Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Snatiramas]

Lovely read Phil. x

I bet the fasting was a breeze for you!

Didn't really think about it at the time but the fact that my insulin levels are so stable probably meant that I found the transition to full on fast mode a lot easier than somebody with a lot of sugar in their diet. It was certainly easier than previous years. My Dad unfortunately had a bit of a turn. He had fallen asleep during the Rabbi's sermon up in Leicester and he woke with a bit of a start at the end when everybody stood up and passed out. My nephew was there to catch him luckily. There were also seven doctors in attendance within a matter of 10 seconds. My Mum said she felt quite sorry for the paramedic when he turned up because all the doctors were watching what he was doing.

Anyway he is fine and Mum and Dad spent the weekend in Cheltenham at some Dickie Attenborough interview or other........him being a Leicester man and more importantly Old Wyggestonian of my fathers generation. Oh and just for information if the fast means that you put your health in danger there is a law that states that you must not fast. Now the discussion on life in danger is very grey........... as the old saying goes, you can put two jews in a room and they will come up with three opinions

[celtic]

Lovely read Phil. x

I bet the fasting was a breeze for you!

Didn't really think about it at the time but the fact that my insulin levels are so stable probably meant that I found the transition to full on fast mode a lot easier than somebody with a lot of sugar in their diet. It was certainly easier than previous years. My Dad unfortunately had a bit of a turn. He had fallen asleep during the Rabbi's sermon up in Leicester and he woke with a bit of a start at the end when everybody stood up and passed out. My nephew was there to catch him luckily. There were also seven doctors in attendance within a matter of 10 seconds. My Mum said she felt quite sorry for the paramedic when he turned up because all the doctors were watching what he was doing.

Anyway he is fine and Mum and Dad spent the weekend in Cheltenham at some Dickie Attenborough interview or other........him being a Leicester man and more importantly Old Wyggestonian of my fathers generation. Oh and just for information if the fast means that you put your health in danger there is a law that states that you must not fast. Now the discussion on life in danger is very grey........... as the old saying goes, you can put two jews in a room and they will come up with three opinions

 

[Rod Paradise]

as the old saying goes, you can put two jews in a room and they will come up with three opinions

  Having spent a pleasant lunch in the pub in a wee Scots village - I reckon this means the Scots must be jewish - because they old boys up here are exactly the same.

[Snatiramas]

A slightly different type of post this week. I know I promised a bit on Succot and building a Succah and I will probably go through this on Tuesday or Wednesday next week when yet again I will be with my colleagues in Germany dealing with some pan European meetings. During these visits I like to have something to do so I will put a post up then. Anyway I have been for some time struggling to reach my goals as regards the diet. This week has been particularly tough. I know that I have probably undersold some of the difficulties so today I redress the balance with a mail that I sent to my counsellor this morning with a response.


 
From: Cooklin, Phillip [mailto:phillip.cooklin@wacom.eu]
Sent: Thu 16/10/2008 09:53
To: Catherine
Subject: Stupid me
Hi Catherine
 
When I come in today I will need two weeks supplies as I have just checked my diary and I will be in Germany next Thursday. Could we repeat my order replacing vegetable soup with mushroom soup for the second week?
 
Also I will have the kids with me at weigh in later but I hope this is okay as I have to take Rachel to parents evening.
 
I am really struggling at the moment and sometimes I just find it easier to type it than say it. So here goes. I am still an addict. There are two key times in every day that I struggle with. One is at 4.30 pm and last week I thought I had it beat, but I do not yet. The other is at about 10.30 pm. The more I fight the cravings at these times, the more rebellious child comes out to play. As you and I know, I have more than my fair share of this particular character trait. So this week has been a failure and right now as I sit at my desk I feel that I have lost in the region of 78 pounds but I have not succeeded. I am frustrated with myself as I expect more from myself, and when I sit in the group I feel I have let them down as well. I know we all go down our own road but we all go down a collective road as well on a Thursday evening, so that would make me not much of a team player right now......not a positive feeling.
 
So I have some decisions to make right now. Do I give up or do I continue?
 
After much thought and if you can put up with me, I am not quite ready to chuck in the towel. The positives for me still outweigh the negatives. I like the fact that I have a waist, I like the fact that I have a choice of clothes, I like being able to go cycling or walking with the kids, and that Anne Marie is proud of me for trying to face up to my demons. We had a long talk about it last night.  I do not like the fact that I am not following the diet as it should be and the feelings of guilt that this generates. I do not like the fact that I should be where I wanted to be by now but because of my own weaknesses I am not there yet. I know I am going to have to change some things. No poker for quite some time as I think that this may be rebellious child's pastime. More exercise. A notebook to log down times and triggers of cravings. In other words I think today I will draw a line under old Phil and start over. I know it is the slippery slide of start over tomorrow and then next week and then longer and longer until you are right back to where you started from or worse. So we start now. If I deviate now that will be it for me. It is undoubtedly going to be really hard to do. You were right some weeks ago when you said "It is much, much easier to stick to the diet and not to deviate". Good old rebellious child played with that phrase to death. I think I may also visit my hypnotherapist to see if there is some reprogramming that can be done............
 
Thanks for listening even though you did not have a choice
 
Phil




Hi Phil,
 
That's fine re the order and the kids - did you want an extra savoury drink as well?
 
Re the struggle - yes you are an "addict" and it's good that you recognise it. I wonder if there's a part of you that thought you wouldn't be if you gave up the substance for a while. If you think you have it beat, that is the beginning of fooling yourself into going back into the substance. Do not give up because of a sense that you have failed - you need to reframe the failure into acknowledging that you are engaged in a struggle here, and even if you make a mistake, that is part of the process (not an excuse for the behaviour, but an acknowledgment that it's a tough one).
 
You fail when you stop the struggle (and then only really for as long as you give up - it's not a "lifelong failure"). Rebellious child doesn't go away (and thank goodness for it as well), but it can be talked back to, distracted, placated, and sometimes just told to follow the boundaries because that will serve a greater reward, or that it won't want the consequences of misbehaviour. With practice, and the less you give in to it, it can live within a structure. The behaviour usually gets worse for a time to up the stakes and see if you'll give in.
 
Keep patting yourself on the back for staying in the struggle, and talk back to the child from your adult. To strengthen your adult, it's about remembering you have a choice and that you have goals - how does what my child is saying fit in with my goal?
 
See you later.
 
Catherine


So there you have it. I have decided to keep going. I probably will avoid poker both online and live as it is just bad for me until these demons are channelled better. I make money but gain pounds. I would rather be rich in spirit right now. I shall miss the social interaction and I know the last time I made this decision it lasted all of 45 minutes. I think I need a period of calm and my antics at the table would rarely be described as calm. I shall of course still be on here as I always like seeing who is in form and chatting to you all.

So to the Bar Mitzvah. Well the pressure is starting to build. In honesty I have no idea why this is. I mean think about it. All we are going to do is have a load of our friends and family come and party with us. When I view it like that I really can’t wait. So this weekend I need to get my suit for Shul. We need to get Adams outfits altered…..length of the trousers. We need to pick up his shirt for the party…..okay this was well over the top and I promise you a piccie. Oh and I need to write a couple of speeches. Anne Marie still needs to get a hat but has tracked down her hat maker so we should be okay. In addition we will all be in Shul on Shabbat morning and Adam has a rugby match against Fullerians on Sunday morning followed by lunch. Adam has a friend from schools’ Bar Mitzvah party on Sunday night and Rachel has swimming at COSTA. So a pretty relaxing weekend all in all. Oh and Anne Marie’s car is going on Saturday morning for a service.

Some days I am enjoying life so much that I do not want to fall asleep in case I miss something. For all my trials and tribulations with the diet, right now is one of those times….

[Claw75]

best of luck Phil x

[Snatiramas]

We just don’t get it in the UK. I mean what springs to mind when I ask the question, What is a service industry supposed to be like? This week I had the absolute misfortune to have dealings with a company called DHL. It could just as easily have been any of the other delivery companies including the Royal Mail but it wasn’t. No this weeks story is about DHL.

Now Adam has been very lucky. We have a large circle of family friends, I provide the family and Anne Marie the friends and they have been, as is the custom, buying him Bar Mitzvah presents. Some have given money which will be useful as he moves into adulthood and some have bought actual presents, some religious, some not. Some have been bought from shops and  the people have popped in to deliver them and some have used the internet which entails delivery from a host of companies that believe that they offer a service.

Ladies and gentlemen if we really want to stop global warming here is an idea. Do not let these companies try to deliver to residential addresses during the day. Let’s think about this for a second. We have a product purchased for us and they not unreasonably send it to our home address. The delivery company has no idea if this is a residential address or not because you cannot tick a box that says residential address. So the package goes in the van and they try and deliver at the really useful time of 1.05pm. Guess what, nobody home. Wasted journey.

Package goes back to the depot 8 miles away. Very useful card saying you can pick it up from our depot but we wil only keep it seven days and then we will send it back to the vendor. So now imagine you are away on holiday and somebody sends you a present. At this point you do not know what it was that you almost got but you do have an illegible reference number written by somebody who failed the doctors school of handwriting course. It says please ring to arrange collection. Please do not bother. You can’t get through. Best just go to the depot.

So Adam and I decide to go to Borehamwood to pick it up. We find the depot and go into the parcel collection area. This is a misnomer of gigantic proportions. It should without doubt be called the DHL failure room. Firstly they have failed to deliver. Secondly they fail to have anybody there to welcome you. Thirdly they have a sign on the wall that says and I kid you not “PLEASE RING THE BELL. IF NOBODY COMES PLEASE BE PATIENT THEY MAY BE ON THE PHONE”. Now we know this is a bloody lie because nobody answers the bloody phone. We ring once. We wait exactly four minutes. We ring again. No answer. Another customer joins us. We start chatting and laughing and pushing random tunes on the bell. Still no answer.

After twelve minutes a young man eventually emerges from behind a white door. This guy is about twenty one and is a cross between somebody who has not been able to break out of the Kevin and Perry years and at the same time believes himself to be auditioning for a new part in Little Britain. Something like delivery with destiny, a company who might get a package to you sometime, maybe, oh alright you will get it yourself.

So I give him my card with the totally useless reference number on it. You will never guess the next question…………..”What is your address mate!!!”. Whoa….hang on there baldeagle…..you are trying to give me a package that you were supposed to deliver to me and you are asking my address. Is the world flat or something? Well of course I have to give in because I realise that this is going to be like trying to bluff Tom Myland off a pot….a complete waste of time. Eventually he does me the favour of going into the warehouse to find the package and sure enough after a relatively short period of time returns with it.

Ladies and gentlemen this is not a service. I am not even sure if it is a disservice. It is definitely hugely irritating and a complete waste of  scarce resources such as time and fuel. I think we should pass a law that states that all home deliveries have to involve a phone call to the delivery address or contact person and that these deliveries can only take place between eight and ten pm. Now that would be a service worth paying for.

This bonus post was brought to you from the Mercure Hotel Krefelderhof and has helped to take care of Tuesday night. Yes here I am back in Germany. Tomorrow night we are all going ten pin bowling………..can’t we just go out and chat like adults. Apparently not. Thursday night I will write my usual post if I have not been given a load of other stuff to do…….until then I leave you with this thought. Why does my car parking at the airport cost more than my flight?

[tikay]

What a read this Diary is Phil.

If I could write like you, well, I would.


Oh.....

Why does my car parking at the airport cost more than my flight?

Because flying has become ridiculously cheap, too cheap, because, even in these green-aware days, aero-fuel is not taxed.

And so, everyone - perhaps rightly, though I think not - moans about the price of car fuel, & the excessive tax & duty on it. But nobody mentions that aero-fuel is tax and duty-free, because it suits them, as they get cheap flights. The world has gone loopy.

[Snatiramas]

So the festival of Succot has been and gone. The word Succot is the plural of Succah meaning booth or hut. This is to remind us of the booths or huts that the Jews used in travelling through the desert upon leaving Egypt. Now the leaving of Egypt happened in the spring so I am not quite sure how we get this festival at the start of winter. The Rabbi explained it in his sermon but it whooshed me completely. No surprise there then.

So dear reader. We have just gone through the fast and repentance of Yom Kippur and go into the fun of Succot. It is regarded as a mitzvah (a good deed) to build your own Succah. A hut which has two and a half walls and is covered in green foliage. No solid roofs allowed. This of course leads to two problems. Firstly the building of said structure and secondly the weather. Now it might be alright wandering through the desert for forty years to have no roof on your structure but we are in Europe. It always chucks it down during Succot……….you see it is not only a mitzvah to build one, it is a mitzvah to take meals in it. To study the torah in it. Have mates round and drink in it. We always get wet and becomes not much fun.

I decided once the kids were born that I would build a Succah. That it would be fun to build one. I was not going to buy a self erecting Succah that you put up like a tent. No not me, I was going to build one that could seat the family and friends. I would use the angle of the patio and a few fence panels and Bobs your uncle. So first you need panels. Off to the garden centre and no sooner said than bought, but they are a bit low so back to the garden centre to pick up some strong trellis that I can attach to the fence panels. Please do not forget that my normal level of DIY is maxed out in changing a light bulb. So off to the DIY store. I buy flat brackets and screws to fix the trellis to the fence panels. I buy the brackets to go on the wall. I buy some lengths of wood to connect from the side of the house to the far wall of the Succah. I make sure I have all the bits. I map out the whole job and get all the necessary bits. I get it right first time. Did you read that? I GET IT RIGHT FIRST TIME! I start the job. Drill into the wall for the external brackets. Put up the external brackets. Attach the trellis to the fence panels using too many brackets just to be safe. Join the fence panels together. Attach the panels to the wall. Attach the struts from the wall to the panel to hold the foliage for the roof.

It all goes up smooth as silk and then dear reader disaster strikes. It comes to my attention that two things have happened whilst I have been creating my masterpiece. The first is that the garden table is outside of this structure which can only be entered by going through the kitchen door. Not really a calamity but nevertheless very annoying. No it is at this point that I realise that the kitchen door is locked and I have just built my own made to measure open aired prison cell. Nothing for it. What I will have to do now is undo one of the fence panels from the wall and squeeze my svelte twenty two stone mass (this was of course pre diet) through the gap. Right about now my cup truly runneth over. The power in the portable power screwdriver dies. Bugger. Lucky it is not raining and then, all of a sudden, it was. It did cross my mind that the number of hurdles that needed to be overcome was in danger of making this a very good deed or not to be done at all.

Well eventually the trouble and strife gets home and I get let out from a real open prison and do you know what. I recharged the screwdriver and built the Succah. That year it rained every single day. I sat out in that Succah every single day and got rained on as a matter of principle. Succot has so many other memories for me as well. The fruit, the smell of lemons, the pleasure of  Simchat Torah all of these will have to be in the book I think.

Anyway yet again this week you should be careful what you wish for. There I was thinking that I did not want to go ten pin bowling and indeed my prayers were answered by one of my customers who suddenly decided that they needed twenty additional lines on their website oh and could I make sure that I fill out the sixty six line set up sheet for each product. So I spent the whole evening poring over an excel spreadsheet wishing I was playing ten pin bowling.

Well as I sit here tippy tappying on the old lappie there is only a week to go to the Barmitzvah and to say I am excited would be an absolute and total understatement. Even better than that Anne Marie has found a hat (not strictly true as she is having it made) and shoes and there is an air of calm that I did not expect at this moment. I of course still have two more welcome speeches to do but I will knock those out whilst watching Cardiff Blues versus Leicester on the Beeb on Saturday afternoon. I took Adam to Shul with his tutor to practice live as it were. I think it must have struck home because he made some basic errors that he would not normally have made, but on balance he did really well. So this week will be all about speech practice for me and Anne Marie, and Rachel and Adam. Got to pick up the suits which have been shortened as well.

We also did the table plan which is now finalised. Toastmaster is sorted, entertainer for the kids is sorted I will try and post more often through this week to give you a feel for the build up.

On the diet front I have been as I would have hoped to be, but not having any scales or weigh in facilities in Germany means I do not have any idea how I am doing this week. I will give you a guide in one of my subsequent posts. So that is all for this week……..shabbat shalom from the Fatherland

[Snatiramas]

The children never cease to amaze me. It has been a lovely day in chateau Snat. We had to divide forces to conquer today. Anne Marie and Rachel headed off to the home territory of the Radlett United Synagogue which is kind of the middle ground of the right wing of the many factions that seem to have permeated mine along with many other religions. Adam and I headed off for the delights of Edgware reform synagogue. Somehow I never feel comfortable in the reform. For a start the men and women sit together. In the United they are separated out, so you have all the blokes just being blokes and all the wives trying to send cryptic messages to them that everybody else in the room can see.

The reformers kind of pick and choose which bits of the service are important to them and a lot of the prayers are in English. Nice language English but I prefer Hebrew. I don’t care if I do not understand all the prayers, after all I choose to believe in the almighty and that is not an idea that merits easy comprehension. Also the women in the reform wear kippot (Skull caps) and tallesim (prayer shawls). They also pray from the Torah. All in the name of equality. Now look there is no such thing as equality of people. Equality of pay is an absolute necessity based on performance regardless of who does the job, but equality of people, I don’t think so. Short people are not tall and vice versa. Should women be able to do the same things as men just because they want to? I do not agree with this ideal but then I still hold the door open for women to go through first. Sexist or good manners you are entitled to your own opinion.

In addition Adam does not like being in shul with me when he is with his mates. Cramps his style. So he and I decided that I would drive him to Edgware and pick him up afterwards. For once I did not argue and dropped him off. I then pushed off to Hatch End to pick up my dinner suit trousers and went home to find a trophy on the internet. The reason I needed to find a trophy will become clear after I post the speeches from the Bar Mitzvah which, unsurprisingly, you will have to wait a little bit longer for. I then go and pick him up and we pick up lunch on the way to Temple Fortune to pick up our other suits from Gilbery’s an old fashioned store based on manners and service. I know I paid more but if you want good things to survive then you have to support them.

We get back to home before the rugby starts. Leicester are abysmal. I mean really poor and unfortunately at one point I started swearing at the TV. Rachel explains to me very patiently that swearing a) upsets her and b) means I am not using my brain but my emotion. Nine years old and already has a better grasp of expressing herself than her old man. Funny in light of the Tikays diary thread about Giles Corens letter as regards the sub editors which I only caught up with this evening five hours after Rachel had admonished me.

Today was also Adam’s birthday. He is officially a teenager. It only seems like yesterday that I was holding him for the first time. It was 7.45pm on a Wednesday and West Ham were playing Southampton away.....funny what sticks in the mind. So tonight we all went out to eat. Or rather Anne Marie, Adam and Rachel ate and I had a savoury drink.

Adam really helped me today. You see I am one of those people that believe if you want to get an unencumbered view of a problem then you should ask somebody younger than yourself. They have fewer prejudices. I explained the problems with the diet, the cravings etc. and how I had been struggling for some time. Adam came back with this. He said “imagine you have a blank piece of paper, a ruler and a pencil. Draw a long straight line on the paper that is half the length of the page. If you are good you can rub a little of the line out. If you are bad you have to draw in more of the line. You are trying to make the line disappear. Every time you think you are going to be bad, you have to say to yourself, DON’T DRAW THE LINE. Interesting, normally one would say draw the line and start again. Anyway all day today I have followed his advice. It has been my easiest day on the diet for some months.

So we all went out for supper to our favourite Italian, Oscars in Kings Langley, Adams choice. We had a nice meal and we were getting back into the car. The clunk of the doors followed by the click of the seatbelts and then from nowhere Adam sighs and says in a voice little more than a whisper “Happy birthday Uncle Gerald wherever you are.” We all spontaneously started crying. You see Adam and Uncle Gerald share the same birthday and between you and me I see a lot of Uncle Gerald in Adam. You see I believe we never die as long as we are remembered and Adam without any prompting just proved me so very right..........

[tikay]

Wow. Just wow.

I hope you had shaved.....

[Snatiramas]

Wow. Just wow.

I hope you had shaved.....

I hadn't but adam had!!!!!

Anyway Anne Marie has pointed out to me, quite correctly that I should not have written about the Reform in the way that I did. She said they worship in the way that is right for them and I should show more understanding and tolerance....amazing woman Mrs. Snat. To anybody who I might have upset I apologise. Funny things words, once they are out of the box you just can't put them back in.

[Snatiramas]

Okay just a quick update. Yesterday was very relaxed. The weather was damp or rather torrential. The father was dutifully watching son at rugby training, when twisted round too fast and ended up flat on his backside in pool of mud. Worse than that had only got one towel to cover Adams seat to take him home. Took trousers off and drove home in underwear which were rather pleasant looking white thermal long johns.

Then we went to the venue for next week’s extravaganza (actually this week’s party as it is now Monday) and paid the balance of the bill. The negotiation was quick and painless. A couple of errors on the first quote were quickly put right, such as two thirds of £88 is £66. NOT. So no pulling out now. Everything booked and everybody getting more and more excited by the minute. I spent the first half hour this morning in my office practicing my welcome speech for the party. The odds amongst the community gamblers is that I am big odds on, to cry for most of the weekend. Oh well somebody is going to be disappointed, problem is I have no idea who.

Anyway Adam went to the party of Saturdays Bar Mitzvah, Rachel went swimming to be picked up by our babysitter and Anne Marie and I went out to friends. Lovely evening just enjoying good friends company, laughing at stories, worrying about families oh and eating a very large steak with some grilled vegetables which in honesty is still lying heavy with me this morning. This is weighing not nearly as heavy as the telling down I got off Adam this morning, he expects better and I had better start delivering. Anyway he got back from his party at 11.30pm and decides he wants to do some press ups. Bless, what does go through the mind of a thirteen year old boy. So I need to get my head in my work now and tonight Adam and I will be practicing and I will be writing two more welcome speeches. One for Friday night and one for Saturday…………

[Snatiramas]

Knackered. Running around trying to do a thousand things at once and only managing to get a few completed. Hard day at work yesterday which was brightened by one particular incident. In trying to book a hotel room for a colleague from Germany for Thursday night, my friend mentor, and all round good egg, Guy happened to stray onto the Ramada Jarvis site. To book a room phone this number. So he did. “Hello can I book a room for Thursday night please?
A short silence
“Ah I understand, so I have to phone the hotel directly, Can I have the number please? What do you mean you don’t have it. Is it, or is it not the purpose of this call centre to fill the hotel?” and so it went on for some considerable time during most of which I was rolling on the floor in laughter.
Adam was shattered last night. I only made him practice through once. He practiced his guitar for a bit and one bit of homework. Anne Marie and I finished his speech off. Then we wrote some background for the Rabbi, and then she went off to do table plans for Friday night and Shabbat lunch. About 11.30pm we both jacked it in and went to bed. Rachel was out overnight at friends as she is on half term.
Anne Marie has a stinker of a cold and it looks like Adam may be catching it. Life just like poker relies so much on timing...................oh and the speeches still aren't written

[cia260895]

Phil you sure do have a way with words,I am sure your speech at Adams bar mitzvah will be a great 1 and cant wait to read it.

 you are going to post it? or video it and post it on you tube? + pics of Anne Maries hat

[boldie]

Man I'm happy to have broadband again when I read this diary.

Top stuff, Snatty.