An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[Nakor]

Great to have you back Jeeves.

[horseplayer]

Great to have you back Jeeves.

[Richard Orford]

At that moment a man came down the corridor. Tall, thin, a man I recognised as Richard Bacon from the Big Breakfast in 1987. Only it wasn't, it was the man from the Green Flag adverts.

He had a weary look, and our eyes met.



tikay made the introductions

"Jeeves, this is Richard Orford my presenter. Richard, this is Jeeves my man"

Orford held my grip for just a shade too long as we shook hands. I sensed that all was not well

"tikay I will see you in 20 minutes in studio, I'll show Jeeves out" Orford said and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me down the corridor

As we rounded the corridor and tikay's dressing room shut he grabbed me by both lapels

"JEEVES YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. THEY KEEP PUTTING ME WITH HIM ON SHOWS"

He was breathing heavily, and very agitated

"ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY JEEVES. ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY THEY SAY. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER JEEVES. IF I HEAR ONE MORE STORY ABOUT BRIDGES OR CONCRETE OR DUCKS I'LL..."

His voice tailed off, and he began sobbing uncontrollably on my shoulder

"JEEVES MAKE IT STOP"  

"Sir, I, er, I am not sure how I can do that sir" I muttered

A wistful Orford began to reminisce

"I was on Channel four at the age of 21 Jeeves. Glittering future ahead. I had visions of This Morning with Anne Diamond. The National Lottery show. Perhaps Supermarket Sweep. BUT IT ALL WENT WRONG JEEVES. I ended up being the voice of Discovery Quest and presenting game shows on Challenge Jeeves and I had to take the Sky Poker job Jeeves and NOW EVERY SHOW THEY PUT ME WITH HIM"

and with that his vice like grip was released and he went off down the corridor, shaking his head, a gentle sobbing an ever quieter reminder that behind the public persona, real problems lay.  

Jeeves, I was quite taken with your account of our meeting, but I feel compelled to point out two inaccuracies.

(1) I'm not thin any more. Sadly...

(2) This Morning with Anne Diamond was never on my wish-list. The National Lottery? Yes, a fair cop. Damn that Nick Knowles. Always beating me to the plum jobs. But my other ambitions- to follow in the footsteps of Kerry Katona and spearhead my own series of adverts for Iceland and to reboot Lennie Bennett's Punchlines for the 21st century has been well-documented and I'm surprised a man of your calibre missed that in your research.

I look forward to meeting you the next time you're summoned by your master to Sky. I don't know when that will be, but you can guarantee I'll be in the corridor...

[Somerled]

At that moment a man came down the corridor. Tall, thin, a man I recognised as Richard Bacon from the Big Breakfast in 1987. Only it wasn't, it was the man from the Green Flag adverts.

He had a weary look, and our eyes met.



tikay made the introductions

"Jeeves, this is Richard Orford my presenter. Richard, this is Jeeves my man"

Orford held my grip for just a shade too long as we shook hands. I sensed that all was not well

"tikay I will see you in 20 minutes in studio, I'll show Jeeves out" Orford said and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me down the corridor

As we rounded the corridor and tikay's dressing room shut he grabbed me by both lapels

"JEEVES YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. THEY KEEP PUTTING ME WITH HIM ON SHOWS"

He was breathing heavily, and very agitated

"ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY JEEVES. ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY THEY SAY. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER JEEVES. IF I HEAR ONE MORE STORY ABOUT BRIDGES OR CONCRETE OR DUCKS I'LL..."

His voice tailed off, and he began sobbing uncontrollably on my shoulder

"JEEVES MAKE IT STOP"  

"Sir, I, er, I am not sure how I can do that sir" I muttered

A wistful Orford began to reminisce

"I was on Channel four at the age of 21 Jeeves. Glittering future ahead. I had visions of This Morning with Anne Diamond. The National Lottery show. Perhaps Supermarket Sweep. BUT IT ALL WENT WRONG JEEVES. I ended up being the voice of Discovery Quest and presenting game shows on Challenge Jeeves and I had to take the Sky Poker job Jeeves and NOW EVERY SHOW THEY PUT ME WITH HIM"

and with that his vice like grip was released and he went off down the corridor, shaking his head, a gentle sobbing an ever quieter reminder that behind the public persona, real problems lay.  

Jeeves, I was quite taken with your account of our meeting, but I feel compelled to point out two inaccuracies.

(1) I'm not thin any more. Sadly...

(2) This Morning with Anne Diamond was never on my wish-list. The National Lottery? Yes, a fair cop. Damn that Nick Knowles. Always beating me to the plum jobs. But my other ambitions- to follow in the footsteps of Kerry Katona and spearhead my own series of adverts for Iceland and to reboot Lennie Bennett's Punchlines for the 21st century has been well-documented and I'm surprised a man of your calibre missed that in your research.

I look forward to meeting you the next time you're summoned by your master to Sky. I don't know when that will be, but you can guarantee I'll be in the corridor...

That definitely sounds like a euphemism of some kind...

[Tal]

What? And "This Morning with Anne Diamond was never on my wish list" doesn't?

[Somerled]

What? And "This Morning with Anne Diamond was never on my wish list" doesn't?

Fair point! Just doesn't scare me as much as the thought of Orford in a corridor.

[Tractor]

Great to have you back Jeeves.

Great stuff.

[RED-DOG]

Jeeves, that was brilliant!

Jeeves, could you please fmp to include a new superlative and then c&p it in after each new update. There's a good chap.

[MANTIS01]

I am worried about our investment in the main event Jeeves and would feel better if you were going to be in attendance during the tournament? Do you have a toilet strategy because a weak and aged bladder could play havoc with our EV. Also I don't think our hero should be wandering away from the table during breaks as people of a certain age can quickly become confused and disorientated in busy public places. He likes pineapple chunks Jeeves so I would suggest packing some del monte snack pots and keeping him sat at the table. 

[pleno1]

Just worked out who you are! Cool

[Dingdell]

Ah yes - it's the good old days - Jeeves is back! yeah!!

[Jeeves]

Ping! The tell-tale sign of another e-mail from my master. I opened it, immediately, as a man-servants role had long since expanded to efficient handling of electronic communications as well as the more usual menial tasks readily associated with the role

To: Jeevesisamanservant@hotmail.com
From: tikayis45@hotmail.com

Jeeves Jeeves Jeeves JEEVES!

Look!

I was playing two tables at once (yes Jeeves, TWO!!!) on Sky Poker, multitabling for dummies by mannequins, last night and I was engaged in politesse by the chat box.

Normally Jeeves I get "tikay you are a tosser" "tikay how on earth are you analysing poker on TV?" "Where's your bus pass mate?" but this time Jeeves look at what they said:

Enut> tikay, it's an honour. You're a God.
tikay1> ha! Behave!
tikay1> leased to meet you Mr Enut
tikay1> (Pleased).......
Enut> I liked your life story. A gentleman
tikay1> Thank you Sir
Enut> np
FatAndy290> yep, i only used my tourney token so i could say i played with the king of concrete, planes and trains
tikay1> !!

An honour Jeeves. A God, Jeeves. King of Concrete Jeeves. and planes and trains Jeeves.

Wonderful isn't it?

See you tomorrow at Osterley. Don't be late.

The King of Concrete hahahahahaha


I closed down the email, and logged off my Sky Poker account "Enut" on which I had been, um "grinding" 20p Double your money tables and logged on to my Sky Poker (no duplicate accounts really, no duplicate accounts) duplicate account "FatAndy290" on which I was currently engaged in nosebleed 15-30p stakes against recreational "fish" called Lambert180 and AJR18, from whom I supplemented my income on a weekly basis.

I made a note in my I-Phone 2

"Remember when using tikay's laptop in Las Vegas to log out of multiple SkyPoker accounts before he uses it. Note all attempts to massage master's ego must remain undetected until after Las Vegas"

and pressed send to myself.

After all, what is a faithful manservant for, unless to create accounts solely for the purpose of engaging your master in chat room dalliance and making him feel ten feet tall?

This is clearly what the internet is for, and as I pictured my master skipping down the halls towards the TV studio, ready to give of his best to an audience of millions, I had the satisfaction of a job well done, once more.

[Jamielou]

What kind of man-servent let's his master attend an event with, what I can only describe as 'bum-fluff', on his chin?!

[tikay]

What kind of man-servent let's his master attend an event with, what I can only describe as 'bum-fluff', on his chin?!

Designer stubble, Dear. Like Robbie Williams.

Looks pretty sexy, huh?

[Jamielou]

Yes dear, very George.. What's his name... Clooney?! Best?! ... No... Washington, yes, definitely very George Washington!