Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[RED-DOG]

Don't worry about hijacking btw - it's better than being moribund.

Payback for insensate, imo.

I thought insensate was rather good, actually, & oh so apt.

Oh I missed that, but then I do tend to skim-read your posts....

[tikay]

This made my eyes bleed......

http://www.cambridgeincolour.com/tutorials/camera-lenses.htm

[tikay]

Kill me now.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photographic_lens

Still, I already knew this......

"Cooke Triplet was a deceptively simple looking asymmetric three element anastigmat formula created by reexamining lens design from first principles to take maximum advantage of the advances in new Schott optical glasses"

I'm heading back towards a compact now......

[Woodsey]

Tony, don't think about it too hard.

Get this camera body   http://www.amazon.co.uk/Canon-Digital-Camera-Body-Only/dp/B0037KM0EY/ref=sr_1_4?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1326658645&sr=1-4

This lens   http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sigma-18-250mm-F3-5-6-3-Stabilised-Canon/dp/B001PGXEH4/ref=sr_1_2?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1326658820&sr=1-2

And your covered for most stuff.

Job done  

[tikay]

One of your presenters knows more than a little about photography,you could ask her for lessons.

Oh, of COURSE - I plum forgot about that!

http://www.annafowler.com/index.html

I believe she has her own Studio, in Fulham, or somesuch. She's a really lovely kid, too.

Would have been handy if she was doing tonight's Show with me, but I have to make do with Miss Champion.

[RED-DOG]

Kill me now.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photographic_lens

Still, I already knew this......

"Cooke Triplet was a deceptively simple looking asymmetric three element anastigmat formula created by reexamining lens design from first principles to take maximum advantage of the advances in new Schott optical glasses"

I'm heading back towards a compact now......

That's the thing Tone, once you get the fanatics fired up they can find fault, or ways to improve every aspect of their particular hobby horse, even if it's only by an infinitesimal degree. You, me and 99.9% of the rest of the world wouldn't notice the difference.

People fill magazines every week, year in year out with discussions about golf equipment, or motor cars, or how to play ace king.

Ask Simon Trumper which wristwatch you should buy and see what happens.

Don't get too bogged down in technicalities, read some articles on BASIC photography, then, if your still interested, buy a nice bridge camera, or a decent DSLR with full auto mode and good 55/250 lens.

[mulhuzz]

One of your presenters knows more than a little about photography,you could ask her for lessons.

Oh, of COURSE - I plum forgot about that!

http://www.annafowler.com/index.html

I believe she has her own Studio, in Fulham, or somesuch. She's a really lovely kid, too.

Would have been handy if she was doing tonight's Show with me, but I have to make do with Miss Champion.

really hard life etc etc

[tikay]

One of your presenters knows more than a little about photography,you could ask her for lessons.

Oh, of COURSE - I plum forgot about that!

http://www.annafowler.com/index.html

I believe she has her own Studio, in Fulham, or somesuch. She's a really lovely kid, too.

Would have been handy if she was doing tonight's Show with me, but I have to make do with Miss Champion.

really hard life etc etc

Yup, but she does not complain, she's just grateful for the chance to work with me, I guess.

[RED-DOG]

Badum tish!

[Rod Paradise]

Saw this on another forum, from my limited experience it's damn accurate:

Understanding the Haynes book of lies (aka Manual)

Haynes Manual's Explained

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG - "Jesus, where the hell did that go?"

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a band-aid or two).

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned.

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to **** it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your motor bike for a couple of days.

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha.

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some visegrips and a hammer...

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.

[tikay]

Brilliant, Rod!

[RED-DOG]

A kid came today to change a printed circuit board in my central heating boiler. He was kneeling on a deep pile carpet and drinking a mug of tea that Mrs Red had made for him.

Oh God. I hate doing theses.... They're so hard.

I can't get these bloody clips off. they make my hands ache.

Oh why does it have to be me.....

These are horrible.... just horrible.....

Oh it's killing me, working on my knees...

Oh God......

There you go, all done.

The entire job took about 3 minutes.

I bet he hasn't lain beneath many Landrovers, with water from the melting snow running down the crack of his arse as he tried to remove the seized-on  gearbox with frozen fingers.

[Dino]

Haynes manuals used to be so good,they would tell you how to do everything.
Older one give torque settings and clearances to setup gearboxes and diffs
Now so many items are marked as "take to the main dealer" about the only thing they are good for identifying the odd bits.

[RED-DOG]

It's beginning to look like ole Captain Francesco is in the schettino.

[tikay]

It's beginning to look like ole Captain Francesco is in the schettino.

Have him shot, imo. The trial can wait.