Jokes that NEVER go unsaid at a poker table

[RED-DOG]

There's an Indian dealer at DTD and every time he announces a bet of 'von pound, ' (Which is about a million times a night) some wag says "Very very good, one pound fish"

[Karabiner]

There was a guy called George who was a regular at Gala a few years ago, he was an older guy and sometimes wore a hairnet a la Eena Sharples(google is your friend younger readers) and every time without fail if a six came on the flop, turn or river, he would announce "sex".

Yes, I remember him. "Sex", every bloody time.

I dubbed him "Sexy George" but he didn't seem too enamoured with it.

[tonytats]

At gukpt Luton 2 years ago ( when rec fish were allowed in ! ) roberto was in a hand where it all went in on the turn ,his oppo said I have ze outs ( he was French btw) , he missed on the river , I pipes up with the classic ," now you've got 2 outs " eyebrows were raised " that door or that one " I said , then realised I wasn't in the hone game with mates , luckily I'm a big lad n he didn't fancy his chances

[Junior Senior]

There was a guy called George who was a regular at Gala a few years ago, he was an older guy and sometimes wore a hairnet a la Eena Sharples(google is your friend younger readers) and every time without fail if a six came on the flop, turn or river, he would announce "sex".

Yes, I remember him. "Sex", every bloody time.

Oh my.. Forgot about this guy! Jeez,the game really was a lot easier back then wasn't it!!

[Pyso]

The Anna Kournikova one isn't exactly funny anymore but one night some twat came out with it, which somehow led to an honest discussion about her merits as a tennis player (it was a slow night). I piped up that I couldn't recall her winning anything but that she certainly got to a few semis, to which my mate replied, "...well, she certainly gave me a few semis".

It was funny at the time. Perhaps poker jokes are just always sad.

[DMorgan]

FourKing(insert card value here)

Haven't heard this for years but was said every single time in the sheffield 1/1 games. So tilt.

My favourite, although it's a bit of a rarity and somewhat obscure, and as far as I know I'm the only one to have told it iis the "psycho-killer flop"  which goes..

"Psycho-killer qu'est que c'est, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa"

444               

Lots of love for this

[Tal]

Similarly if anyone plays KJ off suit a joke about "Jack King off" ensures very little hilarity.

Trick with this one is to look completely confused at them and effectively make them explain it to the table.

[rfgqqabc]

"Deuce ya bastard!!!!"

"I'm blind"

Pretty much anything Latiff has ever said gets mentioned with or without him when I play which is "fun"

Tbh, its a prerequisite of being a grinder to laugh or smile at the same shit crack x50 so I just try to smile 24/7 anyway.

[kinboshi]

A joke about food if Mitch or jakally is at the table.

[welsh1980]

Ive had this one a few times now at Dtd .
For the very few times I raise- the minimum,it's followed by
                     What a gay raise ?'''?

[kinboshi]

Ive had this one a few times now at Dtd .
For the very few times I raise- the minimum,it's followed by
                     What a gay raise ?'''?

Yep, that's another side-splitter.

[fatcatstu]

Someone manages to get a raise through with J4 and proudly flips their hand over whilst asking "whats a Jack for?". sigh.

[david3103]

Someone manages to get a raise through with J4 and proudly flips their hand over whilst asking "whats a Jack for?". sigh.

or goes mental pre with 72 and says "how else am I supposed to play it?"

[bobAlike]

'Here comes the fish' or is that just me?

[Karabiner]

'Here comes the fish' or is that just me?

Many years ago when I was nineteen or twenty I used to play at The Mint Casino which was located above a Wimpey bar on Kilburn High Road. The poker game was run by a succession of villains including Bill Manning and Billy Falco.A bloke called "Chinese Willie" was the main dealer and I was the main fish.

When I walked up those stairs and into the club someone would always say "now there'll be a game".