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Author Topic: Joke!!  (Read 172580 times)
bobAlike
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« Reply #1320 on: July 02, 2019, 04:11:10 PM »

Saw a sign that made me piss myself today.

Toilets closed.
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Ah! The element of surprise
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« Reply #1321 on: July 03, 2019, 09:50:32 AM »

I went to see the doctor yesterday.

He said: "Don't eat anything fatty"

I said: "What, like bacon sausages and burgers?"

He said: "No fatty, don't eat anything"
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AdamM
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« Reply #1322 on: July 03, 2019, 11:23:14 AM »

I went to see the doctor yesterday.

He said: "Don't eat anything fatty"

I said: "What, like bacon sausages and burgers?"

He said: "No fatty, don't eat anything"

Jimmy Carr ITT
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MANTIS01
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« Reply #1323 on: July 03, 2019, 02:29:10 PM »

At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure

I said I didn’t know that one but I could have a fair crack at Bohemian Rhapsody
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« Reply #1324 on: July 03, 2019, 03:31:11 PM »

At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure

I said I didn’t know that one but I could have a fair crack at Bohemian Rhapsody

Lol.
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booder
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« Reply #1325 on: July 07, 2019, 11:04:52 AM »

While driving through the country lanes in Wales I came across a farm that was not only advertising potatoes and carrots for sale etc, it was advertising cough mixture, head ache tablets etc.

 Intrigued by this I drove up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
 The door was quickly opened by a burly Welsh farmer.
 I explained to him that I was intrigued by the goods that he was selling he replied "Well I'm a farmer see"
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im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
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« Reply #1326 on: July 07, 2019, 11:23:48 AM »

While driving through the country lanes in Wales I came across a farm that was not only advertising potatoes and carrots for sale etc, it was advertising cough mixture, head ache tablets etc.

 Intrigued by this I drove up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
 The door was quickly opened by a burly Welsh farmer.
 I explained to him that I was intrigued by the goods that he was selling he replied "Well I'm a farmer see"


Took me ages.
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booder
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« Reply #1327 on: July 08, 2019, 09:08:23 AM »

I was walking through a herb garden, when I thought I heard the ghost of Robin Gibb.

It was just the Chive Talking.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
MANTIS01
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« Reply #1328 on: July 09, 2019, 02:10:11 PM »

After looking through my wife’s phone we had a massive argument

She said “Why do you always have to play the detective. I think we should split up!”

I said “Great idea. We can cover more ground that way!”
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taximan007 & Girgy85 & Celtic & Laxie - <3 Mantis
booder
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« Reply #1329 on: July 13, 2019, 08:01:07 PM »

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
MANTIS01
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« Reply #1330 on: July 13, 2019, 08:38:52 PM »

I told my wife off for drawing her eyebrows too high on her forehead.

She looked surprised.

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Tikay - "He has a proven track record in business, he is articulate, intelligent, & presents his cases well"

Claw75 - "Mantis is not only a blonde legend he's also very easy on the eye"

Outragous76 - "a really nice certainly intelligent guy"

taximan007 & Girgy85 & Celtic & Laxie - <3 Mantis
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« Reply #1331 on: August 25, 2019, 01:55:26 PM »

Never look at the sun through a colander, you might strain your eyes.
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