An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[tikay]

Yes dear, very George.. What's his name... Clooney?! Best?! ... No... Washington, yes, definitely very George Washington!

The similarity is uncanny. (The photo is Clooney, not me).

[Tal]

Have to be careful going to Vegas like that, Tikay. I saw a thing on telly where he stole a load of money from a casino.

[SuuPRlim]

170 more posts until the first Jeeves staking thread!

in for 10.

[teamonkey]

170 more posts until the first Jeeves staking thread!

in for 10.

% or pence?

[Jeeves]

The flood of text messages had reached a crescendo.

There was no choice but to call my Master in Birmingham. It was 8am on Saturday, he was bound to be up

I rang, and after an inordinate wait I received a muffled reply

"wha-what wh-who wh-who who, who am I? What is it? where am I?"

A standard tikay telephone response, let alone at 8am on a Saturday morning

"Its Jeeves sir. Whilst I hope you have a good day at your event in Birmingham, I need to speak to you about another matter"

"Jeeves, I was in bed. I won the copmpetition last night you know?"

I paused, still shocked after all these years that he tried such simple deceptions on his manservant

I continued.

"Congratulations on your 53rd place finish sir. The other matter. My sources tell me you have been seen out in public without shaving and you are sporting...."

I coughed, hardly able to utter the words no manservant wanted to hear...

"sporting bum-fluff on your chin"

There was silence, and then the sound of snoring. It seemed my entreaties had fallen on the stony ground of an infirm man with a sleep deprivation

"SIR!" I Shouted down the mobile device and I received the tell tale response

""wha-what wh-who wh-who who, who am I? What is it? where am I?"

Rather than going through our elaborate welcome ritual again I merely repeated my complaint

His reply spoke to a decline in standards in this country that I thought my master would resist, but clearly I was too optimistic

"wasn't working yesterday Jeeves, travelling, decided not to shave"

I thought my silence spoke volumes but clearly not

"Anyway Jeeves, got to go, Front of House from midday. Long day ahead. See you next week for Veeeeeeeeeeegas baby"

It had been a long time since I was called baby by anyone, let alone an octogenarian stubble-sporting peroxide-topped employer. I really was running short of luck but I kept my professionalism and replied

"Yes sir, Birmingham awaits"

My day was uneventful as I busied myself in Hampton sewing a new set of "tikay-Presenter" name tags into my master's socks and I went home

The next day I awoke to a series of email communications

To: Jeevesisamanservant@hotmail.com
From: tikayis45@hotmail.com
Subject: YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

Attachments: 1

Jeeves, we will be taking this to Vegas and using it CONSTANTLY. Please do not lose it, it is your responsibility

tikay.


My mind boggled as I clicked open the attachment

Click to see full-size image.

After I had pondered for a while how my master had acquired the skills to lean at a 55 degree angle whilst being photgraphed I looked closer and saw what appeared to be a Fisher Price toy camera.

I then opened the next email

To Jeevesisamanservanrt@hotmail.com
From tikayis45@hotmail.com
Subject: Possible extra ticket

Attachments : 2

Jeeves, may be needing an extra ticket to Vegas. Will advise soon

p.s She is wearing a LeopardPrint Bra

tikay

It is no exaggeration to say that it took thirty minutes, three cups of coffee, a double Scotch and a walk to the shops and back before I clicked the first attachment



Recovering my composure I clicked on the second

Click to see full-size image.

The second, I thought, told a story and was probably superfluous

My mind raced. Who was it? Vegas? really? A lifetime of bachelordom about to be thrown away with a Vegas wedding at the Church of the Little Shop of Horrors and tikay dressed as Elvis giving his vows to a woman who would wear leopardprint underwear in public?

I felt it my duty to warn my master before he went any further and rang.....

It went to voicemail

Now I was really worried.........

[Karabiner]

 

[Knottikay]

No word of a lie, but the 'girl' hanging off Tikay, is actually called FRED.

I am not at liberty to provide any more details due to the code of what goes on tour, stays on tour!! (unless penned in a diary ofc)

[tikay]

No word of a lie, but the 'girl' hanging off Tikay, is actually called FRED.

I am not at liberty to provide any more details due to the code of what goes on tour, stays on tour!! (unless penned in a diary ofc)

Correct. And she loves me. She told me so.

[Knottikay]

No word of a lie, but the 'girl' hanging off Tikay, is actually called FRED.

I am not at liberty to provide any more details due to the code of what goes on tour, stays on tour!! (unless penned in a diary ofc)

Correct. And she loves me. She told me so.

.......and another 100 ish people too

[Jeeves]

Final preparations for Las Vegas were well underway.

"Jeeves sort this suitcase out please"

I turned round to see my Master dragging a metal samsonite in my direction.

I tried to lift it, and struggled. It weighed a ton.

"What is it, sir?" I enquired

"My suitcase from Las Vegas last year Jeeves, Haven't unpacked it yet. Needs unpacking"

I looked at him. He seemed serious

"and then re-pack it, sir?" I enquired

He nodded, and left it with me

I applied my hypo-allergenic mask and marigold gloves before opening the suitcase. I feared the worst.

I opened it and across the room some paint peeled off the wall.

I unpacked the contents

- History of the Panama Canal, 3 volumes.
- An idiots guide to Ducks, 1 slim volume.
- Socks. Five. Odd.
- Sky Poker, Royal Ascot previews for poker players, polos: 5. All Dark Blue.
- Anti-ageing cream: One Pot. Empty.

Whilst I busied myself disinfecting the suitcase and readying it for our imminent journey I heard a commotion from downstairs and opened the bedroom door. Immediately a cacophony of jumbled sounds assaulted my aural senses.

I tried to disentangle the sounds

Yes, it really was Simon Le Bon, via a crackly LP, singing

"Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand, just like a river twisting through a dusty land"

That was bad enough, but then a croaky voice took up the mantle as if assaulting a stone with a cudgel

"and when she shiiiiiiiiines Jeeves, she really shows you all she can Oh Rio, Rio I am going to fold for days across the felt, thats grand"

I tip-toed down the stairs and barely perceptibly opened the door to the living room

There stood my master, astride a sofa, one leg on the cushions, one leg on the top of the back of the sofa. Dressed in a cream linen suit, and with a huge fan blowing wind over his face, holding a mop.

I wondered what I had done to deserve this? A month in the employ of a man growing more eccentric by the day awaited. I must have dropped my guard as My master turned round. He seemed unabashed

"Great song Jeeves. A great song for a Las Vegas trip Jeeves. Wonderful video too. Thought I would really get in the mood Jeeves"

"Quite, sir" I muttered without sincerity

"Jeeves..." my master was a ball of energy

"Be here for 9am tomorrow.  We shall meet my crew for brekkie at “Café Rouge”, as it overlooks the apron. Warn the chef that Dylan will be coming too.

You will park my car at “Purple Parking” valet parking.

Flight VS043 (Virgin Atlantic), take off is scheduled for 11.25 am, & arrives Vegas 2.10pm.

Over the last 2 weeks, it has taken off on time, or early, 13 times out of 14, & it’s average arrival time in Vegas has been 1.35pm.

I am scheduled to play my first tourney @ 4pm, at Venetian, so it needs to arrive on time for me to have a chance of playing at 4pm. It generally takes an hour to transit McCarron Airport, 15 mins by taxi to The Rio, 15 minutes to book in, so it’ll be tight Jeeves"

The words had poured out in a torrent of excitement

and then the killer coda

"and you are responsible for making it happen Jeeves. Get me to the Venetian for 4pm tomorrow, local time"

and then a sinister addendum
 
"I have got myself a rather fetching hat for Vegas, too. Jeeves you must make sure I do not lose it. Simon Le Bon said it had to go back to him for 15th July..."

and with that he moved over to his gramophone, changed the record and began nodding his head to  "Master and Servant" by Depeche Mode.

Perhaps, I thought, the wheels really were close to coming off and compos was soon not to be mentis.



 

[tikay]

Rofl, best yet.

Simon le Bon......

[Tonji]

 

Brilliant 

[MereNovice]

Never fails to deliver.

[Karabiner]

I knew this year's vintage was going to be a tour de force.

And this is just the beginning..

[Big_D]

Never fails to deliver.