doing the same thing and his explanation is that the slice of lemon has dropped a pip and the lemonade is bubbling off of it, which we at the table all agree with and now "mister gangster" number one, no longer feels threatened and makes another phone call to tell his boys to not bother coming its all sorted and hell tell them about it tomorrow...probably easier to tell them tomorrow...rather than explain that it was the carbon dioxide in the fizzy lemonade reacting with the lemon pip and not some assassination attempt on his person by the local hit man with a bar code tattooed onto the back of his neck.

Who the "phuck" do these people think they are, some high flying private jet owning mister king pin, drug dealing character with an army of loyal henchmen ready to drop everything and charge down the motorway to rescue their beloved leader............. No! you aren't De'Niro out of Scarface, No! you're not a victim of Putin's tearooms.......you're just some tosser in a fifty pound poker comp in Luton... Take your self imposed image of importance, fold it eight times and make a useful origami swan...at least unlike you that would have some worth.

 

[4KSuited]

Nice post, me old china

All this in a £50 self-deal comp eh? Who’d have thunk it?

As a side note, if you want a brief daily view of the life of a poker pro at the WSOP, I can highly recommend DNegs’ daily VLOG. I watch on FB, but I’m sure it’s available on other social media platforms. I only mention it because yesterday’s edition included the mention of a guy who was causing a scene in the WSOP rooms - no spoiler

[nirvana]

Great story Tom, had no idea Das was still playing

[china mug]

HI NIVARNA, its good to hear from you, I had feared you had succumbed to galloping knob rot by now, but clearly the little group of gay boys that hang out at the free coffee machine in Luton are wrong. Das is still the same a cheerful little chappy damned good poker player f he can leave the drink alone although he does appear to have shrunk a little with age.

IT HAPPENED IN LONDON, so last week as was my want I made the trip up to London on this new invention of a horseless carriage called a train, I arrived at St Pancreas, did the usual, walk along pass the two pianos admiring the ironwork in the roof of what is truly a magnificent structure pass the coffee shops and down to the tube bladybladybla out the other side short walk into the Vic and good time, nice and rested, ready for a satellite, I believe it was an eighty plus ten to win a four four four ticket. I tried my best which if i say so myself is pretty damn good, but whilst other prats re-buy and do all sorts of wonderful moves that end up with the wheel falling off, I grind away and go deep, but no ticket, boohoohoo........ sound of world's smallest violin being trampled on... again.

So yet again although this is a poker blog, the story i have to tell to beguile my adoring pubic is that in the break of the satellite I've gone down stairs to the toilets, to use the cubicle upon entering I see that the first cubicle has a couple of bollards and a thick red rope with a note saying "facility not in use" plus part of the frame has fallen off so that you can see through a three inch gap into the toilet cubicle...but that still leaves the other two which are engaged, so I wait...people come in go out, use the urinals and minutes go by and a chap that was also waiting wanders off. Its now like five minutes later and I try to bend down a little bit to see if i can see the feet of the occupants of the two cubicles... i don't know if you have ever found yourself in this position, but believe me the floor reeks of that authentic old lady pissy smell and as i'm doing this all balance not actually kneeling down, looking like a cross between a shouling kung fu monk and a modern street dancer off BGT of course someone walks in. He looks at me, I look at him as I straighten up and he picks the urinal at the furthest distance from me...and then like having a brilliant tell on a poker player, I realise all three cubicles are out of order.......quick pee and back to satellite.

Tonight,Thursday 4th November another satellite one fifty total should be for tickets valued at one two five zero that's where I'll be....... Yes I know what Einstein said about the same actions expecting a different outcome, but that was to do with humanity and the universe with all its rules...this is more important.

Ran into a Blondie in Luton who approached me and said how much he liked my posts, goes by the name of Tony Tats or something similar who was with his lady and told me how they had had ten k out of a fruit machine or some similar nice event...that's good I thought, he'll probably take me to the bar for a drink or even dare I hope invite me into the restaurant for a meal.......not a bit of it...quick chat about blonde poker and how some of the punters are doing and he's off on his way to the tables.

WINNINGISN'TEVERYTHINGLOSINGISPRETTYSHITTYBUTNOTEVENGETTINGYOURNOSEINTOTHEFINALCANGETONEDOWN.

More to follow, possibly even including me gloating over how I've brilliantly won a ticket at the Vic and found a toilet that works.

[china mug]

IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE

So as obvious by the fact that i'm not gloating, I didn't get a satellite ticket in London and I will just have to have it on my conscious that I have ruined Christmas for you all. So I've been dragging my sad arse over to Luton desperately flailing around like a beached whale with seagulls eyeing up the soft and vulnerable parts all in attempt to get some revenue in for the big week in Luton and even bigger week in the Vic after that.

So what does our hero manage to achieve? Arrived in the chuggerbug (that's my Land rover discovery that doesn't quite fire on all five cylinders equally) after all VAT man has his bat mobile and I have the chuggerbug, greeted Dan as I bought in and bitched about the fifteen pounds juice on a hundred and twenty pound comp... he made the usual comments, but I could see behind his eyes that he was actually truly taking on board my comments and the fact that owing to the excessive juice charge I will have to give my two little puppies to the local vivisection experimental makeup testing company as I won't be able to feed the poor little mites anymore, well may you hang your heads in shame, fat cat casino poker rooms.

So into the game, slow played aces four callers last one raised to sixteen hundred, I re-raised to seven and a half thousand and all three of them after ooing and ahhing go all in as do I and I'm facing ace king, ace jack and four six suited....... is it any wonder that king four off got voted the Luton nut... Ace king last card makes a straight, our hero stomps off from the table and re-buys.

Our hero battles against all the trolls and downright ugly characters that the events attract, a bit like the baddies off game of thrones with a slice of the hobbit, always being the poor relative and yet makes it into the money, low chips of course, God forbid I should ever have ample and I shove it all in, my last two hundred thousand, when the anti's are ten/twenty thousand and a genius who hasn't put a dime in yet calls with ace jack against my ace king suited, last man also calls with ace king....... of course a bloody jack comes, why wouldn't it, it's only cosmic fate flicking a bogie at Tom, I force my ears to blot out the ace jack author's comments of why he was right to play it, when had he lost he would have had bugger all chips left... possibly that's his game... the bugger all part I mean.

So I'm out four two five payday equals one seven five profit on the night after I splurge ten quid on the roulette on the way out and the lonely drive home....... have you ever seen a Attenborough wildlife program where the polar bear or lion has chased its prey, but the little critter has managed to jump on rock, bounce onto another one and then scramble up a shale incline to run away as the predator flops down panting with a "that's all I need" thought and expression and the little let's say Bambi is off across the terrain stopping only for a butterfly to land on its nose... that would be the clean version of how getting royally fucked in one competition twice, makes our hero feel.

On the bright side I did get to tell the nineteen fifties three leg chicken joke to the dealer Rulucka only to have the rest of the staff at the buying in booth pissing themselves laughing, possibly at my telling of the joke and not the actual joke.

So that's it until the next time, now I'm off up town for a coffee and to lick my wounds and grow my resolve for the next battle ..................................................because its coming you know ......................keep watching the skys its coming.

[booder]

I believe 2022 will be your year for the big win , good luck.

[tonytats]

We may treat you to a burger deluxe next time we are in town xx 😘

[china mug]

AND SO FOR MORE OF THE SAME, wow the money i must be saving by not having to pay a domm.

Thanks booder for the vote of confidence for 2022 on the strenth of that i have today ordered 10,000 base ball caps from the firm that did trumps MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN caps .......with the initiels for ....tom in twenty twentytwo year....may even put a few on amazon as they willl not dout fly of the shelves.

and so to last nite at luton 70 plus 10 playing away card pretty dead but still made last three tables .....guy that described me as a bit of shit in the toilet bowl that just wont flush away comes to mind .....im in seat 1 willie of the clan tann is in seat 4 eastern european good player in seat 9 ....i limp under the gun for 3k leaving myself about 23k  willie looking at the direction of the blinds says he has a good hand hes all in for his 45k ish the blinds pass and after 8 secounds i do also....willie excllaims ....i didnt know you were in the hand thomas...and says he had 7,8 presumley suited....next hand im big blind 3k,3k pass to small blind who waves to see my stack and then goes all in i look down at ace nine and throw my last 17k odd in the middle villian shows 3 queen off flop 3....

so im there tonite for a satalite then the vic thurs .....can always dream a bit like HAL.......i wonder if the burger i have in credit comes with fries
yours tom down but not out reporter from the front....

i wonder
i wander
aimless no
no fame glory or riches to show
just hope and faith have me in tow

ALLPROCEEDSTOTHELUTONPOKERDONKEYFUNDGRATEFULLYRECIEVED.

[nirvana]

I make Booder right, big score coming Tom, just gotta believe. Thought about coming to Loooooton Friday but saw it was a 4 hundo and since I'm a pure donater these days I couldn't make myself do it.

Are there any £10 self deal comps going at the G these days ?