Tough money spot with a friend

[cambridgealex]

I met this guy around Christmas last year probably and weve been fairly good friends since. He's been pretty broke throughout that time, he doesnt have a job, the odd spin up or upswing here and there, but mainly struggling financially. He loves poker, plays whenever he can. He plays the £10/£20/£30 comps at Gala, the occasional cash game and deals for tips after hours in the cash games. He doesn't spend money on anything besides poker, food and rent. When he had a bit of money and was playing cash regularly, if he was having a bad night, he'd often ask for the odd 100 or 200 to carry on playing, saying he had the cash at home he just didn't bring it out with him. I always complied because I knew he had the money to pay me back and he was always fairly prompt in doing so although not always. I probably lent him money 6-10 times over the past few months. I was never totally at ease doing it though as there's some dodgy things about his past that he keeps quiet but has told me, a few things dont add up in some spots, he doesn't speak to his parents etc etc and I never liked giving him money to gamble with when he wasnt rolled for the games.

Recently he's been really struggling though, trying really hard to get a roll together, grinding micro stakes online to try and make a bit of dollar. He says hes applied for a few jobs but he's been saying that for months and I've no reason to believe that these efforts are likely to bear any fruition. I keep saying he should sign on but there's something funny there, don't know why he hasn't yet. He doesn't have enough to play the comps at gala anymore and stays in grinding online coming to gala late on to try and get a spot dealing to earn some money. We haven't been hanging out as much as a result and I don't see him/speak to him as often these days.

Almost exactly a month ago I was going away for the weekend and he sent me a text asking to borrow 100quid to "get him through the weekend". He said he didn't have enough for food and had no-one else to turn to. He said his landlord owed him a few hundred quid from his deposit and was getting that back on the Monday. I really wasn't comfortable lending him the money this time as I didn't believe I was all that likely to get it back and I knew he'd probably use an unwise %age of the 100 to play poker rather than save it for future food etc. This was pre Monte Carlo as well so I was still grinding off a 4k roll so didn't exactly have money to give away. I should have just given him enough for the necessities.

Anyway, against my better judgement I lent him the money and unfortunately haven't been paid back. I know he played a 20£ comp that weekend and was told he sat with 50 on the cash game one night. He made his excuses for a few days about why he didn't have the money and then I binked the Monte Carlo and obv didn't feel like chasing him up for 100quid after that. He's given me a lot of support since we've met, when he couldn't afford to play himself he sat behind me a lot watching me play, asking me questions (no wonder he's broke yeh yeh) and railed a large portion of monte carlo days 2 and 3 and came out celebrating with us on the night (think I remember giving him 20quid that night for drinks).

Anyway, we haven't spoken much since then, the odd phone call and text. A few days ago he texts me asking if I can help him out, needs some money for food and has no1 else to turn to. Basically same story as before.

Wwyd?

Sorry if this is tl;dr but I can't sleep and I thought I'd give all the history to save answering more questions later.

[AndrewT]

You've learnt a life lesson about lending money to brokeass poker players.

It cost you £100.

Move on.

[TheChipPrince]

Give him a £20 Tesco voucher and explain from now on this stops.

[outragous76]

In order to stop teh freeze out, just send him a text saying not to worry about the 100 he owes, but for him not to ask you for money again as it makes you feel uncomfortable (Im assuming you still want to be his friend?)

[Karabiner]

In order to stop teh freeze out, just send him a text saying not to worry about the 100 he owes, but for him not to ask you for money again as it makes you feel uncomfortable (Im assuming you still want to be his friend?)

Winner/

[Cf]

I was out playing once and after the comp we had a fun dealer's choice game going. A guy asked me if i've lend him £100 as he'd pretty much ran out of money for the month. We get on well enough and I see him there often enough so I was happy to lend it him. I end up going home before him and he's pretty much even in the game.

I then went back tomorrow and during the break in poker headed upstairs and found him sat with a chunk on roulette. At this point I simply went up to him and demanded my money back. I lent it him to play poker with not to spunk away at roulette. And seeing as I called him out on it in front of people he didn't have much of a choice but to give it me.

A few months later and he doesn't turn up anymore but quite a few people saying they've lent him money but not got it back...

That said I will happily lend money to certain people and have never had a problem with getting it back. I will only lend money now to people who I consider to be friends. If they're more "poker acquaintances" then the answer will be no.

In your case the guy doesn't have a job. How do you expect to get your money back? If he sits down and loses it's gone and he needs to ask for more. And he's now at the point he's gambling with money he can't afford. It sounds like he's got something of a gambling problem to me. He'd be much better off finding himself some shitty job or signing on. Quite apart from losing your money I don't think you're doing him any favours lending him money to gamble with.

[taximan007]

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be" IMO

[George2Loose]

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be" IMO

This. Learnt it the hard way.

He probably thinks cos you've had a bink £100 is neither here nor there to you now.

For me it's the principle- if he was honest with you and asked for an extension on the loan I'm sure you'd say yes cos you're a nice guy- it's just the fact that he's ignoring it which makes things awkward.

[redsimon]

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be" IMO

+1

Be thankful its only 100 quid, lot of scumbags in poker

[edgascoigne]

In order to stop teh freeze out, just send him a text saying not to worry about the 100 he owes, but for him not to ask you for money again as it makes you feel uncomfortable (Im assuming you still want to be his friend?)

This

[tikay]

In order to stop teh freeze out, just send him a text saying not to worry about the 100 he owes, but for him not to ask you for money again as it makes you feel uncomfortable (Im assuming you still want to be his friend?)

Alex,

There's your answer.

We've all been there, done that. Just consider that you done £100, but now your man has reached his credit limit, & you've got off cheap. It's how I've always dealt with nippers. I'm a soft touch for a nip, always have been, but I've always taken the view that the first touch is the cheapest way out, & £100 is a cheap price to pay for a lesson in life.

[Sheriff Fatman]

"Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."

But don't listen to me, listen to the master....

[boldie]

In order to stop teh freeze out, just send him a text saying not to worry about the 100 he owes, but for him not to ask you for money again as it makes you feel uncomfortable (Im assuming you still want to be his friend?)

This

[cambridgealex]

I did say no. I'm just feeling a bit shit right now thinking that someone is going hungry when I could easily help them out.

[Dubai]

Why does everyone assume because he is late paying that he won't get the original 100 back?

Rightly or wrongly because Alex won his friend doesn't view it as urgent but doesn't mean he won't get it.