Ugh. This is going to hurt...I'll say from the outset that i've come to this with absolutely no plan what to say. And I'm VERY aware that a large amount of people will likely write off what I say as complete bullshit and keep calling for my head. But whatever, I've wanted to post something since this all kicked off...but there was no way I was going to when it had all started. I'm also not replying to a single thing, one suggestion I got was to have this as an independent statement free of anything else. And it's an idea I like.

Although that said the one person I want to thank for all of this is verndog. Bumping into you was the most random chance ive seen in a while. But the conversation was an enlightening one and something I clearly needed. Thanks man, means alot.


I'm a fool. I'm a fucking idiot and I'll put my hands up to it. At no point am I going to play the "ive been victimized" card because its just simply not true. The way this all came about was stupid to say the very least and, i'll admit, the way i handled this was just as bad. The logic behind it was that all I wanted to do was to sort it out with Suzanne with absolutely no outside interference. I did not believe anyone could be impartial. There was one or two messages that I received that literally gave no shits for any personal circumstances or anything of the like. The idea being if I didn't produce the money straight away then nothing I did from there was going to be enough. That was precisely what I wanted to avoid. Deleting everyone however, was a knee jerk reaction on the nighttime, and something I have grown to regret.

One thing I will stand by literally until the day I die. This was NOT, at ANY stage, done with intent. None, at all, ever. A quote that has been given did indeed get said, but (and im aware nobody will believe this) that was me making light of a situation I was planning to sort out down the line. My logic was that I wanted nobody to know of the deal until everything had died down. At the time had anyone said it then the "no deals policy" was going to have the book thrown at me. Some I trusted to keep it quiet (and those there on the day I couldn't realistically keep it from, would have been close to impossible). But I had this horrible image of someone telling a close mate, then someone else hearing about it and it spread like wildfire. If there is one thing I have learnt from this experience, is that when something looks bad the entire poker world finds out like like an epidemic. So in hindsight I stand by that decision.

Not sorting it out was a result of America, again, stand by that. But the fact is its a horrible yet avoidable oversight. I won't claim for one second that the fact my life flipped on its head is reason enough.

The one thing I took a look at and still don't understand is a thought process nobody has used. People make out this was malicious, that I effectively said "fuck her, its my money". Has nobody considered the fact that IF I was to be malicious...Why of all people would I fuck over the woman that has defended me the most, supported me the most, showed faith in my game the most and invested the most? Surely people must think I'm not so stupid to consider that? Also another fact that again, I'm surprised people haven't touched on. If I was malicious with this, why would I give a shit to pay it back? I'm sorting this because it was an avoidable mistake that I'm completely ashamed of. I am not for one second doing it because of some obligation to the community. I love you guys, I'd have never started this blog if I didn't. But I do this because I feel I've betrayed the trust of someone I'd have given the world in effort for. Not because a few people might hate me if I don't. Not sure what people think of that thought process but I feel if I was paying this because "I wanted people off my back" then I am doing it for all the wrong reasons.


As I've said. All I can do is apologize from the bottom of my heart. I'm not innocent, but I am stupid and naive. I have no idea what people will say to this. I would imagine, for the majority. It won't be good. But at this point I want to get this fixed. I don't want this on my conscious anymore, the states ive been in from this are not something I ever want to repeat. With regards to how I plan to pay Suzanne, that has been sorted between the three of us. I wont name the third unless they feel they want to. People might not like how fast I'm capable of doing it. But I'm trying. I'm upset for those that feel dissapointed in me as well. I never had the intention of doing that. I'd have never kept playing this game if that was the case.

As for the game itself. I won't be making any sweeping statements as to where I go from here. There's a reasonable chance I don't step into dusk for some time (If they even let me back in at all) even after this is all sorted. I still want to be the best. I still want to do well. But other things are going to take priority first. I've managed to salvage a degree that was under 48 hours away from falling apart. That is now my overriding priority. From there once everything is behind us. Chances are I will play exclusively online with the intention of qualifying for the majors. With regards to this blog however I MAY come back to it. But it's most certainly not going to be until this is fixed. And even then I might leave it a while/altogether. Not going to lie I'm not sure people would give a shit about stories on here if they were from me.

I'm sorry. Seriously. Repairing the damage is my priority. Be sure of that.

Just to confirm that Tomsom texted me after me and mystery man1 offered the stake to say he would like a 1/3 of it.

Fair play thanks for the heads up #DemMysteryMen

i dont know peter.

however i really struggle to believe that if somebody was lying about their bust out hand in a tournament that anybody could be monumentally daft enough to report the hand competely differently on blonde compared to facebook, knowing that multiple people will read both. not to mention somebody on said table (rexas friend) could also contradct this. makes zero sense. for these reasons i am siding with mr thorpe accidentally mixing up important hands towards end of tournament.

on the flip side i cannot understand somebody playing potentially 2 days for 10% of action. i cant afford live mtts with all of additional expenses. living in london if somebody put me in with 10% for me i would decline even if it was on my doorstep.however that is his choice.

good luck peter

Fair post and thank you for it. With regard to the last bit yeah i'd been told it loads before. My logic was that a little of something is better than all of nothing

Thanks, will try my best

Currently in a lot of talks with Peter through pm, but feel I should start posting publicly, since I believe I know you more than most here.

If there's one person who deserves a response or a quote itt, it's tomsom. You've mentioned you will directly speak to investors, yet quoted everyone on your side of the fence in this debate but ignored the fact that tomsom invested in you, waiting quite a while before getting proof regarding the miss-match of hands as supposed to throwing allegations around. I understand you may have answered some of his concerns with your response, but you haven't directly responded to his posts just because he was being brutally honest with what he saw, as I believe he has the right to do so.

While I feel you have made mistakes and never meant anything maliciously, this doesn't mean that everything should then be disregarded and people should "let you get away" so to speak with some of the mistakes made. Everyone says something for a reason, not just cause they are hating and want to attack you. Try and see things from their side of the fence as supposed to being like "oh they are being too brutal, this is abuse" etc.etc. Just skip over being a victim, and realise while some may have been a bit harsh, they have reasoning.

Was really annoyed with the closing line of "If you have something to say, good or bad, keep it to yourself". You surely set up a blog to get advice from players who are further down the line from you, but you clearly think people don't have the right to give advice or question things. There will always be highs and lows, And the lows need to be handled much better, especially in this industry if you want to push yourself and get further. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should pull your finger out and address honestly where you are with poker, where you want to be and how you want to get there. I don't think there is any pro out there who has never had a break from poker or realised that there are priorities that overtake poker at certain times. You seem to do what you want to do, when it suits you. I honestly don't see how you can not feel an inch of guilt in the future if you sell for events after ignoring your previous backer and refusing to speak to them. It's almost like you are going from person to person to get money out of them.

The main reason for the lack of quotes on tomsom's side is one of ease. While i was spending the time writing this almost all the points had been written in chronological order past it. I wanted this out there in a way which my mind could actually work well with. In order. Had i been backing and forthing im 100% certian i would have lost track and probably still be halfway to writing this. I'm happy to have discussions with him myself but at this stage i'd rather they be between me and him. I've covered too much on here to want to carry this on for another week or two.

Im not stating for a second that i should "get away" with anything. Far from it. If i truly thought that i just wanted to get away with it (as we have discussed) i'd have just deleted my account on here and never bothered replying. The very fact im willing to surely has to show im willing to stand up and take relative amounts of blame for the mistakes ive made. But that said i will most certianly clarify bits i deem either excessive or just plain wrong. And i stand by that.

The last bit was a closer. Sorry it annoyed you but i want this drawn under. People think im going to take this "advice" much more they are mistaken. I hate this, hate every aspect of it. Never in my life have i had to rigorously defend myself as much as i have now and while, again, im not saying im squeaky clean, ive made mistakes yes. And the way of handling this until now was disastrous. I dont feel this level of responses has ever been justified. And im not alone in thinking that clearly.

As for that last bit....you know im willing to talk to whoever i need to regarding this. And ive clearly stated that i felt the same points had been mentioned in an order that made them easier to respond to. If that's not enough then im sorry...but it managed to get me to write 5,000 words, rather than cower in corner...cant be that bad surely...

So will you be at Dtd next week? Say hi'

Might be, I won't be playing anything but i think i want to see what the atmosphere is like. Give me the drive for when (Inevitably) they do it all again next year, Will do :-)

I feel like I need to address these points, and I want to start with Pete himself. As I have said on Facebook in public and private, there are no haters. I was actually pretty insulted by one of his longer status' where people "sticking the knife in", and that you now don't care about the situation. You also say that you are willing to "say it to the face of whoever [you] need to" as well, which you are being encouraged to do on here, and are not doing. This attitude is a huge part of the problem. It seems like every time someone makes a comment about some changes they feel would be beneficial to you, you view them as haters and trolls and instantly see yourself as a victim. This is categorically not the case. You have spent a lot of time talking about your passion for the game, and your desire to win at it. Winning at poker does not happen because you want it to, or because you feel entitled to win. The game doesn't owe you anything.

The people that have tried to give you advice, which you have completely dismissed, are doing so because they believe you want to succeed, and they know that the way you are currently going about it will make it difficult for you to do so. Saying that you "will deliver that passion how I WANT TO, I will operate myself how I WANT TO" shows a complete disregard for these people. They know how to win at this game in the long run, please use their experience. I feel particularly strongly about this point because I recently bust my live poker bankroll, and I wish now that I'd listened to these people before that had happened. I'm now facing a very long grind to get back to the point I want to be at, and this rebuilding period would not have been anywhere near as long if I'd listened to the people around me. You do not have your own bankroll to lose, you have other people's. I don't particularly like this, but I won't try and stop you from doing it, because if people want to stake you for that amount then it is their money, and that is entirely your decision. As Pleno and Tomsom have stated, the way you are going about this is not conducive to building a bankroll, and you will always end up returning to stakers to sell huge portions of yourself, but I'm not going to spend time telling you this, because far better people have already gone into great detail about it.

Now, the hand histories themselves - In my opinion, it is very important to be honest with these. People gloss over events that they aren't proud of, fair enough. But to flat out lie about things which have happened is very serious and represents a false investment. People are of course able to stake you regardless of whether they think you're a winning player, and I'm more than happy to see people staking you on the basis of your passion for the game. However, there are DEFINITELY people that have staked you on the basis of it being value for their money, and the whole premise of staking is that the backers know exactly who they are staking. By falsely advertising your ability as a player, you are abusing that trust, and that is why this is so important. I will come straight out and tell you that you were playing with a friend of mine, who lurks on blonde and knew of you and your diary when you sat down. As I result, I am not wildly accusing Pete of anything. I was attempting to give him a way of coming clean, but it is clear from Facebook and from his reply earlier on here that he has no intention of doing so, which again I think is very serious, and something that potential backers have a right to know about. Again, of course, they can still back him for other reasons. But those that back him under the guise of him being a profitable player, and how unlucky he is getting in the tournaments he plays, are being presented with information that is not accurate. I also have reason to believe that this is not the first time you have misrepresented hands that you have played. I believe it is very important to be as honest as you can be, and if you do have no desire to be "criticised" on hand histories and thereby improve as a player, then that is your prerogative. But people putting up their own money to stake you have a right to know what they are investing in.

I can't speak for anyone else I guess, but I don't believe this is a witch hunt. I believe it is a series of questions that are being asked of you that you need to answer, and the tone of some of the posts on here is born out of a frustration with your lack of responsiveness. Frankly, I've found some of the things put up on Facebook pretty disrespectful and borderline insulting, as I'm sure some of the others who have seen them have too. I like you Pete, we've spoken a fair bit and we've played a bit too. I want to see you succeed, I want you to realise this "lifelong dream" that is the very title of this blog. But this is going too far, and the fact that you seem unwilling to answer what is being said here suggests that you don't have an answer. I implore you to listen to the advice you are being given, because it will dramatically improve your chances of realising this dream. I also implore you to respond, properly, to what has been said here, and stop seeing yourself as a victim, and as someone being bullied, abused and trolled. You are none of these things, and I would be very surprised if you didn't know it.

Right im going to prefix this, rexas i love you man, one of the few people that could....sort of...understand me and the mentality i have. Simple fact is this has felt like people sticking the knife in. As ive stated alot of this, in my eyes at least, stems off miscommunication, misunderstanding and mistakes (and im sure ive missed something out xD) The fact is while they might see it as beneficial this whole thing stemmed off calling a naive lad out and making him to look like the worst kind of human being out there. I'm at the stage where i don't care much for what others think of that. It's how i feel and after all this im more arsed for my own feeling than anything else.

I know the game doesn't owe me anything, why do you think i push as hard as i do? People may not agree with my method of pushing but, frankly, its not their place to question my methods. Question the motives sure, but ive clarified those enough now to put it to bed. But i operate an out-of-the-box style of thinking. I stated really early on i have NO intention of changing this....that's not changed!

The thing is i have taken alot of the advice to heart...what do you guys want? Instant changes? Guess what, its not going to happen. And besides, alot of the "advice" has been, again, an attack on how much i sell of myself. It is an attack now, that's not help. You all have morals and principles you live by sure, don't shove them down my face (Again, after 18 pages it's how I FEEL you have all displayed it)

With the HH's ive gone into enough details above this part to feel ive adequately answered this one. Nothing was a lie and if you refuse to believe that then nothing was malicious in intent. Nothing. And i won't hear different.

Actually as i read this i feel a lot's been mentioned prior...Although this is one post summarizing two pages, so i thank you for that :-)

---------------

Right, this straight up has to be the most intense piece of writing ive ever done. I don't put this kind of effort into my essays for Christ sakes! I'm hoping this is going to be enough to satisfy the blood-lust because that's what it's felt like. I don't rightly care if someone wants to tell me "we are just trying to help" because for the past few days it's not felt even close to that. I have never been economical with the truth and if i have managed to get something wrong it was either to go out of my way for others, as such with no malicious intent whatsoever. Or was an honest and genuine mistake. I don't go to the trouble of fabricating hands, It's not worth the hassle. If i wanted to do that I'd do it on the relevant forums as well, not on a blog that...until recently...i was really growing to love.

What i won't have coming from this is people making out i falsely portray myself. If that's the way it comes across to you then i apologize. But the last thing i want is for your bloody morality forcing you to make me look worse than i am. Nobody's been left thinking i am a profiting player. I've looked at the little blue book ive got showcasing all my backers. I've even gone to the trouble before writing this of checking my backing discussions with them. EVERY BLOODY ONE that has asked questions has been given concise and precise answers. I've even noticed that some got the answers and then politely declined. As ive stated before. I haven't put a gun to anyone's head...all ive ever offered is passion and dedication, people have gone off my drive only. If it's been construe that my stating past results has been to that end then i apologize from the bottom of my heart. When ive mentioned past results (the twitter-esque #ThreeDeepRuns is the one i remember the most as a marketing line). It's not been under the pretense that it WOULD happen, that i was profiting enough to make it happen...but more that i had the conviction and belief that it would. There is nothing wrong with that, at all...I've never been economical with the truth regarding anything, least not intentionally. Lord knows ive got the kind of database people would kill for. I can't be economical with five years of collated results! Yeah sure there's talk that it's not enough of a sample size but its what we have. It's what we will work with. And i will not. Not. NOT. be told to do otherwise. People can draw their own conclusions once they seem them. I've never bigged them up to be more than they are and if you've felt that i have then i sincerely apologize for that. Feel free to never back me or ever again for that matter. But if you see me for what i am. A kid who's had to spend two full days feeling like the world was against him before having the courage (and believe me, it took alot to write this) Then stick around.
But im making this very clear. This has a line drawn under it as far as im concerned. That's a 11 page, Exactly 5,000 word response to the most awkward few days of my poker career. I have no intention of letting this drag any further. If you have something to say, good or bad, keep it to yourself. Least that way i can't be seen as being biased towards those that still support me (believe me, they exist, alot of them). I want to carry this on. I want to carry on in a community i WAS growing fond of. I want to carry on my passion of 16 years, a game i love more than anything else. But it has to be in the right way, the right atmosphere....I won't be carrying on if people still have the idea to carry this complete mess on. Honest mistakes, sincere apologies and alot of naivety. Let's leave it at that.

Right then. I'm pretty much bracing myself for this...I'm taking this from the very professional approach that seems to be required on this site. But I'll state right now that this is likely to be my last post on the matter. I'm going to make this as detailed as possible, there's alot of issues raised. And i hope to be able to quote and answer them all...You may not like these answers, but everything you see here is being proof read by myself an hour after i've wrote it. So the simple fact is you'll have to take what's said here as my definitive answer. Bad or good. So much so that there’s so many characters this has to be, amazingly enough in two posts! Apparently 20,000 is the limit. Who’d have thought it?

I have no idea what's going on but looking in this seems like a bit of a witch hunt.

Just....this. I'm not bothered what others want to think. It straight up does feel like this now. I'm more happy people have gone past veiling this as "help and advice"...cause that died about three pages back.

I was under no illusions that he was a pro, in fact the completely the opposite. I knew he was a student with little money, no time to play sats but with a desire to play live. He also admitted that he was crap online so preferred to go along the staking route.

Yes he does it differently from conventional staking and I have also explained to him that he needs to build a bankroll and invest more himself but as he said he doesnt have the time and just wants to play for the love of the game.

Whos to say this is wrong?

Im sure if he becomes a more profitable player then his approach will change but for now I dont see any harm in what he is doing. His stakers are taking a gamble on him but isnt that the same with all stakings? I have staked players in the past with much better stats but so far Peter has been the most profitable.

This pretty much sums up my entire two days worth of frustration. But in a far more calm and collected way. It needs to be made VERY VERY VERY clear when i started this blog the question of selling myself for ultra low amounts was asked. And answered to the best of my ability. What i've seen is seventeen pages of flogging a dead horse that frankly i find insulting.

I made my stance beyond clear on this one. I'm aware im breaking the mould completely and challenging the standard of how to operate. But i'm happy. Clearly the backers are happy otherwise i'd be struggling to get anything. So nobody has the right to tell me how to operate my affairs. If i want to play comps for 10% then just accept it. I frankly don't care for your morals. What i do gives me a chance i would otherwise never get, not to mention the chance to give others a chance of winning more for very little.

There has been talk im only in this for myself and if you want to be a cynic about it then you are probably right. But to think i'm using their hard earned money entirely for my own selfish gains is insulting and fucking annoying. There is nothing malicious (regardless of what you want to believe) behind anything i do. I've been called naive alot, and i'd go along with that perfectly fine. But to be effectively accusing me of doing this for my own gain and nothing else is just going to prompt the reactions it has. Anger and frustration...

It's true, everyone starts from somewhere. And if i become a more profitable player then i will use everything in my power to assemble a bankroll. There's no rule saying you have to start from a certian height on that ladder....if i want to start so low i havent even climbed it. Then i have every right to do so...

Seems that there's been a culture clash of investors here, maybe that explains the confusion.

1 group where they're doing it for the sweat, helping out a nice guy with the chance if a profit.

And the new blonde group where things are a bit more serious and expect a more professional approach.

Think that some of the allegations and assumptions have gone over the line, and equally Peter hasn't done himself any favours by the lateness of replies/skipping questions.

Would urge both sides to try and clear this up ASAP. Not the first not the last time stuff on blonde has got heated over staking money; also to Peter don't feel that this is the end of Blonde/blogging. Can think of a few people who have come back from far worse. We all make mistakes, it's how you come back from them that's important.

Thanks mate, probably the best description of the situation ive seen. It gets explained in private to me purely because of the questions i get asked. Simple fact is i operate more on the friendship style of "taking a punt on the belief we can make it work". I have no intention of changing that.

The whole thing has gone over the line. Regardless what crap will get posted past this stating otherwise, its not help anymore. And yes i agree i haven't helped myself and i appologise for that. But think of it this way...it's that very passion and drive that started this blog in the first place that lead to the anger and frustration...I can't help the way i am. If you want someone who's going to showcase 100% of the qualities you want, find someone else. I am my own person, determined to change the parts of my life i deem inadequate. Not what you deem inadequate.

Hopefully this is a good comeback, you tell me

The prosecutors (whom I must stress I am not involved in) argue that Peter portrays himself as a winning player and that he is a very good investment. The fact that he either lied or forgotten about a hand that he alter remembered meant that they assumed he keeps the bad plays potentially quiet and shouts to the rooftops when he is unlucky thus investors thinking he is more than often hard done by and thus could even earn future stakings.

Again I must stress I'm just explaining their side rather than agreeing, disagreeing or even caring to a degree about it (ive never met the guy)

First off i know you are on the fence/not bothered. I appreciate that completely. None of this is towards you pleno. In fact you've been one of the few people that has offered the kind of advice ive asked for. Not what was felt had to be said.

This is the one that's the big one. What i say next is the whole truth in my eyes. What you take from it is your own decision. But i will answer to this once and only once. And im regarding live here. I'll touch on the online thing in a second.

I have NEVER gone about selling my shares and events under the pretense that i was a winning player and that people were odds on to win. It was ALWAYS about the drive, the desire, and the gut feeling that something good was going to happen. It has been mentioned about the fact ive used lines such as "i went deep in this before". And this was in the context of that it COULD happen again, not that it WOULD happen again. During messages with those that have backed me when mention has been given to my past record all information has been given. the 90% miss rate being the key one for that. I've never portrayed myself to being anything more than what i am.

You have to see it from the perspective ive ran. No information has ever been hidden. No disadvantages to backing me have been swept under the rug. Many times those that do back me have asked to see results, have asked about true winnings and figures. Every time they've asked they've been told. And believe me i've lost alot of people to the idea "so you miss 9 times out of 10". But you all seem to be of the idea i should be starting all of my sales pitches with "remember i only cash 10% of the time". If that's the case you guys are the shittest salesman ive ever come across. It's all about long term and yes, while you sit there screaming down my throat that 170ish isn't enough of a sample size, it's all we have in the live realm. So it's what im going to work with. Don't like that? Not my problem, others seem to be fine with it.

Peter Thorpe (PokerStars)  1,319   -$1.91   $5.31   -16.9%   -$2,523   52   

Right, that online graph. I have never seen that until it was posted a few days ago....I want you to get past ego's and beliefs for two seconds and take that in....I had NOT seen THAT graph ever. I may have seen something from sharkscope (which ive been told that is from) in years past...but we'd be talking at least two years, and it most certainly would have looked different.

1. Nobody, strangely enough, has ever asked for online results. Low and behold when i asked for live backing people only wanted those. And it had never crossed my mind about the online ones. It actually hadn't. So in answer to your question no, my backers hadn't seen that as much as i hadn't. Fucking shoot me for it.

2. That graph serves off the last five years. Three and a half of which i had student loans and no clue how online worked. It does NOT serve to be a true representation of how i play today. I'm aware "but thats what we have to go off" well it's not...there are other results but if you are going to take online as gospel then there's bugger all i can do.

3. Online is different to live. In so many ways it begs belief. Feel and judgement are fucking HUGE live, online is pure mechanics. So (And ill bring my gaming background into this) my feel for the game is good but my mechanics are lacking somewhat if you take that graph as the be-all-and-end-all. That's not me lying about information. That's me both not remembering and never being asked...But i'll tell you now, had someone ever asked, had i ever seen that. I'd have had no issue in stating that it was old, outdated and not a true representation. That's not shady, it's a bloody fact.

In regards to keeping bad plays quiet. Wrong. As has been mentioned before, i have gone out of my way to mention all the hands i could. In fact (and ironically enough) had i mentioned i could not remember my bustout hand, and only remembered that key hand that crippled me. This pretty much never escalates to the state it has. I tried to be more accommodating than i had to effectively. And it's ended up with egg on my face. Not stating im in the right by any stretch. But it is food for thought...

Yeah not sure exactly what's going on tbh, from what i've read i've picked up:

1. HHs from GP were inaccurate/not in correct order

From what i've seen here you have been pretty wishy-washy about which hands have happened, how you bust, when various hands happened etc. It's not very common for people to go into massive detail about every major hand they play in a tournament, so this doesn't seem like a massive deal to me. However, if I were going to recall how I bust any given live comp (within a day or so) i'd be able to remember which I bust on and maybe 1 or 2 other big hands (probably not entirely accurately). To say you bust JJ v AT and it transpire you didn't does seem like you probably told a white lie because you were a bit embarrassed about your actual exit. No biggie and pretty common, but still silly and pointless.

Hold my hands up to this one. I've tried to go into some kind of criminal amount of details since starting this blog as i felt you guys needed infinite information to give a true analysis. As for the memory thing it pains me to say but my memory simply is not that good. Writing stuff down is what gets me through. I wrote down the main hand, but not the bustout, so i took a swing off pure memory...and effectively guesswork. Alone. Yes completely wrong and i apologize for it, but at the time i thought stating "i cant remember anything past that hand" was going to get me negative press....LOL, cause this route has been any better!!! In closing it wasnt intended as a white lie at all, was just me in a rush trying to appease peoples questions. I've only ever wanted to be seen in a good light, it's backfired, and for that i am truly sorry.

2. Accusations have been made that you've lied about hands entirely... maybe falsifying who was who in HHs

I'm not really sure on what basis these are being made? From purely what's on here it sounds like people are guessing based on the JT vs 64hh hand looking a bit strange (the guy calling on TdTc8h and just calling when he backdoors a flush). Yeah it seems strange, but i've seen plenty weirder lines taken by opponents. Certainly not enough there for me to say you've made it up... but maybe people have evidence they've not really covered?

This one is straight up wrong and i have clarified this one. The hand on this blog is accurate, the facebook post that was made was inaccurate. Simple typing and rushing error. I agree the hand looks weird, i thought the same afterwards. But what happened happened. I assure you (im aware at this stage my assurance is worth nothing, but oh well)

3. There seems to be mention of some 44 hand that you lost, which sounds like an issue with people... but haven't seen details of it anywhere

We're not FB friends and it's not been covered here, just people asking about it, so no idea what's happened here?

This is going to please nobody. But the simple truth is i don't remember this hand AT ALL. I've been told it was me shoving 4's into 8's on a 10 high board (which i can only assume was me not believing he had anything). But the fact is i haven't a clue on this one. If its true and i made a misplay mistake then fair enough. But i cant put my hands up to something im not even sure on myself.

4. Also people saying you mentioned an 86 hand on FB, which hasn't been detailed by you ITT

Same as 3.

Same as point 2 for me. Think it covers the situation.

Overall it seems like people are being pretty harsh on you (unless there is a bunch of other stuff off-forum which I haven't seen), but it also seems like you've handled yourself and the criticism v.poorly. Going off the rails and saying you're going to play a load of comps with 0% of yourself and quitting the diary aren't going to help you or anyone else at all. Think you should finally clear up points 1-4, make it clear what happened, what didn't happen. You seem to have focused all of your apologies and explanations on just a couple of hands mentioned (the hand vs 64hh, which you've clearly said is accurate... and clearing up that JJ v AT wasn't you're exit). Just clear up the other couple of hands and where they fit in and I don't see what anyone can be too upset about.

You seem to be victim of being way too obsessive about writing down every hand you're involved in and also being a bit economical with the truth (probably not wanting to look bad).... not the end of the world, but don't do it.

It does feel that way yes. Totally agree this was far too heavy handed. But i have been told the poker world is largely forgiving....i hope so, otherwise ive wasted my breath doing this. I have handled it poorly and that was out of frustration for knowing that whatever i said was going to get shouted down (its been proven somewhat). Hopefully these last few points have cleared up enough for people to at least simmer down (yeah i know the 4's one i simply cant clear up, i apologize, i don't have the memories you guys clearly do/expect of me, when i wrote down key hands i think i should include all bustouts as well)

The truth hasnt been stretched with malicious intent i want to make that plain and clear. When ive stated hands its what i believed to be right at the time. All that's needed to happen was clarification, not this shitshow.

Right, I was going to wait until this had died down but seeing as, as shitstorms go, this one even a weatherman would be worried about, I'm going to grab my coat and weather it for all its worth. I want to make clear right now that I will be addressing the disparity with the hands posted/mentioned and will be addressing this replies to the backers only.

All I can do is apologise profusely for what has been a genuine mistake. As much as people will (and have) want to scream down my throat stating that "those kind of mistakes don't happen" they do. And they have. The point is that the hand I posted for analysis on this blog was CORRECT, it was the Facebook response having been made in a huff and in a rush that was wrong. The only reason I know this to be certain is the note on my phone which actually gave me the ability to give those bet sizes. The simple fact is I actually cannot remember much of any exit hands, its only in the last four years I write key ones down. And I can hear the vultures in the back now going "well you shouldn't post until later on then" yes. I get it. I fucked up. I'm sorry....it's all I can say really.

Secondly, and again it's a show of my awful memory...I fucked the bust out hand up because, and I remember this clearly...when the JJ/A10 hand happened it was (as has been mentioned) Inbetween the pocket fours hand that was my bust out and it stuck in my memory more for the line "yeah this always fucking happens to me I swear to god". And as such it's stuck with me as the bust out. Again, wrong, again, stupid. Can't really do much about it, all I can do is apologise for it.

I want this made as clear as crystal. My hands up until this have been completely blemish free, in four years of doing updates (which, as has been mentioned, is something I've been very good at in times past) I never made one slip up. I know there will be some cynics that want to say "well because of this hand..." And the simple fact is I can't stop people thinking that. If you don't want to take my word then fair enough. I understand at the moment my word is worth close to nothing anyway.

I don't want to be seen as the guy who's grim to trust. Integrity is the highest and probably main quality I've ever had. It had neve been questioned. Simple as that. The fact I've done this is not something I'm proud of, not even slightly. And I don't want to be seen as that guy...

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In regards to everything else. I'm about 80% likely to be closing the blog off. I want to clear my name with something that makes me out to be a liar, and SOME advice that has been received on here has been great, trust me on that. But I created this for it to be fun primarily. And regardless what anyone wants to say. It simply is not fun for me anymore...and that renders almost all of it useless...I MAY decide to come back, maybe, but for the time being I most certainly need a break from this...

Oh the busto hand? JJ into A10 for about 11 bigs, shoved from middle position, ace on the turn...standard really

...apologies for that im basically retarded.

Completely lost it.

LOL!

Oh the busto hand? JJ into A10 for about 11 bigs, shoved from middle position, ace on the turn...standard really

What was the 86 hand you were talking about on fb? I just assumed that was your exit hand?

Ah bollocks, just re-read that and ive got the hand history wrong, he had and the first flop card was the .....apologies for that im basically retarded. Doesn't change anything in the scope of things though, need to proof read more
(EDIT: Actually that does mean a straight's hit....right now i really am the worst :\)

lol, np. Yeah doesn't specifically change the hands outcome. Floated, flush/straight draw, BINK.
I personally also would be interested in peoples opinion on my view of the hand history to see if I'm am thinking correctly also

Read the re-edit, my facebook post is what's wrong...im a complete spack i swear xD

Oh the busto hand? JJ into A10 for about 11 bigs, shoved from middle position, ace on the turn...standard really

What was the 86 hand you were talking about on fb? I just assumed that was your exit hand?

Right disregard every edit ive done, my phone doesnt lie and after checking my notes page (should really have done this first) this hand history is entirely accurate, and my facebook post was rushed out/wrong...

Note to self: Quit jumping the fucking gun :\

Oh the busto hand? JJ into A10 for about 11 bigs, shoved from middle position, ace on the turn...standard really

The fact you grind as you do, with the profits you make....on a laptop?!?!?! Mother of god the moment you get an actual grinders setup im scared how much the volume is gonna shoot up. Not to mention gameplay through just feeling more comfortable!

I'm sure there's a euphemism, or at the very least a "that's what she said", moment in here somewhere, but I just can't find it....

Got me thinking now as well....fuck.

The fact you grind as you do, with the profits you make....on a laptop?!?!?! Mother of god the moment you get an actual grinders setup im scared how much the volume is gonna shoot up. Not to mention gameplay through just feeling more comfortable!

I'm going to put up a post either in the next few hours or day/two regarding everything to do with me/the blog/alot...Make no mistake im likely to offend alot of people but i'll write how i feel as i feel it. There's alot i need off my chest regarding all of this...and it might show just what kind of a character i am behind all of the bravado and dreams