Vegas & The Aftermath - Diary

[Royal Flush]

When I first took up Golf, I needed to select a Club to be "my" Club.

The Joining Fee, usually a few grand, & first Year's Membership Fee - anything from £800 to £3,000 in Derbyshire - was a gift from my then Chairman, & subsequently friend, not to say lifetime hero, John Kirkland. It included 12 lessons with a Pro, before actually venturing onto a course.

I took the lessons - no, they never worked - & then set about finding a Club to join.

I purchased all the gear - well expensive it was too, Clubs, bags, shoes, Shirts, Trousers, the lot, again all at JNK's expense.

At last the time camre for my first round, & I chose Quarndon Golf Club, which is beautiful, & inhabited by huge flocks of Canada Geese, & is just outside Derby. I really wanted to be a Member there, it's a beautiful course, has some water hazards, Quarndon House adjoins it, & it's set in stunning countryside.

I was very nervous come the big day. Particularly about walking into the Locker Room, with all my new gear. Some Poker peeps are incredibly snobby to newbies.

So I got fully dressed in my new gear at work, then drove to the Golf Course, & parked in the very far corner of the Car Park - it seemed so wrong to park with all the nobs, with their personalised number plates & big up yours Bentleys. I'm better off in the corner, away from all that. So that's where I parked up.

I got out, & opened the boot to get my bag of clubs out. And my shiny new golf shoes. Uh-oh, mistake.

Lesson # 1. Do NOT change your shoes in the Car Park, it's not done. The rule is "Would Prince Charles do it?". Well I never knew all that!

Oi.

Oi!

And I'm thinking, "what?"

Oi. YOU!

And I look round, & there's this tosser in a tweed jacket, leather armpatches, (looked a bit like boldie) shouting at me, from right across the other side of the Car Park.

"Err, sorry, I beg your pardon", I stutter, reddening up in the cheeks a treat. I had no idea what I'd done wrong.

He shouts again, "Don't you DARE change your shoes in MY Car Park, what do you think this is, a Municipal Course?".

I had a list of 10 Courses on my "short-list", one of which I hoped to join. Needless to say, Quarndon got scrubbed off the list.

Anyway, that's not the story, I digressed a bit.....

I would have just driven str8 off and given him an earful, cock.

[GreekStein]

I'd have planted a greenie on the tarmac

[tikay]

Back to the Goilf.

On my Golf Course Wish List was Ormonde Fields Golf Club, or, as we came to know it, Royal Ormonde. It's in Codnor, in Derbyshire, on the A610, & is very hilly, with only about 4 of the greens being visible from the tee. It also boasts (what would be) the best closing hole in Derbyshire golf, so it's rather a shame that it's actually the 1st.

Anyway, a guy I work with, Bill Jepson, was Mr Chairman there. He was also MD of two companies in the B & K Group, exactly as I was, but I never knew him that well.

He invited be down to Ormonde for a Round, & protocol was that prospective new Members had to have 18 holes with Mr Chairman, to be "assessed", & if acceptable, can then put their name forward to the Committee for Membership.

So I was in good shape really - Mr Chairman himself had invited me, I know him from work - should be a shoe-in, this.

The beauty of golf is chatting. 18 holes over 5 hours inhvolves 10 minutes of golf, & the rest is just chatting, & admiring the countytryside, & wildlife. In fact, sod the golf, the scenery does it for me.

So, we walked, hit a shot now & then, & chatted.

I was struggling a bit to say the right things, so decided to use the odest trick in the book - ask about his kids. Never fails. If at first you don't succeed.......

He told me all about his Son, in whom clearly he had great pride.

But here's the thing - the wind was blowing, I could not hear him properly, but hated keep saying "pardon?".

So when he said his son was very artistic, I enquired, as you do, whether he did paintings, sculptures, whatever.

Bill shot me a bit of a quizzical look, & said "eh?".

I repeated the question - paintings, sculptures, singing, what sort of artistic bent did he have?

Bill replied tersely.

"No, not artistic, autistic".

Oops.

So if I tell you I went on to become Captain within 4 years, all things considered, & pardon the chirp, but that was some recovery.

OK, no more golf, I promise.

Though I'd LOVE to tell that Bunker story Kev alluded to. How did you klnow about that, Kev?

[gatso]

He invited be down to Ormonde for a Round, & protocol was that prospective new Members had to have 18 holes with Mr Chairman, to be "assessed", & if acceptable, can then put their name forward to the Committee for Membership.

if only you had a similar system for membership of blonde. think of all the problems that could've been avoided. boldie and kin would never have made the cut

[GreekStein]

He invited be down to Ormonde for a Round, & protocol was that prospective new Members had to have 18 holes with Mr Chairman, to be "assessed", & if acceptable, can then put their name forward to the Committee for Membership.

if only you had a similar system for membership of blonde. think of all the problems that could've been avoided. boldie and kin would never have made the cut

It would only be me and Tikay in that case.

[tikay]

He invited be down to Ormonde for a Round, & protocol was that prospective new Members had to have 18 holes with Mr Chairman, to be "assessed", & if acceptable, can then put their name forward to the Committee for Membership.

if only you had a similar system for membership of blonde. think of all the problems that could've been avoided. boldie and kin would never have made the cut

Exactly.

Now, don't go away gateaux, I have a one-off Red-Dog stylee quiz question coming up.

Tighty won't get it, Red won't get it, Kin won't get it, & you deffo won't get it. Flushy might, though. That'll be the only clue.

I'll Post it up in a bit. I planned to write about it anyway, but it has a perfect "well I never" angle.

[gatso]

hurry up then, I've gotta go out

[TightEnd]

tikay going to hint at the story of his old girlfriend who liked outdoors sex, but not tell the full story..AGAIN?!

[pokefast]

Bunker tale please.

Oh and while you are at it,don't you come from London Tikay? If so how did you end up in Derbyshire.

I'd have chosen Yorkshire meself,or Cornwall.

[tikay]

tikay going to hint at the story of his old girlfriend who liked outdoors sex, but not tell the full story..AGAIN?!

Blame Kev - he raised the issue, not me!

[tikay]

hurry up then, I've gotta go out

OK.

Last week, a famous building started to be demolished.

Famous? Welll yes, sort of.

As a Tourist attraction, it attracted more visitors per annum than the Tower Of London, Windsor Castle, & Madame Tussuads. Combined.

So in a way, yes, it was pretty famous. And is now being demolished.

Give up yet? Want the year it was opened?

[tikay]

Lol, I have stumped Tighty, Red, Gatters, the lot of you.

I bet Flushy knows.

[tikay]

Lol, not ONE reply, not even a mad Ironside-stylee guess.

[tikay]

Bugger. KenJude is Online. He'll know, 100%.

[GreekStein]

Something to do with planes. An airport somewhere, terminal maybe?