An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[Jeeves]

"Excuse me sir, what's this?"

I had been folding my master's clothing at the end of another hectic day, he being in the habit of laying a trail of items from bathroom to bed, when I noticed a slip poking out of a trouser pocket

The item said "Caesars $200 Omaha Jobbie: RE-ENTRY"

"Well, er, just a souvenir Jeeves. Don't get many Re-entry jobbies in England. One for posterity. Ha ha ha"

"How much did you cash for today sir? 14th wasn't it?"

Master looked at his shoes. Well he would have done if he was wearing any. He looked at his toes, already resplendent in anti varicose vein tights ready for bed



"$702 Jeeves"

"$200 entry?"

"Yes Jeeves"

"$200 re-entry?"

Nothing apart from a barely audible mumble came in reply

"$200 re-entry?" I pressed

"Possibly" came the equivocal reply

"I did not see you tweet this, sir?"

Feeling like a headmaster admonishing a recalcitrant schoolboy I carried on

"Always best to be honest sir. You cashed , no one will think any less of you for re-entering"

"No Jeeves, but Jeeves..."

By now the bottom lip was protruding and the bobble on his sleeping hat was sagging preposterously.



 I sensed it was time for horlicks. I sent him on his way to la-la land and dreams of his mate Bob before any petty excuses could be uttered.

I then settled down to write "Postcard from Vegas: Day Six"

To confess on my Master's behalf or give a jolt in the arm to his dropping self-esteem and mention nothing?

Of course I wrote it, warts and all, saving my Master's blushes by suggesting that the card-room wi-fi had gone on the blink at EXACTLY the time that he exited first time round and took his re-entry.

I think I got away with it.

I then busied myself constructing plans to rid ourselves of a hanger on who had taken to following us around for the previous twenty four hours



Open toed sandals, pasty legs, sallow complexion. Clearly a man used to spending time in the dark, but why that should mean he should constantly pester me for film advice due to his writers block, I am not quite sure

Only one week until the arrival of Attila the Mother Hen. This year I sense the Mother Hen of all battles for my Master's attention and affection. My plans to waylay her are advanced though of which more anon

[c4ught]

 

[Jeeves]

I was awoken from a Snooze by a shout and a holler

"JEEVES! There Jeeves, what do you think to THAT then!"

I looked down at his bed and tikay was pointing at two packets of dollar bills plus some left over.

"Congratulations sir, you cashed again?"

"$2,032 Jeeves. No re-entries. One rebuy"

He smiled and did a little pirouette, pointing at the money

"Stick that in your waistcoat and smoke it, Jeeves"

I raised one eyebrow. Perhaps Master had got the impression that I was less than happy at his success, but on the contrary it was pleasant to see his mood uplifted

After spending seventeen minutes plugging various electronic devices into charge, he announced

"I am in the mood to party Jeeves!"

I immediately handed him his book on the history of Google

"No Jeeves. Party. You know, one of those places. Party"

"Really sir? One of those places? Are you sure?"

"Quite sure Jeeves, lets party"

Fearing this might be a mistake, we readied for our excursion

Some twenty minutes later we were inside "Tassells". I glanced to my left as tikay's eyes were out on stalks at the cacophony of noise and colour that confronted him.

I gestured to him to follow me and we took our seats in a booth

A Pneumatic redhead soon sidled across to take a drinks order. Gin and Tonic for myself, and Master ordered "English tea with two sweeteners please".

We could not talk above the noise so contented ourselves with hand gestures.

After ten minutes of watching and digesting we were joined by two young ladies, Scarlett and Summer. Unable to indulge in small talk, which was probably just as well, we were soon led to a VIP room where we could hear ourselves think

Master was strangely tongue-tied, and perhaps by now yearning for Google, Chris Evans biographies and Bill Bryson.

Not a man for whom patience is a forte when it comes to half clothed ladies, I was nevertheless doing my duty and making polite conversation with Summer whilst all the time quite keen to stuff used $20 bills down her garter belt.

Master on the other hand was not exactly in the thrall of Scarlett, but she did not seem to be taking no for an answer. She rose in front of master and began to dance. Masters arms shot rod straight by his sides as his body tensed. Not knowing where to look he glanced my way with a look of terror.

126 seconds into the song he began to chant, softly at first and then more noticeably

"John Deere tractors are always green!"

followed by

"JCBs are always yellow"

rhythmically in time with the sounds of Mr Jay-Z coming from the soundsystem

Scarlett was not a lady to be put off, but tikay only stopped the chanting when she sat down

As the music stopped for a few seconds I caught him ask her questions as he fumbled for dollars in his pocket

"Those poles? Stainless steel? A composite? Sourced from?"

As she struggled for answers he carried on

"Used to work for Bowmer and Kirkland. Shopfitting. Golf Club Captain. Once banned Jakally. I like Herons. Lovely place Luton Hoo. Have you ever been?"

Ever the professional even Scarlett was by now itching to get away when she was rescued by the sounds of the Black Eyed Peas

Up she rose, and the dance began again

and with that, the by now bolt upright Master began his chant

"John Deere Tractors are always green. JCBs are always yellow."

As the song finished he fumbled some notes into her hand and shot for the exit. I picked up his M and S wool jumper and followed behind.

He did not stop, or take a look back, from Tassells right the way back to the Rio.

Back in his room, straight into bed, eyes screwed tightly shut and as I softly tiptoed over to tidy up his clothing I could hear a soft sound coming from under the sheets

"John Deere tractors are always green, JCBs are always yellow"

After a few minutes he whispered to himself "Goodnight Bob" and his ordeal for the night was over, no doubt never to be mentioned again 

[tikay]

Stop it!

I am almost literally peeing myself here.

"I am in the mood to party Jeeves!"

I immediately handed him his book on the history of Google

[boldie]

...I shouldn't have had that drink of water whilst reading this.

Good thing I keep a box of tissues next to my lappie

[RED-DOG]

Just too funny. You've (Almost) missed your calling Jeeves.

[RED-DOG]

...I shouldn't have had that drink of water whilst reading this.

Good thing I keep a box of tissues next to my lappie

Yes, those porn movies can be quite amusing too.

[c4ught]

Must remember not to read this in the office!

 

[Chompy]

Best diarage EVER. Doyle the croissant and the Tractor/JCB chant the highlights imo.

[ripple11]

and Master ordered "English tea with two sweeteners please". ........


brilliant!

[Claw75]

Best diarage EVER. Doyle the croissant and the Tractor/JCB chant the highlights imo.

nearly as good as china mug's diary

[Jeeves]

Master had left the suite for some breakfast, and I could not help but notice that he had several tabs open on his firefox browser to which he had recently switched at the encouragement of the fish fryer from Grantham with whom he had a long standing friendship.

Tab 1



Tab 2



Tab 3



Tab 4



Tab 5

Click to see full-size image.

I wondered what possible blog entry could combine these images, as far as I was concerned none were in Las Vegas.

A short time later Master returned, shoulders slumped, clearly not refreshed by his daily croissant, six breakfast milky lattes and a close up of the kitchen area waitresses

I enquired as to his mood

"Homesick, Jeeves. Missing everything about England. I want countryside, Jeeves, and a cup of tea from Mrs Red. I want Maria to fix my icons and to feed Barry exclusives by the dozen (because of course, he really needs the help)"

He sat down on the three seat sofa and flicked through 137 Television channels. He then continued

"I don't want the bright lights any more Jeeves. Had enough of Chompy and the human beach ball. I don't want to be asked to play Pai Gow by that mafia looking chap seventeen times a day. If Lovejoy shows me how an IPad 2 works once more I think I'll...."

I interrupted him before it got too graphic

"It's ok sir, Scotty is here now, he can be relied upon to sycophantically feed your ego for a few days. Julian is here too. You're bound to enjoy some time with him. Mother Hen arrives on Monday and all your players. You won't have time to be homesick and before you know it you'll be home and Bob's your uncle. If your luck's in"

"Yes Jeeves, I suppose so Jeeves. Today I am going to play another poker tournament just for a change"

"Yes sir, a change is as good a rest"

With that I filled Master's Redex can with his daily dose of meds




Ever dutiful, he opened his mouth wide, and in poured the elixir of life for another day. Immediately perky, he bounded off to the Venetian......

[tikay]

Lol @

"...If Lovejoy shows me how an IPad 2 works once more I think I'll...."

You really must be here, he plays with his i-Pad2 morning noon & night!

He even sits as the Poker Tables in Venetian  perusing comments by Vinni on Facebook on it. I mean, jeez.....

[Karabiner]

Too good by half Jeeves, Redex ftw 

[TRIP5]

Simply brilliant!!!!!

 

xx