blonde poker forum

"Pockets" to describe a pair, the word just grates on me.

Pretty much any stupid nickname for a hand. "American Airlines" is particularly awful one imo, it just makes me want to do harm to people when I hear them say it.

"Wired pair" or anything else that is only ever said on WPT coverage.

There are loads of others, probably one of the many reasons that my aim is to reduce my live poker to less than an annual occasion.

"So the guy bets the flop and I 3 bet him"


OMG NO YOU DIDN'T




"I know I have you beat but i'll fold"


dieieieieie

'One time' when they clearly don't mean it. I'm still saving mine..............

TPTK

Also pretty much any phrases they have heard on TV the week before. The most recent one being 'value town, population you' STFU!

Why do people have to be so narrow minded, i'd rather shout EVERY TIME GET THEERREEEEEE



Oh and Top top obviously.

Back-raise, when it isn't.

A 'set', when they don't have a pocket pair.

Or regulars coming out with cliches and smiling a though they thought of it themselves and it's the first time in history it's ever been said.

Not really a term, but bad beat stories that simply aren't bad beats.

"semi-bluff" tilts the crap out of me, it's so over used (especially by Joe Stapleton on The Big Game)

If you have two overs, a gutshot and the nut flush draw, you are not semi-bluffing!!!!

all the stuff that live players say about AK being worse than pocket 2's and only being ace high etc etc etc

"I knew you had that" / " I put you on AK", normally from the person at the table who is unlikey to be able to count to 10.

"Anna Kournikova" followed by a 10 minute explanation of why that is a nickname for AK, aggghhhhhhhh someone get me out of here.

"I wake up with pocket rockets so the villain calls my raise ,the flop comes  5c 9s Jh so i Ipush all in and he tanks , he says if I fold will you show me one - eventually he calls and flips snowmen. Can you believe it it comes  6d 7h he scoops the lot and says sorry mate" - heard in any break in any cardroom.

Flushin or straightin, when a live player is referring to being on a draw

"I knew you were at it"

On a flop of 772: "Wow I had 72!! I would've won if I'd called"

All this million shit. And tekkers. WTF?

"I dont care what anyone says, there is a lot of luck involved"

"have you noticed he always bets on the flop when he raises"

"here we go the young kid pinching my big blind again"

"You lucky little c**t"

There's just no need for it.

Meh. that is as standard a sit gets in a live setting. You must be on permatilt if that bothers you.......... :)

"Thats Poker"
 ;grr; ;grr; ;grr; ;grr; ;tracet; ;tracet; ;tracet; ;tracet; ;tracet; :redcard: :redcard: :redcard: :redcard:

Haha, i hate this, doesnt help the fact i look about 15 lol

Flush

just the explanation of any hand tilts me... 

also overuse of word tilt

A mate who doesn't play too much says 'a run' for a straight, and 'I'll match your bet', instead of Call.
Think he carries it  on just to wind me up.

"I know I'm beat but I call..." and "I knew you had that.." after showdown

FUUUUUUU

Not a poker term but..

At Showdown with two people

Player 1 : "I have a pair"

Player 2 : "Yeah I have a pair as well"

P1 : " How big is your pair"

P2 " I have the King"

P1 " LOL,yeah me to"

P2: "Kicker??"

P1 "Kicker ?? I wouldn't kick my lass out of bed she's well fit"

P2 "Yeah,she'd get it like"

P1 "WTF you mean she'd get it,cheeky bastard"

P2 "Well cmon she would"

P1 gets up and punches P2,P2 then kicks right off and they scrap for a couple minutes then sit back down and turn the cards over.

ghiposglansboveiatnoeairvnabvlaskndvpqwihrb just turn the cards over ffs.

In the same vein as mondatoo.



Pair on board


I HAVE TWO PAIR


oh really do you, you complete bellend. WHICH TWO PAIR, FKING SPECIFY zomg arghghghghghgh

Just exactly this aswell, so tilting.

this
and " i know you have me beat! but i have to call "

"Let them live" "Ill let them catch up" when the BB checks
"I was making a move" standard explanation for a fishy play

"That's poker".

Reminds me of an all time great thread

http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=40545.0

Ha moorman always says this, so fcking tilting.

When people say raise when theyre 1st to act in a pot on the flop.

Who the fk are you raising mate!?!

Your clearly just betting.

Wat, he's amazing and says that?! So tilting!!!!






fyp but you're right!

Norrrrr, this is awesome - it's a way to get someone who has a better pair than you to muck because he can't read a board.

Time wasting. Winds me right up. Live is slow enough in and of itself than to have people constantly wasting 10-30 seconds at the showdown of each hand. So sigh it' untrue.

"oh is it me...I didn't know"

Fukkkkkk off


" I had pot odds...had to call"..:.post bad beat fishy internet playing live types

I put u on ak.

No u didnt u cu*t you hoped i had ak ewrehydhfrgtrgsr

and...

I hate pockets jacks

arrrrgh

yh, thats gets me as well

"god I hate pocket jacks, Id rather have 67suited any day"

Also - "Dam, AK, I NEVER, EVER hit"

wel, stop plying the hand like a deadbeat fkin moron and then you might win with it

Mate, you ask this everytime, just count the frecking chips yourself c*nt.

Also, when Amatay says when playing the HU machine at the IPO after 40 hundred pints of Guiness.

Most live poker comments are irritating to be honest. Thank god for the ipod I say. With over 5000 songs on mine it's the only chance I get to listen to it (yes I have my moody, antisocial moments).

And, yeah, the Anna Kournikova one is a little tiresome, although a mate of mine did come up with a gem on that one.

Some twat had explained why AK was called Anna Kournikova and to lighten the boredom I started talking about her merits as a tennis player, saying "I don't think she won much but she did get to a few semi's" His reply was "yeah, she gave me a few semi's"

Its snobbish, but I am getting tired of people pointing out to me the odds of certain non AK vs QQ spots like when something is a 60/40 or when a certain combo draw is 'actually the favourite' - surely everyone knows this by now and doesn't need to be the topic of a chat.

Oh and when someone justifies a terrible call or shove by saying 'well, I knew I was live'

Actually, it just pisses me off when people talk in general

Alot of things really wind me up... Most have been said already but Ill list them lol.

Any name for a hand, unless your using it as a com reason for outdrawing a mate (EG, you 3b/get there with J4o, "BUT WHATS A JACK FOR?!"). I JUST LOST WITH POCKET ROCKETS! Go die...

Raise when your betting. Ugh... Also Re-raise when making the first raise. Nope, still wrong sir, thats just raise.

When people identify a premium that they "hate" and "never win with". You massacared that hand mate, Im not surprised.

Amongst others lol.

On the note of turning your hand over, I was all in in a live comp the other day, I turned my hand over straight away and a friend was like "What? You turned your hand over so quickly I thought you had aces!!"

No mate, Im all in, why slow down the game by sitting there all fking day

People who get annoyed aggravate the shit out of me.   ;grr;

there's a vicious circle in there

I've just realised that it might be easier for me to make a list of things that don't annoy me.

'So you play online then mate?'

'Yeah more than live'

'But don't you ever think the site is cheating you?'

gosjghhdgsg


Also, as rich said, when someone just bets flop but says raise. sgkldhglsh;gshdg

Only one thing really annoys me, people apologising after they outdraw me.

'if you raise my blind again i'm going all in regardless', yet to see one person follow through on this when i raise their blind next time without fail.

' good luck mate '  yeah you sure do mean that

'live nits are the worst ' usually from a fat pasty virgin who looks about 12

'i think im losing, i call '

when the flop comes 4 K 4, always get the same old ' four king four'. yes bla bla we know what it sounds like, plz be quiet.

never ever gets old with some people and they say it every effing time. zzzz

I know what the title of this thread actually is but everytime I see it I read it as "things to say when you next play live poker"  ;carlocitrone;

FML. That is literally all my table chat...gone! iPod for me in future.

You ever noticed A4 looks like pocket rockets when you squeeze it slowly?
Oh, and I 'ate pocket jacks.
Oh, and I didn't want to see a flop.

Its still a raise though really isnt it. Your raising it from 0 to 100. Raise

Raise raise

Hi der, I would like to do an open raise,

Raise

Raise raise raise raise

"Do you want to hear a joke? Well I was going in my van to......oh, yes, I call, St Albans and I saw something very interesting...oh yes, I call your raise too.....it was an old lady with a...ALL IN....chest of drawers and, yes I have moved all in with an up and down straight draw and nothing else....and in that chest of drawers was an old...oh, did I win?"


 

Copyright Mr T Myland.

Did you know  acton has 7 stations? FML.

Oh God, I'm so owned.

cant beat someone justifying a loose call with "it was suited though"

also theres a guy who i see playing live alot who everytime he is knocked out comes over to his mate "im never playing here again,standard is terrible"

"Wanna buy some fireworks?"

Isn't this thread just the cliff notes for the APAT comp at Luton tomorrow??

 ;tightend;

Was speaking to Thewy the other night at DTD, just in general about Pokerstars software, and multitabling, blah blah blah etc etc when guy pipes up with,

"Yeah, i used to play on stars, the beats on there were terrible. Like it just always comes on the river everytime! Ive changed to Full Tilt now, ive deffinatley noticed less bad beats. Its much better on there, the software doesnt try and create themost rake like on other sites"

If thats not bad enough, 3 other people pipe up how they agree.

                *BIG SIGH*    ;sleep;

'Sorry'

'Mission f*cked'

Anything said about poker by non-poker players.
 'Oh on the internet eh? Must be a lot harder, not being able to see their faces.
 I'd like to play but I have a rubbish poker face.
 'How did you get on?' 'Fine' (Raised eyebrows) 'I won $200' (pause) -'Yes but how much did you lose?'

Can I give u 5£ and you win me 10000000000£

the whole bet/raise thing tilts the absolute life out of me. infact anything a live player says about a hand of poker is normally cringeworthy and sends me to the wheel.

Must admit i thought it was a bump, anyway "middle pin" .

People who check dark and think it shows how much they know about poker when in reality it's obviously dumb grrrrr

:D

Disagree massively with this one.

Checking in the dark is sometimes a really good play, especially when totally unexpected.

Anything that ends in 'aments'

'this has to be a level?' - thinly veiled I've lurked on 2+2 for a couple of weeks

Definate "I'm mates with a stars pro" brag

everything tilts me live. The cringeworthy leering chat between the male players and the female attractive dealer. Look lads you aint got a chance, stop being so fkin cheesy and hurry the fk up.

players saying sick every fuckin time.

THIS

some bloke turns up to play live, hasnt showered or shaved for a week and then starts trying it on with a woman young enough to be his daugher.

tiltaments.

Saying trips, when they have a pair in their hand. The bet/raise, whichever way it's used wrong, and people looking at their cards, then getting up and leaving the table before their turn to act, then acting as if they've done nothing wrong when told off by the dealer.

Anyone who asks the dealer for decent cards, as if the dealer is controlling what they receive.

Generally I love most random poker chat though!

Yeah but if you're playing fiddy one with a bunch of randoms, then they say check dark and look all smug because they saw it on TV, it's so dumb it's brilliant.

yeah but you normally do call with it ;)

the classic


"IT WON DIDN'T IT"

worse than any of this is people that eat like animals at the table and get their greasy fucking hands all over the cards.

those that say lol every time they lose a hand

lol this. Also those who leave half there dry scalp on the tbl. Tons of those greasy businessmen types in the vic.

I have never heard anyone say this out loud ever.

i think he's referring to internet play

Those who fold by pushing their cards a quarter of an inch toward the line.

"I havent even seen a picture card in (insert exaggerated amount of time here)"

 Raise, re raise, then some clown always says after a little dwell up ....."im all out" just muck your facking cards.

Internet terms used in real dialogue. "lol" "sigh" "donkaments" "powned" etc in the middle of an otherwise acceptable sentence.

btw "backraise" rocks - tilts the fook out of anyone under 60.

SIGHAMENTS asfdas glasfglk jalksjdfgakwsgkljaslkdfgklasdjfkjsdfhasdkfjasdlfkasdfjklasdj

This

 ;D

Thread title reminds me of:

(http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRw1NFX0BVmX12BpVc47MlGorUEXyqZxSromGZhwhMCl0I1Nfo&t=1&usg=__AHhEzr-7Do3NOCsnDCjEETsCgAM=)

(Naggers btw)

As for thread content, +1 to pretty much every post so far. Worst of all is any sentence starting with "I knew..."

wtf is with calling a straddle a strudel. esp with a massive grin on ur face

I have absolutely no idudle.

People who say "I'll put you all in"

I find it pretty com when they say this when they have less chips than you.

This goes hand in hand with people asking for a chip count for someone who clearly has more chips than them.

why? you don't ever consider what % of their stack they're risking? quite important info imo

"It only takes one hand" is one I quite like actually.

You were always quite good at things that involved one hand....

Salfi wouldn't tell someone his stack size at the last dtd 300 because he had the other guy covered when it's a completely reasonable question even from a shorter stack. A lot of people don't realise it's relevance, but it is very relevant.

 ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree; ;iagree;


GRRRRRRRRRR only thing thats guaranteed to make me snap at the table   (cough, as JonMW found out yesterday  ;) )

 ;D

lol, a Frenchy at the IPO faced an all in call on the very first hand and asked for a chip count, twice. 

It was a side event btw, not the main where people did start with different sized stacks

Also anyone who calls the button the 'dolly'

so anyone from Sheffield but me and Trigg

yeah GREAT GREAT shout with the 'I'll put u all in'.

No you fucking wont. I'll put myself all in.

Usually when you're behind.

When a player who folds asks the dealer to:

"keep them to one side. I want him to see what I folded for him"

Ok - lets get a list of all of these - put it into a booklet and then record when these happen to you - like a poker version of train spotting....ftr I have said all of these I'm sure and I'm sorry I did!

This always gets a nod and "ok", and then slid straight into the muck while waiting for the next player to act. By the end of the hand they've forgotten all about it anyway.

Have to come clean and say I'm guilty of calling straddles a strudle, but without the shit eating grin as I do it. Though in my defence it's picked up from pretty much every reg in the 5/10 at the Vic.

It seems pretty standard in 1/1 and 1/2 games now, but people still seem incapable of announcing their bets clearly. Someone bets 10, guy says "raise 20" and throws in 20. Tosser, throw in the other 10 and learn to announce bets, rah.

Anyone who acts like they're on TV, taking things too far when all in, or jumping up and down when they hit a card to stack someone/double up. Always like telling them to sit down or I'll deal them out.

Not really a poker term, but following on from the 'TV' theme, folk that put their hole cards side by side in front of them (tv stylee) as if there are under table cameras clocking them?!

was sat next to a guy in an apat game early last year that did this every fking hand, whilst sat with chair the wrong way round leaning on the back.  also took at least 30 seconds to make EVERY decision, even if it was just folding crap utg pre-flop.  if his plan was to annoy the whole table he did a good job of it.  when asked about the way he set his cards out he said he'd recently played a TV event so it was 'force of habit'.  guessing he was hoping someone would ask so he could let us know :)

'I know your weak, I can smell it'

'Your weak, I can smell weakness'

'I can smell weakness but I am going to fold to you'

'I moneyied' - 'I always money when i play there' - I have only ever heard 1 person say this but he says it everytime I c him & it could tilt the hell out of you!

Tikay's really not that bad once you get to know him.

I thought Tikay's would be "I Call".

I just remembered this one which has bugged the hell out of me for years now.

People who refuse to turn their cards over first in an all-in coup.

  ;nemesis; ;nemesis; :tikay: ;nemesis; ;nemesis;

 ;D

People who say "this is my favourite hand" before folding with agonised expression. Huh?

It is very relevant but not when it's used to try and be funny by players who don't know it's relevance.

Is it too late to add the most annoying six words ...

I play better when I'm hammered...

You may do mate, but the rest of us have to put up with the need for you to be reminded to post blinds; make a decision; stop spilling beer on the table and ffs wil you not wave your arms around like that when I'm leaning forward to look at my cards

people might think wtf but the biggest thing which tilts me is when a nit opens and you 3bet light, they umm and arrrr and then say "ok ill gamble with ya" putting their chips in the middle and starting to like turn the bottom of their cards over as if I am automatically calling, obv I have fuck all and they are like, "wtf how can you backraise and not call?!!?!"

ive tried doing it the other way around 4bet shoving and saying the "ill gamble with you line" against people i suspect to be 3betting light, but they usually just shrug and call :(

When someone gets dealt a hand and snap fucks off to the toilet before their turn to act.

That's called "Passing out of turn" and is against the rules.

Have a word with your dealer, who's responsibility it is to police this sort of thing  ;)

On staking requests:

'I feel the 1 hour clock/deep stack is suited to my game'

lol cheers Tom. Probably an equal moan at how badly policed it is in general

haha why? nits innit, they need to wait for a hand

Juts the way everyone writes it for any clock over 30 minutes as your meant to go, 'oh ok, that long clock should suit them well, lets stake them'. :D

that's right, apologiiiiise

my pet hate. Happens every time i play.

although wasn't too chuffed when i was all in at DTD 1k final table, guy next to me is tanking and a big stack (to act behind) decides to get up from the table and talk to his girlfriend.

If everyone complained every time it happened, people would stop doing it.

I usually ask the dealer, "Excuse me, is it OK if I fold out of turn and walk away from the table every now and then?"

"Jesse Jackson is not the Emporer of black people!!!!" (Token Black c.2008)

Blatant "I was on the DTD 1k final table" brag imo.

+1

Related - why does everyone claim that 6 max is their best game.  Rubbish - you just like gambling.

This one doesn't tilt me or annoy me, but it does make me laugh, and it's an expression, not words (so in fact I can't really place it as a reply to the OP, but what the hell).

It's that look of consternation and utter surprise from a fish out of position (who has led out on the flop, been re-raised by someone who has actually pot committed himself), and then tanked for ages, .....called..... and then .....well I imagine after that, it's "bloody hell.... he's only gone and bet again on the turn....and now I have to call again for all that money....I just didn't see that coming......I suppose he must be bluffing......let's count my chips... oh yes it's for the rest of them...the bastard.....sigh.....I have to call, there's too much in the pot now....oh, he has three of a kind....I mean he just had to be bluffing"

"Chips !! - £50 please"

TD - "Chompy, you're on the move"

as already said  "I'll put you all in"

Makes me instantly want to smash them in the face, although I realise my response may be a little stronger than other people's mild annoyance.

However, as i am often a walking cliche of annoying expressions and tilt phrases at the poker table, who am i to comment?

When someone calls with shit hits with shit then says sorry I wanted to go home

I believe I may have used that a bizillion times at about 10-40pm but change home for the pub.

So really it's just everything people say then? And probably not just at the poker tables, mostly everywhere where someone you don't know says something to you.  An old lady apologising to me today for example in Boots when her basket connected forcefully with my knee.  Shouldn't be fucking swinging that thing about if you're old and buying arthritis creams imo, I said to her.  You can't have it both ways.

You are my hero!

OK just to be clear, we're aware that was a joke yes?

Yes, but very wise to clarify, some don't do irony. Oh no.

WTF?  if u gotta go u gotta go!  Obv snap going to the toilet is the most +ev for a player at the table needing a piss as it gives them the best chance of getting back without missing a hand.

Surely pissing into a 2L bottle at the table is the most +EV way to relieve yourself, or simply wetting your pants. Zero chance of missing a hand.

Pretty sure if the table was 'soft' enough Greeky would rather piss himself rather than miss possible value whilst going to the toilet.

loll.

Dusty 'Leatherass' Schmidt blogged about how he pissed in bottles a lot whilst playing online.

Bloke who sits next to me after the break after ive just seen him come out of trap 2 and not wash his hands...... for some reason I don't want his chips.

I'm mates with Dusty and we had a chat recently about bringing out a 'Leatherass Pee Bottle' for poker players, it started as a joke but could become a reality. He worked out going to the toilet was costing him about $50 every time he went.

Thankfully going to the bog saves me money so I make a point of enjoying it and taking my time, even washing my hands now and then and letting a good burp out too.

wtf? take the laptop with you obv! dont think i've ever bustod a tournie on the toilet and I've probs played close to 1000 hands on it.

Is he your friend? :) :)

He is actually, poker friend.

Dont know if it has been mentioned but when you lose a pot to somebody online and they type TY in the chatbox.

Although this is not a poker term as such but it seems that 99% of poker players type loose instaed of lose, that really pisses me off

+1 million, this is not just poker, this is one of the most regularly misspelt words I've ever seen.

Way to misspell the word two words next to the one you are pointing out is misspelt btw.

I am a lose aggressive player and no, I have not misspelt lose, but perhaps it would have been more correct if I had said losing.

aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

someone explain million?

just like saying you're a million to one shot.

Like if I was talking to hopkin i might say...

"I think you're going to win the DTD Grand Primillion".

"Nice hand!" followed by a tapping of the table always annoys me, whether it's meant sarcastically or not!

when you get knocked out of a tournament on the first hand and someone says 'gg'

Or when someone does something completely fuckwitted to bust out/lose a big pot and someone says 'unlucky'.

This +100000000000000. Surest indicator of a massive idiot ever.

However this thread always cheers me up

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/54/poker-beats-brags-variance/dont-you-hate-when-they-say-ty-38508/

absolute gold!

brilliant!

On a tangent, the one poker term that immediately gets me off tilt...


PPRECIATED IS IT

On a side note, and as an indication of idiocy - I just got some abuse in the chat box after picking up QQ in the SB and knocking someone out on the bubble.

Along the lines of, "typical, the worst player on the table wakes up with a hand"
He argued that I was clearly the worst and if it wasn't for the fact that I'd spent most of the STT with a massive pile of chips then I wouldn't have been able to last so long.

;D well, it amused me anyway

rotflmfao

When someone says "sorry" when they outdraw someone.  They sure are sorry.  It's more appropriate to say 'unlucky' in that situation, as that's what they probably were.  But don't say sorry when you're not. 

Oh, and it always amuses me (more than annoys) when live players berate a play and say "he must play on the internet". 

back raise.



zomg dieieieieieieie



I wonder what it was like to actually play poker when people thought a c/r was rude rotflmfao

Fk me, some of you lot must be on permatilt if all of this standard stuff bothers you........

back raise will be huuuuuuuge with all the kidz in 5 years, watch.

conversely, I got called an 'old live nit' the other week :(

I'm assuming the order those three words annoyed you were:

1.  Old
2.  Nit
3.  Live

:dontask:

nah wasn't annoyed at all.  i'm getting used to being old now :(

Its annoys me when someone says nh and the other fish replies ty both live and online. fk that equitte bullshizz imo.

What they nh fish really means is grrrrrrr u lucky bastard and the ty fish is like, wiiiiiiiiiiiiii, ship it, pwnage!!!

I also hate it when old live players say words like 'the' and 'twelve' and when young internet kids say 'hi' or 'cup'. It really pisses me off when Greekstein says 'chair'.

LOL plank!

Thank you.

FYP.

'Freeroll' when it's not one!

And people posting things that aren't terms in this thread annoys me. And yes I know I've done it now.

Pedants who pick up on words like "annoys" when it should be "annoy" annoy me.

I think this might be really annoying of me, but I reckon that "annoys" is correct as it refers to the gerund "posting" rather than to the people. Though it should arguably technically be "people's" in this case. Unless you're going down the fused participle route of course... (In which case Fowler would find you very annoying indeed).

I think you shot yourself in the foot when you used such wishy-washy language as "should", "arguably" and "technically" in the same sentence.

They're a tough crowd on here, If you want them to accept something, you have to have the courage of your convictions.

Leave no room for question or doubt, brook no dissent. Present your argument with total confidence, as though God himself had just handed it to you on a tablet of stone.   


(I have to admit though, I did like your use of brackets)

OK, I insist I'm 100% sure that it is both arguable and a technicality...