Win or Lose

[teamonkey]

There is no way I'm getting dead here. That said, we need a lot more info if we are going to formulate a decent plan.

How much water is there? where is it? What shape / depth?

Is the ground soft or hard, grassy or rocky?

Are there boulders?

Is there any flint?

What shape is the land, what forms the borders?

Are there trees? How big / what type / are they climbable?

Are we wearing a belt, boots with laces?

Is there other useful flora/fauna?

Here is the explanation, as i want to know the plan

the area is square. It is bordered by 12 foot high fencing all round

about 1/4 of the area is a kidney shaped lake. At its deepest, it would come up to your waist

In the diagonal corner to the lake is a wooded area of mature trees. you can climb them, and rest in them

the wooded area was bigger but part of it has been cleared, and the tree trunks and branches chopped down lie in a pile between wood and water

the area in between is grassland. Damp and soft.completely flat

there are no boulders.


Grylls-Dog, over to you

do we start on land or in the water?

what time is it?

moon state?

are we healthy?

have we eaten recently?

you enter the fray, the gate is shut behind you.

you do not know where the alligator is

its midday. its hot

there is no artificial lighting, when the sun goes down, thats it til morning

you are healthy.

you had 3 shredded wheat for breakfast

there are no food sources in the area but there is no contamination or health risks in the water

i'm back to my original plan with the exception of the following:

get high and try see the gator ASAP

assume you see it then get amongst the piles of cut up trees and branches and make something long and sharp to get down it's throat

when armed re-asses the situation

if gator is out of water and sunning itself, soaking up the warmth it needs to live, get up to it cautiously, and get that spear jammed as far down it's throat as possible then again re-asses, kill it asap if possible, or leave it to die slowly while you get a nice kip in the trees

if gator is in the water, avoid it while making your weapons, wait till morning, when it will be coldest and sluggish, then attack again with spear in throat technique

despite what films like to show, most wild animals do not hunt humans, they avoid humans. So we would be the hunter, and have to take advantage of that.

now this has gone on long enough, but it has kept me busy enough to while away a few boring hours at work

humans 1- nature 0

Next scenario??

[EvilPie]

You're over-estimating how much space we have. It's an acre. It's just over half of the Wembley pitch to help give an idea.

A quarter of it is out of bounds as I think we can all agree we'd be toast if we went in the water.

We don't need to get high up to see the alligator. If you can't already see it then it's in the water.

They can run up to 20mph over short distances which is 9m/s. If it spots you and decides it wants you for lunch it's on you in 4 or 5 seconds!!

Unless the alligator is asleep you better forget about digging holes, climbing trees and manufacturing man-traps and focus on getting the pointy end of that knife pointing straight at it.

[Tal]

I wish I were Evil Pie. There's manly and there's what he just said.

Meanwhile, back on Planet Tal, am I allowed to bring my Magic The Gathering cards? If so, I might have a plan...

[Marky147]

Yeah, but Matt wasn't aware of the fact that 90% of Blonde is trained in the art of Jungle Warfare

[Tal]

Yeah, but Matt wasn't aware of the fact that 90% of Blonde is trained in the art of Jungle Warfare

One of the first computer games I ever got. On the ZX Spectrum. Even got a gun with it. Hours of fun. Immense.

[Redsgirl]

You're over-estimating how much space we have. It's an acre. It's just over half of the Wembley pitch to help give an idea.

A quarter of it is out of bounds as I think we can all agree we'd be toast if we went in the water.

We don't need to get high up to see the alligator. If you can't already see it then it's in the water.

They can run up to 20mph over short distances which is 9m/s. If it spots you and decides it wants you for lunch it's on you in 4 or 5 seconds!!

Unless the alligator is asleep you better forget about digging holes, climbing trees and manufacturing man-traps and focus on getting the pointy end of that knife pointing straight at it.

What exactly happens if you are attacked on land? I know the alligator would make short work of a person in the water, but I can't remember seeing them killing something out of it and I'm trying to imagine how it would play out.

Is it likely to charge at a person? If so, assuming it could catch you with people being more agile, would it just clamp on to your leg?
At this point you are likely to have fallen over, and you're crying, but hopefully still trying to stab it in the elusive soft bits. What does the alligator do now? Can it tear off a leg? If it can wouldn't it just eat that and then bugger off for a sleep? Or, is it clever enough to drag the kicking, screaming, stabbing you across three quarters of an acre into the water and finish you off?

[Cf]

I wish I were Evil Pie. There's manly and there's what he just said.

Meanwhile, back on Planet Tal, am I allowed to bring my Magic The Gathering cards? If so, I might have a plan...

I'm struggling here. The protection is easy enough to get around but can't see how to deal with the fact it cannot leave play.

That said Deflecting Palm should do the trick

[Knottikay]

There is no way I'm getting dead here. That said, we need a lot more info if we are going to formulate a decent plan.

How much water is there? where is it? What shape / depth?

Is the ground soft or hard, grassy or rocky?

Are there boulders?

Is there any flint?

What shape is the land, what forms the borders?

Are there trees? How big / what type / are they climbable?

Are we wearing a belt, boots with laces?

Is there other useful flora/fauna?

Here is the explanation, as i want to know the plan

the area is square. It is bordered by 12 foot high fencing all round

about 1/4 of the area is a kidney shaped lake. At its deepest, it would come up to your waist

In the diagonal corner to the lake is a wooded area of mature trees. you can climb them, and rest in them

the wooded area was bigger but part of it has been cleared, and the tree trunks and branches chopped down lie in a pile between wood and water

the area in between is grassland. Damp and soft.completely flat

there are no boulders.


Grylls-Dog, over to you

do we start on land or in the water?

what time is it?

moon state?

are we healthy?

have we eaten recently?

you enter the fray, the gate is shut behind you.

you do not know where the alligator is

its midday. its hot

there is no artificial lighting, when the sun goes down, thats it til morning

you are healthy.

you had 3 shredded wheat for breakfast

there are no food sources in the area but there is no contamination or health risks in the water

i'm back to my original plan with the exception of the following:

get high and try see the gator ASAP

assume you see it then get amongst the piles of cut up trees and branches and make something long and sharp to get down it's throat

when armed re-asses the situation

if gator is out of water and sunning itself, soaking up the warmth it needs to live, get up to it cautiously, and get that spear jammed as far down it's throat as possible then again re-asses, kill it asap if possible, or leave it to die slowly while you get a nice kip in the trees

if gator is in the water, avoid it while making your weapons, wait till morning, when it will be coldest and sluggish, then attack again with spear in throat technique

despite what films like to show, most wild animals do not hunt humans, they avoid humans. So we would be the hunter, and have to take advantage of that.

now this has gone on long enough, but it has kept me busy enough to while away a few boring hours at work

humans 1- nature 0

Next scenario??

So, a quick recap. So you are a Englishman looking for a mad dog You are also Ian T Botham who has had your breakfast. You then decide to smoke a Jamaican woodbine and think this dog is actually a crocodile now .

.....then you go to Wembley to look for it. You get refused entry because, after the body search, they find your knife. *


*at this point you wake up from your drunken stupor and realise  it was only a dream brought on by reading something strange on that interweb








Is there prizes like what Vince gives out?

[MintTrav]

This is the way to tackle a crocodile - stand up in a wobbly canoe and throw a spear at it.

The highlight is at 38 mins, though the whole programme is absorbing.

[Royal Flush]

Cut a hole in the fence, wait until the alligator leaves, live happily ever after in the knowledge that it died at the hands of Farage.