I thought one of the interesting aspects of the programme the other day was when they were talking about marrying "country" girls. If it isn't too personal a question Tom would you allow any of your girls to marry a "country" boy and is that a widespread view within the Gypsy community? I am part of a mixed race marriage myself and I find it fascinating how different we can be but also how similar we can be if that makes sense. So many things that we as British people take for granted such as meeting in pubs, drinking alcohol are totally alien to my wife and her friends and I honestly had no idea until I was exposed to her culture.
There were two groups in the programme, Irish Travellers and Romany Gypsies. Both have ethnic status. Gypsies were finally recognised as an ethic minority in 1989, and Irish Travellers in 2000.
Irish Travellers don't speak the Romany language, and would refer to outsiders as "Country People" Gypsies would refer to outsiders as "Gorgers"-"Gadje"
Having cleared that up, your question is equally relevant to either group.
"Would you allow any of your girls to marry a "country" boy and is that a widespread view within the Gypsy community?"It's not a case of what I would and wouldn't allow. (This is going to be really tough to explain).
During their early childhood, my kids lived by the rules that I laid down. These rules were not many, (I wanted them to experience as many things as possible during childhood) basically, they were these.
I won't say no unless I have to, but if I say it, I mean it. No means no. End of. (Kids are much happier like this, they don't have to go through hours (Sometimes days) of crying and whinging trying to get something they may or may not get. They ask, I say yes or no. Simples.
Everyone must be aware of the affect their actions will have on the rest of the family - Hurt one, hurt all.
Everyone must contribute - Everyone is important to the well-being of the whole, and no one rides for free.
Blood is thicker than water. Family comes first. Look after each other. When your mother and I are no longer around, you will always have someone to turn to.
You can't do anything bad enough to make me stop loving you.
Be proud of what you are.
These things sort of start out as rules, but end up as teachings.
By the age of 5, Gypsy children will know what's what. By 10 they are shouldering considerable responsibility and helping to teach the younger ones. By 16, they are adult.
My girls are all adult now. I don't impose any rules on them. They are free to do with their lives as they will. If they are happy, I am happy.
They still ask for my permission do things or to go places, and they still do as I say, but that's out of respect, not because I force them. (One of my girls is 27 and has been smoking for years, but she has never smoked a cigarette in my presence. Of course, I wouldn't say anything if she did, but she would feel uncomfortable)
Now comes the awkward to explain part. (This applies especially to girls, not quite so much to boys)
She would be free to marry an outsider, a Gorger. But she would do so knowing that he would never be truly
truly accepted by her community.
If he had anything about him at all, the Gypsy community would welcome him into the fold, and they would treat him well out of respect for her, or respect for me, but they would never be able to take him as one of their own.
They would know that their values are not his values.
They would never be able to pick him out amongst a sea of strangers and exchange a glance that speaks of a thousand years of shared experience.
They would know a million things that he didn't know.
The vast majority of Gypsy and Traveller girls marry within the community,
because they want to.
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