Monday, Departures
The weekend phone call was breathless and excited
"Jeeves Jeeves, meet 3.45am Monday morning on my front drive. You can pack up the car and drive us to Gatwick. Breakfast, flight, straight to Binions for me. Straight to hotel check in for you. Are you excited Jeeves.....?"
I paused, considering my response. The easy answer was "yes" but the practical complexities of the arrangements at hand were uppermost in my mind
"but sir, the flight is not until 11.25am. Did you really mean meet at 3.45am? It's under an hour to Gatwick..."
"be right back Jeeves, got to wee"
I waited, still pondering my question
"Back Jeeves. Jeeves we have to be there early. Traffic jams, parking spot to find, breakfast to have. Can never be too careful"
A month of this awaited me, and decided the path of least resistance was probably correct at this early stage. A sulking master was an unhappy master, so demurred
"Yes sir, quite sir. 3.45am sir. see you then sir"
the phone went down and we then saw each other for the first time in a year on the drive of Master's Thames Ditton mansion (14 bedrooms, one in use) at 3.41am this morning
Master had already packed the boot of his BMW, with the apposite registration number YE12 FML, and was standing astride his stone statue of a Games of Thrones dragon, one of two that adorned the area surrounding his front door. He was tapping his watch impatiently.
I opened the boot, and put my rucksack in and I drove to Gatwick "faster Jeeves faster" master implored as we headed M3,M4,M23 down to the airport
On arrival I followed as my training taught me, one step to the left and three paces behind
"Cafe Rouge, Jeeves. Breakfast. Here have this"
He thrust a tattered copy of a French phrase book into my hand and I must have looked quizzical as he clarified
"French restaurant, Jeeves, you need to order my breakfast. You'll need it"
My mouth opened and closed, but like a stunned goldfish no sound came out
On arrival at the Cafe we found a table and Master handed me a scribbled list
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"Four sausages. Three rashers of bacon. Two fried eggs, baked beans, black pudding, fried bread. Lattes x 3."
I looked up, and could see he was looking at me expectantly. I turned the page over
"nothing green. Ask for family pack of rennies"
I beckoned over a waitress and cleared my throat
My master nodded encouragingly.
"Je voudrais Quatre saucisses. Trois tranches de bacon. Deux œufs frits, des fèves au lard, boudin noir, pain frit. Trois lattes et un pack famille de Rennies s'il vous plaît"
I said to the lady
Master sighed contentedly.
"You what mate? Come again?" said the lady and shouted across to a colleague
"Ere, Chantal, some french geezers wanna order, come and help"
I looked at my boss who had the good grace to look a little sheepish, but he hid behind his tablet, tapping away....I was committed though, so as Chantal wandered across I felt had no choice but to repeat my opening gambit
" Bonjour, Je voudrais Quatre saucisses. Trois tranches de bacon. Deux œufs frits, des fèves au lard, boudin noir, pain frit. Trois lattes et un pack famille de Rennies s'il vous plaît"
"look mate, I'm from Crawley and she's from 'Aywards' Eath. Not got a scooby what you want. Show us on the menu"
I looked at the menu. Written in English. I looked across at Master who had slunk so low he was now hiding beneath the table while I struggled on
I cleared my throat
"We would like Four sausages. Three rashers of bacon. Two fried eggs, baked beans, black pudding, fried bread. Lattes x 3. Oh and a family pack of rennies please. and would like a black coffee"
because a black coffee was all my budget would stretch to given my daily stipend
Chantal looked at me. She tried to look at my Master, who was still under the table trying to hold his breath for long enough so as not to be visible until we were alone
"Can do all of that mate. Cept the Rennies. Tell your mate that there's a boots over there" and she pointed past the Dixons retail and Hermes scarf outlet to the Boots across the room
A mumbled sound came from below the table "thank you"
I looked at Chantal. Chantal looked at me. We shared a raised eyebrow, as she had come to the realisation of what I was having to deal with
A month's trip lay ahead, and it was not the most auspicious start.....
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